Texan Teardrops
by Sisters Of Smut
Summary: "Everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for!" this is what sheri cooper is told when her love life comes to a sudden standstill! on a crazy journey with her boyfriend logan, 16 year old sheri realises that nothing is as it seems. on the run from her father she finds life is no fairytale which ever way she turns (contains sex,incest & drug use)


_backing up my stories so thought i would post this on my other account too. this one basically consists of sex, oral sex, sex, sex, lies, cheatin, sex, incest, drugs and a whole load of drama and a tiny bit of sex. one of my most popular stories on my other fanfic account... well i thought it was good any way lol_

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**Chapter 1: Chapter 1**

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I had known Logan since I was nine, he was my knight in shining armour. I was 16 now and he was 18.

Logan was the most handsome guy you could ever wish to meet, he had big beautiful brown eyes that were just darker than my own. Dark hair and the most adorable dimples in the world. He was my everything! My best friend, my boyfriend and the only real family I had.

I was shy, I always had been. I had the worst upbringing. My mom just disappeared with some guy when I was 3 years old. She left me with my dad who was a violent drunk. He was okay for most of the week, he worked as a cleaner all day so didnt have enough time in the evening to get too tanked up.

It was the weekends that were bad. He would be jolly untill just after midday then the booze would take control and make him depressed and hateful. he would pick holes in me, my appearance, my weight, my friends, my intelligence... The list was endless.

He would hit me around, destroy my things, threaten me, and grounded me all the time.

Being honest I was a good kid, I had average grades, I didnt talk back and I did the chores around the house. Come monday my dad was always full of apologies if he remembered what he had done... Apart from one Monday, it was the day after Christmas so my dad wasn't at work, this day was the day I met Logan, seven years ago. I remember the day like it was yesterday...

I was running as fast as my legs would carry me through the woodland that was next to my house.

I jumped over a fence, my lungs felt like they would explode. I landed crying in the mud.

"SHERI! ... SHERI YOU LITTLE BITCH, WHERE ARE YOU?" I heard my father shout. He was close on my heels.

I got up and scanned my surroundings. I had jumped the fence and landed in private land. The place was full of horse stables. I knew where I was. It was the local equestrian centre which was run by some well off family.

"SHERI! I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU IN TO NEXT WEEK WHEN I FIND YOU!" I heard my father shout, he was getting nearer.

I was just about to jump back over the fence and run away when I saw a boy.

"you can hide in the stable if you like?" He said with a kind face pointing to one of the four large stables that was nearest to me.

"SHERI!" I heard my father shout as he approached the clearing in the trees. He was close to spotting me. I didn't think twice and ran in to the stable and hid behind a large block of hay. There was one horse in here. A huge white one. It was too busy staring out of its door to take any notice of me.

I heard my father talking to the boy.

"have you seen a girl with brown hair?" He slurred at the boy.

"yeah... She ran by just a minute ago... She went that way" I heard the boy say.

I hoped he hadn't just pointed in here. I soon heard footsteps come in, I hid further behind the hay stack.

"he's gone" said the boy.

I peeked my head up to check, the boy was alone.

"how come he was so mad?... What did you do?" The boy asked casually as he sat on the hay stack looking down at me.

"I didn't do anything. He is drunk... He slapped my face so I ran away" I said showing him my face which felt hot to the touch from the slap I had received.

"I'm sorry" the boy said looking at me with pity.

I shrugged. "thanks for letting me in here" I said in a whisper.

"that's okay... I'm Logan!" Said the boy holding his hand out to greet me with a smile on his face.

I stood up from my crouched position behind the hay.

"Sheri" I replied giving his hand a shake.

I snapped back out of my memory to the here and now. I had just finished school for the day but didn't want to go home, I did the usual thing and hid out in the stable that had become mine and Logans get away from reality.

Since that first day we met we had hung out here with his horse Cairo.

Cairo was huge and completely white all over. Logan had owned him since he was a little boy. I think he regarded him as a loyal friend and not just a pet of the grandest kind.

When I was 14 Logan and I shared our first kiss in this stable. We were best friends for so long, he gave me a place to hide out when things got bad for me at home and I was always there for him when his mother and step dad became too much. They expected a lot from him with the family business but Logan wanted more from life than horses.

"we have a tiny problem" Logan said with his gorgeous smile as he walked in to the stable. He came and sat next to me on a hay bale that was positioned in the corner.

"what's that?" I asked intrigued. We never had any problems. We had each other and were happy. We didn't need anything thing else.

I straightened out my school skirt as I sat waiting for him to explain.

"my parents kind of know about us" he eventually blurted out.

"what? How?" I asked. Only a handful of people did know we were dating.

"my mom is friends with your school nurse... Mrs Peters... Well she told my mom that she had seen us together when I visit you on free period and lunch and stuff." Logan explained. "my mom just asked me about it as I got in a moment ago." He finished.

My mouth parted slightly. I had always been worried about his mom finding out. Logan was an only child just like me. But his mom cared too much about him where as my dad was the complete opposite.

"Sheri... I said I would bring you round to meet everyone on Saturday... She wants to get to know you." Logan said optimistically.

"meet me? Logan she will hate me." I said panicking.

"she won't Sheri. She will see how amazing and beautiful you are... Just like I do" Logan said leaning in and kissing me.

I wish I had his enthusiasm. Logans family were well known in the entire community. The Kings were classed as key members of society, not just because they were rich and owned a posh equestrian business, but because Logans mom strived for the best in everything. She didn't share the same surname as him.

Logan attended an expensive private school, and taught horse riding on a Saturday morning. he had even taught me how to ride too. It was fun, and Cairo was lovely but I wasn't all that in to horses. I didn't understand a lot of the lingo that went with it.

"I don't want to go Logan" I said giving him my best puppy dog eyes.

"I already promised you would come with me Sheri, we were only going to hide out here. Least if they know about us then we can hide out in my house... in my room maybe" he said with a wink.

"Logan!" I said with a smirk, playfully smacking him on his chest with my hand.

Logan smiled at me. "I do love you Sheri, I don't mind waiting until we are married... your the only girl I want" he said in a whisper and took my hand.

I swallowed hard as his romantic side made me emotional. Logan knew from word go that I wanted to wait until marriage before any kind of sexual relationship started. It wasn't a religious thing, I just felt that it was important to save something good for marriage. Start off with something new and exciting instead of feeling the anti climax after the long awaited wedding.

"I love you too... being honest your mother scares me Logan" I admitted.

"Being honest, she scares me too Sheri" Logan said with a grin. "But I will protect you and I promise not to leave your side the entire evening.

"Why do I get the impression your more worried than I am?" I asked.

"Im not worried" he said a bit too quickly. Then burst out with a loud laugh.

"That fills me with confidence" I mocked him.

Our evening consisted of being huddled together chatting about everything and getting carried away with our kisses.

Logan swept my brown hair from my face as he went to kiss me. His touch was so gentle, he was the only guy I trusted not to hurt me. He only ever cared, cared how I felt, cared what I thought and cared about what happened to me.

"Do you think I have what it takes Sheri? To make it big?" Logan asked as he stretched out on the makeshift seat we had made from Cairos hay.

I looked at Logan thoughtfully, he desperately wanted to be a star, be a somebody. He had the charisma and the charm, he just lacked the parental backing. "I think you can achieve anything if you want it bad enough logues. Did you talk to your mom about joining an agency?"

Logan shrugged. "I tried but she doesn't take it seriously" he said looking fed up.

"Well maybe just see where you get on your own, you might get lucky without going with an expensive agent that isn't even guaranteed to get you any parts any way." I explained. I wanted to back him all the way. If this was Logan's dream in life then he should be encouraged to go for it, not be forced to take over the family business if it holds no interest for him. It's unfair to force someone's life to only go one way.

"You think? I actually saw some parts advertised online... I wasn't sure whether to go for them or not." Logan said with a glint in his eye.

"You should Logan you will regret it if you don't... logues is it like... just a dinner on Saturday with your parents?" I asked now feeling stressed.

Logan threw a half smile my way. "Not exactly... my mom holds parties every three months for the exclusive members of the equestrian society... don't look so worried" he laughed looking at the expression on my face change at this news. "The house will be filled with people so I doubt we will even have much time to chat to anyone." He finished.

I nodded. "I like it just being us... you know... we have no worries" I said in a whisper as I stroked the side of his face.

"Sheri you and I will never have any worries. Im going to look after you until the day I die... its only ever going to be us" he said placing his lips on mine.

I gently pulled away from his perfect kiss. "Your so romantic" I said softly.

"You make me this way" he replied rubbing his nose gently against my own.

I looked him in the eye "Logan you should audition for those parts you saw" I said to him, still keeping my eye contact so he knew I was serious.

He nodded this time "I will... I will do it tonight"

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**Chapter 2: Chapter 2**

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I waited nervously by the window waiting for logans car to pull up, it was Saturday and I was moments away from meeting Logan's parents and the entire equestrian society.

My stomach was filled with dread at the thought of meeting his mom and step dad.

It was a hot July evening, not a breeze to even take the heat away. I had chosen to wear a simple summer dress, it was neither flashy nor plain.

I didn't want to stand out, or make an impression. I was only ever going to be myself. That's all I ever was and all I was ever going to be.

This philosophy of life still did nothing in helping my nerves. Now at the age of sixteen I was scared that I had met the man I wanted to spend my entire life with already. I was now more scared that other people were beginning to get involved in my relationship with him.

Logan had a strong head on his shoulders. He could never get talked in to things easily. But it still worried me that if his mother didn't like me then he could very well get talked in to not wanting me. He also had a hot head and would blow a gasket at things that he didn't agree with.

I had no clue how he would react if his parents didn't agree to our romance.

Logan's car pulling up outside my house brought me back from my mind wondering.

His car was beautiful, a black convertible that he was given as a gift for his 18th. He looked amazing in it. I sighed as I looked at him. He took my breath away. He was the only man I would ever need.

I turned and looked at my father who was passed out on the sofa, a beer on the coffee table surrounded by his empties. He knew nothing of Logan. Not that I hid it from him, he just never cared enough to be interested in what I got up to.

I grabbed my purse and headed for the door.

Logan being the gent he was was already opening the car door for me to get in.

"Sheri you look beautiful" he said as I eased in to the passenger seat.

"Im so nervous logues" I replied.

Logan tipped his shades so I could see his gorgeous chocolate brown eyes.

"It will be okay sheri... How was your day? Did your dad give you any hassle?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No I kept my self scarce for most of it. How was your morning with Cairo?" I asked knowing that Logan loved his horse but he didn't like teaching people how to ride.

He shrugged "would rather of spent the time with you before I go on holiday" he replied with a small smile.

With the seven years I had known Logan, including the two that we had been dating I had never set foot in his house. I only ever jumped the fence and went in to the stable that Cairo lived in.

The memories that stable held were remarkable ones that I will treasure forever. Like Logan and I sharing our first kiss...

It was a hot July day just like today. Logan was 16 at the time. He was due to go on his annual family vacation to Paris the following morning. They went to the same place every year.

But this summer had been bad for me with my father, and I still had the bruises to prove it. Logan didn't want to leave me with no where to go. I couldn't use the stable as he had no clue if it would be safe to use with the hired help his mother had brought in to take care of the horses while they were away.

"I will be fine" I insisted.

"I hate leaving you Sheri. last year your wrist was black and blue when I came back from holiday where he grabbed you so tight." Logan said to me.

I rubbed my wrist, I couldn't even remember what bruises my dad had given me a month ago let alone an entire year ago.

"How on earth do you remember that?" I questioned him.

Logan then absent mindedly took my wrist and inspected it. It had some new bruises that if you looked carefully you could see the imprint of a hand mark.

"Because I get so scared that I never know what im coming back to... what if he hurt you so bad that you..." Logan paused, not being able to finish his sentence.

I looked up to him, he was visibly upset at what was running through his mind.

"Logan your a fantastic friend, you mean the world to me, you really do but I'm not your problem" I said in nothing more than a whisper. "You can't protect me forever" I said with a small smile.

"I want to though Sheri" he replied still holding on to my wrist, I noticed how his thumb gently rubbed over my bruises.

Logan looked up in to my eyes. It was that look that made me realise he didn't want to just be my friend anymore.

"I care about you Sheri" was all he replied, I saw him swallow hard with nerves.

I smiled at him, a nervous Logan was new to me. I found it amusing. "I care about you too Logan" I said, my own throat now closing up on me.

Logan then slowly moved his face in closer to mine as he moved his palm from my wrist and took me gently by the hand.

I remember my stomach doing somersaults as I felt our lips touch for the first time. It was a magical moment.

An overwhelming sense of love beamed out of my heart and I knew then that Logan was my everything.

"I don't want to leave you Sheri" were his first words when our kiss ended.

"I will be fine... this though..." I said gesturing my finger between him and I "... Logan this is... it's everything I want... do you want this?"

I smiled to myself as I left my daydream that Logan replied to my question with another kiss and once again dread filled my every bone as I realised we were now minutes away from his house with his mother waiting to make my life a misery.

"Would you like some tips?" Logan asked me with a nervous smile.

"Tips? For this evening?" I replied realising he wasn't joking.

Logan nodded.

"Sure, where is the nearest exit?" I joked.

"Sheri!" Logan said rolling his eyes.

I shrugged with a smile. "Go on then... give me tips, I do want her to like me, so everything is worth a shot" I said with a small sigh.

"Okay... don't tut... she hates it, compliment her earrings, they are new and very expensive... if not hideous... erm.. oh most importantly don't let her see you look vulnerable Sheri. Hold your head high or she will eat you alive" he said as he turned the engine off.

"I am vulnerable Logan." I said feeling scared and somewhat emotional. I tried to hide my eyes that were glistening with tears but Logan knew me too well.

"Baby don't do this, its not worth crying over... trust me" he said as he tipped my chin and kissed me.

I nodded. "Sorry I just don't react well in these situations... I'm so shy its ridiculous Logan." I said taking a deep breath to control my tears.

Logan smiled at me. "I will look after you Sheri... that's a promise I'm going to keep" he said then opened his car door then walked around to open mine.

Logan took my hand firmly. "Let's get this over and done with" he said in to my ear as we walked up the white stone drive way to Logan's huge house.

It was odd him living here, he seemed so normal, he seemed to be a round peg trying to fit in a square hole.

As we walked in to the large entrance to the house I quickly realised I was under dressed. The house was full of people drinking and chatting, the ladies wore cocktail dresses and the men were in suits.

Logan however was just dressed normally. His slim frame was looking great in just a tee and cut off cargo pants.

"Are we okay holding hands?" I asked unsure if physical contact would be frowned upon or not.

Logan stopped dead in his tracks in the centre of his large reception hall. He turned to look at me and took me by my other hand as he did so. "Sheri we are fine holding hands... let me show you off for once" he whispered as his face got nearer mine.

Logan kissed me slowly, seductively. I felt my heart thud hard in my chest as his tongue entered my mouth. His breath tasted of the chewing gum that he had just disposed of when he exited his car.

"Logan! Put the girl down and introduce me" came a young man's voice.

"Johnny!... hey man, how you been?" Logan said as we parted.

"Im good dude, don't see much of you lately" Johnny replied.

"Im around" Logan answered with a smile. "This is Sheri my girlfriend. Sheri this is Johnny my best friend... he is more family though" Logan added.

"It's good to finally meet you Sheri, I've heard a lot about you" Johnny said giving me a gentlemanly kiss on the cheek as our formal introduction got underway.

I smiled "Im really sorry but Logan has told me hardly anything about you" I laughed.

"There's no surprise!" Johnny replied.

"We have more interesting things to talk about than you Johnny" Logan laughed.

Johnny gave Logan a hard nudge in the side "I bet you do" he said with a wink.

I looked at Logan with my 'your in trouble eyes'. I hoped he hadn't told Johnny about ...private things.

"Oh Logan there you are, can you help me carry the drinks through to the lounge?" A smart grey haired man asked as he approached us.

"Hey Bri' this is Sheri" Logan said proudly to the man.

The grey haired man looked at me and smiled.

"Sheri, what a pleasure!" He said giving me my second kiss on the cheek this evening. "Logan said you were pretty but he didn't mention breathtaking too" the man said to which I blushed.

Logan smiled as we made eye contact. "This is Brian my step dad" he concluded.

"It's great to finally meet you sir" I said with a smile, he seemed really nice.

"Oh stop with the sir... call me brian" he replied.

I nodded in response, I heard Johnny laugh to the side of me.

"Logan can you help me carry the drinks through quickly then you and sheri are free to enjoy the party" brian said

"Sure thing... I'll be right back!" Logan said to me but giving Johnny the look to say could he look after me for a minute.

I stood in silence for a few seconds as I watched Logan walk away.

"Your doing well... I brought one of my girlfriends to one of these once... she broke out in hives from stress and had to go home" Johnny said with a smile.

"Really? Im so nervous. Im terrified his mom will hate me" I confessed in my rambles.

"Sheri in all honesty his mom is the least of your problems" Johnny said softly.

"What do you mean?" I asked not sure to be offended or more worried.

"Your about to find out" he said now pasting a pretend smile on his face to greet the pretty blonde girl that was making her way to us.

"Johnny" said the girl as her greeting, she was cold and offish towards him.

"Hi Cass, you made it then?" Johnny replied.

"Naturally! The society can't have a party without their champion rider can they" she said smugly to which Johnny rolled his eyes.

"What evs" Johnny said. "Well this is Sheri, Logan's girlfriend. Sheri this is Cassandra... she likes to think she is queen fucking bee around these parts" Johnny added.

Cassandra ignored the hateful comments Johnny had just uttered and a wide smile spread over her face as she clapped eyes on me. "Oh how precious... Your Sheri? ... look at you, your just how I imagined" she said with a giggle that I found patronising.

"Where is Logan?" She asked.

"Probably hiding from you" Johnny retorted.

"Grow up Johnny!" Cassandra said as she flashed me one more smile then went off to, I guess find Logan.

"So why is that girl my problem?" I asked knowing full well that Logan would not find anything attractive about her as she was everything he despised.

"She has been in love with Logan forever, she doesn't hide it either... also unlucky for you, Logan's mom adores her... Cass is a fucking bitch. You need to watch her Sheri. Especially with the holiday coming up" Johnny said.

"What do you mean with the holiday?" I asked.

"Cass is going too this year with them... didn't Logan say?" He replied.

"No he doesn't really mention the holidays... How do you know so much about her?" I asked just as I saw Logan making his way back towards me. He had his mom and Cassandra either side of him.

"She is my sister!" Johnny replied with a sigh.

I felt my heart sink at Johnnys words as I watched Cassandra give Logan a hug and promises of catching up with him later, she then went in to another room.

Logan entwined his hand with mine as he reached me, leaving his mother to stand with Johnny.

"Sheri I would like you to meet my mom" Logan said smiling at me.

"Hello Sheri" Logan's mom said giving me a flimsy feminine handshake.

"Hi" I said softly as my heart pounded with nerves, I had never felt so uncomfortable in my entire life.

"Shall we have a sit down and a get to know you drink?" She said placing Her hand on my shoulder and guiding Logan and I away from Johnny who flashed a reassuring smile to me as we walked away.

Although Logan was a henderson his mother was not, she took on her husband's surname when they married when Logan was seven years old. She was the notorious Mrs Felicity King of Manor Croft Equestrian centre.

I could see her mind ticking away as I looked at her well groomed appearance. She led us in to a room that was behind a closed door. No one else was in here. She closed the door back up after we had entered.

"Take a seat" she gestured to the large dark green leather sofa that was sat in this study like room.

I still held on to Logan's hand as we made our way to the sofa and sat down.

Mrs king straightened her expensive looking dress out. She poured a glass of water out that was sat in a crystal jug on the table in front of us. She handed one to me then one to Logan and sat down opposite us.

I was overwhelmed by the scenario that she had obviously spent time thinking over to set up. Why couldn't she just have a chat in the hall like Logan's dad or Johnny. It made me more nervous now knowing she wanted to interrogate me this formally.

"So Sheri, tell me how you and Logan met, he likes to be ignorant and not tell me anything" she said to which Logan tutted and got a scowl as a response from his mother.

"Well it was just by chance really, but he kind of rescued me. I was 9" I said with a smile re living the moment in my head.

His mother smiled at my sense of admiration for her son. "A night in shining armour huh? How exactly did Logan rescue you?" She queried.

"Mom there is no need to go in to details."Logan protested trying to protect me from memories of my father on drunken rampages.

I gave Logan's hand a squeeze. "It's fine logues" I insisted. "Unfortunately Mrs king my father ... well ... he is an alcoholic and he isn't very good at controlling his temper.. so Logan saved me from being beaten within an inch of my life that day" I explained.

Mrs king just nodded her head. "How long have you been dating?" Was her next question.

"Just coming up to two years" I replied too quickly, and felt Logan scorn me. I guess he didn't want his mom to know it was that long.

"Two years... wow! How have you not told me Logan?" His mother said looking almost angry at him.

"I didn't want to" Logan replied with attitude.

"Are you ashamed of us?" His mother asked.

"Mom don't be ridiculous" Logan snapped.

She rolled her eyes at Logan's moodiness. "How old are you Sheri?"

"16" I replied.

"Just sixteen and already been together for two years! You must be both very smitten with each other" Logan's mother said, her voice laced with intimidation.

"I am in love with Logan, Mrs king. My age wouldn't change that if I was 14 or one hundred" I said proudly and looked at Logan.

Mrs king swept her immaculate blonde hair to one side. "Well if this is the real thing... for keeps? What is it you want to do in life Sheri... you must talk about the future with Logan If you know he is your one!" She then asked.

"We do... we talk a lot about the future. I have big dreams of being a florist. I love flowers, it would be amazing to own my own shop one day... I think our town could do with a more fun look at floristry than mr tims and his display of roses at every wedding" I joked.

"Flowers! how lovely" was all she replied on the matter. "And has Logan told you of his unrealistic dreams to go to Hollywood and become a movie star." She said to which I heard a sigh come out of Logan.

"Yes... I am behind Logan all the way." I replied to which Mrs king then let out a sigh.

"So when Logan goes swanning of to Hollywood with his silly notions what will you do Sheri... let him go while you pick flowers?" She said hurtfully.

"No... Well I would go with him... if he wanted me to" I replied looking at Logan, he smiled at me.

"Course I would" he said with a glint in his eye.

"I'm not sure im happy with Logan dating someone that gives up on their own dreams so easily Sheri" mrs king said, now staring at me.

"Mrs king, Logan is my dream" I retorted.

"And yet your happy to fuel the fire on his fairy tales of fame and fortune" she argued.

"Mom... this is about Sheri, not about you moaning at me" Logan butted in with.

"Well in all honesty I think that Sheri should stick with her own kind and you should stick with Cass" Logan's mother then said standing up.

My mouth gaped open at her brutal honesty.

Logan stood up pulling me with him. "And you wonder why I kept her hidden away for two years!" He snapped at his mother while he gently guided me to the door.

I stopped at the door, pulling Logan to a halt. I turned to his mother and took the deepest breath I could muster for courage.

"Mrs king... your earrings!" I said to which felicity king then raised an appreciative eye towards me waiting for my compliment.

"Yes?" She said

"They are the most disgusting item of jewellery I have ever seen" I said honestly at the garish yellow and green drop earrings she had in.

Logan pulled desperately at my hand to get me walking again. But I did enjoy one last look of shock on Mrs kings face from my unexpected insult before we left that room and headed for the front door... leaving the party behind.

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**Chapter 3: Chapter 3**

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We had just left the disastrous party at Logan's house and were now driving in his car.

I had no idea where he was going. The silence we shared had been new and uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry" Logan finally said.

"Your sorry? Logan I'm sorry! I've ruined everything for us" I said now with tears running down my face.

Logan pulled the car over in to a lay by. He then took me in his arms. "That wasn't your fault. I love you Sheri" he whispered as he rocked me trying to sooth my tears away.

"She is never going to let us be together" I sniffed.

"You really think that I care what she thinks of us?" Logan said, his brown eyes piercing in to me.

"Why didn't you tell me about Cassandra? Johnny said she is in love with you and why is she going on holiday with your family?... Logan is there something I should know?" I asked with fear and adrenalin running through my body. The thought of losing Logan had never ever occurred to me. The thought of him being hunted down and stolen from under my nose was terrifying.

"There is nothing to tell..." Logan insisted. "I did know that Cass liked me but that is strictly one sided. I have no interest in her other than a friend. Sometimes she does come on holidays with us... so does Johnny, their parents are good friends with mine... it's just a vacation Sheri, all I do is talk to Johnny and pine after you" he said with a smile as he rubbed his thumb on my face, wiping a tear away.

"I don't even want to go on the dumb ass vacation, I got..." but Logan looked away and trailed off not finishing his sentence.

"You got what?" I asked.

"Nothing... I got better things to be doing then talking horses with all of them. I'm not even going to see you tomorrow as I have to pack" he said with a sigh.

Today was Saturday and Logans flight to Paris was on Monday. My stomach was now in knots wondering if Cass would be sat next to him on the plane. My mind went in to overdrive wondering if they all went out to night clubs... what if Logan got drunk?

"I wish you didn't have to go" I whispered.

"So do I... you wanna go back to the stable to see Cairo? Would be great to spend a few more hours just cuddled up to you Sheri" Logan said, his eyes full of hope knowing that I was due home soon to an argument with my father.

"Sounds perfect" I replied.

Logan drove us back to the large estate in which his home and the equestrian centre lived on. Judging by the amount of cars that were still parked up in the huge driveway his mother's party was still in full swing.

He parked up and we walked the ten minute walk to Cairo and his stable.

It was a beautiful evening and dusk was just setting in. Logan pulled a large blanket out from where his riding gear lived and layed it down on the grass just out side Cairo's paddock. We were hidden away from the world here. I loved it.

I lay in Logan's arms on the blanket as we watched the stars appear in the night sky.

"I do trust you Logan" I said thinking aloud at the thought of Cass and him spending two weeks together in Paris.

Logan shifted his position on the blanket to look at me. "Stop worrying about her Sheri... she is...too much for me. She is very irritating and rude" he clarified. "There is also one other big problem with cass" he said seriously.

"What?" I asked looking up to him as we lay on the blanket.

"She isn't you... and I'm in love with you" he said with a smile then leaned in to kiss me.

His kiss was full of passion. With every movement of his lips my heart ached away. Logan eventually moved and climbed on top of me as we shared our lips with each other.

It was always nice to feel him on top of me, he sent pulses of excitement through me as he lay in between my legs. Although we were still dressed the sensation of him being so intimate with me as we kissed was hard to resist.

Logan never tried his luck, or pushed it. He was a true gentleman... a gentleman who treated me to the type of seduction I could handle.

Logan pulled away from our kiss. "It's almost eleven... we should get heading back to yours Sheri" Logan said full of concern. He always adapted his life around my father's habits, in the hope that it would spare me a telling off or a slap. From the years of knowing me, Logan had somehow worked out my dad's regime of when he was safely passed out or likely to be on the hunt for an argument.

The amount of times I had to beg him, crying not to go and pay my father a visit after he had hit me, knowing it would make things so much worse were ridiculously high.

I sighed at Logan "I don't want to go, I was enjoying that" I said with a smile.

"So was I, but you need to go" Logan said placing his hands either side of my head to push himself off to get up.

I wrapped my arms around his neck to prevent him from moving. "Logan I want to stay here with you... for the night!" I whispered.

Logan shook his head at the thought of it. "He would kill you if you didn't go home" he insisted trying to move away again.

"He honestly wouldn't notice... I want to spend the night with you... under the stars... doing this" I said pulling him in to me and kissing his velvet like lips.

Logan didn't argue, he enjoyed the kiss. The weather was so warm tonight that all I needed was Logan's arms wrapped around me.

We spent a long time kissing, and getting carried away touching each other. Resisting Logan was getting harder but as long as the touching stayed satisfying for him I was happy in the knowledge that he would still wait for sex.

I hardly slept at all. Spending the night with Logan was another remarkable memory to add to the stable.

The birds woke us up early singing and chirping. Logan drove me home and the hardest goodbye took place as I wouldn't see him for two weeks after this.

Logan was quiet. He wasn't usually like this before he went away, he usually made a point of making me smile and acting as if it was no big deal, but today it seemed to be too much.

"Are you sure your okay? You have a heavy heart today baby." I said looking at him as we sat in the car at 5am outside my house.

"I'm fine" he said clearly lying. "I just really don't want to go on this vacation" he added.

Again my mind set in to action. Why didn't he want to go so badly this year? Was he also worried that cass may be able to snag him.

I hugged and kissed him until I was satisfied that he had cheered up. We said some goodbyes and Logan said he would call me later.

I held on to his hand waiting until the very last second to let go.

"I love you logues" I said giving him one last kiss.

"I love you more" he whispered in his catchphrase that he always replied.

I got out of the car and gave him one last wave as I opened the door quietly to my house and crept in.

"You dirty little whore" my father said the second I shut the door. I simultaneously received a hard fist in to my face which knocked me to the floor with the power of it and the shock. As my watering eyes tried to focus I saw my father stumbling around, clearly not having slept any alcohol off.

He stumbled towards me and picked me up off of the floor. "Trash just like your mother!" he slurred out and I received another hit to my face. This time my mouth.

The taste of blood engulfed me.

My tears now uncontrollable, to go from a perfect night with Logan to the pits of hell right now, after only being in the house two minutes was too much. My hair got yanked and once again I was dragged to my feet.

I screamed as I was pulled up the stairs and thrown in to my room. My shoulder clashed with the door handle as I went. I landed a blubbering heap on my floor as my bedroom door was slammed shut.

I cried so hard, I sat up and caught a glimpse of myself in my mirror. My eye already swollen and my lip split, blood splattered all down my face. I looked down to my shoulder. A light purple bruise already showing under the skin. It hurt to move my arm up.

I crawled in to bed and cried even harder. The lack of sleep from my night spent with Logan added to my tears. Eventually sleep took me under.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Chapter 4**

* * *

My cell phone ringing in my pocket woke me up, my head ached and my face felt tight. I moved my arm to get my phone but was met by more pain in my shoulder.

Once I had slipped the cell from my pocket I answered it.

"Hello?" I said still half asleep and cried out.

"Hey baby... you okay?" Logan said softly down the phone. His voice alone made more silent tears fall from me.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror again, a perfect purple eye now decorated my face, and my bottom lip was fat. "I'm fine" I lied. "I just woke up... how is the packing coming along?"

"All done, we are heading out for a meal soon, so thought it best to call you now incase I didn't get chance again... did your dad find out you didn't go home last night?" He asked, his voice full of concern.

There was no way I was telling him the state I was in just before he left for Paris, he hated leaving me as it was, let alone leaving me like this.

"Erm... yeah he did. But I'm fine" I insisted.

"Are you hurt?" He said urgently down the phone.

"He just gave me a shove in my room, I hurt my shoulder on the door handle that's all logues" I fibbed as I looked at my beaten face in my reflection.

"What about you?" I asked changing the subject. "Did your mom ban us from seeing one another?" I said sarcastically.

Logan sighed. "She said we will discuss things after the holiday... Sheri I don't want to go" he said sounding emotional.

"You will be fine once you get there. You will call won't you?" I asked knowing the answer already, but it was so nice to hear.

"I will call you everyday Sheri, I will text everyday... I will miss you everyday" he replied.

I smiled at his words. "I love you Logan"

"Love you more Sheri" he answered.

"You sure your okay logues... you sound preoccupied" I said listening to his voice.

"I'm fine... it's just..."

"Just what Logan?" I asked at his long pause.

"Just... oh fuck... Sheri I have to go now, they are leaving. I will call you tomorrow okay. I love you baby girl... stay safe!" he said.

"I love you too Logan" I said then heard the line click and he was gone.

I rested my head back on the pillow allowing myself to cry. I spent a long while in my room before hunger got the better of me and I ventured downstairs to get some food.

The rest of my day was boring, my father spent the afternoon asleep in a chair on the front porch. I spent it tidying away his mess from his drunken bender the night before.

My head and my face ached from my bruises. My eye wept constantly making it hurt more as I kept rubbing at it.

I ate dinner alone at six. The only contact I had from Logan since he called me was a text with an unhappy face emoticon and the words " fed up!"

I did feel sorry for him, he lived in his mother's pocket despite having the means and the money to be anything he desired. It was unfair on him. I knew it, Logan knew it. It was just his mother that hadn't got the memo.

I went to bed early with an ice pack on my face, my head still pounded. I sent Logan a text: "call me tomorrow baby, don't worry about the time difference in Paris I always want to hear your voice day or night. Love you x xxx x x "

I waited for a reply which didn't come, this wasn't unusual for Logan when he was with his family. I knew he got moaned at by being on his phone, I expect today was no exception now his mother knew who he was phoning and texting.

I drifted off in to sleep, waking often because of the pain in my shoulder. I had a sinking feeling I had broken my collar bone. There was a small lump that I had noticed.

The fifth time that I woke up that night was because my phone was ringing.

"Hello?" I mumbled in to the phone my eyes not wanting to open.

"Sheri its me... I need to talk to you" Logan said sounding a lot more awake than me.

I glanced at the clock in my room, only one eye opened now but I could make out that it had just gone 4am.

"Logan are you okay? What's up?" I asked now sitting up in bed.

"What you said the other night... to my mom, did you mean it. You would follow me wherever I went?" He said now sounding emotional again.

"Logan... course I meant it. I love you. I never want to be apart from you" I said trying to make sense of his late night ramblings.

"Sheri Im not going to Paris!" He then said.

"What? What do mean?" I asked.

"I auditioned for a show 6 months ago Sheri, I got a phone call a couple of days ago saying that I had got the part, and I need to be in LA by next Saturday to meet the rest of the crew. My mom wouldn't listen if I told her and I was scared of leaving you behind... Sheri I want you to come with me... now! I'm parked up outside." He said.

"What?! Run away? Logan your mom will go mental if you ruin this holiday for her" I said.

"I don't care, this is the only way for us Sheri. I can't lose you, and this opportunity means the world, I'm at your back door... let me in" he said.

I scrambled out of bed and went downstairs, I walked through the dark lounge and in to the kitchen. As I looked through the glass paneled door I saw Logan stood there with an empty rucksack in his hand.

I fumbled my way sorting through the keys to the back door. Finally finding the right one and sliding the door open.

Logan just stood there, staring at me. "What did he do to you?" He whispered out then took my face in his hands and examined the damage.

I had completely forgotten about my face as I rushed down here.

"I'm sorry... I didn't want to worry you just before you went away." I explained.

Logans eyes filled. "I'm going to kill him!" He said then tried to get past me in to the house, I pulled him back then cried out in pain from my shoulder. Logan turned and came back towards me.

"What is it Sheri?" He said as he he gently rubbed my back as I cried bent over in pain.

"My... My shoulder... Logan, I think it's broken" I said in a whisper.

"Why does he do this to you?" Logan said as he bent down in front of me to match my height, he tried to sooth me as best he could.

"Please Logan, I will just pack some stuff then we can go and never come back here okay. Don't stoop to his level Logan... rescue me!" I replied looking deep in to his eyes.

Logan stayed silent for a few moments. "Come on, lets go pack this bag and get out of here" he said finally.

Logan guided me slowly up the stairs to my room. He sat on my bed as I packed underwear and clothes.

"Make sure you have everything you need" he whispered looking around.

"I will... can you pass me that brush?" I said pointing over to my hair brush that sat on my bedside table.

"Sure" he said passing it over. "Sheri area you okay?" He said looking at my battered face.

"I'm fine logues... honest. I will get my shoulder looked at huh" I replied.

Logan stood up and walked towards me as I folded up clothes. "Come here" he said pulling me in to his arms and kissing me ever so gently on my forehead. "This was the last time Sheri... He will never hurt you again... I promise you" Logan said, I saw his eyes scan my face, Taking in the bruises.

"I can't believe we are doing this!" I whispered excitedly.

"Are you packed?" Logan said urgently.

"I think so" I smiled at him.

"Did you want to leave your dad a note?" Logan asked.

I thought about it. "No... let's just go." I replied.

Logan grabbed the bag and slung it over his shoulder. He took my hand and led me down the stairs of the house I grew up in for hopefully the last time.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Chapter 5**

* * *

"How's the shoulder?" Logan asked as we drove towards the freeway.

"Agony" I replied honestly.

"We aren't far from the hospital" he assured me.

"Logan lets get out of Texas before we go to hospital... it's fine honestly, if we went in now we would be waiting around for hours. I just want to get away from here" I replied.

Logan looked at me with a nod. "I can't believe he did that to you... that's the worst you've been for ages Sheri" he said.

"I know, I don't think he had slept, he could hardly stand. Layed in to me directly I got in through the door... it's over now though." I said with a smile. "What are we going to do when we get there Logan? Sleep in the car?" I asked.

Logan chuckled. "Sheri spending the last two years practically living in Cairo's stable was enough with you, I'm not about to make you live in my car... I've been making some withdrawals for the last week on the credit card my mom gave me, I figured she would cut me off once she realised I had gone so I have a spare bit of spending money already" he said tapping his pocket. "But my dad... My real dad, he is letting us stay in his place" he finished with a smile.

"Your dad! Logan your dad lives in Vegas?" I questioned.

"He does yeah but he has a Beach house in los Angeles" Logan said grinning from ear to ear.

"Holy fuck Logan! Are you serious?" I laughed out.

Logan nodded. "Don't get too excited, it's only for a little while... just until we find something of our own" he said slowing down for a stop sign.

"A place of our own? Logan this is insane" I said now realising what what happening in my life now.

"It's gonna be perfect. Listen Sheri this drive to los Angeles... its gonna take a couple of days, we are gonna stay in a motel tonight in Arizona. Can you wait that long to see a doctor?" He said full of concern.

"Yeah I will be fine, I promise. Isn't your mom going to just drag your ass back to Texas once she finds out your at your Dads?" I asked.

"She won't know... she wouldn't even think to look there" he said.

"I didn't think you got along with your dad? Did you make up? You never mention him" I asked resting my head back on the head rest of the car.

"Something like that. Sheri get some rest, you look like you could use it." He said giving my leg a rub.

I smiled at him. My lack of sleep from the last few days took me under.

When I awoke I found the car pulled up and Logan no where in sight. The car was pulled up by a gas station. I unclipped my seat belt and got out the car to stretch my legs. I saw Logan just walking out from the gas station with armfulls of food.

"Hey sleepy head!" He chirped. "Hope your hungry... I got some goodies to keep us going" he said handing me a small bottle of lemonade.

"Hey!" I replied with a smile taking the lemonade. We sat down by the grassy verge next to the car.

"I got you this too, I think it might make life easier." He said handing me a straw for my drink.

"Thank you" I smiled. My lip still felt fat and deformed.

"You alright?" Logan asked me.

"Yeah just need to wake up a bit. Where abouts are we?" I asked.

"Not sure exactly, bout half way to Arizona. You have been asleep for ages, I did try waking you but couldn't stir you at all... I got worried... your face looks awful Sheri. Did you blank out at all when he hit you?"

"No... no I don't think so. I've had a headache for a while though." I replied.

Logan nodded and passed me some food he had just bought. "My mom has gone mad trying to call me. She has still gone to Paris though... she is majorly pissed off." He explained.

"Did you speak to her?" I asked.

"No, she text though. She knows im with you." He said as he ate some potato chips.

"I'm never going back Logan... I can't." I said in a whisper.

"I would never let you go back... not after he did this" Logan said stroking the side of my face. "Come on lets get moving... I don't think we should stay in the same place for too long. Just incase they are looking for us" he said then helped me up.

The atmosphere wasn't tense on the rest of the journey to Arizona but it was quiet.

I think because we both knew we were going to get in to such huge trouble it put a spoiler on everything. Plus my face and the pain I was in because of my shoulder was an added strain.

Night fall came before we reached the motel. Logan insisted I got seen by a doctor before we checked in. Doing that halted our journey an extra three hours.

I was honest with my story of what had happened. There was no need to lie. I was given a prescription for some decent pain killers and my arm was strapped up in a sling. As predicted my collar bone was broken.

Logan was appalled. "What kind of man does that to his daughter!" He raged as we got back to the car.

"An alcoholic one" I said simply.

"Don't give him an excuse Sheri. It's disgusting." He said as he followed the signs for the motel he had found online.

"It's not an excuse Logan. It's just the reason. I have some money in my account did you want me to pay for the motel?" I asked.

"No I will pay in cash for everything until we run out. If we use our bank cards they will find us easily" he said pulling in. "Well this is it... it's not much but it's home for the night" he said with a smile.

"Wherever you are is home logues" I beamed.

Logan took this opportunity to kiss me, I felt the atmosphere of our trip melt away in that instant. Relief took it's place. I was relieved to finally be safe, be happy and be with Logan.

"How long will it take us to get to the beach house tomorrow?" I asked as Logan took my bag from the back seat then got out of the car.

"Long enough." Logan said with a sigh. "You stay here I will check us in" he said then went off to the reception that looked like a run down porta cabin.

A few minutes later Logan appeared jingling a set of keys. He opened my car door for me and led me off to motel room number 11.

I gave his hand a squeeze as we walked in to the room.

Logan let out a chuckle as we saw how dire the conditions were.

The first thing that I noticed was the double bed that sat in the room.

Logan saw my eyes scan it. I think it was the first time ever we had been alone in a room together with a bed.

"I can sleep in the chair if it bothers you Sheri." He said with a smile.

"It doesn't bother me logues, I can't wait to spend the night curled up with you" I replied honestly.

Logan then chucked my bag on the floor next to his. He gently lifted the sling from over my head and freed my poorly arm. "You need to exercise this" he whispered stretching it out carefully.

"Your mother isn't all bad Logan" I said out of the blue.

Logan eyed me curiously. "What makes you say that?" He asked.

"She raised you well Logan, your caring, full of charm and absolutely the nicest person I have ever met." I replied

"Well so are you Sheri but I know your father is all bad" he said giving me a kiss on the forehead.

"I guess... never thought of it that way" I said placing my body closer in towards his.

"Does this hurt?" He said kissing the side of my face which was still swollen bruised and tender.

"No that's nice!" I smiled.

"C'mon lets get you rested up huh, I've got a towel in my bag. You will feel better after a shower. It's been a long day stuck in the car." Logan said giving me one last kiss before he reached for his bag.

"Logan can you get in to trouble for what we are doing?" I asked.

"I guess so... Your only sixteen still, we will do everything right though Sheri. We will get you back in to school somehow" he said.

"I don't care about school Logan" I replied.

Logan didn't bother to argue with me but I knew he cared about my schooling even if I didn't. He handed me his towel and I made my way in to the bathroom.

The shower did feel nice if not slightly painful on my battered skin and awkward to wash with my shoulder in agony. I did manage to wash my hair though and cleanse my body.

I wiped the misted up mirror with the side of my hand. I looked terrible. My face completely black and blue. I felt sorry for Logan having to look at me all the time, I searched through my bag and cursed myself as I realised I hadn't brought any kind of sleep wear.

I opened the door ajar and poked my head out. Logan was just taking his shirt off. "Logues I haven't brought any pyjamas!" I said despairingly.

Logan chuckled "makes two of us!" He grinned. He then walked over to his bag and pulled out a tee shirt. "Will this do?" He said handing it to me.

"Thank you" I said taking it and closing the bathroom door back up.

Once dressed in his shirt I opened the door up to find Logan already in bed. He sat on top of the covers with just his boxers on, reading a magazine he had found in the room.

He looked so at ease... and so beautiful. In the many times that Logan and I had got carried away kissing we had ended up in just underwear a few times.

He had only ever touched me intimately through the fabric of my clothes, he had never seen me fully naked.

I on the other hand I had seen his... manhood on a number of occasions. Mainly from Logan taking inappropriate times to go to the toilet out in the open in front of me. He was not shy and I figured he just let it hang out on purpose sometimes to tease me.

The first time I had seen it I didn't know where to look but by around the 4th time I kind of just looked at it. I had never touched it though. I had only felt his magnificence dig in to me through his clothes.

"Did you know that wildebeest live for over twenty years?" Logan said grinning at me as he peered over the top of the african wildlife magazine he was looking at.

"Is that so!" I chuckled at this random piece of information.

"It's very so! Come and get comfy" he said patting the space on the bed next to him.

I smiled as I lay next to him on top of the covers. "Is that magazine so interesting that I couldn't prise you away from it" I laughed.

"Far too interesting... the female wildebeest is pregnant for around 8 months" Logan then said trying his best to hold in a laugh.

"What about if I distracted you... like this" I said kissing his neck.

"Hmmmm maybe I could be persuaded to put the magazine down" he teased.

I kissed Logan on the lips then made my way to his perfect chest. "How am I doing... more interesting than wildebeest?" I mocked.

"Oh yeah!" Logan stated, moving himself down the bed and chucking his magazine on the floor. He then rolled me gently off and climbed on top of me.

He silently moved my injured arm to the side of the bed so as not to cause me further pain and kissed me, still being ever so gentle to not hurt my face.

"I love you" he whispered as he took a brief break in between kisses.

"Love you too logie bear" I replied.

I trusted Logan, he knew sex wasn't an option so I knew he could do what he liked as long as he knew that boundary. Of course If I gave him the go ahead I doubt he would argue.

Logan lost his virginity to a girl just before he turned sixteen, it was a few weeks before we started dating. He told me what happened, but he said he regretted it. I guessed it was because he was in love with me that he wished he had of waited. I didn't know who the girl was, I didn't want to know.

I must admit the night he told me about him having sex with a girl he had never mentioned, I cried myself to sleep. Once I realised I felt jealous, I realised I liked Logan more than I should.

But as luck would have it Logan ended up feeling the same.

A gasp left my mouth as I felt the electric kisses he was now placing on me.

Logan's hand made its way to my leg, working his way up. As our kisses became more urgent and sexy the more he inched his way up my leg.

Once he got as far as the outside could take him he then gingerly made his way to the inside of my thigh.

I had never felt more turned on in my entire life. But I wasnt about to let my morals fly out the window on our first night of being in the same room with a bed.

"Logan.. Logan!" I breathed out as I pulled away from his kiss.

"You want me to get off?" He asked still kissing my neck.

I shook my head. "No... just... just touching yeah? Is that okay?" I asked.

"That's more than okay baby" he smiled then began his slow seductive kiss again.

Logan eventually found his way completely up the inside of my thigh, and he gently rubbed the in between of my legs. It felt so much better than it ever had before. I figured its because I was relaxed knowing we were completely alone, no one was about to burst in.

As I enjoyed his touch on me and his kiss, I made the educated decision that I did infact want more. I felt nervous. The only way I could think of indicating this to Logan was to try and steer him in the right direction of what I wanted him to do, with out embarrassing myself by asking.

So I just opened my legs up a little further so he knew I was very much enjoying his touch, which also gave him further access if he wanted to attempt it.

Logan did attempt it. He could read me like a book, I'm pretty sure I felt a smile on his face as he kissed me too.

Logan moved the fabric of my underwear to one side and very slowly tested the the water by placing one finger inside me.

He seemed pleased that he hadn't received a slap, so he saw that as the go ahead to enjoy his first proper touch on my personal parts.

My mind had all sorts running through it. I was in ecstasy of how it felt. Goodness knows what sex must feel like if just his finger felt this good.

I was pretty much ready to give in and say I wanted to be fucked right here and now. But when I parted my lips from Logan's to speak he took his fingers from inside me and placed them on my clitorus.

An embarrassing noise came straight from my mouth from this unexpected sensation.

I never wanted it to stop, I actually wanted Logan to fuck me and do this at the same time! Was that even possible?

Logan moved his fingers back and forth over me as he kissed me, all this and the weight from his body on top of me made an intense pleasure build up inside me.

"Don't stop logues... don't stop" I breathed out as the sensation hit its peak and Logan gave me my first ever orgasm. "Holy fuck!" I then laughed out. My body was exhausted.

Logan didn't say a word, he carried on kissing my neck and enjoying the feeling of me as my body pulsed in his hand.

My heart rate was out of control, and Logan finally received the slap he was expecting, but only because my body could no longer take his touch.

He laughed at me. "What was that like? You enjoyed it yeah?" He whispered. Moving his body to the side of me. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"Oh my god... yes I enjoyed it... fuck!" I sighed out as I caught my breath.

"I'm glad... just you wait til we are married missy!" He threatened with his sexy smile.

"Don't you want me to... you know... return the favour?" I asked.

"I don't mind it just being about you Sheri... when your ready you can be let loose on the python" he mocked.

I giggled "python huh! Thanks Logan. You're my world you know! That was amazing though" I said, taking in one last deep breath to gain control of my body again.

"Your my world too Sheri" he replied giving me a kiss on the forehead and placing the bed sheet over me.

I drifted off in to a dreamless sleep. Excited for our new life and opportunities that Los Angeles would hold for us tomorrow. It was great that Logan's real dad could see his potential and was helping us out.

* * *

**Chapter 6: Chapter 6**

* * *

Early the next morning, Logan's cell phone ringing woke me up. His sleepy body reached over to answer it.

"Mmmhello?" He mumbled.

I could hear a female voice on the other end but I couldn't hear what was being said.

I figured Logan had momentarily forgot the situation we were in as he was now hitting himself on the head for answering his phone.

"I'm fine okay!... we are both fine... I've just had enough!" he argued in the receiver.

The female voice spoke again as Logan sat up and rubbed his face to wake himself up.

"Because. I. Am. In. Love. With. Her!" He said adamantly to the phone. Trying to make his point.

"I don't care, and no... not in the foreseeable future no!" Logan Then replied to the voice.

The female voice then went up an octave, I gathered she was crying, the voice sounded hysterical.

"That's not my fault okay! I'm sorry that you feel like that. Look I've got to go... I will call you okay" Logan said now sounding apologetic but annoyed.

"Soon" he then said and hung his phone up.

"Was that your mom?" I asked. Giving him a Sad smile.

Logan sighed. "No... it was Cass" he said now sounding even more apologetic.

"Oh!" I said surprised.

"She is just worried about us, that's all" he reassured me.

"You... she is worried about you Logan" I said.

Logan shrugged and looked at the time. "It's early, if we get going now we could be in LA by lunch" he said.

"What's the time difference from here to Paris?" I asked wondering what time Cass had stayed up to to phone him.

"I'm not sure. Cass isn't in Paris... she didn't go if that's what your thinking" he then said.

"Why didn't she go? How did you know she didn't go?" I asked bombarding him with questions I was scared to find the answer to.

"Sheri don't work yourself up over her. It's honestly not worth it, all I'm ever going to be is her friend" he said with a yawn sitting up.

"Why didn't she go?" I asked again.

"She sent me a text saying it didn't feel right going on holiday while I had done this. She told me she hadn't gone in a text, which I didn't reply to. Sheri don't be angry with me" he said softly.

"Do you have feelings for her?" I asked.

"She is a very old friend that I know well, the only feelings I have towards her are friendly ones Sheri. I have feelings for you which is why it was your back door I was waiting behind yesterday morning to ask if you wanted to come to LA with me... I love you Sheri... not cass!" He said looking at me with almost amused eyes that I had suddenly turned in to the green eyed monster.

I nodded "May I read the text?" I asked.

"Yes you may" he said sarcastically and handed his phone straight over.

I scanned through the messages. I noticed one from Johnny. Logan's mom had sent a few. Brian his step dad had tried to reason with him to come home too. I scanned through to find Cassandra's then the one I had sent to him the night before we left. I clicked on Cassandra's message.

"Where the hell are you Logan! Your mom has just boarded the plane to France, she has literally just told me that you have run away with Sherry!? I couldn't go on holiday knowing that! Are you okay? What the hell is going on? Im sat in the fucking terminal all on my own Logan! Come home. Please. X x" it said.

"She spelt my name wrong" was all I said in response to reading the heartfelt cries of the girl who wanted my boyfriend.

"I know. She is just worried. We used to be pretty close when she was younger... she changed though. She isn't the same girl Sheri" he said.

"Is she going to try and find us?" I asked.

"She knows nothing about me now Sheri, she wouldn't know where to look." He concluded.

I nodded. "I'm sorry... I should of just taken your word for it logues. I feel bad now" I said laying back down in bed.

"Don't say sorry. All this is new. A few days ago you didn't even know about her, then Johnny goes and fills your head with crap. I'm yours Sheri. Always gonna be!" He said with a smile and kissed my face, making me wince in pain.

"Sorry did I hurt you?" He asked.

"Only by accident. How is my face looking? Any better?" I said with a smile.

"Afraid not baby... your looking like all the colors of the rainbow and your eye looks really red here" he said pointing to the outer corner of my beaten eye.

"It's sore. It won't stop watering, it's making the skin raw where I keep rubbing it" I confessed.

"Stop rubbing it then! I miss my beautiful Sheri that's underneath all that" he said taking my hand and kissing it.

"It's awful to look at huh. I do feel sorry for you having to put up with it" I said airing my thoughts from last night.

"I will never let anyone hurt you for as long as I live Sheri Cooper and that is a promise I will take to the grave" Logan said giving my hand another kiss. "Come on lets get to LA!" He then announced and hopped out of bed and in to the shower.

I got myself dressed and packed away our belongings that we had taken from our bags last night. Logan appeared buck naked conveniently forgetting to take a towel in to the bathroom with him.

I could see him hide his smile as he paraded around, strutting himself about.

"Tease!" I said as he grabbed the towel and dried himself off like he was a stripper.

"Maybe you should tease me back!" He grinned to which I blushed. I don't think I would ever be as comfy in my skin as what Logan was. He knew he was perfection on very sexy legs.

We set off on the last part of our journey feeling a lot happier than yesterday. The car was filled with excited talk. Logan filled me in on the role he had secured.

"Well I auditioned for it ages ago. I didn't think anything would come of it. They said they needed to find someone else for the part of one of the other guys that's in the show. They finally found the perfect guy so we finally get going on the set" he explained.

"So is it you and this other guy that are main characters?" I asked.

"No there are four of us. Four singing and dancing idiots" Logan said with a smile.

"Must be good though if its on Nickelodeon logues... everyone has watched that at some point" I clarified.

"Fingers crossed it all goes well when it aires huh" he said.

"And toes" I replied with a smile.

The time seemed to drag and the traffic went even slower. Logan pulled in to another gas station to fill the car up. I went in to the shop with him to choose something to eat. All was going well until I noticed a cop that was in the shop looking at us.

"Logues is it my imagination or is the police man staring at me?" I said quietly in his ear as we stood in the queue waiting to be served.

Logan slyly glanced around then turned his back to the cop. "Yeah he is still looking... it's probably because of your bruises" Logan said logically.

"What if my dad has reported me missing?" I said in a whisper.

"Would he?" Logan said now looking panicked.

I shrugged.

We moved along the line and paid for our gas and food then went back to the car.

The cop was also now sat back in his car.

"What do we do?" I asked.

"I'm not sure... what if we drive off and he follows?" Logan said as a huge gasoline lorry pulled in to the station blocking the policeman from our view.

"Go now!" I said almost angrily.

"No... once we get on to the road he will see our car again" Logan replied.

A young guy with dirty blonde colored hair then pulled in to the gas station next to us.

He opened his door up and stretched his legs. He smiled at me as we made eye contact.

"Logan I have an idea" I then said as I opened my window up.

Logan looked at me like I had gone momentarily insane.

"Hi" I said to the guy in the crappy red Honda.

"Hey... do you have the time? My cell is dead?" The guy said

"Sure it's just gone eleven" I replied.

"Thanks" the dirty blonde said.

"This is going to sound really strange but could you possibly drive me out of the gas station?" I said to the guy who was now slouched against his car.

"Sheri? What the fuck?!" I heard Logan say, to which I hit him on the leg.

The guy raised one of his large eyebrows. "You on the run from the cop parked up over there?" The man asked.

"No, im on the run from the guy who did this to me" I said pointing to my face. "But he seems to have some help finding me" I replied looking in to the direction of where the police car sat behind the gas lorry.

The blonde nodded as he eyed Logan and I over carefully.

"Okay!" He eventually said.

"Sheri, no fucking way!" Logan snapped.

"Do you want me to get taken back home to him!" I bit back.

"Of course I don't" Logan said looking scared that he was close to losing me.

"Okay, well if this guy drives me out and drops me off half a mile away it doesn't matter if the cop follows you huh... half a mile logues. That's all." I said.

Logan looked up. The man who drove the gasoline truck had finished his job of refueling the station and had just hopped back in to his drivers seat.

"Half a mile only" Logan said more to the guy than to me.

"Sure, No probs." The blonde said.

I quickly got out of Logan's car and got in the passenger side of the honda.

Logan turned his engine on and left the forecourt just after the gas truck. As feared the cop car followed him out.

The blonde started up his engine and also left the gas station. We got a few yards up the road to see Logan had been pulled over by the cop. I saw my boyfriend glance at me as I went passed him in the honda. Logan looked scared that I was now stuck with a complete stranger.

"I hope they don't take him in" the blonde said.

"Huh?" I asked not really listening.

"I hope they don't arrest him." He said.

"He hasn't done anything wrong. We are just trying to get to LA.. that's all" I said in a sigh.

The blonde pulled over. "This is about half a mile I guess" he said turning his engine off. "We might be in for a long wait. I'm going to Los Angeles too" the blonde said.

"That's cool. I was hoping it would be a new beginning for me... should of known that my past would follow me" I said bitterly.

"So who are you running from? Was it a boyfriend that did that that to you?" The blonde asked.

I shook my head. "No my dad" I replied. "Listen I can just sit out on the grass, you don't need to waste your time here" I stated.

"I'm not about to leave a girl in the middle of no where, not knowing if her ride is coming back, am I?" He said sarcastically.

"I guess not... thanks for doing this... I hope it works out." I replied.

"It's not a problem.. where are you from. I'm driving up from Kansas, what's your name?" the blonde said.

"Texas" was all I replied not wanting to give too much information out to a stranger

The blonde nodded. "Well Texas! it's nice to meet you. I'm Kendall" he said flashing me some killer dimples.

I laughed "Nice to meet you too"

"Is the tense looking guy in the convertible your boyfriend?" He asked. His green eyes looking intrigued with the situation that he had been brought in to.

"Yeah... He isn't tense looking" I laughed. "He just worries about me a lot. He is protective... He must be going out of his mind now wondering if im okay" I said looking out to the road to see if Logan was coming yet.

"You sure it wasn't him that did that to you" Kendall asked.

"Positive! He would never hurt a fly" I replied.

"Okay... well if it was him and you wanted me to drive off and take you somewhere safe... you just say huh!" Kendall said looking like he knew the truth. When really he knew nothing.

I looked at Kendall. "I appreciate your concern, but honestly it was my father. He drinks" I explained.

Kendall nodded. "It's bad huh!" He declared taking a good look at my face.

"Yeah... Yeah it is" I said looking away so he could no longer look at me.

"I don't suppose I could use your cell to call my mom? I forgot my charger... I don't want her to worry" he said once again showing off his dimples.

"Sure, I owe you one anyway for doing this" I said handing over my cell phone.

Kendall smiled and dialed his mom's number. I eyed him over while he spoke in to the receiver. His dark blonde hair too long, it covered his green eyes that constantly smiled. He wore a green tee and ripped scruffy jeans. He looked friendly enough. It was cute that he offered to rescue me from Logan.

My eye began watering again. I tried to dab it gently.

I noticed Kendall watch me while he spoke to his mother. His look was one of pity. I gathered from his conversation that his home life was a lot happier than mine or Logan's. His mother seemed overly concerned about him being alone which I thought was odd.

I rummaged through my bag trying to find a tissue. I heard Kendall say his goodbyes to his mother. He passed my phone back to me.

"Do you need a tissue?" He asked me.

"Yeah I've got one in here some where" I said still looking in my bag.

Next thing I knew when I lifted my head up from my bag not finding the tissue I received a hit to my face.

If my eye wasn't fully watering before, it was now!

"Fuck!" I said putting my hand up to the bridge of my nose.

"Shit... I'm so sorry! Fuck... I'm really really sorry. I was just passing you a tissue.. you moved your head!" Kendall said looking incredibly sorry.

"It's okay" I said nasaly trying to deal with the pain.

"Fuck your bleeding... I'm so sorry!" Kendall said as he grabbed more tissues from his centre dashboard and passing them to me.

"It's fine... it was an accident!... thanks for the tissue" I said with a laugh that let out a few tears at the same time.

Logan then pulled up in the lay by just in front of us. He got out and walked towards my side to open my door for me.

He was all smiles until he got closer and saw me bloodied and teary. He changed his direction and headed for Kendalls door. He looked livid!

"oh shit!" I said and scrambled out of my door. "Logan!... Logan no!" I screamed as Logan opened up Kendalls door and dragged him from the car.

"LOGAN STOP IT!" I cried as Kendall fell to the floor after being hit in the face.

I pulled at Logan's shirt. "It was an accident.. Logan! He didn't hurt me" I insisted making sure that Logan was looking at me.

"Fuck dude!... what's your fucking problem?" Kendall said as he now staggered back to his feet dabbing at his own cheek that was now red from taking a hit.

"Sheri c'mon, we are going!" Logan snapped at me.

"Wouldn't hurt a fly huh Texas?" Kendall said to me.

"I'm sorry... thanks for the ride" I said to Kendall as Logan pulled me by my hand back to the car. He sped off before I even had chance to buckle my seat belt in.

"Logan. What the hell was that?" I demanded.

"I thought he hurt you!.. I'm sorry... I got scared" he replied. "Are you okay?" He asked.

My face softened as I saw how worried he actually did look. "I'm fine. He passed me a tissue for my eye but I moved my head at the wrong moment and... smack" I explained.

Logan nodded.

"What did the cop say?" I asked.

"It wasn't you he was after... my car had been reported stolen. I'm guessing it was cass that did that!" He sighed. I just showed him my ID and explained that someone must be pulling a fast one... He ran some checks but was satisfied I was telling the truth" Logan replied.

I stayed silent for a minute trying to take in the last twenty minutes of my life.

"You looked scary hitting that guy... dragging him out of his car" I said quietly.

"I just thought I had put you in danger for letting you get in this fucked up situation." He reasoned.

I couldn't think of a way to diffuse the situation by saying something that would take it all away.

"You wanna pull over and eat some of this food?... I'm starving" I eventually said.

Logan smiled at me. "Sure thing" he replied.

After we had eaten Logan broke every speed limit there was to offer. It wasn't long before we reached California and Logan drove in to a beautiful beach house. The driveway was long. The back of the house looked out on to the beach.

Logan parked up and looked up to the house. He raised an eye brow at the grandness of it.

"I take it you have never been here before?" I asked him as we still sat in the car.

"Never" Logan said. "You want to wait here while I open up?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No I will be fine watching you open a door" I mocked him.

Logan gave me a small smile. "Okay... come on then" he replied.

We got out of the car and walked around the building. Logan scanned every detail of the house.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he stood and looked up towards the roof.

"Checking for alarms" he said reluctantly.

"Alarms? What? What do you mean... oh great! Your dad has no clue we are here does he Logan?" I sighed.

Logan shook his head. "No... don't be mad, it's just until we find somewhere of our own. Just a couple of nights!" He insisted. "There are no alarms so we are good to do this!" He said picking up a rock by his feet and smashing it through one of the small square panels of glass on the front door.

"Fuck Logan!" I said looking around to see if anyone was nearby.

Logan reached his hand in and opened the door up from the inside.

"This is insane!" I declared as I stepped in the house that we were now breaking and entering in to.

It was beautiful, all the soft furnishings were cream. With expensive looking white furniture. The kitchen had all the latest gadgets and appliances.

There was a wine rack with at least one hundred bottles of wine stacked in it.

The open plan lounge boasted a huge tv on the wall.

And the only thing up the stairs was a mezzanine bedroom. It was beautiful.

"What exactly does your dad do logues?" I asked looking around in complete shock of the beauty of the house.

"He is the CEO for some law firm. He must earn a shit load of cash though huh!" Logan said looking around the house.

"Yup" I agreed. "Why didn't you tell me that we would be unwelcome guests?" I said pointing to the broken window.

Logan shrugged "I didn't think you would come if you thought I couldn't look after you properly" he said pulling me in towards him to inspect my face for further damage.

"How long do you think we will be staying?" I asked as I received a kiss on the forehead.

"Not long. I will start looking for an apartment later... fancy a dip in that?" Logan grinned looking at the pool in the back garden that looked out on to the beach.

"Oh my god... yes!" I laughed.

We spent the day relaxing and unwinding. Logan's phone rang pretty much on the hour, every hour. He never answered it though.

I checked my phone. My dad hadn't bothered to call. No one had. The only activity on my phone was the texts I had sent Logan and the phone call that Kendall made to him mom on the way up here.

I hoped Logan hadn't hurt him too bad. He was a nice guy.

A couple of nights turned in to 4 staying at the beach house. Logan had drastically underestimated the rental property market of los angeles. They're was no way we would be able to afford to put a deposit down on anything until Logan had received some kind of pay cheque for the role he had in the show. He had no clue when that would be coming.

Saturday soon arrived Logan was full of nerves as he got ready to go to the first day of his new job as actor.

"Have you eaten?" I said to him.

"No im too nervous... they have food there though... it said on the letter." He clarified.

I picked the letter up and read through it, it stated the time, address and things to bring. It did say that a buffet lunch would be available.

"You wanna come with me?" Logan asked his hands shook with nerves.

"Am I allowed?" I replied.

"Yeah... well it says we can bring a family member to aid with contract signing if under the age of 18... but I can say I got confused" he smiled.

"You get confused a lot lately" I joked. "Sure I would love to come"

Logan let out a deep breath. "Let's do this then" he said and grabbed his car keys from the kitchen side.

The drive from the beach house to the studio where the tv show would be filmed was around an hour's drive. We made it in plenty of time though.

Logan took my hand as we made our way through the maze of corridors finding the correct room. When we finally did find it the room was already filled with people.

Logan spoke to a woman with a clip board who ticked his name off on the list. She then invited us to make ourselves at home and get a drink.

Logan poured us both out a juice that was in a jug on a huge table filled with food and drink. We then sat down waiting for our next lot of instructions.

The door opened again and a small dark skinned guy walked in. It looked like he had brought his dad with him.

"That guy auditioned the same day I did" Logan said in my ear as we watched the guy and his father laugh and joke with the clip board lady.

"Did you talk to him?" I asked.

"Yeah his name is Carlos I think... He was pretty cool" Logan said sounding more relieved that he now knew someone.

I looked around at the sea of faces. There were a number of attractive looking girls. A pretty guy with brown hair. And a fair few older people.

"You have to be kidding me!" I heard Logan say. I looked back towards the clipboard lady where Logan was looking to see Kendall the dirty blonde smiling away with his killer dimples.

He now sported a black eye from where Logan had hit him a few days ago.

He spotted me straight away and walked over. "Hey Texas! Fancy seeing you here" he chirped.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Chapter 7**

* * *

"Hi" I said with a small wave. "This is Logan... I guess you remember him" I said embarrassed.

"Vaguely" Kendall joked.

He held his hand out to Logan. "I'm Kendall" he said.

Logan looked at the hand. I nudged him in the ribs forcing him to shake.

"Logan" was all Logan said as they shook.

"So is this what you meant by a new beginning? Are you on the show?" Kendall said excitedly, thinking that he now knew someone.

Before I could answer the clip board lady began speaking to the large group of people in the room.

"Okay can I have Kendall, James Carlos... and Logan over here please." She said gesturing with her pen to the space in front of her.

Kendall and Logan looked at each other. Kendall laughed at the irony but Logan looked pretty serious.

Both the guys went and stood with the clip board lady. "Okay guys. Michael will be here to show you and your guests around in a minute, you will then have your first table script reading for the pilot. We will run through your contracts after and answer any queries you may have. Then it will be back in here to get to know the rest of the cast...You four are gonna be spending a lot of time together so get chatting and Have fun!" She said then walked off to reel off more names from her list.

I watched as Carlos' dad walked over to his son. I then walked over to be with Logan. The man named Michael came up to our group and ushered us out of the room.

We were given a tour of the studio, met some of the crew and then taken in to a large room with the scripts thrown about on the table.

Logan's character was the smart guy. Kendall was the leader, Carlos was the idiot and the pretty guy named James was the dumb ladies man. It was hilarious listening to them all. It was a good ice breaker for them all to get to know each other.

After half hour the guys were allowed a coffee break.

"You want a drink Sheri?" Logan asked.

"No im good thanks logues" I replied.

"Okay I won't be a second" he then said and got up to get himself a coffee.

Kendall came and sat next to me.

"So you still telling me that Logan didn't hit you?" He said quietly.

"Yes! I'm quite positive thank you" I replied with a smile.

"What's up with all the black eyes, you two get in a fight?" Carlos asked from across the table as Logan came and sat back down with his drink.

"Coincidence" Kendall said laughing. "Where are you from dude?" He asked Carlos.

"Florida. What about you guys?" Carlos asked all the group.

"Kansas" Kendall replied.

"Texas" Logan said.

"California" said James the pretty boy.

"Who was the last to get the call back then? I was told the hold up was because they couldn't find the right guy?" Carlos asked.

"Me I think" Kendall said. "I had my audition a month ago" he explained.

"I thought someone else had your part. I saw him in the room earlier?" Carlos said.

"No they had to re cast him because his voice was too similar to mine" James said.

"Oh right... well this is gonna be a laugh huh" Carlos said. His dad came back with two coffees handing him one.

"Yeah it should be great. Do you two know each other already" James asked Logan and Kendall.

"No our paths crossed on the way here" Logan replied looking at his fist.

"Oh... I see" James replied.

Kendall and James then struck up a conversation leaving Logan and I to it.

"How's your nerves now babe?" I said leaning my head on Logan's shoulder.

"Fine now I'm here" he said kissing my forehead.

"You gonna be okay with the blonde? I whispered looking over to Kendall.

Logan nodded. "Yeah it will be cool. What are the chances of it being him huh" Logan said with a laugh.

"I know right... completely insane!" I replied.

The guys were soon ordered back to work going through a bit more of the script. They all then had a chat about what the future may or may not hold. Which basically meant that they were warned that teenage girls across the United States were about to get obsessed with them. Michael, the guy that was leading the conversation basically just said that any girlfriends should either take a back seat or be kept out of the public eye for the time being.

I felt all eyes on me from everyone in the room. It was obvious that I was Logan's girlfriend so to have this said right in front of me wasn't the best news I had received all day.

Logan however just smiled. It was that smile that I knew to mean "don't listen to that prick Sheri, we are for keeps!"

I smiled back fully reassured.

Then followed the signing of the contracts. Logan read it through carefully then I read it through carefully. It sounded good but didn't mention when any kind of pay cheque would be coming. It was only a matter of time before we would be found out in the beach house.

Logan signed his life away. All four guys were told that rehearsals would begin the coming Tuesday. We were then led back to the room we first entered and were allowed to mingle with the other members of the cast and crew.

Logan was in his element. He had so much charm about him. I chose to sit down and have a drink while he got to know his new colleagues, he didn't need me hanging around all the time like a spare part.

I enjoyed watching him be himself and talk to everyone. He looked really happy.

"Lover boy isn't shy is he Texas?" Kendall said as he sat down on the seat next to me.

"No he has the gift of the gab that boy!" I said smiling. "Why are you still calling me Texas?" I playfully moaned.

"You haven't told me your name yet" he simply replied.

I opened my mouth to talk but was distracted by Logan who was now stood in front of us.

"Should I be worried that you always seem to end up with my girlfriend when I'm not around?" Logan said with a glint in his eye.

Kendall must of seen this to not feel threatened.

"Just keeping the lady company" Kendall replied with his dimpled smile.

"Okay..." Logan said with a deep breath. "Listen man... you and I got off on the completely wrong foot. I was thinking maybe the four of us guys could carry this on at my place... have a few drinks, hang out.. what do you say?" Logan asked shifting his eye line to me making sure this was okay.

"Sure that would be great. I'm in a hotel at the moment. Trying to find a place to live out here is insane." Kendall said.

"Right!" Logan agreed. "You need to have twelve blockbuster movies under your belt to just rent somewhere!" He laughed.

The two boys then hit it off. I was relieved the tension between them had gone. Kendall really did seem like a nice guy.

They all did. The entire cast seemed really nice.

James also agreed to come over to Logan's for a get together but Carlos said he wasn't sure if he would make it.

The drive back to the beach house in Logan's car was filled with chat.

"Logues this show is going to be amazing for you. It's perfect!" I revealed, now feeling very excited myself.

"Yeah? I think so too! Just think, I might of missed out on all of it and be in Paris now" he joked

"We did the right thing logie. The only thing that feels uncomfortable right now is staying in the beach house... what if someone catches us?" I asked.

"Then we have to sleep in the car" Logan laughed.

The afternoon sped past Kendall and James arrived and we all hung out by the beach house pool.

I had my bikini on, I guess my still bruised body was an awkward sight to the untrained eye. Logan was used to seeing bruised arms and legs on me, my shoulder was purple and yellow now the same as my face.

I sat on Logan's lap by the pool as he talked with his new friends. He wrapped an arm around my waist and kissed my neck as I got comfy, he then carried on his conversation.

James was very attractive, but he didn't seem to realise it. He had a perfect tan all over from what I could see, or he just had lovely dark skin. Either way he seemed nice. He joked about, but he knew what he wanted from life.

I looked away as he met my eyes looking at him. He must of thought I was checking him out.

"How long have you two been together? You look like you can't be separated" James said with a smile.

"Two years" I replied.

"Two years today actually" Logan said to me and kissed my bruised face gently.

"nice"James replied "what is the deal on the bruises if you don't mind me asking?"

"His or mine?" I said looking at Kendall who chuckled.

"Both"James replied.

"Logan hit Kendall because he thought he hurt me, and I look like this because my dad is a complete jack ass... Logan and I pretty much ran away. Our parents don't know we are here" I explained to James.

"Really? That's pretty messed up, how come you get to stay here then?" Kendall asked.

"It's my dad's but he doesn't know we are here" Logan said. I saw Kendall look at me with the same pitiful look that I received from Logan when he found a new bruise on my body.

"So Texas... your pretty much screwed if things turn sour between you two out here" Kendall said.

I turned my head and looked at Logan. He gave me another kiss. "Even if things didn't work out I would never screw her over and make her go back there... I've been trying to get her away from him for 7 years. nothing could happen to us that would make me want her to go back there." Logan replied.

"It must of been bad" James said scanning my face.

"It was awful, but the worst part was not being able to do anything... Sheri was the only person that believed in me when I started on the road of this life style... she deserves this as much as me" Logan added.

"Logues don't get all soppy" I giggled just as we heard a car pull up.

"Fuck! Who is that Logan?" I said jumping off his lap.

"Shit... I don't know!" he replied just as the door knocked.

All four of us looked at each other.

"I guess I should get that then" Logan said nervously.

We all waited with baited breath as Logan went to answer the door.

When he walked back out to the pool with Carlos I could of cried with relief.

"Fuck dude, you scared the crap out of us, we thought the party had been rumbled" James said relaxing back in to his chair.

"Where's the booze for this party?" Carlos said waving a load of paper in front of us.

"What's that?" Kendall asked looking at the paper.

Carlos smiled. "This is the rough draft script for the entire first season of big time rush! ... my dad pinched it while no one was looking" he said with a wink.

"oh my god are you serious!" Logan said snatching it from him. All we knew about the series was the first episode they had read through today.

"Logan maybe your dad won't miss a couple of bottles of that wine in the kitchen?" I said with a raised eyebrow.

Logan looked at me. I knew he was thinking it through sensibly, but his fun side took control.

"Fuck it... let's drink the dick heads wine" he said with a smile to which Kendall and Carlos gave a little cheer.

I went out with Logan to the kitchen to get some glasses for everyone.

"They seem cool huh" Logan said pinning me up against the kitchen side.

"They do. I'm glad your fitting in. Everything seems to be going so smoothly... I'm not used to it" I laughed giving him a kiss.

"Sheri out here anything is possible" he replied.

We walked back out to James and Carlos who had sour looking faces.

"What's up?" I asked handing James a glass.

"Kendall and Logan get girlfriends in the show but Carlos and I don't" he said with a chuckle as he read through the script.

"Oh" I said looking at Logan.

"Only acting huh... who is the girl?" Logan asked James.

Errr... Kendall has a girl named jo and you have Camille." Carlos said.

Oh that was the girl in the green dress, I spoke to her, she seemed cool." Logan said nodding his head.

I wasnt overly impressed at this news but he was right it was only acting.

"Logan you get slapped a lot by her too" James laughed.

"Oh great!" Logan laughed.

"I didn't talk to anyone that played jo today. I wonder who she is?" Kendall asked still pondering over who his new make out screen partner will be.

We spent the evening chatting and getting to know each other. It was nice as all we had out here was each other.

* * *

**Chapter 8: Chapter 8**

* * *

We had just said goodbye to Carlos. His dad picked him up and was taking him back to their hotel. James was passed out in a Sun lounger in the garden. He had pretty much drank three bottles of wine to himself.

I grabbed a blanket and threw it over him. He was going to have a major hang over in the morning.

"Is it alright if I crash on the sofa?" Kendall asked.

"Sure that's fine... it's probably more comfortable than a hotel bed anyway" Logan laughed.

"True" Kendall said. His eyes half asleep as he slouched in to the sofa. He then stood up again, reaching for his rucksack. "I'm just going to go to the toilet" he slurred. And made his way to the bathroom.

"I will see if there is another blanket for you upstairs" I said to Kendall who was now looking upstairs at our open plan mezzanine bedroom, his eyes rolled drunkingly about in his head as he stumbled to the toilet, he was really drunk. I hadn't seen him drink much wine.

This house wasn't meant for guests staying over. It was a show home for having sex in. That was pretty obvious.

The bedroom I shared with Logan on the mezzanine floor was beautiful, it overlooked the entire downstairs of the house with a glass paneled balcony at the top.

I found another blanket in one of the under bed drawers. I fell in to Logan as we passed on the stairs. I hadn't eaten enough to combat the amount of wine I had drunk.

"Ooh clumsy" Logan said as he grabbed a handful of my boob as he stopped me from falling on my face.

I giggled at him and gave him a passing kiss.

I gave the blanket to Kendall who was now out of the bathroom and went back up the stairs, fully managing to fall up them. Logan once again came to my rescue.

"Sheri Cooper! I do believe you are shit faced on wine" he laughed.

"Shhhhhhh" I said pressing my finger to his lips. "It's a secret" I laughed back.

Logan sat me on the bed. He switched the lights out plummeting the house in to darkness. The only source of light was coming from where James lay by the pool outside through 4 huge glass doors.

I saw Kendall on the sofa below us. His arm dangling over the edge of the seat he lay on. He looked pretty comatose himself.

"You want a hand with this Sheri?" Logan said pulling at my bikini top.

I looked up at him. Too drunk to be nervous but I still had enough wits about me to know what I was doing.

"You can help me with it if you like" I said with a smile.

"Sure?" Logan asked seriously. He had still never seen me fully naked and the furthest we had ever gone was the night we spent in the motel on the way to California.

"I'm sure logues" I replied.

On that go ahead Logan sat next to me on the bed, he kissed me and made full eye contact in the darkened house.

His hands pulled at my bikini strap and gently pulled it down my shoulder. He did the same to the other side, freeing my arms from the straps.

I layed down on the bed as Logan followed and kissed my skin. He slowly removed my breasts from my bikini, exposing them to his sights for the first time.

He rubbed his thumb over one, making my nipple erect from his touch.

"Sheri your fucking beautiful" he said before placing it in his mouth.

A light sound of pleasure left my mouth as I enjoyed his lips on my breasts. As I lay there I couldn't help but think that Logan was too good at this to of not done it before.

I shut that vision from my mind as soon as it entered it.

My body was going insane with the feel of Logan all over it. He had worked his hands in to my underwear and slipped a finger inside me.

"That good?" He whispered. His face inches from mine.

"Uh huh" I agreed then bit my lip in an attempt to control myself.

Logan undid the ties at the side of my bikini underwear. Making me fully naked. He ran his hands over the length of my body as he kissed me.

"Logan... Logan" I whispered. Taking his chin in my hand so he had to look at me.

"Yeah?" He whispered back.

"I wanna do it..." I said making a brave grab for his dick.

Rejection then hit me as Logan practically leapt off of me.

"No Sheri... not like this, your drunk baby, you will regret it" he said passing me his tee shirt that I slept in.

"Logan... I want to" I said feeling teary.

Logan smiled at me. "The fact your almost crying is a big indicator that you are too drunk to make proper decisions. We will talk about it tomorrow okay... I'm not taking advantage of you Sheri. I love you. I know marriage and sex is a huge deal for us... don't get upset baby" he reasoned.

I snatched the tee shirt from him and pulled it over my head.

"Sheri I love you" he said.

"Love you too" I said sucking back at tears. Logan smiled at me and pulled me in to his arms.

"Let's try and sleep this off. You and James are gonna regret all that wine in the morning" he chuckled.

I closed my eyes as I snuggled in to him but my head spun. I didn't have to wait until morning to regret the wine. I think I waited about an hour before a sickness feeling took hold of me and I jolted up in bed.

"What's up" Logan mumbled as he woke up next to me.

"I think I'm gonna..." I started but clapped my hands over my mouth in a vain attempt to stop the sick from spewing out of me.

Instead of stopping it I somehow aided it to spray everywhere as I sat in the bed.

I got covered in it, the side of the bed got covered in it and the expensive rug on the floor by my feet took the brunt of it.

"Oh fuck! Sheri no! C'mon baby in the bathroom!" He said pulling me to my feet and helping me downstairs to the bathroom. Once in there I collapsed down in front of the toilet and puked my guts up.

Logan rubbed my back as I dry heaved my now empty stomach in to the loo. Waves of sickness overwhelmed me.

"Oh fuck what is that smell?" I heard Kendall say with a sleepy voice as he walked towards the commotion.

"She is really ill... can you look after her while I try and sort upstairs out. There is sick everywhere!" Logan said in a mixture of worry and disgust.

"You want a glass of water Texas?" Kendall asked as Logan walked out of the room.

"Yeh please!" I said as I spat in to the toilet bowl.

Kendall walked out to the kitchen, I heard the tap run for a while then turn off. I flushed the toilet and sat on the floor resting my back against the bath. He walked back in and handed me the glass.

"I ran it so hopefully it's cold" he said.

"Thanks" I replied.

"Bit too much wine then? I had a feeling you were going to be ill. You should know your limit" Kendall said softly.

I took a sip from the water. "I've never drunk before to have a limit to work towards" I said bitterly.

"Oh... how old are you Texas?" He asked.

I rolled my eyes "my name is Sheri" I slurred angrily at him.

"Finally an introduction!" He said sarcastically. "How old are you Sheri?" He asked again.

"16" I replied.

"Oh right... explains a few things! What are you going to do about school? Your not allowed to drop out yet Little miss runaway" He said.

I glared at him. "Logan's looking in to it but I can't do much with out my dad needing to give permission... for him to give permission he would find out where we are... plus he wouldn't give permission for me to stay here and go to school so its best to just hide away... how old are you?" I asked.

"17" he replied.

"How are you getting round dropping out of school then?" I asked.

"I'm not getting round it. It helps that I am classed as being employed in the entertainment industry. All I have to do is four hours of study a day which is provided by the tv company... I'm covered" he said with a smile.

"Lucky you then huh" I said now looking at Logan's shirt that I wore, it was splattered in sick.

"I guess." He said with a smile.

"What did you mean when you said it 'explains a few things' when I told you I was 16?" I snapped.

Kendall chuckled. "Delayed reaction! I heard you and Logan earlier. He doesn't want to... do it" he smirked.

I scowled at Kendall.

"Hey it's cool.. none of my business" he then said.

"You know nothing about us" I hissed at him.

"I know... I know. But I know enough that Logan is going to get in to deep shit if you aren't placed in full time education soon." He said.

"What will happen to him?" I asked. My eyes wide.

"I'm not sure exactly but I know If they find you and you refuse to go back to your Dads they will probably put you in care" he said as Logan walked in the door.

"Is that true?" I asked Logan.

"Technically yes, but that is never going to happen to you. I would rather keep running than lose you like that" Logan said.

I started crying. An over reaction from the booze but for the first time since I had been in the care of Logan I felt he wasn't in control of anything.

"Look at us logues. Squatting in this house. Hardly any money left. How will we sort this out?" I sobbed.

Logan smiled at me. "First things first Sheri... Let's sober you up huh... and get you in a clean shirt!" He said holding his hand out to help me to my feet.

I nodded and stood up then fell in to Kendall.

"Shit... sorry" I slurred.

He laughed. "It's okay Texas"

I stumbled about. Logan placed me on the sofa. I changed my shirt while Kendall turned his back.

"Do you still love me Logan... I'm disgusting" I said, starting to cry again.

Logan chuckled.

"It's not funny!" I wailed in a high pitched voice.

"This is far from funny baby girl, but I love you so much... even when your a big pukey smelly mess" he smiled.

"I'm sorry" I cried.

"It's not your fault. I need to take better care of you. Letting you drink was dumb huh" he said still smiling.

"I guess... I'm so tired Logan" I said wanting to close my eyes and sleep it off.

"Let's get you back in to bed then huh. It's all nice and clean again" he said picking me up bridal style and carrying me up the stairs.

"Thanks for your help dude" Logan said to Kendall.

"Anytime." Kendall said as he got comfy back on the sofa.

Logan tucked me back up in bed and I pretty much fell straight to sleep.

* * *

**Chapter 9: Chapter 9**

* * *

It took me a few days to recover from my drunken night. I seriously had no clue how my father had managed to drink to oblivion every day.

Logan and I had spent the last few days in the company of Kendall, James and Carlos. We all clicked really well. Kendall had even taken it upon him self to try and find a way to get me in to school without having my dad find out.

"Texas, what about your mom? She could sign parental forms for you to enroll at school" Kendall asked as we lounged around in the beach house with Carlos. James was at another audition for a small part in a film.

"I haven't heard from her since I was little." I explained. "I can't even remember what she looked like.

"We could just get married" Logan said as he sat next to me on the huge cream sofa.

"Fuck man you are insane!" Carlos said.

"Why? It's inevitable anyway. I love her" Logan argued.

"You can't anyway, she is too young." Kendall said searching things through on his phone. "Even if you got as far to get in to a school without a parental signature being needed your dad would be notified when your new school contacted your old school when they check up on you... it's impossible Sheri... I'm sorry" he said.

I let out a sigh.

"What do we do Sheri?" Logan asked.

I slipped my hand in his. "We do nothing. I said I wasn't fussed about school. It's easier to run if my name isn't registered anyway" I said.

"But what about the florist thing? You still need schooling for that. Running your own business... Accounting... growing up!" Logan replied sounding upset with himself.

"Getting out of that house is more important logues. It was getting worse, you know it was. So don't you start feeling fucking sorry for yourself!" I snapped and stood up. I had heard enough. "If I hadn't of met you Logan fucking henderson then I would of ran away years ago. It's you that has kept me strong. So don't start with all this shit about fucking school" I raged.

Logan tried to grab my hand but I shrugged him away as I walked.

"Where are you going?" Logan asked sounding exasperated.

"I want some space!" I hissed and headed out the pool side door. I went to the bottom of the garden and left through the gate to the beach and sat down on the sand.

I felt so angry. I wiped at tears that spilled from my eyes.

I heard the gate go behind me and foot steps approach.

I looked at the ocean as the tide came in.

"I'm sorry I snapped... I love you. I just don't want to hold you back" I said.

"It's a bit soon in our friendship to talk about love" came the unfamiliar voice.

I turned around to see Kendall towering over me.

"Sorry I thought you were Logan" I sniffed.

"Nope! he is in there crying more than you" Kendall chuckled. "I take it this is your first arguement?" He asked as he sat down next to me.

I nodded my head. "He doesn't realise what he does for me. It annoys me that he feels he fails all the time" I sniffed.

"Texas, I hardly know anything about you two, but from what I have seen Logan is trying to be your boyfriend, your friend and your guardian. He is a smart guy but I think he is figuring out that it's hard looking after you." Kendall explained.

"But I don't want him to look after me like that... I'm not a child!" I moaned.

"Sheri, yes you are." He said softly.

"So what are you saying? This is all wrong. I shouldn't of gone with him?" I said wiping more tears away.

"No that's not what im saying. I'm saying that both you guys are in this brand new situation and Logan has taken on this superman role of trying to keep your heads above water... He is failing Sheri. You might not see it because you love him so much but your running out of money and have no place to live. Now something as simple as going to school is impossible" Kendall said trying to reason.

"I don't know what to do for the best Kendall" I cried.

Kendall put his arm around my shoulders in an attempt to console me.

"It will get figured out Sheri... don't beat yourself up over one argument" he said.

I smiled at the kind words this practical stranger was offering. "Your really sweet. I bet you have a million girls queuing at your door back in Kansas" I said wiping my eyes for what I hoped to be the final time.

"No, there was only one" he said.

"Awww you have a girl back home? Bet you miss her. Are you taking it in turns to travel to each other?" I asked now realising I spoke a lot about myself but knew hardly anything about Kendall.

"No... No, she... she broke up with me the day I left Kansas. She said we were too young to get bogged down in a crappy long distance relationship" he said sadly.

"I'm sorry" I replied.

Kendall shrugged. "I guess that's why I wanted to help you and Logan. Least he is fighting with everything he is worth to keep you" he said chucking sand in to the distance angrily.

"What was her name?" I asked.

"Kenzie... well Mackenzie... she was my life for an entire year" he said now looking at his feet.

"Did you love her?"

"Completely" he replied. "I guess she didn't feel the same. Couldn't be fucked with the wait and the travel and the..." he sighed as he forced himself to stop talking, then pulled his wallet out and showed me a picture of kenzie.

I smiled at it. Kendall looked completely loved up in the picture, and kenzie was extremely pretty as she sat on his lap in a garden.

"She is beautiful" I said honestly.

"Yeah she is... maybe one day things will work out... maybe doing this will make her think I'm cool again" he said sounded defeated.

I gave Kendall a small smile. "Thanks for coming out here to cheer me up"

"That's cool... secretly I think it was an excuse to tell you all my problems. It's easier talking to a girl about love and... stuff" he grinned.

"Your the sweetest person I've met Kendall. She was silly to let you go. As long as I'm about I'm always gonna be there for the stranger that agreed to give me a lift from the gas station" I smiled.

"Thanks Texas!" Kendall said now calling me my nick name again that the serious chat was over.

"I'm gonna go hug it out with Logan" I said standing up.

Kendall nodded. "I will be right behind you. Just gonna check this view out for a bit" Kendall replied looking like he was about to open the flood gates on his own tears he held in for his ex girlfriend and whatever else it was that was getting him down.

I patted him on the shoulder as I walked in to the gate, as I reached the pool I heard him crying. I did want to go back but felt that Kendall wanted some time alone so walked in the beach house to see my own logie bear red eyed and upset.

Carlos looked up at me with the look to say thank God your back! He then made himself scarce in the kitchen.

"Logues come here" I said pulling him in to me as I sat next to him.

"Fuck Sheri, what's happening to us huh?" He said getting emotional again.

"Nothing is happening to us apart from we are just getting serious that's all. Life is throwing us some challenges. Logan as long as you love me nothing bad can happen to us" I replied.

"I just dont know what to for the best... for us both." He said with fresh tears spilling down his face.

"It will get sorted logues... no point in worrying about things we can't control" I explained.

"I honestly don't want your dreams to disappear because we followed mine" he said looking so deeply in to my brown eyes I could almost see his soul.

"Logan... stop it" I said giving him a shove just as his phone rang and Kendall walked back in to the house.

I gathered cass was being sneaky by using a different number as Logan did answer his phone but let out a big sigh when he realised it was Cassandra.

Kendall looked like he had cried a river.

"You okay" I whispered to Kendall.

"Yeh... maybe we could have a chat later... I need to talk to someone Texas... it's eating me up" he said trying his best to keep his back to Carlos who was still in the kitchen to hide his red eyes.

"Yeah course" I agreed nodding my head, wondering what the hell was now going on in Kendalls head. He was an emotional guy. Definitely wore his heart on his sleeve. He wasn't cut out for heart break I had decided.

I then turned back to Logan who looked like he wasn't cut out to be talking to Cassandra right now. He had tears just falling from his face trying to reason with her.

"Give me the phone logie" I said quietly but sternly.

Logan sucked in a big teary breath as he looked up at me. He handed the phone over without a word to Cass.

I had seriously had enough now. As I lifted the phone to my ear I looked around at the people in the room. Logan in bits feeling like he was a failure, Carlos hiding out in the kitchen scared to reveal any emotion that might make him seem less manly and Kendall who had the weight of something terrible on his shoulders. It was then I snapped. It wasn't me that needed looking after... it was the boys.

I had to look after these boys while we were all stuck out here alone... we were in this together.

"Logan? You there?" I heard Cassandra say from the cell phone.

"It's Sheri... L...logan doesn't wish to talk to you at the moment" I stammered out trying to sound in control even though my insides were terrified.

"Sheri... you need to come back" was all she replied to me.

"Going back isn't an option for us" I said hearing my voice sound slightly more in control.

"No its a very big option for Logan. Your ruining his life" she snapped.

"You can think that cassandra. You can think what the hell you like but I'm the only one listening to Logan about what he actually wants from his life! Your too concerned that I've ruined your life by taking him away from you" I bit back at her.

She laughed hard at me down the phone. "I find it amusing that a little girl like you thinks your actually going to keep him" she retorted.

I took in a deep breath. "I appreciate that your finding this difficult but Im not an idiot Cassandra. I do realise that without Logan you never get your hands on his mother's equestrian centre... I think you need to re-evaluate your own life and stop interfering with Logans!" I replied. I hung the phone up but heard the words "screw you" come from cassandras mouth.

I looked up at the time, almost midday. It was Tuesday today. First day on set for the boys to begin rehearsals.

"Right guys this is what's happening. Logan get your ass in the shower. Sort your face out. Carlos you can drive Kendall to the studio, he isn't in a fit state... and Kendall..." I said walking over to him. I placed my hand on his wrist. "We will chat whatever is in your head to death later... just let it go for now. Concentrate on the job at hand" I said to which Kendall nodded.

I clapped my hands at Logan to say get your ass in that shower. I then made everyone something to eat before their big day on set. James turned up full of good moods and chit chat about his audition he had been for.

"What's wrong with everyone?" James asked as we both stood in the kitchen watching the others eat at the table by the pool.

"Lots of things but I think we are all finding it hard being in the real world" I explained.

"LA is tough. Definitely not for the faint hearted" he said looking at Kendall.

"Don't you think he has what it takes?" I asked.

James shrugged "he has the talent but he is too nice. He is going to get eaten alive out here" James replied.

"I think every one would seem a lot happier if we all had some permanent place to stay." I said looking at Kendall who was still scanning the paper for rented properties.

"Yeah that's true... I'm sleeping on my uncle's couch. It's killing my neck" he laughed rubbing his shoulder.

It was then that I had a brain wave.

"Why don't we all live together... split the rent!" I said out loud.

"Not just a pretty face are you Sheri" James replied smiling as he took a sip of his juice.

I smiled back at him. Glad he didn't think it was a ridiculous idea, we just had to convince every body else now...

* * *

**Chapter 10: Chapter 10**

* * *

The time arrived for us all to set off for the studio. I was tagging along for support and something to do. Logan didn't like to leave me alone in the beach house just incase some one came back. We always took our belongings and left the house as we found it so no one would suspect anything.

Once we arrived at the studio the guys sat back in the big room with the scripts in again. The producer of the show spoke to them and they all ran through what was going to happen.

The lady that played Kendalls mom in the show wasn't here today so I was roped in to reading her parts out. It was pretty fun.

After a while the guys up and left, leaving me to roam around in the background as they acted out scenes. All of them seemed to be having a blast.

I had Logan's rucksack in my hand. I felt the strap vibrate as his phone went off. I opened up the front zipper compartment to see who was trying to call him now.

It was Cass again. I looked up at Logan who was far too busy to notice me scanning through his cell. I rejected the call and placed it back in the zipper pocket of the bag. Just as I was doing the zip up I felt the phone vibrate again. This time was shorter. I put my hand back in to pick the cell up and find a text message had arrived.

I shouldn't of read it without asking but I did.

"I miss you so much lo'" it said.

I sighed angrily...seriously!? Why did she miss him so much. It didn't make any sense to why she was so hooked on him.

I looked up to Logan. He was currently on James's back having a pretend fight.

I saw Kendall having a chat with the make up lady about the best approach to cover up his bruised face.

No one was looking at me so I looked at the phone and text "why?" Back to Cassandra. I wanted to know why she missed him so much. I deserved to know why she was obsessed with him.

A few moments later the phone vibrated again.

"u no y Logan! Ive never stopped loving u. Not since the day we made love. If it wasn't 4 that sherry girl we wud be the ones 2gether. It wont last wit her. Come home... Plz" in my shock the phone slipped from my hand and fell to the floor with a bang.

I froze for a fraction of a second taking in the news that it was cass that Logan had lost his virginity to. They had a history! They had kissed, touched... had sex!

"Here you go" James said as he approached, picked the cell up and handed it back to me.

"Thanks" I whispered as I shoved it back in the zipper pocket.

James grabbed his bottle of water that was sat in a chair next to me and downed some of it.

"You okay sheri? You look like you have seen a ghost" James said looking concerned.

I looked over to Logan who was talking through a scene with some people I didn't know.

I nodded "yeah.. Yeah im fine" I lied.

I was far from fine. I felt sick to the stomach knowing it was her logan lost it to.

"Okay... you want some water?" James asked passing me his bottle.

I smiled at him. He was really lovely. "Thanks" I replied taking the bottle from him and having a couple of swigs.

"No problem" James replied with an amazing smile.

It made me giggle purely because he was stupidly good-looking but my laugh made Kendall looked at me.

He gave me a small smile then looked away, but not before giving me a second quick glance.

"How's it going up there?" I asked James trying to steer his attention away from myself.

"It's good fun. Can't wait to start filming... you sure your okay?" He asked again not falling for my plan.

I looked up at James and tried to stop a giggle coming out as his eyebrows were raised high as if he were concerned. His eyes not quite as dark as Logan's but beautiful all the same.

"I'm fine!" I laughed out in the most ridiculous girly way. I wasn't used to the cool guys taking an interest in my well being... and James must of been one of the coolest guys at his school.

James smirked at me. "I don't believe you but okay... when are we saying about this house sharing idea?" He asked with terrible timing as Logan was walking up to us and over heard him.

"House sharing?" Logan repeated.

I just stared at Logan, trying to imagine him having a relationship with cass. Wondering if he used to love her. Wondering if he often thought about there sexual encounter.

"Well Sheri had the idea... but it would be cheaper if we shared" James clarified as I just stared at Logan trying to collect my thoughts.

"The 5 of us?" Logan asked James.

"Yeah I guess" James replied. "Would be a laugh... we all get along and would get you and sheri out of the beach house" he added.

Logan nodded thinking it over. I still just looked at him wondering if he had seen cass completely naked or if it was just a quick fumble. I wondered where it had taken place. I felt sick as the stable crept in my mind. I tried to cast my mind back to remember what Logan had told me but all I do remember is him feeling full of regret.

"Yeah makes sense I guess... it's worth looking in to" Logan agreed. "Sheri you okay?" He said looking at me with a puzzled look on his face.

"Yeah fine" I lied with a reassuring smile.

Logan placed his hand on my forehead to check for a temperature. "You look ... unwell" Logan said, finally settled on the best choice of word.

"I'm fine logues... promise" I smiled taking his hand and giving it a kiss.

Both him and James were then called back to the scene they were rehearsing.

"If you want to go back to the beach house for a lie down then I can call a cab baby" Logan said quickly.

"I'm fine... " I insisted.

Logan kissed my forehead then went back to work.

I got his phone back out of the bag and deleted the message I sent and the reply cass had sent me. I just wish my memory had the same option.

I sat and watched Logan do his scene with James.

Next to come bother me was Kendall and the guy who showed us around from Saturday.

"Sheri you remember Michael?" Kendall said gesturing to the man.

I looked up at the fair haired man, he was nearing his forties and had a serious look on his face.

"Yeah of course... ummm.. is it a problem me being here. I said to Logan I shouldn't of come" I rambled out. Feeling I was in trouble and getting in the way.

"No, its fine your here. Basically... Well im the casting director and we have a role that needs to be filled asap. Kendall was telling me that you would be perfect and after your efforts this morning I think he may be right" Michael said.

"You want me to have a part in the show?" I asked.

"Let's go somewhere quieter and talk it through" Michael said gesturing with his hand towards the door.

As I stood up I saw Logan see me walk out with Kendall and micheal. He gave me the look to say "what's going on?" I smiled back at him to say all was fine.

Michael led Kendall and I in to a small office space.

"How old are you Sheri?" Michael asked grabbing a pencil from a pot and getting ready to write.

"Erm... I'm sixteen..." I replied watching him write it down.

"Okay good. What's your full name?" He then asked.

"Sheri Cooper" I replied getting nervous.

Michael smiled at me. "Do you think your cut out for fame Sheri?" He asked.

I wasn't sure what my answer should be to this. "Well that's your job to tell me I guess" I finally said.

Michael smiled further. "Read this out... with Kendall!" He clarified and passed us both some scripts.

I got a shock when I realised this was actually happening but Kendall and I read the script out.

"Brilliant!" Michael said before we had finished.

"That was okay?" I replied looking between Michael and Kendall.

Kendall smiled and nodded at me.

"The part is yours if you want it Sheri" Michael said.

My mouth just hung open. "B..but I can't go on camera looking like this" I said pointing at my still bruised face.

"Well your character doesn't make an appearance just yet. You wouldn't film anything for another 3 weeks. I'm hoping you would be looking normal by then" Michael said now scanning my face.

I nodded.

"Mike would it be okay if I had a little chat with Sheri, I think she is a bit nervous" Kendall said smiling.

"Sure! I will grab us some drinks. Be back in five" he said standing up and leaving the room.

"Are you insane! I can't do this! Why did you say I was perfect for the part?" I hissed at Kendall.

"You can do this Sheri.. but listen this is the answer to all your problems!" Kendall reasoned.

"No its not, it's the beginning of them, I don't think Logan will find it amusing you personally asked for me to play jo!" I snapped.

"I think Logan will love the fact that by playing jo you get to carry on your schooling right here with James and I, and get to bring money home so you can get your ass out of that beach house." He explained with a grin.

My face softened as I realised how far he had gone out of his way to think of a solution to Logan and mines problem.

"Kendall..." was all I could think of to say as a way of thanks.

Kendall smiled. "Do the part Sheri" he replied.

"James and I thought we could all move in together... to save money" I babbled out just as Michael walked in with a huge tray which contained drinks and a black folder.

Kendall looked at me and cocked his head at my revelation of us all moving in together. He smiled as Michael placed the tray on the table in front of us.

"What did we decide? Do we have our jo?" Michael asked.

I looked at Kendall, "it's your choice Sheri" he replied...

* * *

**Chapter 11: Chapter 11**

* * *

"I would love to take the part... thank you!" I replied to Michael.

"Excellent! I have a few forms to fill out and your contract. I'm guessing your not local seeing as your with Logan" Michael said looking up at me.

"No, Texas" I replied.

"Okay... " Michael said getting his pencil and paper out again. "You will be needed on set during the day so it will interfere with your schooling, we usually recommend that you study 4 hours a day here with a qualified tutor that we supply... what school are you enrolled at here?" He asked me ready to write it down.

I looked at Kendall. "Errr... im... at..." I tried to think of a name to make up.

"She is home schooled!" Kendall said hardly believing his own good idea that had come out of his mouth. "Her dad home schooled her in Texas but Sheri hasn't found a suitable tutor here yet" Kendall continued spreading the pretty convincing bull shit further out of his mouth.

"Oh I see. So who is your guardian here in California Sheri? We will need a signature from an adult for the contract" Michael concluded.

"My guardian is Logan..." I said quietly.

"Logan?" Michael asked looking sceptical, I'm sure he was on to our lies and knew something wasn't quite right.

"Yeah my mom isn't around and my dad just got offered a job away... somewhere... it's not legal but my dad is happy for Logan to take care of me... beats being on my own in Texas" I said feeling myself get hot from my lies.

"Okay... Well we will need your dad to sign this Sheri, we need a legal guardian to do it... not Logan" Michael said, he winced his eyes to check my reaction.

I placed my hand on the contract and slid it over to me. "That's fine, he is coming to visit on Friday... can it wait that long?" I said casually, impressed with my lies.

Michael nodded. "That's perfect!" He replied.

I smiled and looked at Kendall.

"You will need to fill this in... oh and that one" Michael said pulling out more papers from his folder... bring them back to me once your dad has signed them... here is your copy of the script... you and Kendall will be spending a lot of time together" he added with a smile as he handed over the script to me.

"Give me a call if you need to know anything he said now writing his cell number on the top of the script. If you carry on turning up with Logan then I will chat things through when it's time. Learn your lines... Kendall is a great guy to learn from. He has been in the game for a while" Michael said gathering his things up once again as he hurried through his speech.

I nodded at him as I listened. Michael then made his excuses and left.

"That was easy" Kendall grinned killing me once again with his dimples.

"Oh my god... I'm an actress!" I screeched out.

"You are... this is gonna be great" Kendall said giving me a celebratory hug.

"Do you think my dad will find out about all this?" I asked as I pulled out of his warm body.

"No I think we will be fine... your free Sheri, we can just forge the signature easy!" Kendall smiled.

Logan walked in the room after rapping a gentle knock.

"You okay? Mike just patted me on the back and said your on board?! On board of what?" He asked.

"The show... I've got a part on the show, which means I can study again... you did it Logan... you rescued me and now everything is working out for us" I said excitedly.

"Seriously?" Logan replied. He didn't seem happy

"Yeah... I thought it was a great idea. Two incomes!" I reasoned.

"It is good... what if your dad sees you though. It's risky enough with me in the show." Logan said explaining his fears.

"I doubt my dad will ever watch Nickelodeon logues" I laughed.

"True... how come Kendall had to come in with you in here" Logan asked looking at the both of us.

"I was needed to test read the script with her" Kendall said quickly. Not letting Logan in on the fact it was all his idea.

"Oh cool... so what part did you get?" Logan then asked smiling.

"I got the part of jo... Kendalls... soon to be girlfriend" I smirked.

"Ah Christ I feel sorry for you... you have to kiss it" Logan joked pulling a disgusted face at Kendall.

"I promise no tongues" Kendall laughed.

"Okayyyy. On that note lets get some lunch Sheri, im starved" Logan said in a jokey way. I wasn't sure if he found it odd or not.

Logan drove us to a small restaurant nearby for lunch he was quiet in the car, a definite atmosphere.

"Are you angry that I didn't talk it through with you about the part" I asked as we sat at a tiny table.

"No im not angry with you about anything baby... everything is perfect. I even spoke to Carlos about this moving in together thing. He said that he had seen a great place that had its own pool. He said he would phone the letting agent to see if we can look at it... fingers crossed this is it Sheri. This is us on our way to our dreams huh"

"Really that's amazing! Staying at the beach house makes me so nervous... why were you so quite in the car?" I asked not convinced that all was okay.

"Johnny text... he is worried about cass. Asked if I could have a proper chat with her to just... clear the air... I guess." He said.

I froze at the mention of her name. "Are you going to call her?" I eventually whispered out. My appetite had now died.

"No... she knows why I have gone. She knows who I'm with, she knows im not interested in her... plus its distressing you... I've seen your face every time she calls... we can do with out that" Logan said.

"Is not calling her to see if she is okay distressing you though baby?" I asked knowing how nice a person Logan is and that he must be finding this situation hard.

"Sheri out here its not about me, or you... it's us! We do what's best for us. Leaving Cass to cry herself to sleep for a few nights is worth it if it helps us" he said.

I nodded. "Logan.. why is cassandra so... attached to you?" I asked as I sipped at the tall glass of coke in front of me. I kind of hoped that he would just tell me the truth this time.

"We used to be close. She just doesn't like it that she can't control me" he said. My heart sank a little bit.

"Exactly how close were you?" I probed, giving him the huge invite to just tell me.

"We just grew up together... Me, Johnny and cass... she just doesn't like change. She developed a crush on me and it never went away I guess" he explained.

"Did you ever date?" I asked.

"No Sheri... no we never dated... look its time to get back to the studio." He said.

"Logan..." I began in a soft voice, about to admit my snooping on his phone.

"Yeah?" He replied looking up with his big brown eyes that adored me.

"...I... I love you logues" I left it at.

"Love you more Sheri" he smiled. "Come on lets get going" he added.

We made our way back to the studio. I spent another 4 hours watching various scenes being acted out. I actually had a song entitled "the giant turd song" stuck in my head. James kept singing it right in my face once he realised it irritated me, all I could do in return was giggle ridiculously from the attention of the good looking boy.

We left the studio at around seven.

"Today went so quick... I can't wait until your part of it Sheri" Logan said enthusiastically as we drove back home.

"Me either, having something to do will be great, I think I've read every magazine the world has to offer today" I joked.

Logan's phone rang as it sat in the centre dash. The screen lit up with Cassandras name highlighted as the caller.

I looked away from the phone that Logan wasn't going to answer and stared out of the window not knowing what to say anymore. This was just stupid now. Surely Logan must realise its more than a crush she has... I wonder if they had sex more than once? What if they had slept together while I was with Logan too? Obviously I was only 14 when Logan and I got together... fuck! What if Logan is scared of getting caught out... maybe that's why he won't tell me the truth.

I took a big sigh in trying to control emotional tears that threaten to leave me.

"Oh fuck!" Logan said as he turned the corner.

I moved my gaze from my window to what Logan had sworn at... police! Police parked up in the beach house.

"Shit Logan what's going on?" I said in a panic as Logan casually just drove away from the house.

"Fuck! I think we have been evicted baby. Someone must of come by and saw the window? I don't know... fuck... what are we gonna do Sheri?" He said pulling in to a local supermarket. He turned the engine off and slumped his head on to his steering wheel.

I didn't know what to say. Logan looked angry, upset, annoyed, and like he had let me down.

I stayed silent for several minutes until I heard Logan take in a staggered crying breath.

His arms now folded on the steering wheel and his face buried in them.

"Logan..." I whispered. "Logues it's okay" I said rubbing his back with my hand.

He looked up from his position. Clearly upset. "We have no where to stay Sheri. It's not okay... it's fucked!" He said crying even more.

I took him in my arms. "We still have a roof over our heads though with the car. We will be sharing with the guys soon... it's not the end of the world Logan" I assured him.

He wiped his face. "Fuck... you must think I'm a right pussy. Crying all the fucking time." He said with a saddened laugh.

"No... I think you miss home and worry too much" I replied.

Logan smiled at me. "I'm so lucky to have you Sheri" he replied just as the heavens opened and rain began pouring down.

I looked out the window and smiled as I turned back to Logan "im so lucky you have a car to sleep in" I laughed.

Logan chuckled rubbing his eyes. "The back seat had never looked so good huh" he laughed.

We spent our evening watching random things on you tube. First of all my phone battery died then by half ten Logan's died. We had no car charger so would have to wait until we got to the studio to charge up tomorrow.

Logan moved the car to the back of the parking lot, next to a row of trees. Hopefully no one would notice we were in here.

We stayed in our clothes. As we got comfy and very cosy on the small back seat of Logan's car. It was a squash as I lay down in Logan's arms listening to the rain out side.

"We will laugh about this one day Logan" I said as I kissed him on the cheek.

"I hope so" he whispered.

The night went slowly with very little sleep. My back ached from not being able to stretch my legs out properly. My arm went dead from leaning on the same side, not being able to turn and I was freezing cold. I just lay with my eyes shut though. Not wanting to let Logan in on the knowledge of how painfully uncomfy I was.

"Sheri..." Logan finally whispered.

I pretended to wake up. "What's up baby?" I replied in a pretend sleepy voice.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Sure" I lied.

"Your shivering... you feel like ice baby!" He said feeling my bare arms. I only had a short sleeved top on with my leggings.

"It is a bit cold" I admitted.

Logan shuffled about and wrapped me completely in to his body to try and warm me up.

"Your freezing baby... this is ridiculous!" He said now getting up and turning the radio on to check the time before turning it off again. "It's only just gone 4am" he sighed to himself then grabbed his bag from the footwell.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I watched him searching through his bag.

"Trying to warm you up! Put this on... and this" he said pulling out his jogging bottoms and a thick jumper.

I gladly pulled them on over my clothes. Logan sat up at the end of the back seat. He leaned my head down on his lap like a pillow, giving my body more room to turn. He stroked my hair.

My body ached from cold and shivering, Logan tried his best to rub my skin to get some heat running through me. After twenty minutes and me still feeling like an ice block Logan turned the car on and put the heaters on full whack.

My body relaxed once it had warmed slightly. I drifted in to sleep.

When I woke up I was completely laid across the back seat. I had Logan's jacket over me, and some other items of clothing over my legs and feet. I was roasting hot now with a major headache.

My eyes hurt as I looked at Logan asleep in the front seat.

"Logues... what's the time?" I croaked out. My throat felt sore.

Logan woke up and switched the radio on to check the time.

"Fuck"

"Fuck" we both said together.

We were an hour late for the studio.

Logan turned the engine on once I had climbed in to the front seat and buckled in.

He cursed and huffed his way to the studio through rush hour, while I curled in to a ball feeling like crap with the beginning of flu.

* * *

**Chapter 12: Chapter 12**

* * *

I made my self at home on a section of three cushioned chairs once we got to the studio. I felt terrible, my head pounded, my eyes watered and I was cold one second to being scolding hot and sweating the next.

My neck hurt from the funny angle a slept in the car and all I wanted to do was go to sleep. I lay down on the three seats and closed my eyes. I still wore Logan's sweater and jogging bottoms from the night before.

I couldn't sleep really but the noise in the back ground soon turned to a drone. I couldn't tell if they were memories or dreams that had flooded in to my mind. But my father was hitting me. I woke up smacking Kendall in the arm in defense as he tried to gently shake me awake. I thought he was my dad.

My breathing was staggered from the shock and I was dripping in sweat from my temperature.

"Sheri.. it's just me" Kendall said softly as he crouched down by my side. "You were talking in your sleep... you sounded scared" he added.

I rubbed my face, I had the shivers again now. I squinted as I looked at Kendall the studio lights hurting my eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't mean to hit you... I was having a bad dream" I explained.

"Sheri you look awful.. you feeling okay?" He said.

"Think I have flu... Logan and I lost the beach house, the police where there... we had to sleep in the car" I said gulping down at my sore dry throat.

Kendall gave me a small sad smile. "I wondered where you had got to. I was hoping to have that chat... I tried calling your cell" he reminded me.

"Oh fuck... Kendall I'm so sorry. Logan was upset and pissed off... our batteries ran out. I'm sorry I completely forgot" I said feeling like my head was going to explode.

"It's cool... where are you staying tonight?" He asked.

"The car again" I said with regret. "We need every dollar for a deposit on whatever house we all get, can't afford a hotel"

Kendall just stared at me for a bit.

"Sheri you look like shit, you can't sleep in a car" he said softly.

I shrugged. I didn't have another choice. I noticed Logan looking weary as he practiced a scene with Carlos. James was looking over at Kendall and I.

"What were you dreaming about sher bear?" James mocked as he walked over. "Heard all this moaning and groaning coming from you... dreaming about me again huh?!" He said sarcastically.

"Dude shut the fuck up" Kendall said bluntly to James.

"I dreamt I was being hit... by my dad... I'm never going to be free from him am I" I said looking up to James as he towered over me. I still lay on the three seats. His face turned instantly from fun James to serious james.

"I'm sorry Sheri" he said eyeing over my pale looking face, I pulled Logan's jumper tighter around me. "You sick?" He asked me.

"I don't feel great, no" I replied.

"You want me to get you some meds? There is a chemist not far" James insisted.

"Don't be silly, I will be fine. I just need some sleep." I replied feeling my eyelids were so heavy.

Logan came over with a blanket he had got from somewhere and placed it over me.

"Let her sleep...I heard his soft beautiful voice say. I gave him a smile just before my eyelids became too heavy to keep open.

I drifted off again hearing the soft voice of my boyfriend ask Kendall for a favour, but my mind was too exhausted to stay awake to find out what it was.

The dreams you experience when feeling unwell are always so vivid and colorful... mine were disturbing. The tiredness from my sleepless night before made my dream world mix with reality. I dreamt I was being carried away by Logan. He carried me away as I lay lifeless in his arms. As I saw what he was carrying me away from as my head hung over his arms, I saw my father looking in shock towards me... towards my lifeless body. I saw Logan pouring with tears as he carried me bridal style away from the man who had hurt me.

It was then I heard "no... no... Sheri..." come from Logan's mouth and I realised I was dead. My father had gone berserk this time... I was dead. I tried shouting out to Logan as he carried me but he just cried.

"Sheri... Sheri! Wake up!" I heard as I snapped my mind back to a state of consciousness.

Again I woke with a scare. The dream I just had too real... it played in my mind still as I realised it was infact just a dream.

I looked up to find James was carrying me, not Logan!

"Hey..." he said softly as he looked down at me in his arms. I felt like a rag doll.

"Why are you carrying me? Where... where's Logan?" I asked wearily. Still not feeling any better.

"I will explain all in a minute. The lift was out... had to walk up 4 flights of stairs with you" he smiled as I realised he was indeed, walking up stairs carrying me.

James didn't even put me down when he reached a locked door. He gracefully unlocked it with a set of jingling keys and used his foot to close it once he was in.

He seemed momentarily lost as he weaved through rooms until he found what he was looking for, and ever so gently placed me on a bed. He threw the covers over me as I began to shiver again from the cold sheets.

James tucked me completely in as my body trembled.

"Where are we?" I asked "can I get a drink James. My mouth is so dry" I asked.

James caught his breath as he sat on the edge of the bed from his flight of stairs work out.

"Sure..." he said with a smile then left me alone. He came back moments later with a glass of water.

"Thanks!" I said as I sat up taking the water. My entire body ached. "Is this your place?" I asked.

James looked around the room and shook his head. "No Kendalls hotel room... Logan said you had no place to go so asked if you could rest up here. You've been really ill Sheri. Your temperature was fucking nuts at the studio. We couldn't even wake you up. Scott stopped rehearsals for the day because Logan kept checking on you." He explained.

"Where is Logan then?" I whispered.

"Well once it came out that you guys had no place to stay and spent the night in the car, one of the crew said his brother is renting somewhere out... large enough for all of us. Logan, Kendall and Carlos have gone to check it out. If they like it then we might get the keys today..." he finished.

"Sounds amazing... I couldn't stomach the car again" I replied resting my empty glass on the bedside table of Kendalls hotel room. I lay back down, the pillow of Kendalls bed smelt like him.

I liked it, it was pleasant. I could smell the light scent of his hair gel.

"Did you want anything to eat?" James asked.

"I don't really fancy anything, thanks though" I replied feeling done in already and wanting more sleep.

"You should really eat something Sheri... it will make you feel better... when did you last eat?" He asked.

"Not since yesterday" I admitted.

James nodded. "Okay well I will fill this up again and go get us both a sandwich or something" James said taking my empty glass.

"Thanks James... it's nice knowing such new people in my life can be so caring" I said as I got ready to sleep again.

James smiled. "I only do it for the pretty girls" he smirked.

James left me with fresh water. He put his cell number in my phone that Logan must of charged for me. "Call me if you feel really bad... I will come straight back if you need me to"

I nodded and he left. It only took me a few moments to fall back in to a dream world filled with terror and fear. This time it was cass that was causing the fear. Logan was with her. I saw them kiss. I tried talking to Logan but he didn't want to know me. This dream Logan was nasty and had no feelings for me.

The dream lasted far too long.

I woke up naturally realising my head ache had gone. James was sat in a chair looking at me in an amused way.

"Not sure I want to live with you if you talk in your sleep so much he said passing me a sandwich.

"Sorry... I think it's coz im unwell. Keep having horrible dreams. I'm pretty sure I don't do it normally." I said unwrapping the sandwich from the packet.

"Who is this cass chic then? She the girl that keeps calling Logan? You were mumbling her name" James said.

I sighed. "Yeah she keeps calling him... I found out yesterday that he has slept with her... I pretended to be Logan and text her... she replied that she had been in love with him since the day they made love... how do I compete with that... Logan and I have never done it... I wanted to wait until after marriage... what do I do James?" I panicked still with the dream fresh in my mind.

"I kind of got the impression you guys were at it" James replied. "I didn't realise you were in to religion... I'm Jewish" he revealed.

I wouldn't of had you down for Jewish... I'm not religious James I just wanted to keep something special for when we are married. I'm scared that if we don't have anything to look forward to we will split up. My parents split up, Logan's parents split up... I can't lose him" I said tearfully.

James chuckled. "Sheri not sleeping with Logan isn't going to stop him leaving. Him being in love with you will stop him leaving.. sex is sex Sheri. Having sex just expresses how you feel" he said.

"What are you saying then? He loved cass to have sex with her?" I asked confused.

"No im saying if you can't beat them... join them." He replied.

"You think I should seduce Logan? Im not sure he will let me" I confessed. Knowing full well that Logan admired and respected my choices to wait until we married.

"Sheri trust me, lay it on thick. He won't resist you for long... how well do you know Kendall?" He then asked out of the blue.

"Same as you I guess. He is a really nice guy. Has a few troubles regarding his ex I think, he seems to have a lot on his mind... why do you ask?" I queried.

"I wasn't snooping but while you were sleeping I ate my sandwich but knocked my drink over my shirt... I thought I would borrow one of Kendalls but found this!" He said holding out an A4 sized leather zipped wallet.

"What is it?" I asked.

James unzipped it and revealed a selection of hyperdermic needles.

"Skag bag! Schmidt's on drugs Sheri!" James said raising his eyebrows.

I looked at the needles in the wallet. I was completely taken aback. I didn't want anything to do with this. I didn't want to be involved in a world of drugs. A drunken memory came back to me of when Kendall took his ruck sack in to the toilet with him at the beach house the night I was sick from wine.

"Is it wise him moving in with us?" I asked James.

James shrugged. "There's no btr with out him, just keep your distance Sheri" he advised.

I nodded thinking I had no desire to want to know what it was Kendall wanted to talk about with me.

* * *

**Chapter 13: Chapter 13**

* * *

I was sat with James watching the small hotel tv when Logan and Kendall returned.

I still wore Logan's sweats and looked terrible but I didn't care. I felt better but didn't want to waste the energy trying to look decent.

"Hey baby. You look better!" Logan said as he squashed himself next to me on the small sofa.

"I missed you" I said giving him a kiss. I caught James' eye. He raised one of his eye brows to say 'can't beat them join them' so I decided to begin operation 'seduction'. I turned my kiss in to something special and gently brushed my hand over his dick. I felt it twitch in his pants.

Logan pulled away. The happy glint in his eye he gave me as we shared our private moment in a room full of people.

"You did miss me huh" he smiled. "How you feeling?" He asked, once again placing his hand on my head which was now a normal temperature.

"Loads better. Just want to curl up with you and... relax" I smiled. "James said about a house? How did that go?" I asked.

Logan pulled a sad face.

My heart sank as I thought of another night in the car.

Logan then produced a set of keys and gave me a brilliant smile. "We got it!" He beamed.

I looked at him, James and Kendall who was slouched up against the wall and smiled.

"This is it then. Oh my god... when can we move in?" I practically screamed.

"Well you and I are in tonight. Kendalls coming tonight, Carlos will be moving in at the weekend...James?" Logan said turning to James.

"I can be in by tomorrow. Just need to pack my stuff from my uncle's... what about beds and stuff?" He asked.

"Dude its fully furnished. Plus the guy is only making us put down half the deposit. It's pretty much perfect" Kendall said to him.

I looked at Kendall and gave him a small smile. Being honest he scared me slightly now. I didn't know how to act with someone who takes drugs.

I looked him over closer. He looked pretty rough to be honest. Like he was coming down off of something.

I turned to James. We shared the unspoken look that said junkie as we both summed up kendalls appearance.

"Well I best get going... it's been fun Sheri... thanks for the... work out!" James said with a wink.

Logan looked at me with his own one raised eye brow for an explanation.

"He carried me up four flights of stairs" I explained to which Logan nodded with a smile at James' silly game he played with me of flirting.

"Thanks for looking after her man. It's appreciated" Logan said.

"Any time dude," James replied as he got up and left after giving Kendall just a smile.

Logan pulled me off the sofa gently by my hands. "Let's get going Sheri. We will see you soon Kendall" Logan said with a smile.

"Yeah I will pack this crap up and be over... I'm glad your feeling better Sheri" he added.

"Thanks" I said so quietly it was barely audible.

Kendall looked at me as if he picked up on my frostyness.

"Come on logues. I can't wait to see it." I said looking lovingly up in to my handsome boyfriends eyes.

It took the best part of an hour and half to get to the house. Logan said we could car share to save on gas money with the guys.

I was a bit disappointed when I saw the out side of the house. It was mid terrace. The front garden was a mess and the house itself looked shabby.

"Just wait and see" Logan said as he saw the look on my face.

I slipped my hand in his and went up the path to the front door.

Once Logan had opened the door I was surprised. It had been newly decorated, the furniture was new. The kitchen was lovely, the lounge was comfortable, the garden was big enough for a bbq... no pool though.

The rooms upstairs were nice, Logan let me choose which we should take. I chose the one that over looked the garden. It also had a double wardrobe fitted in it which the other rooms didn't.

The bathroom was nice. Plain but clean. I opened up a door on the landing outside our new bedroom. Some stairs greeted me.

"Where does this lead?" I asked.

"The roof" Logan replied.

"Why would we want to go up to the roof?" I asked.

"It's flat up there... a few chairs to Sun bathe... take a look" Logan said smiling.

I went up the very narrow stairs and opened up another door that led us out on to the roof. That's when I saw it.

"Fuck! This is unreal!" I said as I looked at the bigger than average hot tub that sat up here.

"It's pretty cool huh. Can you imagine us all up here on the weekends partying... it's gonna be sick" Logan said laughing.

"It's great! Let's un pack and do that relaxing I mentioned earlier" I grinned.

Logan held my hand down the stairs and we went in to our room and unpacked our things which took us all of five minutes.

"Done!" Logan chuckled as he lay down on the bed.

I snuggled in next to him. "I love you Logan" I whispered giving him a kiss.

"Love you too. I'm glad you feel better. You looked like death this morning" he replied.

"Thanks!" I joked. "I think you should take this off" I said pulling his shirt up and kissing his stomach.

"Oh really! Your feeling a lot better aren't you" he smiled then pulled his shirt off.

I kissed along his chest and worked my way back down to his stomach before running my tongue along the waistband of his pants.

"Your so sexy Sheri" Logan whispered.

"I can be sexier" I replied flicking his fly open with my finger and thumb in one swift movement.

"Sheri..." Logan said in a half ass attempt to stop me.

I looked up to him. "What? I just want to look at it... touch it... you look and touch my parts, it's only fair." I smiled as I took his hand and placed it on my ass that was still covered by my leggings and Logan's jogging bottoms.

I felt Logan make a circular movement with his hand on my ass cheek. I took that as my go ahead to get his cock out... I was nervous and could feel my heart beating, trying to escape my chest. But James' words echoed in my head. "If you can't beat them, join them" I placed my hands in Logan's boxers and pulled out the python as he called it, or the loganator... or even the hendershaft I had heard him refer to it as.

But I pulled it out and had my first proper up close and personal look at it. I felt Logan's eyes on me. I didn't have a clue what to do with it now I had it in my hand.

It was big, slightly ugly but sexy all at the same time.

I looked up to Logan.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Yeah" I whispered. I gripped the entire thing with my hand, it was hard but soft all at the same time. I gently moved my hand up and down the entire length.

Logan let out a sexy groan as I touched him.

"Am I doing it right?" I asked shyly.

"Yeah it feels good baby." He replied.

"Show me where to put my hand... where does it feel nicest" I asked.

Logan looked at me, he was trying to be thoughtful but get a good jacking off at the same time.

He took my hand and placed it further up. "Its all about the tip" he said as he helped me get a good rhythm going.

I did as I was told like a good student and concentrated on what Logan showed me. He moved his head right back on the pillow as he lay on the bed.

The noises he made turned me on like never before. I slowed my pace then eventually stopped. Logan looked up for the problem but he smiled as he saw me take the jumper I had on, off. followed by my own t-shirt. I un clipped my bra and let Logan feel me.

I shimmied the sweat pants I wore down, followed by my leggings and underwear. I placed my hand back on Logans hardness and tugged away at him as he showed me. His hands wondered down my body as I crouched next to him. He lingered over my clit. Gently touching it.

He made me feel so amazing. I loved touching him while he touched me. It was amazing.

"Logan..." I said softly.

"Uh huh" he groaned as he enjoyed the senses of feel and touch.

"Do you have a condom?" I whispered.

On hearing those words Logan took his hand away from me and pulled his trousers back up fully, tucking himself away again.

"What? Sheri... we're not having sex" he practically hissed at me.

"I'm ready... I want to logues." I insisted.

"No.. no, I don't mind touching you, and you... doing that to me, but no, not sex... we've talked this over so much.. No Sheri" he said.

I smiled at him and got his dick back out.

"Sheri..." Logan whispered.

"I just wanna play with it, is that okay?" I smirked.

Logan exhaled a huge breath and nodded.

"I want it inside me logues" I whispered.

Logan just shook his head as he enjoyed my touch.

"I'm ready to do it Logan" I replied.

"No your not" Logan hushed out.

I straddled Logan. My naked body hovering so close to what I wanted.

"I'm trusting you" Logan said smiling.

I wished I was on the pill. I'm pretty sure if I just sat on it that he wouldn't stop me.

"Logan put a condom on" I pleaded.

He shook his head.

"I want it Logan" I replied tugging on him harder

Logan looked up. "You want it?" He asked.

I nodded my head. He was enjoying every second of me teasing him.

Logan grabbed my arm pulling me down on to the bed. He pulled himself on top of me. He was inches from my face and I could feel his cock brush against me down below.

My breathing was erratic. I looked up in to his brown eyes. Logan looked serious, completely full of lust. He wanted it.

"I wanna fuck you so bad Sheri" he said kissing along my chin.

"Do it then" I said, my chest heaving in and out with adrenalin.

Logan looked at me. "I love you baby girl" he replied.

A knock on the door at the worst possible moment then interrupted me from losing my virginity.

Logan laughed as he looked down at me.

"Yeah?" He called out to the door.

"Hot tubs on!" I heard Kendall say from the other side.

"Cheers man... be out in a sec" Logan replied back to the door.

Logan looked back at me. "That was lucky... I was just about to fuck you... I don't have any condoms Sheri" he admitted.

"I honestly don't care at this moment in time." I admitted to him, feeling that nothing bad would really happen on my first time.

"I care" Logan replied moving his head down further on my body and placing his tongue inside me between my legs.

"Holy fucking shit" I screamed out in such pleasure I had never known.

Logan made me cum by licking my clit. I'm pretty sure that Kendall must of heard my screams of delight. I didn't give a shit, the height of my pleasure out weighed any embarrassment.

"I want to look after you Sheri," Logan said after. "I wanna love you, and please you... and I do want to make love to you, but I'm only human... I want to do it right, safe... please don't do that again. That was close to being fucked up" he replied. "I will resist you because your only acting like this because we are together all the time, If we were at home then you would stand by what you said" he said resting his forehead on mine.

"You won't be able to resist me Logan. You want me, I want you... you want me to carry on with... that?" I smiled grabbing his dick.

"You have no idea how much you turn me on" he replied "but no..." He said taking a deep breath and getting off me.

"Why don't you want me to make you cum?" I asked.

"I do... I really fucking do. Maybe I feel that the times not right for us yet" he replied.

"Liar" I mocked him.

"I'm not lying, I love you Sheri, I want things perfect for you, and rushing it being unsafe is dumb" he argued.

I gave him my angry eyes. "I will seduce you henderson... I will buy my own condoms" I threatened.

Logan laughed at me. "Where has all this come from?"

I shrugged. "What was your first time like?" I asked in a whisper.

"It wasn't what I thought it would be.. put it that way." He replied. "I'm gonna have a bath. I don't fancy the hot tub just yet" he then said changing the subject.

"Okay. Think I will skip it too, you should get an early night, I bet your tired" I smiled as Logan yawned. I didn't fancy being alone with Kendall the druggy on my own in the hot tub.

I got changed in to one of Logan's shirts, so I was ready for bed. Logan got himself in the bath and I went downstairs to get a drink of water to take back up with me.

Kendall was in the kitchen. He eyed up the oversized shirt on me. "You not coming in the hot tub?" He asked.

I looked Kendall over, he still looked rough, pale and clammy.

"Erm... no I don't really fancy it" I said avoiding eye contact.

"Okay, I will turn it off. You still not feeling great then?" He asked.

"Something like that" I said searching the cupboards for a glass.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Mmmm hmm. I'm fine" I replied as I found the correct cupboard.

"Maybe we could have that chat tonight?" He said hopeful.

"I think Logan and I are just gonna chill in our room" I said coldly.

Kendall stayed silent for a minute as he summed up the atmosphere. "'Kay, it doesn't matter anyway... chat later Sheri" he said softly then walked away and went upstairs.

I felt guilty treating him like that but I honestly didn't want to give him the impression I was okay with it.

I got myself and Logan a drink of water and then went back upstairs. I heard Kendall had some music on in his room as I walked passed his closed door. He had chosen the one next door to Logan and I.

I went in to my own room and placed the water down. I rested on the bed for a bit then went to try my luck at seducing Logan in the bath. With a little help from a dinner knife it was easy to turn the lock.

I smiled as I saw him. He was fast asleep. I checked the water was still warm enough for him and left him to it. He must be exhausted.

I went back in to my room and read through my script as I lay on the bed.

I heard a bang from next door like Kendall had knocked something heavy over.

"You okay?" I called out.

I waited looking at my door for a reply but all I heard was a knocking sound.

I put my script down on the bed and got up to see what was causing the knocking sound.

It was louder in the hall, it sounded like a set of keys was being constantly banged against Kendalls door.

I knocked "Kendall what are you doing in there? im trying to learn my lines!" I snapped. He didn't reply so I eventually opened the door. It only got so far when it jammed.

I poked my head through the gap in the door.

"Kendall?... oh my god" came out of my mouth as I saw Kendall on the floor, he was having some kind of fit.

I pushed the door open in a panic. "Kendall... fuck" I said as I knelt down by him, his head was pulling to one side and he was pulling his knees up, one of them was banging on the door making the jingling sound from the metal chain that was attached to his jeans.

"Kendall...?" I said starting to cry.

Kendall looked at me, he was still conscious but had no control over what his body was doing.

"Okay... it's okay. Your gonna be okay" I said over and over wondering what the fuck it was that Kendall had taken.

* * *

**Chapter 14: Chapter 14**

* * *

"Kendall keep calm, it's all fine, just need to ride this out" I said in big teary cries.

His eyes looked confused, he looked sad. But he wouldn't take his gaze from me.

He was making some horrible impulsive noises, noises that I knew would haunt me in my dreams.

"It's almost done" I said as I swept his dirty blonde hair back. He was caked in sweat but his jerky movements slowing.

Once he had finished I rested his head in my lap.

"Can you talk? You okay?" I said as we continued to stare at each other. I noticed he had blood coming from his mouth. "Do you want me to phone an ambulance... what did you take?" I asked.

"Take?" Kendall finally said as he lay there catching his broken breaths. "I've not... taken anything... I'm diabetic Sheri" he said trying to sit up, I helped him up on the second attempt then helped guide his shaky body to sit down on his bed.

It dawned on me then how dumb James and I had been so quick to judge.

"Fuck... course you are... diabetic! Jesus... where's your insulin Kendall?" I said softly. He still looked shaken and confused.

"In the car I've not got all my stuff in yet... today was so busy... I haven't kept on top of it" he said.

"Okay... erm... where's your keys." I asked.

Kendall pointed to the bedside table where his keys for his car sat. I grabbed them and dashed out. I carried up three bags not knowing which one had his medicine in. He took the red bag from me and took out the familiar looking leather wallet that had his needles in, on opening another pocket his insulin came out, I looked away as he injected himself.

"How come you weren't taking proper care of yourself? I asked.

"Today has been nuts... sometimes life just takes hold you know... I need to inject twice a day... I've been stupid today. I didn't realise all this would be going on" he said looking around his new room.

I nodded, a sympathetic smile on my face as I listened.

"I've not long been diagnosed with it. It's a learning progress still... my mom has been so worried about me being on my own out here... I said I was going to tell you about it..." He said and trailed off.

"That's what you wanted to talk about?"I asked now feeling racked with guilt.

Kendall nodded, I noticed fresh blood still trickling at the side of his mouth. He must off Bowen his tongue or cheek.

"How come you... erm.. why the seizure?" I asked.

Kendall looked at his lap and shrugged. "Sometimes it happens when I'm on a low" he explained still not making eye contact. "I'm sorry you had to see that... you won't tell the others will you?" He added

"Not if you don't want me to... but Kendall you should. Out here we are your family, we all look after each other... why are you embarrassed over something you can't control?" I asked.

"How are you not embarrassed witnessing what just happened?" He said replying to my question with another question.

"What? Why would I be embarrassed... Kendall it's a medical condition, not a bad hair cut" I said confused.

Kendall folded his hands in his lap and looked at them, still not making eye contact.

"My girlfriend kenzie... my ex" he rectified himself. "We were amazing to begin with you know. We were the most popular couple at school. She adored me and I loved her so much." He said.

"I thought she didn't like the idea of a long distance relationship?" I asked.

"That's what she told me... things changed... she changed. Before I knew I was diabetic I was feeling rough. Like weeks went by with me feeling so tired, I just thought it was a bug and would pass. Kenzie got fed up, she was bored staying in. Begged me to come out, I decided to take her to the cinema... at least all I had to do was sit" he smiled at the memory.

I gave Kendall a small smile as he finally looked up and met my eyes before he went back to staring at his hands.

"We arrived a bit too early for the movie, we had to queue outside, it was really busy. I started to feel odd, seeing funny things in my vision, then I fell back. I was so scared, I thought I was dying... I had no clue what was happening to me." He said looking traumatised at his memory.

"Was that your first seizure then?" I asked softly. I took Kendalls hand, not just to comfort him but more to stop him looking at it. It worked and he looked up to my face.

Kendall nodded. "Yeah... kenzie didn't know what to do, at first I presumed she was in shock. It's not a comfortable thing to watch is it?" He said rhetorically. "Another girl in the queue helped me out. After they diagnosed the diabetes kenzie said she was glad it was fixable. That in itself broke my heart, I didn't feel fixed. I felt my life was never the same. I was having to inject myself for the rest of my life and not eat what I wanna eat... but then she revealed that she was embarrassed by the seizure. She said everyone was looking at her like she was a freak" he said getting tearful.

I gave Kendall a hug but he pulled away.

"It was okay until it happened again. This time at school, kenzie was with me, again I saw the shocked look on her face. It got bad and I lost consciousness. When I woke up I found I had pissed myself, cut the side of my head open but was surrounded by people I didn't really know... kenzie had gone, not wanting to be embarrassed by me. Things were never the same after that. We dated still, I think she felt sorry for me really. But she was distant, avoided me at school. I noticed a lot of friends avoided me... I was no longer classed as cool. I hated my life. I wasn't me any more Sheri" he finished.

"I think your still you Kendall" I said softly. "It's not you that changed, it's other people's perception of you. I don't think any different of you... your still awesome and kind to me the same you were yesterday before I knew... if anything it makes me like you more" I replied.

Kendall wiped his face, he noticed the blood from his mouth which was now on his hand.

"Your so kind Sheri, im not sure what I would do with out you here"

I smiled at him. "You gonna be okay... I can get Logan to take you to the emergency room?" I said remembering Logan asleep in a probably cold bath now.

"I'm fine... thanks." He replied.

"Kendall if it happens again... this is going to sound really tactless... what do I do?"

"Usually my appearance gives me away that I'm heading for a low so you just need to moan at me. But sometimes a candy bar is enough to sort me out... the seizures... you can't really do much. Just make sure I can't hurt myself... I'm not sure why I get them, it's not really a diabetic thing, the docs said it can happen but it might be an underlying problem" he said looking sad.

I nodded. "I'm here for you Kendall." I replied to which Kendall treated me to his killer dimples. "I best wake Logan up, he is asleep in the bath" I smiled giving Kendall a kiss on the cheek. He smiled at me as I left.

I gave Logan a gentle knock "logues you awake? You been in there ages" I said softly through the door.

A delayed mumbled response came back to me. "Let's get you in to bed huh" I said back to him. It dawned on me then how lucky Kendall was to decide to not get in the hot tub on his own. He would of drowned and been fully aware of it if he had of got in.

I swallowed hard at the thought of what might of been.

I heard the lock turn and Logan appeared wearing a towel and looked half asleep. I smiled at him "cmon sleepy head, let's get you tucked in" I said, guiding his body in to our room.

Logan slumped in the bed and pulled the covers over himself. He was so tired. I lay awake taking in the days events, Wondering if Kendall was doing the same next door.

* * *

**Chapter 15: Chapter 15**

* * *

As the weeks passed my acting debut came and went. Filming was fun. I felt that on set everyone was family.

None of us were as yet in the public eye but the promos for the show were being aired and creating quite a stir.

Things seemed better, I hadn't managed to seduce Logan yet although he had cum in his pants twice from my efforts.

Cassandra hadn't called him for three days which was a record. Logan figured his mom may have had a word with her. He was confident we wouldn't hear from her again.

Obviously living together we were in each other's pockets all the time, we worked together, relaxed together and hung out together. The weekends we had free which were mostly spent at the beach.

"You going home to your family after filming is done or staying here?" I asked James. As he came and sat next to me and Logan on the row of towels on the sand. James had soaking wet hair, He had just been surfing.

"Probably visit home but it's amazing out here... what about you?" He asked

"I don't have much of a choice. This is my home now... Logan's going home, his gran isn't well" I said giving Logan a sad look. He smiled back and kissed my hand.

"I thought you two were the run aways. I didn't think you could go back home?" James asked.

"I still speak with my mom... she just needs to realise I don't want the life she wants me to have." Logan said getting fidgety. I guess he found it uncomfortable to talk about.

"Can't you stay with him?" James asked me but Logan answered defensively.

"I don't think Sheri should be within a ten minute walking distance of her father what so ever James! You have no clue what's happened to her! ... I'm going for a piss Sheri, be back in a second" Logan said then went off to the toilet.

"Sorry I didn't mean to upset him" James said trying to figure out what he had said wrong.

"It's okay, its not you. He hasn't been feeling great lately. He is locked in the bathroom a lot... bad stomach" I whispered out.

James nodded. "Sucks your gonna be on your own" he then said.

I shrugged, it didn't bother me. "I'm looking forward to it. Living with 4 boys is hard work." I said looking up to Kendall who was playing soccer with Carlos.

I felt like I had my constant eye on Kendall, it was as if he were a small child that needed care. He had been completely fine since I found out he was diabetic. He had a few rough days when he was busy and he wasn't able to get his injections in when he needed them... but he was doing good. It was still only me that knew of his medical conditions.

I knew the reasons why Kendall found it embarrassing but I honestly didn't think it was justified. I thought he was stupid to not tell people, he didn't even wear a medical bracelet.

"How come your still pally with him?" James asked as he saw me looking at Kendall.

"Well... don't judge a book by its cover... but we work together a lot so its easier to get along properly, plus he is really sweet" I explained.

James narrowed his eyes at me. I looked around for any sign of Logan but he was still in the public toilet.

"You nervous about kissing him on camera?" James laughed.

"A bit" I blushed. "It's not exactly a hard core tongue session but I am nervous"

"You can practice on me if you like" James said sarcastically. He was always flirting.

I rolled my eyes at him and gave him a small slap on his arm. It was rock solid and hurt me more than I hurt him.

"Jesus are you made from stone James!" I laughed as I rubbed my hand better.

"Pure muscle!" He said with a smile. "You should try surfing, it works so many muscles without you even realising" he said.

"I can't surf to save my life!" I laughed at the thought of it.

"I'll teach you... c'mon" James said standing back up, pulling me with him.

"JAMES!" I screeched out laughing.

"You will be a natural" he laughed.

I turned to look if Logan was coming back but he still remained no where to be seen.

Kendall turned to look at me. He always had a problem when it came to me being with James. They got along but I think Kendall worried James was a bad influence on me that Logan didn't pick up on. The fact I just screamed my head off probably didn't help.

I flashed Kendall a smile, he smiled back then got back to kicking his ball with Carlos.

James placed his surf board in the sand. "Right get on" James ordered.

I gave him my scaredy cat eyes. "Sheri just stand on the board" he laughed.

"Okay... I'm not getting in the water though" I huffed.

"I'm sure I can find a way to get you wet" James whispered in my ear as he stood behind me.

"Oh my god!" I mocked him. "Seriously?" I laughed.

James chuckled as he placed his hands on my hips. I only had my bikini on so the contact of another man on my skin was strange.

"Turn your hips this way" he said in my ear. "Bend your knees" he instructed softly. He then moved his hands up then raised my arms.

"Hows this?" I asked.

"Perfect" James said in my ear. He placed his hands back on my hips. "When the board moves you kind of counter it." He added as he placed his foot on the board and wobbled it gently.

"I think I get what you mean" I said as I balanced myself.

"You wanna get wet?" James said seductively in my ear.

I turned and gave him my pretend angry eyes.

"What?" He grinned.

"You know exactly what maslow!" I playfully moaned. James was a terrible flirt. He couldn't help himself.

"I'm gonna throw you in!" James said looking at the ocean.

I laughed still staring at him. "No you are not!" I said hiding a smile.

"You best start running then" he replied letting his fingers gently slide off my hips that he still held on to.

I took a step back and prepared to run, rather enjoying the flirt session with James but smacked straight in to Logan as I attempted to flee.

"Woah..." Logan said with a smile as I bumped in to him. "You alright?" He asked holding on to my arms to steady me.

"Haha... yeah fine, James was showing me how to surf... is your stomach still bad baby?" I said rubbing my hand on his belly.

Logan gave me a half smile. "I'm fine, don't worry" he insisted.

He didn't look fine, he looked a bit down to be honest.

I took him by the hand, he looked so sexy in just his swim shorts. "Cmon let's get you rested up and top the tans up" I said walking him back to our place on the sand.

We both lay down on our towels. "You should go see a doctor Logan, you've been like this for days now." I said turning my head towards him.

"I'm fine... honestly Sheri. Just a bug I've picked up, don't worry about it" he said with a smile.

I sat up and looked at Logan. "Well if your fine you won't mind if I make myself comfortable then" I grinned and sat on him, straddling my legs either side of him as he lay on the sand.

"I'm hoping your not going to start waving a condom at me again like the other day" he laughed at one of my many attempts to seduce him, now I had bought my own condoms.

"Nope, but I will kiss you" I said laying my body down flat against his. His lips joining in with mine as we shared a breath taking moment.

Logan pulled away and swept the hair that was hanging down behind my ear. "I love you so much. Never forget that okay" he said in all seriousness.

"I won't logues. Your my world. I love you so much its stupid!" I replied.

Logan pulled me back down for another kiss. We stayed like that for a good while, it was nice to spend some time stuck to each other's faces. It reminded me of how we were before we came to California.

I did however notice James to the side of us, he was belly down on his own towel Sun bathing, but his head was turned to face me, I could see his eyes through his sunglasses looking at Logan and I.

James smiled then turned his head the other way. I saw his back rise and fall like he had just let out a big sigh.

I wondered then if the flirting was all in just good fun.

* * *

**Chapter 16: Chapter 16**

* * *

It was now nine weeks in to filming . We were very almost done. I was amazed at how I had accepted the entire thing in to my life so easily. It was hard not to get a big head and think your something special.

I was no longer the painfully shy girl from Texas. I was Sheri Cooper. Actress and girlfriend of Logan Henderson who himself was creating quite a stir before the show had even aired.

now all five of us had money rolling in and we had no adults around to control us, the weekends off became very different to things I had ever witnessed.

I think the only one of us who had his feet firmly still on the ground was Kendall.

We were all in the hot tub on the roof, Carlos and Logan were pretty drunk. James was sat next to me with his arms rested over the side of the tub. Logan was the other side of me, with Kendall opposite next to Carlos.

I had big plans of losing my virginity tonight with Logan, he was the drunkest I had seen him. I hadn't been able to touch the stuff since I was sick everywhere.

"Your in for it tonight henderson" I whispered in his ear.

Logan chuckled at me. "Am I now" he teased.

"Yep" I giggled and grabbed his dick under the bubbles of the hot tub. No one could see. Logan and I often teased each other in here. He was still having stomach problems. It had turned in to a bit off a sore subject.

He would spend ages in the bathroom numerous times a day, he was so tired from his illness in the evening that he would go straight to bed leaving me on my own with the three other boys.

I had moaned and moaned for him go to the doctor but he refused point blank, we had a huge argument about it last night. It was heated and I ended up crying. No one wanted to get involved so I was just left alone.

This morning Logan apologised to me and said that he was feeling better, he said that it was probably some form of food poisoning but so far today he hadn't been locked in the loo.

Logan appreciated my cock grabbing, he was as hard as stone under the water.

I enjoyed myself as he got carried away, he eventually turned and buried himself in between my legs as he kissed my lips. Our tongues caressing each other. Logan's breath tasted of vodka and orange.

Our many public displays of affection with Logan dry humping me were a bit of a joke between the guys.

I heard James say "for fucks sake" as he sat next to me, being in a prime position to see Logan's tongue enter my mouth.

I let out a giggle as I enjoyed showing off my love for my boyfriend knowing that James had a silly crush on me.

As Logan and I got hot and heavy I listened in to the drunken conversation that Carlos was having with Kendall about what his dreams were for the future. Which mostly consisted of how much sex he was going to get.

"Dude... we are gonna be massive!" Carlos slurred. "Girls are gonna wanna fuck all of us til we are dry" I heard him add in his chauvinistic chat.

"One girl on Twitter sent me a picture of her tits" Kendall laughed.

I rolled my eyes under my closed lids as I kissed Logan. Boys will be boys though I figured.

Carlos carried on chatting away as Logan's hard dick rested against my privates. I was desperate for sex.

"You will have to give me her name" Carlos laughed. "I went on a date with this girl last week. She was so eager to please me cause I told her I was in a show. I didn't even have to ask for a blowie... she just offered" he chuckled. "Kendall?... fucking charming." I heard Carlos say.

James burst out laughing. "You must of bored him to sleep with your bullshit story" James replied to Carlos.

I then pushed Logan away from me to look at Kendall. He did look asleep. I left Logan's arms and moved over to Kendall in the hot tub, I gave him a shake.

"Kendall?" I said gripping on to his arm a bit too hard.

"Sheri just leave him alone" Logan moaned.

"Kendall!?" I said shaking him harder but he didn't stir. He just lulled his head. "Fuck, Kendall wake up!" I said in a panic.

"What's wrong with him?" Carlos said just as my worst fears started happening and he began fitting. His face went under the water briefly before James dragged him out. It was a hard thing to achieve when someone won't stay still. James got hit in the face by him as Kendall involuntary thrashed his arm about.

Once on the floor Logan tried to pin Kendall down to stop him from moving. I noticed Kendalls eyes now open. The sad look I had seen just once before had returned.

"No don't! just leave him!" I said smacking Logan's arm away.

"What!? He is completely spazzing out!" Logan yelled above the noise Kendall was making.

"Stop it Logan! Your scaring him!" I said. "James get the leather wallet. It's in Kendalls top drawer" I ordered.

I lay a towel down by Kendalls head to try and stop him from hurting himself. "It's okay kendy... almost over... I promise" I said softly to him.

James left to get the wallet, leaving Carlos, Logan and I to witness this horrible thing happening to our friend.

"What's wrong with him Sheri?" Carlos asked as he just stood there gawping uncomfortably at Kendall.

I took Kendalls hand as his movements slowed. "I'm here okay. Everything is fine" I whispered to him. James came back up, he handed me the leather wallet with the needles.

My adrenalin in full power, I had no time to fuck this up. "Kendall where does it go?" I asked calmly. Kendall just looked at me, his seizure finished but his body looked exhausted. "Kendy... where do I inject you" I said again.

Kendall raised a wobbly arm and pointed to the side of his stomach. I could see some old needle marks so worked in the same area. With a shaking hand I injected his insulin then sat back on the floor in shock of what had turned from a relaxed soak with my friends to compete chaos in seconds.

After a few minutes of us all standing, sitting and laying in silence Kendall sat up.

"You okay man?" Carlos asked him, his voice sounding shaky.

"Just leave me alone" Kendall said in a whisper as he pulled his knees up to his chest.

Logan looked at me, then turned to Kendall. "You want a hand down to your room buddy?" He said to his grey looking friend.

"No I just want to be alone" Kendall replied looking at his feet.

"But you..." Logan began but Kendall cut him off.

"JUST FUCK OFF!" Kendall shouted at him, tears leaving his face.

I nodded to Logan to say it's best to leave, the three boys went down stairs back in to the house, I lingered behind packing away the leather wallet.

I picked my towel up and wrapped it around Kendalls shoulders. "Keep warm okay" I said softly as I tucked it around him then headed for the door.

"Sheri..." Kendall said before I turned the handle.

I turned and looked at him. I wasn't expecting him to say anything further. The tears were rolling down him.

"You want me to stay?" I asked walking back and wrapping my arms around him.

He didn't say yes, but he didn't say no either. He spent a long time crying on my shoulder listening to me tell him words of comfort.

"Do you feel okay... your head went under... just for a second but it scared the life out of me" I asked him as his breathing and tears gradually slowed.

"I'm fine... just... fucking mortified." He explained.

"Least they know now... kind of" I said with a smile.

"I could see them all looking at me... like I was a freak... I am a freak." He said sadly.

"Your not a freak! They are your friends and they were all really worried. They just didn't understand what was happening" I soothed.

Kendall sighed "thank you Sheri"

"Your welcome... Kendall I want you to know that I'm a girl and I've seen you at you best and your worst. It's hard to see you go through that, but not because I find it embarrassing but because I care for you and I agree that it's unfair its happening to you... but Kendall I would never run and leave you to go through it on your own, and even though I'm scared stiff about it I'm still looking forward to kissing you on the finale show... I will be honored to kiss such a handsome and lovely guy even if he does scare the life out of me... Mackenzie is fucking stupid to of let this ruin a relationship with such a perfect guy" I said with a little chuckle.

Kendall smiled at me. "Thanks.. it means a lot. I don't think my confidence is ever going to be great though. I guess I need to find a girl like you huh" he said with a smile, his eyes still dangerously close to letting his tears escape.

"I'm the only Sheri Cooper there is I'm afraid" I said getting comfy sitting next to him on the floor.

"One of a kind" Kendall said with a smile. "Why are you so nervous about kissing me, we work well together... and from what I've seen you and Logan get up to, your confident with your kissing ability" Kendall chuckled.

I laughed at him and gave him a gentle nudge in the ribs with my elbow. "It's more because it's on camera... the thought of people being able to pause it on tv... have you done a kiss on camera before?" I asked knowing Kendall had been in a few shows.

"Yeah, its not so bad. We kind of made it in to a joke, eating disgusting things before the shot so our breath smelt" he chuckled at his memory. "You just have to imagine the cameras aren't there" he added.

I nodded "I'm still nervous, just want it over and done with" I said with a sigh.

"Well kiss me then" Kendall said with a smile.

"Now?" I asked fairly taken aback.

"Well its up to you... sorry I get why you don't want to. I've probably got dribble on my face or something" Kendall said wiping his mouth.

"You don't have anything on your face Kendall" I said pulling his hand down. "Don't make this about you... let's do this, get it out the way" I said agreeing to the practice run kiss.

Kendall smiled. "It's easy just do it with out thinking" he replied then leaned in for the kiss.

it was delicate, soft and extremely tame. No tongues exchanged but I felt my heart explode as my lips left Kendalls.

"How... erm... how... was that?" he asked.

"Umm... it... I... that was..." I rambled to which Kendall chuckled.

Kendall looked at me. I had the feeling he felt something similar to the heart explosion I had felt and still experienced right now. "That felt... nice... Sheri..." He finally said.

I nodded. For the first time in the short months I had known Kendall his eyes told me they were happy.

This pleased me, it pleased me that it was me that had caused this feeling in him. I spent so much time keeping my eye on him and worrying at night whenever I heard a bang, that seeing him look so blown away and happy over something I had done just felt amazing.

We stared at each other for a minute. Kendall looked as though he might speak but nothing came out. That's when he kissed me again.

The warmth of his lips against mine took control of my entire body. This wasn't a stage kiss, this was something else. My tongue met Kendalls, he welcomed it then I felt his hand on the side of my face.

He took my breath away. We seemed to match, I couldn't even explain it to myself. Kendalls tongue felt so gentle, so caring.

I put my palm on his chest, feeling his heart beat drum with adrenalin from a kiss we both knew was not professional, this was not acting, not rehearsing... it just simply felt like the right thing to do.

Kendall was the one to come to his senses first. His lips left mine.

"Sheri... I'm sorry that happened" he said, his large eyebrows knitting together on his forehead.

My chest heaved in and out. "It wasn't your fault... I think I wanted that. Im sorry... erm... wow!" I said with a laugh.

Kendalls face dropped from seriousness to amusement. "It was pretty wow" he said searching my face.

"I'm kind of looking forward to the finale show now" I smiled.

Kendall smiled and looked at his feet again.

"Mackenzie was really fucking dumb to let you go, I would be so proud if you were mine" I said then stood up.

I headed for the door.

"Sheri..." Kendall said as I reached for the door again.

I smiled then turned around.

"Yeah?" I replied.

Kendall looked at me once again. "Logan's very lucky to have you" he finally said.

I nodded. Guilt now taking over the fuzzy lovely feeling that my body had.

I turned the handle and went down stairs.

* * *

**Chapter 17: Chapter 17**

* * *

I walked down from the roof and descended the stairs to the kitchen where Carlos, James and Logan all stood.

I looked at Logan. I felt nothing but guilt, I was so confused. Looking at him right now I had no clue why I kissed Kendall like I just had. I had no desire to tell Logan either. All three boys stared at me, waiting for an explanation of what had just happened to Kendall.

"He is diabetic... that's all" I said defending him.

"Diabetics don't do that Sheri... what's going on?" James argued, still under the impression that Kendall was a drug user.

"He doesn't know why he fits" I said.

"What do you mean he doesn't know, you obviously knew about that, he told you what happens, you were all 'its okay kendy' crap up there." James retaliated.

"Listen to yourself James! Honestly! you just witnessed your friend lose consciousness and have a seizure, he doesn't know why he gets them, it's just as new to him as it is to us. He told me about it because he needed someone to look out for him... someone who wouldn't judge him James! Because quite frankly that is what he is terrified of!" I snapped back.

"Why didn't he just say... I mean living together.. we have a right to know" Carlos said.

"Why do you have a right to know, it's nothing to do with you" I moaned.

"Well its got something to do with me when I'm dragging him out the hot tub half dead. Carlos is right, he should of warned us." James replied.

"Warned you?! Fucking warned you!? Jesus James your a fucking retard. What difference would it of made if you knew huh!" I spat back.

"I would of been more prepared to see it for one" James hissed back.

"Well im sure Kendall will find your concern for him fucking heart warming!... you bastards... all of you!" I shouted and ran upstairs to my room.

Logan came in shortly afterwards. "You okay sheri?" He asked.

I wiped my face. "I'm sorry I shouted at you all.. He is really upset about what happens to him, I feel so bad for him logues" I sniffed.

Logan sat down on the bed beside me. "Kendall is still up there, should I go and have a word with him?" Logan asked softly.

I shook my head. "No just leave him." I said. "He is really embarrassed by it all. Just be understanding when he does show his face" I added just as I heard Kendalls door shut next to us.

"I guess he doesn't want to chat just yet" Logan said on hearing the door.

"I guess not" I agreed.

"Are you okay sheri, you seem... your not you" Logan decided to say.

I could of burst in to tears and told him everything about mine and Kendalls kiss there and then... but I couldn't. "Im fine. It's just all a bit much." I said

"Yeah it is... I was going to go for a run, did you want me to stay with you instead?" He asked taking my hand and giving it a kiss.

"A run?.. doesn't sound like you?" I mocked him.

"Just sounded nice to clear my head... ya know" he replied.

I nodded. "I will be fine, you enjoy your drunken run" I smiled.

"You not wanna come with?" He asked.

"No, im not a runner baby" I smiled.

"Yeah, I know. Okay. I'll see you soon... James is pissed at you so don't go near him alright" Logan said with a sympathetic smile.

"I don't want to see his face again today, I'm not going near him at all!" I replied.

Logan got changed in to some running gear and left after giving me a kiss on the head.

It was only late afternoon but I felt I had had enough and curled up on to my bed.

I woke up to find it dark out side, logan was fast asleep next to me. He had placed a blanket over me which I was grateful for as I was still only dressed in my bikini.

I looked at my phone which was on my bedside table, the time said it had just gone midnight.

I sighed, I wasnt intending to fall asleep for the entire day, now I was wide awake. I chucked my dressing gown over my shoulders and left the room.

I knocked lightly on Kendalls door.

"Yeah?" He replied quietly.

I opened up the door to find him reading a magazine on his bed.

"Hey... just checking up on you, you feeling okay?" I asked.

Kendall nodded. "Yeah im fine, just waiting up for my next injection. My times are all screwed up now... I need to get my act together Sheri. This isn't going away is it?"

"No honey its not, but I'm always here okay, we can do this together so don't feel your on your own" I replied.

Kendall looked at me. "I think it's best we forget about what happened up there... Logan is my friend" Kendall said quietly.

I scanned Kendalls face. What he just said hurt my feelings, I mean I loved Logan, it wasn't as if I planned it. It was all Kendalls idea to kiss, and now he was making me sound like I was a whore that did this all the time.

I nodded. "I'm glad your okay Kendall" was all I said then closed the door with a small click.

The guilt I had now felt ten times worse. I had willingly kissed another guy behind Logan's back and for what? To get called a slut!

I made my way back in to my own bedroom I removed my dressing gown, removed my bikini top and removed my underwear.

"Logan! Logan wake up!" I snapped.

Logan gave his face a rub then smiled seeing my nakedness.

"What are you up to now?" He teased.

"Fuck me Logan!" I whispered.

Logan shook his head. But pulled me down showering me in kisses.

I ran my fingers along his chest and teased him as I worked my way down to the magic in his pants.

Logan then flung me down on the bed. He pinned both my arms above my head, leaving them there he trailed his kisses and his hands down my body.

Roughly he spread my legs apart and slowly licked my intimate area.

I groaned out in pleasure. Being louder than normal just to piss Kendall off next door.

Logan loved the fact that I was being very vocal. He placed a finger inside me. Sending me to the edge really quick.

I lay there after an amazing orgasm. My body now only filled with energy, energy that wanted to please my boyfriend.

I knew better than to ask, I knew he would say no, I just did it.

I moved, and shoved Logan on his back, he smiled at me, impressed with the dirty game we were playing of being rough with each other.

I pulled his dick from his boxers and licked the tip of it.

"Oh..ohhh fuck" Logan called out as I placed all of his cock in my mouth.

If I had room then I would of smiled, but my mouth was incapable of doing anything else other than give Logan head.

It was a strange feeling, but nice, Logan ran his fingers along my shoulder as I pleased him.

His moans and groans got out of control, It was a shock when Logan grabbed my head and mumbled "don't stop..." He came in my mouth. it was the oddest, sexiest, yet most disgusting experience of my life.

I loved it!

"That okay?" I asked quietly after I swallowed.

"Fuck... I needed that Sheri" he laughed.

I smiled at him. "I love you logues" I whispered.

"Come here" Logan said as he opened his arms for me.

I snuggled in to his arms, big beautiful strong arms. "I love you more" Logan replied.

I went to sleep quickly listening to Logan's heart beat gently in his chest.

The next time I awoke it was daylight, I moved my arm across to hug Logan but all I hit was a piece of paper.

I rubbed my eyes as I tried to focus. I read the note that was on the paper.

"Gone for a run, will bring back breakfas x" it said.

I stretched out and lay in the bed for a while wondering if I had the balls to go downstairs.

Fuck it, yes I did have the balls! James was out of order yesterday and Kendall hurt my feelings, I wasnt going to cower away and hide. I was Sheri fucking Cooper!

The old Sheri would have done that, but not this Sheri. Not hollywood Sheri.

I got dressed and went downstairs. James and Carlos were sat in the kitchen. Carlos said good morning but James didn't say a word to me.

"Have you spoken to Kendall? He okay?" Carlos asked.

I nodded. "He is fine.. hasn't he come out of his room yet?" I asked.

Carlos shook his head.

"He just needs some reassurance from you guys" I said looking more at James.

"Your a fucking hypocrite" James said.

"What?!" I snapped at him

Carlos rolled his eyes. "Sheri lets get a coffee or something huh!" He said now pulling me away from an argument with James.

Carlos led me out to his car. I sat in the passenger seat and crossed my arms over my chest in a huff.

"Starbucks?" Carlos asked awkwardly.

"Whatever los... why is he being so out of order about this?" I moaned.

"I dunno Sheri... it's best to just leave him to it though, don't get involved in more arguments" Carlos replied.

I huffed loudly then skipped through the radio stations on Carlos' radio, we drove in silence to the coffee shop.

I had a face like a smacked ass as I slumped down in to the seat at Starbucks.

"What do you want? My treat" Carlos said still standing.

"Anything, I'm not bothered los" I mumbled back.

"Okay... maybe a hot chocolate might cheer you up" he said then left to join the queue in the shop.

I stared out the window I faced on the streets of Los Angeles. I noticed then how different the people were here to what it was like in my home town in Texas. They wore different clothes, spoke differently, acted differently... I wasn't sure I liked it. It worried me to think that Logan and I were changing. Maybe it wasn't just Logan and I, I turned and looked at Carlos. He looked the same, his dress sense was more expensive looking but he had still changed since I had first met him. James had too... He was from California though... maybe it was the job that was changing us all?

Carlos placed a fantastic looking hot chocolate in front of me. It had a heart shape made of chocolate sprinkles wobbling about on the top. I smiled.

"I think the guy at the counter thought you were my date" he chuckled as he sat down.

I smiled. "Thanks for the drink" I replied carefully picking it up and taking a sip.

"Carlos do you think we have changed?" I asked.

Carlos shrugged "I guess... it's expected though, I mean we experience different things now to our old lives... I haven't changed that much have I?" He chuckled.

I tilted my head in amusement, Carlos was the Casanova of the group. He had a date pretty much every night of the week.

"Well you sleep with anything that moves now Carlos, you were a pretty proud Christian before our heads started expanding because of a show" I explained.

Carlos nodded to agree. "Yeah I guess your right, I'm always on babe watch" he laughed. "I might try chatting her up in a minute" Carlos added looking over my shoulder at a girl.

I turned to see who the next victim would be to spend the night in our house with Carlos. My mouth dropped open as I snapped my head back round.

"Fuck! What the fuck is she doing here?" I whispered to Carlos.

Carlos raised an eyebrow at me. "Getting coffee?" He said sarcastically.

I frowned at his stupidness. "Carlos that girl is cassandra!" I whispered to him like a hiss.

"The girl that was stalking Logan on his phone?" Carlos said in a voice louder than what I would of liked.

"Shhhhh! Keep your fucking voice down!" I snapped.

"Sorry" Carlos whispered.

"Fuck I bet she is trying to find him... why else would she be in California?" I said with my eyes wide.

"Shhh shh... she is coming near" Carlos said holding a menu up to disguise his face. I saw cass walk past to the left of me, she then left the coffee shop none the wiser that I had seen her.

I hit Carlos on top of the head with my menu. "Why the fuck are you hiding dumb ass. She doesn't know you"

"I don't know I get nervous Sheri... are you going to tell Logan about her being here?" He asked still whispering like a moron.

"No! Definitely not. If Logan finds out he will want to talk to her so he can make her feel better... I haven't had sex with him yet!" I blurted out.

Carlos laughed. "What the hell has that got to do with it"

"Everything! Logan and Cass have... you know... done it" I said with a sad face.

"Oh I see..." He said.

Tears threatened my eyes as my head swelled with thoughts of losing Logan.

"I can't lose him los" I said as the tears did escape and my voice turned high pitched. "We have been through too much together for her to just show up and steal him from under my nose! Everything is just going wrong out here, it wasn't meant to be like this!" I rambled out. "We weren't meant to change, I wasnt meant to change, I love Logan, now look at me, I've turned in to a complete bitch and kissing Kendall was just fucked up... I don't know what I'm do-..." I incoherently said but Carlos stopped me.

"What? You and Kendall made out?" He laughed.

I burst in to full on tears now as I nodded to his question.

"Fuck Sheri... you are a fuck up huh!" He laughed.

"Pr... promise you won't tell any one" I cried.

"I promise. Why did you do that? Do you like Kendall like that?" Carlos asked.

"I didn't, I liked him sure! But not like that. We practiced our kiss for the show, I said I was nervous, but during the kiss... fuck! I don't know what I felt. But Kendall felt it too and we kissed again" I explained still in floods of tears.

"So you think you like him now?" Carlos asked with a completely puzzled look on his face.

I looked at Carlos and opened my mouth to say no, but nothing came out.

"Oh my god! You've got the hots for Kendall, why!?" Carlos asked with a chuckle.

"Why are you finding this so funny?" I snapped.

"Your seriously asking me that question? Sheri your dating Logan, remember Logan, the guy that you ran away with, the guy that is cool and mysterious and that you were screaming his name out at christ knows what he was doing to you last night... let me tell you now those walls are paper thin" he smiled. "Then there is Kendall... sweet lanky Kendall, sure he is nice enough but he doesn't have what you need... it would never last Sheri. You just feel sorry for him" Carlos finished.

I sat in silence thinking for a while. "Your right... your right!" I agreed. "It's stupid, he just wants to forget it all anyway... He kind of hurt my feelings" I confessed.

"Good! Sheri im not being hurtful but the last thing any of us need is Kendall going in to a seizure when we are all walking down that red carpet... think about it" Carlos said.

I did think about it. I thought Carlos was being extremely out of order. "Are you going to tell Logan about it Carlos" I asked again.

"Of course I'm not. I like Logan and I like you. You guys are great together. What are you gonna do about that Cassandra chic?"

I looked at Carlos and smiled. "It's more what are you gonna do about her." I said as I nodded towards the window and saw Cassandra across the road. She had just got some money out the bank and dropped her purse, Spilling the contents every where. "Work your magic on her, find out why she is here, but don't bring her back to the house los" I explained.

Carlos took a deep breath, "for fucks sake!" He moaned. He then handed me 20 dollars.

"What's this for?" I asked.

"A cab home" he said quickly before standing up and exiting the coffee shop.

I sat and watched as Carlos darted across the busy road and helped cass pick up her belongings, handing them back to her with his best smile he had to offer.

I had a smile on my face as I saw him hold his hand out to her as he introduced himself.

As I left the shop, I glanced over to see that Carlos was still happily chatting away to her.

I was happy in the knowledge that hopefully I will have my own personal spy in camp cassandra.

* * *

**Chapter 18: Chapter 18**

* * *

Monday came and went as quick as the rest of the week, it appeared that our small group had dealt with Kendalls medical problems by pretending it never happened. Kendall wasn't bothered by this. He had even taken to the strategy of ignoring me.

It pissed me off more than anything. I wanted to talk to him just to clear the air, but he avoided me like the plague.

Even on set now as we filmed our scenes together he only spoke to me in character.

When not on camera I spent my time wrapped in Logan's arms. He didn't seem to mind that I was being so clingy. We were together all the time apart from when Logan went out for his new running regime. At least his stomach was better.

Carlos came back to me with what he got up to with cassandra last Sunday.

She had told him that she was on a vacation with a friend. She was staying at some fancy hotel in Hollywood. Although they ended up spending most of the day together with Carlos telling cass very little about himself. Carlos failed to woo her, but he did have another date with her tomorrow night. I had given him strict instructions on what questions to ask.

Today was Friday, filming was very almost done. The final scenes were being filmed on the feature length ending to the season.

Today was the day of mine and Kendalls kiss and I was only more nervous. I guess it helped that Kendall was only talking to me in character.

I was sweating so much that I had to have my make up re done twice.

In between takes I noticed Logan looking on, he was here to witness "the kiss". Even James was slouched in a chair watching us.

The world seemed to stop when I was listening to Kendall say his lines.

He was so tall, when I kissed him before he was sat down. I think he saw the panic in my eyes. He fluffed his lines up on purpose to give me a second.

"You okay?" He whispered.

"Yeah... your tall" I smiled. Glad he had finally spoken to me out of character.

"No your small" he chuckled.

I smiled up at him as his green eyes twinkled at me. The cameras began rolling, Kendall said his lines again... then we kissed.

It was 4 seconds of amazingness.

"I never thought our first kiss would be our last..." I said to him in character as the cameras still rolled.

Kendall carried on like a professional but I could see that us kissing each other on a regular basis for season two was going to be hard.

After my scenes, I relaxed and watched on as the boys finished up. I'm sure it wasn't my imagination, but Kendall did appear to be glancing over at me a lot. Had he felt the same thing?

Only Logan and I returned to the house after filming. He went out for his run while I had a shower.

I wrapped my hair and body up in my towels and unlocked the door to find Kendall on the other side.

"Shit! You made me jump out of my skin" I said tapping my chest.

"Sheri I need to talk to you" he said invading my personal space.

"Logan will be back in a bit, he is just out running" I said worried that Kendall will spill the beans to him.

"It will only take a minute" he replied, his eyes sad again.

"Are you feeling okay?" I asked.

"Yeah.. Yeah im fine... umm I... I don't really know how or what to say really" he said.

From the look in his handsome green eyes I could tell whatever he did want to say was going to cause problems.

"Just say it Kendall" I whispered out.

Kendall nodded. "The other day when we..er kissed..mostly..er today too... " He began. "When we kissed... did you... er... God I don't even know what I'm saying" he whispered holding his hand on his head in desperation.

"I felt it Kendall" I said in a small voice.

Kendalls green eyes shot through me at my words.

"Really?! Well... what...what do we do with that?" he asked.

"There's nothing I can do with that... I'm with Logan. I thought you wanted to forget it?"

"Sheri I don't think I can" he said then took my hand.

Even that felt electric to me. My head was screaming no no no! But my heart just gave in.

Kendall and I shared another amazing kiss. His lips softer than I remember, his scent sexier than I remember. But the power of that kiss was exactly the same as before... mind blowing.

It felt like the most natural thing in the world to do.

I gently pulled away. "Carlos knows I kissed you" I blurted out.

"What? How?" He asked looking slightly scared.

I explained to Kendall about cass and getting upset in the coffee shop and telling Carlos, and Carlos saying I was stupid, but that he wouldn't tell anyone.

"Do you trust him" Kendall asked after hearing what Carlos had to say about it.

"Yeah... I do. This shouldn't be happening" I said feeling emotional.

"Why do we feel this way then?" He asked.

"I'm not sure" I replied.

Kendall took me in his arms. I welcomed them, they felt so different to Logan's but I felt I belonged.

"I want you Sheri" he said then kissed the top of my head.

I looked up and ran my fingers along his jaw line. "I..." was all I got out before we heard the front door open and close.

I shot away from Kendall and darted off to my room. We exchanged one last look before I went inside.

I sat on the bed pretending to towel dry my hair when Logan walked in the room covered in sweat from his run.

"Good run?" I asked with a smile.

"Yeah it was good actually." He said returning my smile. "You okay you look stressed?" He added.

"I'm fine. It's been a long few months that's all." I said.

"Yeah its been fun though. I was thinking maybe now filming is done, me and you could go on vacation some where." Logan said with a smile.

"I thought you were going to Texas to see your gran and your family?" I asked confused.

"Yeah I am, but after" he clarified.

"I nodded. "Sounds good logues. I love you!"

"Love you more" he replied.

Guilt filled me so badly I thought I might be sick.

"I'm looking forward to tomorrow... at the theme park, will be good to blow off some steam" I said as once again I hung from Logan in vain attempts to make things normal again.

We had all been given free tickets as a gift for the end of the season. All that needed doing for the show now was for the guys to record the songs properly. I had really been looking forward to the theme park.

"Oh right yeah... I forgot about that" Logan said half heartedly as he looked at me.

"They have a new ride" I smiled trying to take the tension out of my own voice.

"Do they that's cool" Logan replied flashing me a fake smile. "I'm going to grab a shower... I stink" he then said and walked out the room.

His awkward frostyness scared me a bit, maybe Logan had picked up on the atmosphere. What If he guessed about Kendall and I? What if carlos told him?

All was revealed when he emerged from the bathroom.

"Sheri im not feeling great" he admitted.

"Your stomach again?" I asked.

Logan nodded.

In a sense, relief washed over me, then more guilt because I was relieved Logan was ill and not on to my feelings I now had for Kendall. "Poor you... you should see the doctor Logan" I said softly so he knew I wasn't starting another argument about it.

"Yeah... Yeah your right." He said sitting on the bed next to me and resting his head on my shoulder.

"C'mon I will make you something to eat... we can just watch a movie or something tonight yeah?" I said kissing him on the cheek.

Logan nodded to agree.

I felt bad that he felt terrible again and I was going behind his back making out with his friend. But then I felt guilty for Kendall, was I just caught up in a silly romance or did I actually really like him?

I felt stuck.

when Logan and I got down stairs to the kitchen Kendall was sat at the table eating cereal.

We shared some awkward looks.

"Is that your dinner?" I eventually asked Kendall as I got out some pots and pans to cook Logan something nice.

He smiled exposing the killer dimples that now confused my heart.

"Embarrassingly yes" he smiled.

Would you like some of what im doing... you need to eat right" I said looking at his already slim frame.

"I don't want you to go to any trouble" Kendall replied.

"It's no trouble Kendall" I insisted giving him one of my own pretty smiles all under Logan's nose.

Once dinner was made the three of us sat at the table. "Have you and James made friends yet?" Logan asked me.

I shook my head.

"How come you've fallen out with James?" Kendall asked intrigued, as he shoved a forkful of food in to his mouth.

"It's nothing really, the guy just has a big mouth" I said with a smile knowing that Kendall found my friendship with James unsettling.

"What did he say?" Kendall asked.

I exchanged an awkward look with Logan.

"Oh... I see" Kendall said now knowing it must of been about him.

Our night-in went by uneventful, despite eating all of his dinner I cooked him and being fine the entire night and enjoying me sucking his cock Logan woke up the next day feeling terrible. The rain poured outside.

"Sheri there is no way I can spend the day at a theme park" he said as he rolled on to his side to seek comfort.

I brushed his hair back from his forehead in its scruffy state from his nights sleep. "Don't you worry about that, I will take good care of you baby"

"Sheri don't make me feel guilty. I know how much you were looking forward to today, I will just sleep this off as best I can." He said.

"Logues I can't leave you" I protested.

"Sure you can... I'm only going to be in bed. I will be better off being left alone" Logan said taking my hand and giving it a kiss.

I eventually agreed after some persuasion and left Logan in bed with water on his bedside.

"It's only a stomach ache Sheri don't let Logan ruin our day" Carlos said as I sat in the back of his car on the journey to the theme park, James was next to me and Kendall was up front.

"I know... but it just doesn't seem right leaving him while we go off and have fun" I sighed.

"You want one?" James asked shoving a packet of sweets my way.

I glared at him. "No" I said back with no feeling.

"Suit yourself!" James replied then spent the rest of the journey looking out of his window at the rain ignoring me.

Once we arrived at the park, Carlos was at the trunk of his car with James sorting out what ever they had in backpacks.

"You wanna try and lose those two" Kendall said softly looking at his foot as he squashed it around in the gravel of the parking lot.

I looked at Kendall. "Sounds like a plan" I smiled.

He then grabbed my hand and ran with me towards the entrance of the park, we entered and lost ourselves in the crowd.

Kendall pushed me against a wall which had a small canopy above it sheltering us from the heavy rain that was coming down in sheets.

My breath became staggered as Kendalls face was so close to me.

"What were you going to say yesterday before Logan came home?" He whispered inches from my face.

Rain was dripping down him, his skin looked cold.

"I was going to say I want you too" I whispered out then was met by Kendalls soft lips as he kissed me up against the wall.

I ran my hands through his soaking wet hair, pulling him in closer to me.

Kendall pulled away. "We should take this some where more private" Kendall said looking around at the crowds. He then took my hand again and led me off in to an arcade. "Bingo!" He said as he pulled me towards a photo booth and closed the curtain. Hiding us away from view to everyone.

"This is insane Kendall" I said covering him in small kisses on his face. I couldn't control myself.

"I don't care... I honestly don't care" Kendall said as he kissed down my neck. It felt so good.

The rain had completely soaked his dirty blonde hair, I swept it out of his eyes. We enjoyed being cooped up together in such a small space. Kendall ran his fingers through my own hair, he seemed to marvel at me, be amazed at me as he took me in. His eyes not leaving my own as we got to know each other as more than friends.

We spent almost an hour in that photo booth kissing each other. Kendall seemed more affectionate than Logan. He made me feel so much more special. We left without even having our picture taken.

The rain still poured heavily which gave Kendall a brain wave. He went in to a shop and emerged minutes later with two plastic rain ponchos, one was yellow and one was red. He handed me the yellow one.

I laughed at him "your kidding right? You want me to wear this?" I said amused.

"You can have red if you prefer" he laughed.

I shook my head at him as I watched in sheer hilarity of how silly he looked in his plastic coat now he had it on. He had the hood pulled up and was pretty much unrecognizable to even the likes of the tallest people that could see above the crowds such as James.

I put my poncho on, pulled the hood up and began my day of anonymously queuing up for rides while being attached to Kendalls face.

I wished the rain to never end. I was in heaven with this beautiful man that looked at me with such adoration it made my heart melt.

At the end of the day we ditched the ponchos and waited by Carlos' car.

"When do you think I can see you again... just us I mean?" Kendall asked.

"I'm not sure. It can't be that difficult seeing as we live together" I smiled.

We exchanged looks of nervousness as we saw James and Carlos approach us.

"Where the hell did you two get to all day?" James moaned as he waited for Carlos to unlock the doors.

"I couldn't be bothered to look at your face all day!" I snapped at James.

James just looked away then got in the car. The way his face looked made me feel bad talking to him like that.

Kendall got back in the front seat and we made our way home to Logan.

* * *

**Chapter 19: Chapter 19**

* * *

"How long do we have left?" Kendall whispered to me as we remained curled up on his bed.

"About ten minutes" I said kissing the tip of his nose.

"It's never long enough is it" Kendall said entwining his fingers with mine.

I gazed in to his beautiful eyes. no it's never long enough kendy" I replied.

Since the day at the theme park, Kendall and I found various ways to spend alone time together. It helped that Carlos was usually out on a date. The plan with cassandra had back fired. Carlos tried to kiss her and he received a slap. So I had lost my spy and gained the knowledge that cass wasnt easily distracted by other men.

James was hardly ever in and Logan was taking his running seriously and gone for about an hour each morning and night, which is when I would sneak in to Kendalls room. This had been going on for two weeks now.

It was insane how involved we had become with each other in such a short space of time. Logan seemed so preoccupied because his grandmother was ill he didn't even notice looks Kendall and I exchanged.

"Sheri do you think that you will break up with Logan?" Kendall asked, uttering the words that I didn't feel I had an answer to.

I still loved Logan deeply, but I felt that I was falling hard for Kendall too. "I don't even know where to begin with that. Without Logan I would be nothing. I owe him so much, so much more than what I give him.. but the way I feel about you Kendall... it makes me realise that maybe I was too quick to think I had found the person I wanted to be with forever" I said snuggling my face in to his.

"I love you Sheri" he replied softly

"Seriously?" I whispered.

"With all my heart." he answered.

"I'm so sorry that we are like this. I want more for you... for us" I said.

"Don't apologise to me, your you, and this is how we met. I'm grateful for that and for everything you are. Your a new beginning for me Sheri" Kendall said kissing me, not wanting a reply.

I enjoyed every second of that kiss as I knew it was going to be our last of the day.

"I best get going" I said sitting up from his bed and picking my cardigan up which had come off so Kendall could freely touch my Boobs through my dress.

"Sucks!" Kendall replied.

"I know, try and sit next to me at dinner" I smiled. "Don't forget your due your insulin in an hour and you ate chocolate earlier!" I reminded him.

Kendall pulled a funny face at me as he opened the door to his room to let me out. He loved eating normal food but hated trying to calculate how much insulin he needed. "I won't forget Sheri" he replied. I gave him one last kiss before I left him.

Kendall pulled me in closer by my hand. His kiss had me mesmerized. "Remember this one" he whispered as our lips parted.

I smiled and turned in shock to see Carlos looking straight back at me.

My eyes wide "hi... I didn't know you were... er.. home" I stammered out.

Carlos nodded. "I can see that" he replied as he looked from me to Kendall then at my bra strap that had slipped down off my shoulder.

I instinctively pulled it back up and put my cardigan on.

"So this is happening is it!" Carlos said angrily looking at me.

"Please don't tell Logan" I whispered. Tears now leaving me.

Carlos ignored me. "Is this why your not going to kansas any more when Logan goes home, so you can fuck his girlfriend behind his back?!" Carlos hissed at Kendall.

"We haven't slept together!" Kendall replied.

Carlos looked at me. "Your a slut Sheri" he said calmly then walked back down the stairs.

"Carlos are you going to tell Logan?" I cried after him. but he left the house, slamming the door shut behind him.

I collapsed in tears. My knees no longer able to hold me up.

"What.. are we... going to.. do?" I cried looking up to Kendall.

"Sheri im so sorry... fuck.. I don't know. Baby I don't know" he said taking me in his arms.

I just sobbed, that's all I could do, my life was collapsing.

"No matter what happens Sheri, you always have me okay. Always!" Kendall said taking my head in his hands and forcing me to look up to him.

I nodded.

"Wipe your face... Logan will be back soon." Kendall said drying my face with his hand. He was so calm still.

"Logan leaves in two days. It wasn't meant to be like this" I cried.

"I know, I know" Kendall agreed.

We had planned to be alone in a cute romantic setting while the boys, including Logan! all went home to their families for a week. Although Kendall wasn't aware of it, I wanted to lose my virginity to him

"I love you" I sniffed.

"I love you too Sheri" he replied. his eyes smiled now that I had said it back to him, but they were tinged with the sadness that this was make or break time, Kendall had no clue which way I would turn.

The door opened and Logan came in, he still had his head phones on but Carlos was right behind him.

Logan saw me at the top of the stairs crying, pulling his ear phones out, he ran upstairs.

"Sheri what's wrong?" He said taking me from Kendall and enveloping his arms around me.

I looked up to Carlos who had followed Logan up.

"Sheri... you still crying over your God damn toe" Carlos said sarcastically.

Logan looked up to him, then to me. He chuckled. "Oh baby did you stub your toe" he said then pulled me in further to him, scooped me up and carried me in to our room.

I gave Kendall one last look. I think he was about to get the third degree from Carlos about our romance.

Logan sat me on the bed. "Which one is it Sheri?" Logan asked looking at my feet. I pointed to the left one.

Logan gave it a rub, "you scared me, I thought someone had hurt you." He soothed.

I couldn't stop crying.

"Sheri baby, c'mon" he whispered in my ear.

I needed to get it together, I had Been smacked about since I was tiny, I was a strong girl, a stubbed toe wouldn't even touch the sides with me, and Logan knew that.

I took in a deep breath, "fuck I'm sorry.. it just really hurt." I lied.

Logan chuckled. "It's okay... how did you do it?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I don't even know" I replied not wanting to add any lies to my already bull shit story.

"Well I was thinking we could go to the cinema tonight... maybe all of us could go. What do you say?" Logan asked.

"Sounds good. I'm going to miss you so much when you go home to Texas" I said honestly.

"It's only for a week. I can't not go when my gran is so ill huh?" He said in a patronising way.

"I know... I wish I could go with you, that's all" I replied.

"I don't want you near that man that calls himself your father" Logan said sternly.

I nodded. I had no desire to go back to see his face again. Brief thoughts of dating Kendall and how easy it would be to visit his family entered my mind, was I never going to be able to go back to Texas? I dont think there would ever be a time I would return.

Logan ran me a bath, he said it would help my toe, he even gave it a little prod to see if it was broken. I was racked with guilt for all the lies and betrayal.

I had a long soak in the bath and thought so much through. I did love Logan, I truly did. But my heart over ruled in Kendalls favour. Maybe I would live to regret this decision, but it was the right thing to do. I can't lie to Logan or myself any longer.

It was time to tell the truth.

Once I was out of the bath, dried and dressed I went downstairs.

Carlos and Logan were in the kitchen.

"Can you give us a minute los" I whispered out.

Carlos looked shocked at me, as though to say don't go fucking things up Sheri. But he walked in to the lounge leaving Logan and I alone.

"You alright?" Logan said looking on edge.

"Um... yeah. Logan we need to talk" I began.

"Well we will have all night to talk its just you and me for the cinema. James is awol, Carlos has a headache and Kendall is about to jump a flight. So romantic night. Just you and me!" He said.

My mouth gaped open at this news. "What? How come Kendall is getting on a plane?" I asked. The emotion in my face wanting to scream out.

"He's going home tonight, he's packing. What did you want to talk about?" Logan asked.

"Erm.. oh just that you were right. I'm never going back to Texas... I wanted to see what you thought of that... I'm er... Um.. just going to check on Kendall. Make sure he has taken his meds before the flight" I rambled.

Logan nodded without batting an eyelid that this may have an anterior motive.

I went up the stairs and knocked on Kendalls door.

"Yeh?" Came the reply.

"Kendall it's me.. can I come in?" I asked through the paneled door.

"Sure" he replied.

I opened up, walked in and shut the door behind me.

I looked around at the bags, it was true, he was going. "Why are you leaving, I thought we were going to spend the week together?" I whispered out, I was so confused.

"Carlos spoke to me" Kendall said in a monotone voice.

"Well screw Carlos! Why are you listening to him?" I snapped.

Kendall stood up from his bed and walked towards me, his eyes no longer kind and loving.

"Because Carlos told me the truth" he hissed at me.

"What? What are you talking about. What truth?" I asked searching his eyes for some sign of my Kendall. But they looked empty.

"Carlos told me what you said.. the day in the coffee shop when you told him about us kissing... is it true?" He asked.

"Is what true?" I asked completely confused.

"Is it true you told Carlos that you felt sorry for me. That's the reason you kissed me. Because I'm a freak. You thought you were doing a good deed, making the freak feel good about himself! Is that true Sheri?" Kendall asked.

"No its not true Kendall I love you" I whispered out.

"So your saying you never said you felt sorry for me?" Kendall asked.

"Yes... well no, but Kendall I didn't mean it like that" I replied as I watched Kendall raise his hands in the air and place them on his head.

"Your a joke you know!" He said "a sick fucking joke! I poured my heart and soul out to you Sheri. I fucking fell in love with you. And for what... to be your fucking charity case!" He raged.

"That's not true" I said starting to cry.

Kendall picked up his bags slinging one over his shoulder.

"I wanted to be loved by you so badly. At least Mackenzie had the balls to be embarrassed. Even that's better than being pitied" Kendall said as he walked toward the door.

I moved in front of him, taking his hand and blocking his way. "You can't go" I begged clinging on to him.

Kendall whipped his hand away pushing me to the floor with a thud. I instinctively held my hands up to my face expecting a hit that didn't come.

James walked in the room on hearing the noise. He eyed the situation up.

"Im not going to hit you Sheri, but I can see you deserve everything you get!" Kendall said and barged passed James who was stood in the door way looking down at me.

I broke out in to sobs as Kendall left and walked downstairs.

"I bet.. your.. fucking loving... this aren't you!" I cried looking up at James.

* * *

**Chapter 20: Chapter 20**

* * *

"Did he hurt you?" Was all James replied as he looked down at me from the doorway.

"No... not physically" I said trying to wipe my face.

James nodded. "You wanna talk about it" he asked.

I looked at James, I had been so nasty to him. I tried to defend Kendalls honor so much that I had lost a good friend like James through it.

"No im good... thank you James" I replied trying to stop my tears.

James held his hand out to help me up.

"How come you can still be nice to me?" I said taking his hand getting up. "I haven't spoken to you in two weeks" I sniffed.

James exhaled and gave me a small smile. "Because I can see the bigger picture Sheri" he said as we left Kendalls room.

I didn't know what that meant and I didn't have the energy to ask. I just nodded my head.

I stood awkwardly in the hallway. James entered the bathroom briefly and came out with some tissue, he handed it to me.

"Thank you" I said taking it and drying my eyes.

"Logan said something about a movie a second ago, when I came in... do you mind if I tag along? I think maybe a third party will help you not to... say anything silly" James said.

Shock smacked over my face. "Did you over hear Kendall and I?" I whispered.

"It doesn't make any difference if I did or I didn't Sheri" he replied.

Why was he talking in riddles. "Kay" I replied, more agreeing to him tagging along to the cinema than to the cryptic sentences he was coming out with.

So now I had to look happy on the out side for Logan so he wouldn't think anything was wrong, Carlos was ignoring me and now James was being overly nice trying to keep my emotions together.

I just wanted today to be over! I wanted to hide in the bathroom and cry my eyes out over Kendall. I spun my phone in my hand wondering to text him. But the glares I received from Carlos scared me enough to not contact him yet.

"You're very quiet Sheri" Logan said as he drove James and I to the movie theatre.

"Just tired I think" I replied.

"Maybe your catching what Logan had?" James added from the back seat.

Logan glanced at James in his rear view mirror. "I'm doing okay now" Logan said.

I rolled my eyes, Logan's illness would be fine one minute then hurt the next. He had missed out on some fun things over the weekends because of it. He never moaned though, he always just got on with it. Making sure I never missed out on anything while he stayed at home. It did worry me though, it scared me as to what was wrong with him.

I began to feel very bitter the more I thought about how Kendall had just upped and left like that.

If he loved me as much as he said, he would of heard me out. He would of wanted a reason to keep me. He didn't give us a chance.

I looked over to Logan as he drove. Beautiful, reliable Logan who thought the world of me, he wanted to marry me someday and here I was fucking all that up. I listened as he sang along to the radio. He made me smile so bad.

I had been so stupid to of almost messed it up.

"I was thinking Sheri, when I go to the airport I would prefer to say goodbye to you at the house. I can just imagine the state your going to be in when I go" he said.

I looked at Logan and burst in to tears.

"Sheri... baby c'mon, it's only a week" he soothed exchanging "here we go again" looks with James in his mirror.

"Is this why your so quiet, you don't want me to go?" He asked softly.

I shrugged. It wasn't the full reason but it was a huge one now. I didn't want to be alone without him. I needed him. I wanted to get us back on track.

Logan gave my hand a squeeze which made more tears roll down my face.

Even at the cinema as we waited around for the doors to open to our screen I clung on to Logan. He wore a leather jacket and some jeans, the smell from the leather was lovely mixed in with Logan's safe scent of home and security. He kissed the top of my head.

I cuddled in to his chest as we stood in the busy cinema, I looked at James, who gave me a smile. He was holding two colas, a huge bag of popcorn, candy floss and a bag of haribos.

I think he was worried that Logan would need his arms free to try and stop me from being an emotional wreck like in the car. My tears had stopped but my brain and heart were in turmoil.

Even here at the cinema I was thinking of Kendall. The story he told me about his first seizure and how Mackenzie reacted.

I bit back on tears and turned my head burying myself completely in to Logan.

Again I felt him kiss the top of my head. I looked up and gave him a smile. As I rested once again in his chest, I banged my head on something hard in his inside pocket of his leather jacket.

I let out a little laugh and rubbed my head.

"Ow" I smiled looking back up at Logan.

"What's up with you?" He smiled back.

"I head butted your chest" I laughed patting him down to find the offending object. "What is that?" I asked feeling the hard square shape in his inside breast pocket.

"I'm not sure.. er... gum?" He said with an awkward smile. "I heard this movie is amazing" Logan added.

His distraction technique bothered me. "What is it?" I asked again putting my hand inside his jacket. I said it in a jokey way, but my tone made it clear I wanted to see what he was trying to hide.

Logan tried to stop my hand from pulling whatever it was out but I was already in and grasped it in my hand.

"Sheri just leave it!" He snapped with a deranged smile on his face, which I gathered was for James's benefit.

I yanked whatever it was out of the pocket, in my power struggle with Logan it fell to the floor.

The three of us stared at the cell phone that now lay in two pieces on the ground.

Logan looked at me, his eyes wide.

I picked the cell up and clipped the battery back on that had fallen off in the impact.

I turned It around in my hand trying to figure out why Logan had this.

"This isn't your phone?" I asked now lifting his jacket up to see the distinct bulge in his jean pocket of the cell phone Logan did own.

"Did you steal this from someone?" I asked completely confused.

Logan didn't say a word. The crowd around us filtered in to the cinema screen that was now ready. Only Logan, James and I remained. All three of us looking at this crappy looking flip phone that I couldn't figure out why Logan had kept it in his pocket.

"Sheri..." Logan said holding his hand out to stop me, as he saw me turn it on.

I smacked his hand away and saw Logan raise both of his hands on to his head as the phone loaded itself up. Images in my mind flashed back to Kendall who had done exactly the same thing with his hands when he decided he didn't want me anymore.

The tears started rolling as I realised this wasn't going to end well. James placed his armfulls of confectionary on a nearby table. I think he realised that our night out had ended.

"Is this your phone?" I whispered through my tears to Logan.

Logan nodded, his own eyes giving away emotion that I never wanted to see from the one person that I thought would never hurt me.

I already knew then what it was I was going to find on this phone, but knowing it didn't make seeing it any easier.

'Cass'

'Cass'

'Cass'

'Cass' said the call and text history, the list was endless. It just went on and on.

I felt sick, my hands trembled.

"Cassandra?" I said through broken sobs.

"I'm so sorry" Logan said. His tears now falling silently down his face.

I sat down on a chair next to where James had placed all the drinks and food. Logan sat opposite me.

"You've been seeing her behind my back? How long for?" I cried, not really wanting an answer.

The world seemed to be running in slow motion, I heard him say "a few months".

The ache in my heart I now had was so painful, even the worst hits I had taken from my father didn't hurt any where near as much as this.

My brain kicked in to action as I tried to work out how this had happened right under my nose. I was with Logan all the time, we worked together, lived together. How had this gone on for months?

"You don't really go running do you?" I asked.

I saw Logan swallow hard. He shook his head.

I wiped my eyes only to clear the way for fresh tears. "What about all the times you stayed at home because you were ill?"

Logan bit his lip as his red eyes showed he was sorry for hurting me. "Cass came round" he answered.

I buried my head in my hands and cried. "In our bed?!" I howled out.

"Im sorry Sheri" Logan replied.

My mind took me back to all the times Logan was in the toilet claiming he was unwell. "Were you ever sick?" I accused

"No" Logan said in a sad whisper.

I looked over to James who was witnessing this heartbreaking situation. He was now sat on a bench against a wall with his head bowed down looking at his hands.

"What were you doing all those times you were in the toilet?" I asked confused.

"Texting... Sheri im so sorry" he said again as he watched me fall to pieces in front of him.

"Do you not love me any more" I sobbed. I noticed the girl at the candy stall look at me sympathetically as she too watched on at mine and Logan's public relationship breakdown.

"I do, I honestly do. Sheri you don't understand how hard its been for me." Logan said trying to reason.

"What do you mean?" I sniffed.

"Well I was boxed in. I loved you, I still do, your my best fucking friend. But I couldn't just leave you behind with your dad. I couldn't do that baby... I took you with me to save you. To get you a fresh start. Us a fresh start. When you got the job and we got the house I realised that you didn't need to rely on me as much. It felt like a fresh of breath air for me Sheri" he explained through his tears.

"I saw cass at star bucks the other week. How long has she been in California?" I asked not being able to process what he was saying at all.

"She flew in not long after we got here" he said softly.

"That's why you didn't want to sleep with me?" I sobbed out.

"No...no not at all. Sheri you don't understand. I wanted us to work, I intended for us to work. But I realised I just wanted you safe. I have achieved that now" he said.

I slapped Logan hard around the face. "But it's perfectly fine for me to suck your cock?" I cried.

"That was all you Sheri." He said hurtfully.

"Is cass still here... in LA?" I asked in bits.

"Yeah..." Logan said with a nod.

I looked over to James again, we just stared at each other for a few seconds as he watched on from the side lines.

"Is she traveling home with you... Is that the reason you wanted to say bye at the house?" I asked as hot tears spilled from my eyes.

"Something like that yeah... I'm so sorry Sheri" he said.

"Something like that... Logan what else have you lied about?" I said in a trembling state of shock.

Logan looked at his hands, then back up to me.

"Just tell me Logan... I deserve the truth don't you think?!" I whispered.

"Logan!?" I tried again.

He looked up to me. "We weren't going to Texas. We were going on holiday to florida" he revealed.

My mouth made some opening and closing movements but nothing wanted to come out.

"But you were going to take me away after?! What about your gran, she is so sick!" I reminded him.

Logan shook his head.

"It's all a lie? Everything? Your gran isn't ill?" I asked.

"I haven't spoken to my family for so long. They no nothing about cass and I. As far as I'm aware my gran is perfectly healthy." He clarified. "I just wanted to get you safe, I was so mind set on doing that, that I forgot what it was like to not worry about anything, then when we came here and things turned out so good, I realised that there were more things I could think about than how to keep you in one piece." He said trying to take my hand.

I shrugged him away. "You promised you would never hurt me" I sobbed.

"I'm so sorry" he said now resting his head in his hands.

"Are you leaving me? ... to be with her, was that your plan?" I asked.

"Cass understands the situation we are in... you are in. She has been supportive of everything for us Sheri" he said then received another slap around the face from me, and another one until I was just going mental hitting Logan on the head, I still had his phone in one hand and managed to hit him hard with that. He just took it. Accepted that he deserved it.

James eventually came over and pulled me away. He squished his arms around me to stop me from hitting Logan.

"She understands the fucking situation!?" I screamed at him. " you fucker.. your a bastard Logan Henderson!" I yelled at him.

"Im sorry" was all he replied.

I struggled against James to Get free but he wasn't letting go. "ARE YOU LEAVING ME FOR HER!" I screamed at him.

"Yes" he replied, his own tears uncontrollable.

For the second time that day my legs buckled beneath me. James stopped me from falling to the ground. As I looked around in a daze I saw people standing and staring at the scene Logan and I had created.

"I want to go" I whispered through my tears to James.

"Okay, c'mon" he said wrapping his arm around me to steady my wobbly legs. I must of looked drunk. James took Logan's cell phone from my hand with a struggle and handed it back to him as we walked away.

"Deep breaths Sheri... Deep breaths" James said trying to help me gain some composure as we stepped out on to the busy streets of Los Angeles.

James guided me in to a taxi, once inside I cried my heart out, this time on James's shoulder.

* * *

**Chapter 21: Chapter 21**

* * *

James took me up to an apartment that was on the 5th floor of a building.

"Take a seat" James said, gesturing to the sofa. I looked around the apartment, it was a mess. Beer cans, soda cans, odd socks and underwear were scattered about every where.

I moved a t-shirt to one side of the sofa as I sat down. My head thumped from crying so hard. Even my lips felt swollen from the tears I had shed in the taxi on the way here.

"Can I get you... er... a coffee?" James asked looking lost. Not knowing what to really do with me now my world had pretty much folded in on itself.

"Just a water would be great... thanks" I whispered, with a staggered sniff, trying to get my breathing back in order.

James went off and made a fair bit of noise in the kitchen as he got a glass of water for me. He reappeared moments later with a mug of water in one hand and some pills in the other.

"What are they for?" I asked looking at the pills.

"I saw you rubbing your temples. Figured the last thing you need right now is a head ache." He replied.

I smiled weakly and took the pills, washing them down with the water.

"Sorry about the mug... I couldn't find a clean glass" James said with a wary chuckle.

I looked around at the messy apartment again.

"Who's place is this?" I asked, taking another sip of water. I felt so dehydrated.

"My sister's " James explained.

"no offence James, but your sister is a slob!" I said giving a dirty sock a prod with my shoe.

James laughed. "It's not my sister that is the slob, it's me! I've been hiding out here. She hasn't been home for a week or so, she is visiting family in New York" he explained.

I nodded. "This is where you have been coming instead of going home?" I asked.

"Yeah... I just needed to clear my head... get away from you!" He said with a small smile.

"I'm sorry about the way I spoke to you after Kendalls seizure" I said looking in to his kind brown eyes, they reminded me of Logan.

"Don't worry about it Sheri... how close were you and Kendall?" He asked shyly.

"I thought we were really close, I told him I loved him, he told me the same" I explained.

"Sheri if Kendall did love you then he would never of left you on that floor."

"I guess" I replied.

"How come you fell out? I missed that part of your argument... you need to shout louder" he said sarcastically.

I gave him a little smile. "He took offence to something I had told Carlos... but he took it out of context... I can't believe he just left like that" I said getting teary again.

James handed me a tissue that was in a box on the coffee table in front of us. "What about Logan? Do you really think it's over between you two? That was some pretty fucked up shit back there in the cinema"

"Its over... Cass won. So much for operation seduction huh" I said as I wiped my nose, the tears still falling without any effort.

"Yeah I feel bad about that... at least Logan didn't go through with it" he replied.

"Have you ever been in love james?" I asked.

"Yeah once" he replied.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Well I never went out with her, I just admired her from a far" he explained. I found it amusing that the beautiful and flirty James Maslow couldn't get the courage to ask a girl out that he liked.

"How come you never told her how you feel" I asked.

"It was never the right moment... besides I don't think she ever liked me like that. Staying friends was easier." He said looking miles away.

"Was she beautiful?" I questioned.

"The prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life" he said softly.

I smiled. "Do you still see her James?"

"Yeah I do... maybe one day I will be brave enough and tell her how I feel" he replied.

"Well if she turns you down she must be really stupid" I said spurring him on.

"I think that some of the things she says and does can be stupid, but her heart is always in the right place" he said still with that far away look in his eye.

"I know that feeling. I feel so dumb and naive thinking I had found the person I wanted to spend my life with so soon, then again with Kendall I felt the same after just one kiss... it's stupid! What do I know about love!" I said shaking my head.

"Your 16 Sheri, falling in love is as easy as... i dunno... whistling!" He said reassuringly, to which I laughed.

"What's so funny" James asked with a bemused look on his face.

"I can't whistle" I said with a chuckle.

James smiled just as my cell phone rang. I pulled the phone from my pocket and saw Logan's name on the caller ID.

"Did you want new to get that for you?" James asked softly in a hope to not set me off crying again.

"No... no, I'm not ready to talk to him yet" I replied as I watched the phone ring out, and the missed call sign popped up.

"Sheri I know it's not the best time to bring this up but are you going to be able to work with Logan on set?" James asked.

I let out a big sigh. "I guess that's something Logan didn't consider in his amazing plans of keeping me safe huh" I said regrettably.

"What do you mean?" James said looking confused.

"I'm not so sure I can even look at Logan again, let alone work with him, acting out like we are friends... if I don't have a job, I don't have any money. I don't even have a place to live now I'm not with him" I explained.

"Sure you do, I'm pretty sure Logan would prefer to leave and make sure you have a home. His goal was to keep you safe remember, he isn't going to go back on that" James said knowingly.

"Even if that's true, I share a room with Logan, he is the tenant, not me! I'm too young to rent, im too young to do anything." I whispered out, defeated and crying again.

"We will sort something out Sheri... I promise" James replied giving me a gentle rub on the shoulder to console me.

"Thanks James" I sniffed wanting to believe him.

"Well you can stay here tonight if you didn't want to go back home, I can offer you the bed or the sofa... ladies choice." He said with a grin.

I smiled at his kindness. I hadn't even spoken to James for ages, but here he was, the only person helping me in my biggest time of need. "Tell you what, I will take the sofa, leaving you the comfy bed. But you have to help me tidy up because I can't stand homes in this kind of mess... reminds me of my father" I said quietly.

James gave me a brilliant smile. "Deal" he replied.

We tidied in silence, I think James was giving my head some time to get itself together. All I could think of was Logan one second, then Kendall the next. Both broke my heart.

As I finished collecting dirty clothes I sat down at the kitchen table watching James finish washing the dishes.

"I don't want to end up back in Texas James" I revealed. Feeling scared of what my future may now hold for me.

James turned and looked at me, he flung the dish towel over his shoulder and came and sat next to me. "Tell me about what happened to you. I've never heard you speak about it" James asked.

"Does your sister have any corn chips?" I asked.

James smiled. "Long story is it?" He asked as he stood up and rummaged through cupboards.

"Yeah, something like that" I said. James handed me the chips and some salsa dip he had found.

"Tell me how it started... everything!" James asked. His face serious.

"Okay, well my mom left when I was really little, I can't remember if it was normal before that, but my dad just drank and drank. I remember the first time he hit me. I was 5. It was this huge back hander across my face. It knocked me over the other side of the room" I replied living the memory crystal clear in my mind.

"Why did he hit you? Was there a reason?" James asked, his eyes searching my own as he saw my pain.

"Yeah... I didn't want to eat my dinner. It tasted funny, I swear to this day, that it was off. But he didn't listen to my reasons. I ate every meal after that but it didn't make any difference. He would hit me for anything, a comment, a look , the way I dressed, my chores... absolutely anything." I explained.

James stared at me for a little while as he tried to understand what I went through. I saw him scan my face as his own memories of what my battered appearance looked like when he first met me. "Did you never tell any one?" He eventually asked.

"I did... I told my teacher at school, who told the head mistress. My dad was called in for a chat with both of them but he told them that I was rebelling against him because of the absence of my mother. They believed him, thought I was doing it to myself for attention so they came down hard on me. I never told any one else apart from Logan" I said with a sigh.

James nodded. "What would you prefer Sheri, to still live in fear in Texas with Logan, or how things are now, safe... but without him?" He asked.

"If I had a choice I would choose neither... I'm done with being hurt James. I've suffered enough, I don't want to do it any more" I said wiping a stray tear away from my eye.

"Sheri everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." James said.

"Do you think Logan and Kendall are worth suffering for?" I asked.

James smiled. "Kendall definitely not! But Logan cares about you. He protected you and he took you away from the one thing you feared. I would say that going through this heart ache now is worth you not still being in Texas being smacked about by your dad... don't you?" He simply said.

"I guess... I suppose he wasn't doing any different to what I was with Kendall... we just moved on huh" I replied, trying to see James's way of thinking.

"Exactly. Im not saying he is a good guy but he saved you Sheri" James smiled.

"Are you trying to cheer me up James" I accused looking at his cheeky smile.

"I might be... how's it working out for me so far?" He enquired.

"Pretty good" I replied.

"Would it change to really good if I ordered us a pizza to veg out to?" He asked, his smile getting bigger.

"I'm willing to take that chance" I chuckled.

* * *

I stayed the night on the sofa at James's sister's house. I didn't sleep a wink.

My head hurt, my heart hurt and I spent most of the night crying. It was a lot to come to terms with. I was alone now!

I wasn't one half of anything anymore. I had no family, no Logan, no Kendall. My future no longer looked as rosy as it did a few days ago.

I spent a lot of the morning with my own thoughts, James didnt look like he was ever going to wake up. I didn't feel comfy going in to see him. I just waited it out.

Logan had text me a few times. Saying things like he was always there for me. And he was sorry. He said he hoped to talk when he returned in a week if I didn't want to see him before.

I had heard nothing from Kendall.

James finally woke up just after midday. He walked out of his bedroom like something out of a horror film.

"Morning" he grunted, rubbing his eyes.

"Good afternoon" I corrected him.

James shuffled in to the kitchen scratching at his head as he yawned. His floppy brown hair stuck in all sorts of different directions.

"Have you eaten?" He grumbled.

"Yeah I had some cereal, I washed my bowl up" I smiled.

"Cool." James replied as he opened up the oven and grabbed the left over pizza from last night. He then came and sat next to me.

"How you feeling today?" He asked as he looked at which curled up bit of cold pizza he was going to treat himself to first.

"Empty! I have no clue who I am at the moment" I sighed.

James rested his head on my shoulder. "Well let's re invent Sheri cooper in to something fabulous" James said pushing the pizza away from him as he decided he didn't want it.

"I'm just me James, I can't be re invented." I smiled.

"What are you doing today?" He then asked.

"I need to go back and have a shower, get changed then spend the week in bed crying" I replied sarcastically.

"Not on my watch your not!" James said standing up, "we will go... surfing?" He said hesitantly.

"No way" I laughed.

"Okay ... erm. Shopping?" He tried.

"I'm not really in the mood" I explained.

"Get some alco pops, get drunk and sit in the hot tub?" James said as his last ditch attempt.

I laughed. "I don't want to drink but the hot tub sounds good!... what if Logan is in though? He doesn't leave until tomorrow."

"He has left already, he sent me a text asking if you were okay and that he wasn't at the house so you were free to go back." James said softly.

"Really ? Did he say anything else?" I asked now with hot tears rolling down my face.

"No, he didn't Sheri" James said handing me a tissue from a box on the coffee table. "C'mon lets take you home" he said softly.

I looked up at James and nodded with a sigh.

Once home James walked me in, it was weird. Carlos had gone home, Kendall had gone, and Logan had packed most of his things and left.

There was an envelope on the kitchen table with my name on it.

"Are you going to read that?" James asked.

"I don't want to hear what he has to say just yet." I said stuffing the letter in to my bag.

"Okay, get your bikini on, I'll get the hot tub on!" James said grabbing us two cans of cola from the fridge.

I got changed and had a good soak with James in the hot tub, it was nice to have the entire thing to our selves. James kept my mind busy, mostly by playing guess the song. He would sing a bit of a song and I would have to figure out which one it was.

I was terrible at it.

After we had turned prune-like from spending too much time in the tub, we got out, dried off and changed. I looked at Logan's shirt that was folded up neatly on my bed. I still wore it as a night shirt. It just didn't feel right to wear it now. My heart ached at the amount of times I had tried to seduce him wearing that. I placed it away in his drawer and just got dressed in to some leggings and a top.

I went down stairs to find James channel surfing.

"I got you a soda" James said as his eyes glazed over the tv.

"Thanks" I replied as I sat down next to him.

"Well I've been through every channel twice, but the only things on are... 'seven years in Tibet' , 'pimp my ride' or 'titanic' " James said glancing at me.

"Titanic... can't beat a bit of Leo to cheer a girl up huh?" I smiled as James turned the channel over for me.

He raised an eye brow just before he turned his head to watch Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet dance drunkenly to Irish music.

I folded my legs up on the sofa to relax. I watched the tv as leo and kate ran away hand in hand. My thoughts strayed to Logan. How romantic it was that we ran away together. I regretted not being able to share everything with him. I did love him. I did once want to marry him.

I envied leo and kate as I watched them all loved up in the dumb ass film. that used to be me. That used to be how Logan and I felt about each other. Now everything had changed. I was never likely to feel as close to anyone like I did with Logan.

I watched the film as they got hot and heavy in the back of the car. Kate's hand slid down the steamed up window.

"Is that what it's like James?" I asked. My eyes still glued to the soft smut of leo and kate getting it on on the tv screen.

"Is that what what's like?" James asked not bothering to move his eyes from the screen.

"Sex! Is that what it's like?" I asked still looking at the tv. "Is it really so amazing that you can't control anything?"

I saw James's head turn towards me. "I wouldn't know Sheri" he simply said.

My head turned towards him at his unexpected words. "You are kidding right?" I asked. Highly entertained that someone as cool and good looking as James could still be a virgin.

"I've never had sex... I had a blow job once... that was pretty mind blowing" he said looking slightly embarrassed.

"How are you still a virgin?" I laughed.

"It's not through lack of trying, believe me. The girls at school just wouldn't put out" he laughed.

I shook my head in disbelief. Nearly all the girls at my old school had lost their virginity. They would of fought over someone like James. "Do you think it's like that?" I Asked.

James shrugged. "I dunno... guess so. I get nervous just thinking about it" James said going a bit red.

I nodded. "Yeah I feel nervous. At least if I had of lost it with Logan then I knew he would of ... been gentle" I decided to say.

"I came close to losing it once. But the girl changed her mind." James confided.

I turned my head back to the screen. Once again I felt like a silly little girl. Believing one day Logan and I would be married and have sex. Believing he would never hurt me. Believing that I thought Kendall was then the one I wanted to be losing my virginity to. Believing Kendall loved me. James was right, sex was sex. It wasn't love. I honestly had no clue what love really was. I was 16, I knew nothing. Logan knew nothing... Kendall knew even less.

"James... do you want to do it... to get it over and done with?" I asked quietly.

"Do what?" He asked, his eyes glued back to the screen.

"Will you have sex with me... to get it over and done with... we could lose it together?" I whispered. Feeling my face burning as James looked at me in complete shock.

"Are you joking?" He asked with a half smile on his face, trying to figure out if this was a prank.

"I just want it out of the way. Sex is sex" I said not knowing where to look.

"Don't you want to save it for someone special?" He asked, not moving his eyes from mine.

"I think that ship has sailed now James... seriously lets do it! Now! What do you say?" I asked.

James then searched every inch of my face. He stayed silent for several minutes before uttering the words "ok then" to me.

* * *

**Chapter 22: Chapter 22**

* * *

I stared at James as I came to terms with my own odd request he has just agreed to.

"You won't regret it?" I whispered.

James muted the tv and turned back to me. "No, but there has to be one rule... just one!" he said.

I nodded. "What's that?"

"It won't get weird between us after, we stay friends! There will be no awkwardness tomorrow." He said.

"I agree. Least by doing this as friends it can't get fucked up right?!" I asked.

"It won't. Tomorrow we can ... I dunno... go and have breakfast by the beach..." He said.

"And talk about our amazing sex!" I added with a smile.

"I can't guarantee it to be amazing" James said laughing. "What if I fail miserably?"

I smiled at him. "Then I will give you tips on how to make it better... this is win/win James"

James nodded.

"You sure you want to do this? I understand if you wanted to save it for someone special, just because your a boy shouldn't mean you have to throw it away. I don't want to feel like I'm forcing you" I said.

"No... I'm fine with it Sheri" he replied.

I nodded and held out my little finger to James. "Pinky promise that we stay friends" I said softly.

James linked his little finger with mine. "Pinky promise" he whispered.

"How do you want to go about this then?" I asked.

"I have no clue" James replied getting the giggles.

"Did you want to go upstairs? Be a bit more comfy than on here" I said tapping the sofa.

James nodded, he looked incredibly nervous.

We went in to my room and I sat on the end of my bed.

"Are you on the pill?" James asked.

I shook my head. "No, I have a bunch of rubbers though" I said, my voice shaking slightly.

"Okay... erm... did you want the light on or off?" James asked as he still stood in the door way.

"Off... no, on!... I don't know, what do you think?" I Asked, now feeling terrified that James was about to see me naked.

"Why don't we go half way and have the little bedside lamp on?" James suggested.

"Yeah good idea" I said as I got up and turned on the lamp that was on my bedside table. James turned the ceiling light out and the room looked perfect in its half lit ambience.

"should we get undressed now?" I whispered out.

"Erm... I guess... Sheri im actually really nervous!" James admitted.

"So am I..." I agreed. "I'm scared you will laugh at my body"

"I've checked you out a bunch of times in your bikini Sheri, your good!" He smiled.

I laughed. "Thanks for your honesty... pervert" I laughed.

"You want me to go first?" He asked.

I looked up at James. He still stood by the door in the dimly lit room. I trusted him completely at this moment in time. "No I will go first... this was my idea" I said softly.

"Ok" he whispered out.

I unhooked my bra first under my t shirt and pulled it out from my sleeve. I then took my shirt off exposing my breasts to James.

I looked up to see what his reaction was. I saw him gulp.

Next to come down were the leggings. I took a big breath as I pulled my underwear down and Stood fully naked in front of a boy I had never even kissed.

"What do you think?" I said crossing my arms over my chest, not knowing what to really do with them.

"Your beautiful Sheri" James replied.

"Your go then" I said with a smile. Still standing awkwardly.

"Okay you have no idea how nervous I am right now though" he said with a smile.

"James I'm standing here naked In front of you, I have some idea" I laughed nervously.

James took his shirt off, exposing his tanned chest and abs that I had checked out countless times in the hot tub and at the beach.

He looked up and gave me a smile as he tucked his thumbs in his jogging pants ready to pull down.

"Do It" I said laughing.

With that he did. He pulled down his jogging bottoms and his boxers down with one swoop, he stepped out of his crumpled trousers, and looked up to me for a reaction to his nakedness.

"Holy fucking shit!" I said staring at James' body.

"All to your satisfaction for the job at hand?" he smiled.

"James... your cock... it's fucking huge" I laughed. "No way that is going to fit in me!" I said now feeling even more nervous.

"I will be gentle" he said softly, still smiling.

"Oh my God" I sighed still looking at it, "So this is it then. How did you want to do this?" I asked gaining some composure.

"Start with a kiss I guess?" James said looking awkward for the first time.

"Ok" I whispered and took a step nearer to him.

"Where are the... err... " James said scanning surfaces for condoms.

"Oh! they are in there" I said opening a drawer to my left and pulling a condom packet out. I placed it on the bed side table ready for when the time comes.

"Let's hope it fits" James laughed, to which I raised my eye brow.

James sat down on the edge of my bed, he held his hand out to mine and pulled me towards him, I sat down next to him.

"You sure you want to do this?" He asked softly.

"Yep! Are you?" I replied.

He answered by giving me his first kiss.

James was a brilliant kisser, better than Kendall, and slower than Logan. It took my breath away. He was very attentive. I opened my eyes briefly just to look at him as he kissed me. His eyes were shut, his beautiful long lashes framing his kind eyes. He looked very relaxed.

He still held on to my hand. Even how he held that, with big gentle thumb strokes he was giving me was filled with affection.

I pulled away. James opened his eyes slowly.

"You okay?" He asked.

"Yeah just... well I don't want this to be like a quick fuck then you disappear" I said.

James kissed my neck, enjoying every minute of our time together. "Im... not... going... anywhere" he said in between kisses.

"Promise? We will spend the night together and wake up together?" I asked nervously.

"I promise" he said making full eye contact.

I smiled, and enjoyed his kisses on my neck. "Let's get comfy" I said getting on to the bed properly and pulling him over to me.

James and I kissed again, his tongue entered my mouth. It seduced me, it intrigued me, it overwhelmed me.

He was a lot taller than Logan but it didn't seem to make any difference in the position we were currently in. His body lay on top of mine. the entire time James had his lips attached to mine he was caressing me with his thumb.

I ran my hands down his back, feeling the dips in his hips, his skin so smooth, and delicate.

I moved my hand around and bravely had my first touch of his dick. Now he was aroused it felt even bigger in my palm.

I hoped it wasn't going to hurt too bad. I had no clue what kind of pain it was going to be. I gently stroked it in my hand, I heard James let out a gasp as he enjoyed my touch.

"You like that?" I whispered, as James trailed kisses along my chin, his hand on my waist still making the little thumb strokes which I found comforting at a time I feared I was about to be split in two any minute by a massive penis.

"Yeah... go easy Sheri... I might unload" he said, I could feel the smile on his lips as he spoke.

I let go of his dick, not wanting to send him over the edge before I had even done the deed.

"This feels nice huh, it's not as weird as I thought it was going to be." I whispered in his ear as his kisses came up higher.

"So nice" was all James replied. His hand then moved its way up my body and caressed one of my breasts. The feel of James touching me felt so naughty, it only made it feel better.

He enjoyed the fact that my body was reacting to his touch. His fingers gently rubbed over one of my nipples as it hardened with pleasure.

James seemed to be working every inch of my body, getting me ready for losing my virginity. I thought this was very caring of him. Most boys would just dive straight in, but not James. James was doing it right. He was treating me to his body while he treated his to mine.

"Am I good to go lower?" He hushed in my ear. moving his head so I could see he was actually asking and not just going through the motions of being polite. His brown eyes, I decided no longer looked like Logan's. Logan's eyes were so dark, but now I could see that James's were so much lighter. His eyelashes ridiculously long only making him more beautiful.

"Yeah.. " I replied in the same hushed tone.

A little moan escaped my lips as I felt James's warm fingers run in between my legs.

"That okay?" He asked.

"Mmm hmmm" I replied. Feeling like I could get carried away myself If I wasn't careful.

James carried on kissing me ever so slowly, as he caressed me intimately. He was working me up to some amazing heights.

He seemed to listen to my body, wait on every reaction. He knew when I was hitting the highs and would slow his pace down to calm my body.

My mind cast back to the day at the beach when James whispered in my ear that he could find a way to get me wet.

He had certainly found his way!

His hand left my private parts and he began the adorable little caresses on my hip, I loved the feel of that caring thumb as it stroked my skin.

I wrapped my arms around James's neck, pulling him in closer as our kissing got very hot and heavy.

Screw you Kate and Leo, I thought to myself. This was amazing. This felt amazing. "James I think I'm ready" I whispered as I parted our lips.

His naked body all ready up against me so close. I could feel his cock as it lay hard against my leg.

James nodded. "Me too" he replied then reached over to get the condom.

"You don't have to wear that if you don't want to? I want this to feel amazing for you too" I said.

"Sheri" James said in a half moan, like he didn't like having the responsibility of such an irresponsible choice.

"I don't mind... I promise" I whispered.

"Sheri... I don't know.." he said now resting his head on my forehead, torn between peace at mind or complete ecstasy.

I opened my legs, letting the tip of his massive dick feel the warm beautiful pleasures of my woman hood. "Does that feel good?" I said feeling the sexiest I had ever felt in my life.

"So fucking good Sher bear" he whispered out.

"You wanna put it all in?" I teased whispering in his ear.

"Yeah" James replied breathing heavily, his sexual desire now over ruling any normal train of thought or common sense.

"Put it in James" I replied, my own breathing erratic, as I got caught up with the feelings James was inflicting on me.

James let go of the condom, leaving it on my bedside table. I felt his hardness enter me slowly. The pleasure of him in me after my body had adapted itself to wanting him so badly out weighed any pain I felt from him breaking the seal on my virginity.

"Does it feel worth it?" I asked as James stayed relatively still fully inserted in to me.

"It's amazing" he said then began going to work on my body as the two of us became one.

True to his word, James was very gentle. He wasn't having sex, he was making love to me. We kissed so slowly as his body rocked against my own.

The feel of him inside me was all I had ever hoped to feel. He had worked me up so well before, that the amazing feeling that was building up inside me with every movement James made as he lay on top of me, sent me nearer and nearer to heaven.

James still stroked his thumb in such a beautiful way along the side of my stomach, his other hand brushed my hair back. His elbow taking a lot of his own weight as it leant on the bed, beside my face.

"Your perfect Sheri" he randomly whispered in a scarce break from our kiss.

"This is perfect" I replied, pulling him back in, my tongue wanting to be reunited with his.

If possible I felt James harden even more inside me. It felt so good, I was so close to the gates of heaven. There was no going back now.

"I'm close Sheri, shall I take it out" he said still worrying about our lack of protection.

"No, im close too... I want to feel it" I said softly, pleading with him not to stop.

The next few seconds of my life involved the best feeling my body had ever experienced. I called James's name in ecstasy as his vocal cords also lost any control.

"That was pretty amazing sher bear" James said giving my forehead a delicate little kiss.

"Sher bear?" I chuckled. Feeling so relaxed in his company. "That was amazing!" I agreed. James was still in me. My own body still very much enjoying the fact we were still joined.

"You wanna have a shower with me?" James asked cheekily as his breathing returned to normal.

"Sounds good... feels a bit messy" I said with a chuckle.

"We were a bit silly... about the condom Sheri" he said regrettably, now his brain was in normal working mode again.

I kissed him. "Yeah... im sorry... We can sort it out tomorrow though" I replied.

James smiled. "It was worth it Sheri" he whispered then kissed me back.

We showered and spent some time still enjoying one another's bodies as we washed each other.

This evening had been completely fantastic. I couldn't imagine losing my virginity to be more perfect. James continued to shower me with affection, I looked forward to spending the rest of the night curled up in his body, and waking up to his kisses.

James got back in to bed just after me. He swept my damp hair to one side and welcomed me in to his arms. He smelt lovely from his own scent mixed in with the shampoo and shower gel that lingered on his body.

James fell to sleep pretty quick, I only knew he was completely under when his gorgeous thumb strokes on my elbow came to a standstill as his arm wrapped around me. I fell to sleep with only the smallest of thoughts of Logan and Kendall, and enjoyed a dreamless nights sleep.

The bright L.A. Sun woke me up, I looked sleepy at my bedside clock that read 6:24am. I rubbed my eyes to wake up. I saw the unused condom and smiled as I remembered the nights events. I turned to lay eyes on my Maslow love God but my eyes just met an empty bed to the side of me.

James had gone.

* * *

**Chapter 23: Chapter 23**

* * *

I felt numb at first. I just stared at the empty space. How could he do that after everything he said to me. The promises he gave! The staying friends speech he sold me and breakfast by the beach... how could he do this?!

I turned on to my back and stared at the ceiling. The numbness wore off as the betrayal of Logan came back in to my mind and the hurtful unworthy absence from Kendall. Were all boys completely nasty and only thought about one thing?

I honestly thought better of James. I fell for his words and his promises, I got lulled in to a false sense of security with the gentle strokes of his thumb.

The hurt from his betrayal felt raw inside me now. I turned on to my side and curled my legs up to my stomach. My arms folded over my chest on to the night shirt I had found to sleep in. As my eyes lay on the un opened condom on the bedside table, my stupidity and how uttetly naive I had been, hit me.

The tears came rolling out. I felt so alone, it wasn't meant to be like this. I had no one, and nothing left in my life. I sobbed so hard.

"Sheri? What's wrong?" Came a soft voice as I heard my bedroom door click shut.

I turned to see James looking horrified that I was in tears, seeing him there just made me cry harder.

"Where were you. I thought you had left?" I sobbed looking at James wearing his jogging bottoms from yesterday but still remained shirtless.

"The door rang... a house two doors down had been broken in to. It was a police officer asking if anyone had seen anything... I would never of just gone... you know me Sheri" he said sitting down on the bed and pulling me in to his arms.

I cried harder hearing his reasons. "I would never in a million years just of upped and left you like that." He soothed. I felt the familiar stroke of his beautiful thumb as his hand rested along the base of my spine.

"Im sorry" I blubbed out.

James let out a little chuckle. "Don't be sorry... Jesus you scared the life out of me, I thought you regretted what we did" he replied.

I shook my head as it buried just under his chin. "No I don't regret it at all... I do need to go and get a morning-after pill from some where though" I said feeling bad that I roped him in to having unprotected sex with me when I knew he didn't really want to do that.

James gave my head a little kiss. "Yeah... Yeah we do need to sort that out." He replied in a soothing voice.

I clung on to James for dear life it seemed. so grateful that I had been mistaken that he had gone.

"Let's get comfy" James whispered to me, he moved further up on the bed and rested his back against my headboard. His arms still welcoming me in to him.

I sniffed as I gained control of my emotions.

His soft skin making me feel safe once again, I liked feeling like I belonged. Even though I knew what James and I were doing wasn't meant to last, he was still filling an absolutely huge void in my life while I tried to figure out what I should do next.

James sounded off a huge yawn. I looked up to him in amusement at such a loud noise to of come out of him.

"Sorry" he chuckled out as another yawn left him.

"Did I wear you out last night James?" I mocked him.

"I think you must of done" he replied getting comfy. James held on to me even though my crying had well and truly stopped, and once again I knew he had fallen to sleep by his tell tale thumb movements coming to a cease.

James really did like his sleep. I had never noticed before but as I watched him with his eyes closed and his breathing get heavier I recalled never seeing James before midday on a weekend. He was the last to get up for work and yesterday morning he didn't Grace me with his presence until the afternoon.

I smiled to myself as I thought about his cute little habits I had never even noticed.

I tried to get back to sleep also, but my head was too busy to rest. I went to get a drink downstairs just after 9am as James still slept. As I filled my glass up at the sink and looked out the kitchen window to the street I lived on I counted at least 3 police cars in attendance for the break-in James had mentioned. I think there were more but my field of vision wouldn't let me see further.

I tutted to myself at my rash emotions. I was too quick to judge. I felt I was always waiting to be hurt and let down instead of just actually trusting someone with my feelings.

I made my way upstairs to find James now completely stretched out in my bed. He was belly down, with his head to the side, snoring just ever so slightly. He was so cute. His brown hair a complete mess on his head.

Today however I wasn't planning on hanging around waiting for him to wake up.

I trailed my finger along the curve in his spine. The touch of him turning me on already.

I saw a smile creep on to his face as his conscious mind kicked in and woke up.

I kissed his shoulder blades, the muscles in his back so prominent from the way his body lay.

He eventually turned himself over, revealing the biggest erection bulge in his jogging bottoms that he still wore from answering the door. Boy scouts could camp under that thing with plenty of room to spare.

"This is by far the best way anybody has tried to wake me up" james said. His voice husky and unbroken from his sleep.

I didn't reply I just kissed his lips. My tongue enjoying itself as it was reunited with its new best friend that lived in James's mouth.

I parted from him slowly, not really wanting to go. I tugged down at his pants, exposing what can only be described as a freakishly big penis in to the open air.

It still took me by surprise, I'm unaware of how I don't have major internal injuries after that thing had been inside me. Im pretty sure that James could poke me in the heart whilst he was entering me, it was that big!

"What are you up to sher bear" he said using the adorable little nickname he had invented.

"I was going to ride it..." I replied getting ready to hitch my leg over.

James raised just one sexy eyebrow at me. "Not without this" he said reaching over to grab the condom and handed it to me.

I rolled my eyes at it. I enjoyed the feeling of James and his bare back cock. The thought of it being smothered and suffocated inside this thing just depressed me.

"Once more won't make any difference if I've got to get that pill anyway" I tried to reason.

"Put it on Sheri" James said with a smile but his tone made sure I knew he wasn't up for bargaining this time.

I ripped open the packet and did what I had read on the box countless times while I was trying to seduce Logan each and every night.

James relaxed back in to the bed as he saw he was now fully covered and safe to enjoy me. I hitched my leg over, straddling his body. I slowly lowered myself on to him. His cock sliding in with ease despite its size.

"Does it hurt?" James said as he scanned my face. He entwined one of his hands in mine.

"Stings a little... it's okay" I reassured him, then began doing what felt natural to do whilst in this position.

I felt James's hips move ever so slightly as he enjoyed me riding him. He slipped one hand up my night shirt and ran it along my breasts. Shivers pulsed through my body as his touch on my skin turned me on. The more I enjoyed how he felt on me, the faster I got.

It felt so good. I never wanted this to end. Once again I felt the build up of pleasure inside me.

"Fuck! i'm cumming!" I called out as my rhythm on James went insane and I stole every ounce of heaven that his body was capable of giving me.

My body shone in sweat from my work out. "Have you cum?" I asked James, not really knowing what was going on because of the stupid condom.

He shook his head and bit his lip. Both his hands grabbed my waist encouraging me to keep going. "Don't stop Sheri... fuck don't stop" he breathed out heavily. Then made the sexiest noise I had ever heard as he came.

I smiled as I felt the distinct feel of his thumb stroking my side.

I separated my body from James, noticing the good thing of using a condom was everything was a lot less messy.

We both lay there looking up to the ceiling as our breathing returned to normal once more.

James turned and looked at me. "Breakfast by the beach!?" He announced, to which I smiled.

* * *

"So what was better? With or without a condom?" I asked as we sat out on terrace of a small cafe overlooking the beach.

"Definitely without, but we were stupid Sheri. I can just imagine Logan's face if I got you pregnant" he said smiling at his imaginary version of a pissed off Logan.

"You won't get me pregnant James! I will get that pill straight after we have finished this" I said pointing at my breakfast that he had bought me.

"It was amazing though Sheri... I mean that" he said whole heartedly.

"Yeah it was" I smiled.

We went in to great detail of what we liked about our night together. James came across as being very comfortable with me when he spoke about it. There was definitely no weird atmosphere between us.

It was nice to just easily fall back in to being his friend, despite the closeness we had experienced together.

We walked along the beach after breakfast and talked about everything and anything. James googled local sexual health clinics on his phone that would be open that I could possibly get that pill from. He wasn't taking any chances of leaving it to me.

The day swam passed quickly, I got my pill, which was an education. Under age sex in L.A. didn't even bat an eyelid with the nurse that handed me it. She was handing them out like packs of smarties to the fairly large group of girls that appeared to be in the same boat as me as I waited for my turn to be seen.

Once home and relaxing again in the hot tub with James it didn't take long for us to come up with an excuse to have sex together again. This time was more adventurous. We were safe this time, James made sure of that. Being surrounded by the warm water only aided our pleasure.

As the day gave way to night, we ended up in the same bed again. Exhausted after another sex session with James. I enjoyed him being with me, I didn't feel lonely as I was wrapped in his arms, feeling the reassuring touch of his thumb stroke against my skin.

The rest of the week went by the same. Friends by day, fuck buddies by night. I looked forward to feeling the thumb stroke and adored it when I knew James had fallen to sleep. It was the only time his affection stopped.

I got in to bed early the following Saturday while I waited for James to get out from the shower. I felt nervous as it was almost time for Logan and Kendall to come back from there vacations.

My heart ached. I had put them both to the back of my mind the entire week.

As I got sucked in to horrible memories that last week had left me, I remembered the letter Logan had left me on the table.

I reached over to the bag I had stuffed it in to and pulled it out of the zipped compartment.

I opened the envelope that had my name written on it in capitals with a line underneath it for emphasise.

I let out a big sigh as I hooked my little finger under the seal and opened it up slowly.

I read it through about 4 times in complete shock. My door opened and shut with a gentle click.

"Sheri Ive been thinking, this week has been totally amazing I was wondering, well I was hoping that we could maybe... oh! What's wrong?" He asked noticing the shocked expression on my face. "Is that the letter from Logan?" He asked softly, his voice sympathetic.

"It's the letter... but it's not from Logan. It's from Kendall" I said.

"Kendall? Well what does it say?" James asked warily.

I held the letter out for him to take. "Read it" I said.

James took the letter from me and read it out loud.

"Texas, I'm sorry how I left things. I spent the night in a hotel, Ive either lost my phone or its been stolen. I came back here the day after I left, to see you. I saw Logan just before he went out. He told me what happened between you two. I waited around for you. I wanted to fix us before I went home to Kansas. I'm sorry for what I said and how I acted. I was out of order. I love you Sheri and I want us to work. Nothing is stopping us now! I hope wherever you are right now you are okay. I dread to think how your feeling. And I feel terrible that I have caused some of that pain. My flight is booked for 2 hours time, I'm hoping you will walk in that door any moment. I wish I had my phone to call you. I wish I had written your number down somewhere else. I will be back in a week on a mission to win your heart. I love you so much Sheri. Take care baby girl. Love, Kendall" James finished.

"He left his mom's number on the back too. I could of got hold of him days ago James! He wants me" I smiled. My heart now filled with a thousand butterflies.

I watched James as he flipped the paper over to look at the number Kendall had left.

"This is brilliant isn't it?" I beamed.

James looked down at me, his look wasn't convinced of Kendalls promises.

"Sorry James you were saying something as you came in?" I said feeling the warm fuzzy love of Kendall fill my every bone.

"It doesn't matter Sheri... I'm glad your happy again" he whispered with a small smile then gave me a hug.

* * *

**Chapter 24: Chapter 24**

* * *

"I guess I best sleep in my own room tonight then huh?" James said as he pulled out from our hug.

"Yeah I guess... this week has been amazing though James.. I will never forget it" I whispered, seeing that he looked kind of gutted that it was all over now.

"Promise me something Sheri" James replied.

"I won't tell a soul about us sleeping together... I promise" I said.

"No not that. Just with Kendall, don't fall too quickly for him okay, take it a day at a time and use your brain" he said.

I nodded. Then leaned my face in to James and gave him one last kiss. He took my head in his hand welcoming my lips on his and I enjoyed his thumb stroke on my cheek. I was going to miss his little gesture of affection.

James got up, kissing me just once more on the forehead. "Good night sher bear" he said.

"G'night James" I smiled. he then left and clicked the door shut.

I lay back in my bed. Despite what Logan and Kendall had put me through, I felt that Kendalls nicely worded letter had somehow healed my heart. I felt like everything was okay again.

I woke up fairly early the next day. First thing I did was call the number that Kendall had left me but I was told he had already left for the airport. I got dressed and went downstairs to find James sat with Logan at the kitchen table.

Logan stood up as I walked in.

"Hi Sheri" he said softly.

I looked at James who gave me a reassuring smile. He looked as though he wasn't properly awake yet.

"Hey!" I replied in a whisper.

"Is it okay if we talk?" Logan asked.

"Sure" I said as I felt my heart feel heavy.

"I'm gonna go back to bed... it's a bit early for me" James said as he stood up. He gave my wrist a caring squeeze as he went passed.

I sat in the seat that James had just occupied, Logan sat back down opposite me.

"You don't have to explain anything logues, I understand. It hurts but I understand." I said.

"I never meant to hurt you Sheri, nothing was going on before we came here but she hunted me down, and the more time I spent talking to her and less time I spent worrying about you... my heart made the decisions for me" he replied.

"Logan..." I began "I was doing the same thing with Kendall... we were kind of together" I revealed.

"Kendall!? You've had sex with Kendall?!" He said accusingly.

"No, not having sex!" I clarified. "We shared a kiss or two but it was getting kind of serious" I explained.

"Oh, okay... well I can't really moan... it's a shock." He replied.

"I know... it's hard to think of you with someone else too... Logan I still love you so much." I said taking his hand.

"I love you too Sheri, im going to love you forever, I'm always here for you okay. I'm not prepared to lose you at all. We are family yeah?" He said squeezing my hand.

The tears began and I nodded. "Always" I replied.

Logan treated me to his smile.

"I'm not going to move out, James was just saying your worried about what will happen if I go, so I'm going to sleep on the sofa if that is okay with you?"

I wiped a few tears from my eyes. "Yes of course, Thank you." I replied feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

"You fancy getting a bite to eat with me?" Logan asked.

"I would like that logues" I smiled.

Logan and I went out, shared a nice breakfast and even went shopping together. I didn't want to know anything about cass or about his holiday to florida. Maybe one day I will be ready to accept her in to my life but I had no desire to know anything at the moment, Logan had the sense to only mention her to say she was back in Texas and he had no plans for us to be in the same room together just yet. I appreciated that from him.

"So what did you and James get up to then? I hope he didn't leave you on your own too much" Logan said as we walked through a department store. I was searching for a pretty dress to wear to our first celebrity packed party we had been invited to.

"We just hung out in the hot tub mostly and watched a movie in the evening... oh he took me out to breakfast once" I replied.

"Im actually impressed that James got up in time for breakfast" Logan laughed.

"The police knocked on the door really early. The house at 204 got broken in to. We thought we might as well do something productive like eat breakfast" I replied in a half truth.

"Yeah he mentioned about the break in. I had to wake him up this morning, I wasn't sure if you were going to hit me again" Logan said. His expression soft to remind me he was sorry for hurting me.

"I'm sorry I hit you... let's not talk about the day at the cinema" I replied, realising I did still harbour some sour thoughts on the subject. "This dress is pretty" I said changing the subject, and pulling out a gorgeous red dress. The top half was like a corset with the cutest little puff ball skirt to show off my legs.

"You will look stunning in that" Logan said with a smile.

"I could wear it with those shoes you bought me last month too" I smiled.

Logan grinned at me. I think we were both relieved that we were both making an effort to stay close.

When we pulled up in Logan's car back at home, Kendalls crappy honda was parked up at the front.

"Erm... I'm gonna... go for a drive Sheri, I will give you some space" Logan said as he eyed up the Honda.

"You don't have to go out logues" I said feeling bad as this was the most complicated thing for us to experience together.

"I do" he replied softly.

I let out a sigh, picked up my shopping bags, flung one arm around Logan and kissed his cheek. He flashed me a smile but was gone as I left the car.

I kind of liked it that he was finding this hard but I would of hated it if the roles were reversed and cass was inside waiting for Logan.

I walked in through the front door. Kendall was no where in sight down stairs. I went up and knocked on his bedroom door.

The door opened slowly with Kendall leaning his head on the door frame. His green eyes were smiling, pleased to see me, but his face looked anxious.

"Hey you" he said, as he tried his hardest to work out if this was a good or a bad visit.

"Can I come in?" I asked in a soft voice.

He nodded and opened his door up further.

I walked in and sat on the end of his bed.

Kendall closed his door then leant against it. "I was hoping you would of called me" he said quietly looking at his feet.

"I tried this morning... I didn't realise the letter was from you, I thought Logan had left it for me. I only read it yesterday" I explained.

"Oh right" Kendall said lifting his head up to look at me.

"Did you mean what you wrote?" I asked, taking a good look at him. He looked unwell.

"Every word Sheri" he replied.

My smile gave me away before I said anything.

"You wanna try again?" Kendall asked. His big eyebrows raised high.

I was close to tears so just nodded. Kendall walked towards me and knelt down next to where I sat. He wrapped his arms around my neck burying my head in to his shoulder as he held me.

The tears just fell. I was so happy.

"I missed you so much kendy" I blubbed in to his t-shirt.

Kendall smoothed the back of my hair down. "I missed you too, I told my mom all about it, she says I was stupid" he said with a chuckle.

"Really? I bet she hates me if you told her about it" I said pulling my head from him and looking up to the most amazing eyes. Eyes that now belonged to me. I was once again one half of something and my heart felt totally mended.

"No she doesn't hate you" Kendall said looking weary.

I pulled Kendall up from the floor, he sat beside me on the bed, I took his hand, playing with his fingers. His skin felt course and manly. Guitar players hands. I smiled to myself.

"Kendall about what I said... feeling sorry for you..." I began.

"Sheri honestly, let's just forget it" Kendall replied.

"No I don't want to forget it, and I don't want your condition to become an issue, so I want to talk it through" I explained.

"Okay..." Kendall said waiting for my excuses.

"Truth is I do feel sorry for you, what has happened to change your life is terrible. But that is not the reason why I feel the way I do about you, which is why I think you reacted the way you did" I said still looking in to Kendalls eyes. "I began to like you because your so incredibly sweet Kendall. Your kind and you have shown me that Logan isn't the only person that is looking out for me... do I have to go in to great detail of how good looking you are too?" I smiled.

Kendall let out a laugh. "How come you and Logan are still... as one?" He asked intrigued.

"Logan and I aren't together anymore, he is with... that girl! But I can't be angry at him because I was with you. Logan and I go so far back. It's important to us both that we stay friends" I replied.

"Does he know about us being kind of together?" Was kendalls next question.

"Yeah... Yeah he does. He is okay with it Kendall" I whispered out. "Are you okay? You don't look like you have had a relaxing holiday at home?" I asked concerned.

Kendall circled his finger in the palm of my hand. "I had three in one week" he whispered out quickly.

"Three what? Seizures?" I asked shocked.

"I had two in one day" he added, sounding completely done in.

I stroked back Kendalls dirty blonde hair. "Why weren't you taking proper care of yourself" I said gently.

"That's the thing Sheri... I was! I mean with my mom around she is on my back 24/seven making sure I'm okay... I don't know what's going on anymore." he replied.

"Kendall have you... been tested for other things... epilepsy?" I whispered, not sure how he will react to the word I just used.

"Yeah, its not that. I had a load of tests done which ruled it out. I've had scans of my head done to even check for tumours" he revealed.

"Tumours! What?! Your okay aren't you?" I asked shocked.

Kendall nodded, "I'm okay, its all been ruled out, I'm a mystery" he said with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Are they still doing tests?" I asked.

"Yeah, they are trying to figure out why it started a similar time to when the diabetes started. But they say the two aren't linked" he replied. "It's nice to tell someone other than my mom all about this" he added.

I gave him a hug. "I'm always here for you. In this together okay!" I said softly in his ear.

"I love you Sheri" he said back to me.

"I love you too" I replied giving him a big squeeze.

* * *

Days passed, Carlos returned and the house was full again, I spent a lot of time with Kendall.

I felt sorry for Logan as he was now sleeping on the sofa, he had no where to run and hide when Kendall and I were having "together moments" in the house.

I felt especially awkward one evening when the entire group was in the living room. The boys were watching an NBA game on the tv. I walked in to the room and Kendall grabbed my arm making me fall on to his lap. Wrapping his arms around me.

In ordinary circumstances this would of been fine and no one would of blinked an eye to it. Even when Logan and I were together we would openly be all over each other in front of everyone, but because Logan and I had arrived in LA like that it was just accepted. Public displays of Kendall and I together were very alien to our group. Kendall however seemed to not notice, or just not care.

"You smell beautiful" he whispered in to my ear. I had just washed my hair.

"It's just my shampoo... some berry scent I picked up" I replied casually, while I shared 'this is awkward, I'm really sorry' eyes with Logan.

Logan gave me a half smile, then returned fairly happily to the game on the tv.

I relaxed a bit as I sat on Kendalls lap. I guess it was hard for him too as he wanted me to be known as his, I expect he wanted to show me off, and do what Logan and I used to do. It wasn't Kendalls fault that Logan still lived here, but it wasn't Logan's fault that I had chosen one of his best friends who we just so happened to share a house with to replace him.

Kendall began to kiss my neck. It felt so good, but this was not the time or place to be doing this. I wanted the ground to swallow me up when I felt the distinct lump in Kendalls pants from his erection as it dug in to me.

I was literally between a rock and a hard place. I felt I should be enjoying myself with my lovely new boyfriend but I felt I should be a bit more considerate of Logan as he looked clearly uncomfortable sat in the same room with his friend giving me a love bite. I know I would just walk out the room and most probably slap Cassandra if the roles were reversed and it was me being force fed Logan's new relationship.

Kendall gently kissed and sucked at my neck, it felt amazing, I had never had a love bite before. I had never wanted anything on my skin that might get noticed and be a good excuse for my father to hit me. "What did you want to do tomorrow, anything nice?" Kendall said after he finished his work of art on my neck that I was kind of excited to see in the mirror later on.

"I'm not sure. We could go to the beach?" I suggested.

"Sounds good... just you and me yeah?" He said softly.

"Yeah, sounds perfect!" I said giving him a little kiss on the cheek.

Kendall turned my head to face him, by gently nudging my chin with his finger. His lips met mine and we shared our first public kiss.

I actually blushed, hoping that no one was paying any attention to us. My heart almost blew up with adrenalin. What Kendall Schmidt could do to me with just the power of one kiss was out of this world.

I'm sorry to say I got caught up in it and all thoughts of Logan's feelings went out the window.

His tongue felt so good. Thoughts of what that may feel like on my clit entered in to my mind.

It entered Kendalls mind too. "You wanna stay in my room tonight?" kendall did say in a whisper but it was a fairly loud whisper. I then felt a lot of eyes on me.

I opened my mouth to try and come up with a reply that wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings but James got in there first.

"Fuck... dude. Take it somewhere else" James said sounding pissed off.

"Sorry!" Kendall said in a defensive tone.

James looked at me and shook his head. I then looked at Logan who I decided to not say anything to as he looked as if he might cry if prompted to talk.

My last look I gave to Carlos who had the unfortunate task of being the one sat next to Kendall and I.

Even he looked awkward.

I made eye contact with Kendall, we didn't know each other well enough yet to communicate with just a look like Logan and I could. "Maybe we should chat privately from now on" I said so quietly that I doubt even los heard me.

Kendall nodded and tapped my leg as a signal for me to get off him, he got up himself and we left the room.

* * *

"That was a bit messed up" I said to Kendall as we both lay on my bed belly down, our feet on the pillow end.

"Yeah im sorry... that was my fault, I didn't really think... you make thinking very hard" he grinned.

I chuckled at him. "It wasn't your fault. I guess the guys just find it weird still. I did feel sorry for Logan though" I admitted.

"Why? we haven't even had sex yet, he was fucking that whore behind your back for weeks. He deserves it!" Kendall replied.

"Two wrongs don't make a right kendy" I reasoned.

Kendall shrugged. "You wanna spend the night with me tonight then?" He asked again.

"I got my period so..." I said regrettably.

"Could just cuddle" he said.

"Your so cute Kendall. Okay.. your place or mine?" I laughed.

Kendall gave me his killer dimples as he smiled. "I think... mine!" He decided just as the door knocked.

"Come in" I called out.

The door opened and Logan popped his head in. "Hey... Sorry to ... interrupt.. erm.. I just wanted to grab the rest of my things that were in here quick... if that's okay?" He asked only making eye contact with me.

I sat up on the bed and crossed my legs over. "Yeah course... you okay? I didn't think you wanted it all just hanging about downstairs?" I asked as I watched him open a drawer and grab some of his sweaters.

"It won't be, James has decided to move out... I'm having his room!" Logan announced, to which my face fell.

"What? Why is James moving out?" I asked confused.

"I'll leave you guys to it" Kendall said sounding bored and walked out of the room and in to his own.

"Why is James going?" I asked Logan again.

Logan sat down on the bed next to me. "Because he is nice. Sheri that was weird down there. I didn't want to see or hear it, but I know it wasn't your choice. James said that if he moves out, I could have his room, which I can stay in when you and Kendall wanna do a re run of twilight, or whatever shit he was doing to your neck. And I get to stay in the house and make sure your okay. Your important to me Sheri. I worry about you. Your still so young" he finished.

I sat there shocked that the two of them had obviously spoken about Kendall and I and agreed that this was the best option. I nodded. "Has James gone?" I asked.

"No he is packing his stuff up" Logan replied.

"I'm gonna go talk with him" I said.

"Sure!" Logan replied. And carried on getting clothes out of his drawers.

I didn't bother knocking on James's door, I just walked in. He was bent over getting a bag from under his bed. "Why are you moving out?" I said with my hand on my hip.

"It makes it easier on Logan" james said not surprised that I had just barged in to his room.

"It's not your job to make it easier on Logan though James" I replied.

James stood up and looked at me. "No that's your job, but I don't think your very good at it" James said sternly.

"What? James non of that was me" I replied angrily.

"Yeah I know... I could see that. Why is Kendall hell bent on claiming you" he said pointing at the love bite on my neck. I raised my hand to it. "Fuck! Sheri, he might as well piss all over you and mark his territory!" He snapped.

"What? Why are you acting like this? I thought of all people you would understand!" I said trying to reason with him.

"Me of all people? Why? Because we have slept together?!" He argued.

"Shhh! For Christ's sake. No because you know what this feels like." I said trying to diffuse the situation. I hated arguing with James. He would never be proved wrong even when he knew he was.

"I don't know what you're talking about Sheri. Just leave me alone, I said to Logan I would be out of here asap." he replied.

"You do know what I'm talking about James!" I snapped! "I'm in love with Kendall and you told me you were in love with that girl. You know what this is like! you told me you have been in love, if you were as in love with that girl as I am with Kendall then surely you realise why I have to carry on as normal."

"You just don't get it do you Sheri" James said shaking his head.

"Get what? Get why your making things worse by making a song and dance. Logan will get used to seeing Kendall and I together!" I argued.

"No! You don't get that the girl I told you about was you!... I'm in love with you!" He shouted. "That's why im going!"

* * *

**Chapter 25: Chapter 25**

* * *

"Please say something Sheri" James pleaded as I just stared at him.

I had all sorts running through my mind but none of it wanted to make a vocal appearance.

"You don't need to move out" whispered from my lips.

"I can't stay here and watch this though Sheri... I can't. Honestly" James replied.

"Why didn't you tell me before?" I asked.

"You were with Logan before, then Kendall broke your heart like a dick...then you said you wanted us to do what we did... I was going to suggest maybe being closer than just friends but you read that bullshit Kendall wrote and that was it... bye bye James" he moaned.

"What do you mean bull shit? James don't start attacking Kendall just because I'm with him now" I snapped.

"I'm not attacking him. Just open your eyes Sheri. He doesn't love you he is trying to find an easy fuck" James said hurtfully.

"What? James why are you being so nasty? You tell me you are in love with me, then go in to attack mode" I questioned.

"I'm trying to protect you. You promised you would use your brain but now your planning to sleep with him already after only a few days!" James replied.

"That's got nothing to do with you. Look James I get that your jealous, im sorry that I don't feel differently for you. We had fun okay... that was all it was... you should of been honest with your feelings in the first place, I wouldn't of done it." I said feeling sorry for him. The memories of his affection playing on my mind. It all made sense now.

"Me be honest? Maybe when Kendall is done pissing all over you, you could ask him about being honest!" James replied angrily.

"Kendall has been honest with me, he has told me things that he didn't even want to about himself James... don't do this!" I begged, not wanting another rift between us, especially after what we did together.

"If Kendall is so honest why didn't he tell you weeks ago that Logan was screwing that cass chic behind your back!? Because he knew about it Sheri. But trust-worthy Kendall didn't do the right thing and tell you, no! Kendall preyed on you and took you for himself as easy pickings!" James said sounding emotional.

"Your lying" I said welling up as Logan's betrayal still felt raw. "Kendall didn't know anything about that"

"He did Sheri!" Logan told me the morning he got back, he said that Kendall came home once when she was here, Logan was worried he would tell you. Why didn't he tell you huh!? Your just a game to him. When are you going to realise that" James replied.

"YOUR LYING!" I screamed.

Logan burst in to the room. "Sheri? What the hell is going on!?" He asked.

I looked at Logan, actually scared to ask for the truth. Kendall was next to enter the room to see what all the noise was about.

"Ask him!" James said through gritted teeth.

"I hate you" I said to James and barged past Logan and Kendall who stood in the doorway.

I went in to my room slamming the door and cried on my pillow. Kendall couldn't of known. He just couldn't!

Why could no men in this world be nice? I was sick of it. The sobs were coming out of me loudly but I could hear the three boys shouting at each other.

A set of footsteps stomped down the stairs and I heard the front door slam. I wondered who that was?

The next thing to make a noise was my bedroom door being gently knocked.

"GO AWAY!" I shouted at the door. I felt so immature, but I was only sixteen, I had no parents to look after me. All I had was a bunch of lying boys.

"Sheri its Kendall. Please! I want to talk to you" he soothed through the wooden door.

"Is it true? Did you know?" I asked.

The door clicked open and Kendall invited himself him, closing the door behind him. "No its not true" he whispered as he sat on the end of the bed, he ran his hand down my leg in a comforting way. "Sheri, maybe I should be the one to move out" he said sadly.

I lifted my head off of the pillow. "You haven't done anything wrong" I blubbed, wrapping my arms around him.

"Even so, Logan and James are obviously not happy that I'm with you... I can't compete with Logan Sheri, he is your keeper!" Kendall said peeling himself from me and getting up.

"Where are you going?" I cried as Kendall made his way to the door.

"I'm going to pack my things" he replied softly.

"No! No please!" I begged scrambling off my bed.

"Why is James lying about it?" I sobbed, sucking in big breaths.

Kendall shrugged. "Logan is too, I think it's all his idea... Sheri im done with their stupid games. If im not here then they will leave you alone" he said calmly.

"Kendall I love you please don't go" I begged again. "We can just ignore him, James can go and Logan can go fuck himself. All I need is you" I said drying my eyes.

"Really?" Kendall asked. "I find it so hard to live in Logan's shadow" he added.

"We don't need anyone else. Please... im begging. Don't leave me here on my own" I said taking his hand.

Kendall thought it through. "I'm not sure Sheri.. I mean Logan controls you. I'm not sure I can be in a relationship with an ex boyfriend so involved still" he said to which I started crying again.

"Baby... please... I love you" I begged.

"I love you too Sheri... this is the last straw though baby girl. Those two idiots are conspiring against me to break us up... is that what you want?" He asked.

"Of course not!" I said shaking my head.

My bedroom door knocked. "Sheri can I come in?" Logan said to which Kendall raised his arms in the air in exasperation on hearing Logan trying to get involved again.

"See this is what im talking about Sheri." Kendall moaned.

"He is just looking out for me" I explained.

"Looking out for you should be my job. It's got nothing to do with Logan anymore." Kendall snapped. "I'm not prepared to share you Sheri. It's him or me!" Kendall replied.

I opened the door to see Logan's worried looking face on the other side. "You okay?" He asked.

"I just want you to leave me alone from now on. You have cass to think about. Kendall will look after me" I whispered out to him.

Logan eyed kendall in my room like he was the devil. "You guys okay?" He asked regardless.

"What do you care?" Kendall moaned at him.

"What?! You know what Sheri means to me!" Logan snapped back at him.

"Yeah enough for you and James to make up a load of crap about me. I didn't know you were fucking that bitch behind Sheri's back." Kendall replied.

"What?! Yes you did! Kendall why are you lying?" Logan said getting really wound up.

"See what I mean?" Kendall said to me. "They are trying to make me out to look the bad guy" Kendall finished.

"Sheri he knew! I have no idea why he is saying he didn't." Logan said looking even more worried.

"Sheri he is lying to make me look bad, he doesn't want us together!" Kendall argued. "You believe me don't you baby... I've never lied to you! I've got no reason to lie to you" he said looking worried he was about to lose me through no fault of his own.

I looked at Logan who just shook his head. His eyes spoke our secret language which said 'listen to me, not him!'

I took Kendalls hand. "Logan I think you should leave" I said quietly.

"What? Sheri this is bull shit! He is trying to control you!" Logan said staring daggers at Kendall.

"No you are, Logan!" I replied.

"Can I talk to you in private Sheri... please" Logan pleaded.

"No... Logan it's done, you have cass, I've got Kendall. Let's just cut our ties and let me live my life yeah" I explained feeling angry.

"Sheri I took you away from your father who physically abused you but I've led you in to the arms of someone that is trying to isolate you from the rest of the world. Why would I lie to you about this?" Logan asked softly. Only looking at me.

"It's time to let me go" I said looking right back at him, not getting drawn in to the argument. I believed Kendall. Logan didn't want me, but he didn't want anyone else to want me either. He was using James as his pawn.

"Sheri don't do this" Logan said as a last ditch attempt.

In that last look I saw a flash of something in his eyes. Resentment. In that instant I knew I had made the right choice. "Get your self and your lies away from me" I said with tears now falling again.

Logan didn't say another word. He gave Kendall one last look of death then turned on his heels and left.

"You okay?" Kendall asked softly as he scooped me in to his body.

I nodded my head, Then shook it to say no. The tears came thick and fast. I was completely lost without Logan. He was my piece of home, my comfort blanket.

"Sheri listen to me. I'm gonna look after you okay" Kendall said as he rocked me from side to side. "Don't worry about a thing. I won't let anything or anyone hurt you again... I promise you" he soothed. "I can do this... do you trust me baby?" He asked.

"I do... 100 percent" I cried.

"Don't cry okay, Logan isn't worth it." He said in to my ear as he held me.

"James just told me he has feelings for me" I admitted looking in to Kendalls amazing green eyes.

"What? He is having a laugh isn't he! Sheri he Is forever saying how immature you are. Him and Logan are playing a really clever game together... I mean why else would James move out? They have organised it so Logan had an excuse to stay and control your every move... I won't let them Sheri" he said holding me tighter.

"Why is Logan doing this?" I asked.

"I'm not sure" Kendall replied. "I guess he doesn't think I'm good enough for you" he sighed.

My mind whirred with everything I had seen and heard today. I honestly had no clue of who was telling the truth. Kendall didn't really have any reason to lie, but nor would Logan. I guess if James really did like me then he would want to make me dislike Kendall, but he may just want to protect me like he said.

Even if I did ask Logan privately if Kendall had found out about cass, Logan had lied so much to me, I'm not sure I would believe him. Then what if he told Kendall I had asked him. Kendall wouldn't take kindly to me going behind his back.

I was so confused.

* * *

I spent that night in my room cuddled up to Kendall. He was only anything but caring.

"You still want to go to the beach today?" He asked.

I rubbed my eyes from my nights sleep. I looked over to the clock to see it was almost 11am. "Yeah... more sleep at the beach sounds good" I said with a yawn.

Kendall crawled on top of me. "Lazy bones today aren't we!" He teased as he made himself at home kissing my neck.

"Mmmm im really tired" I said not wanting to ever leave my bed.

I heard Kendall chuckle at my laziness. "You grab some more sleep, and I will grab us something nice for a picnic at the beach." he said sounding far too jolly.

"Sounds like an amazing plan" I replied giving him a sleepy smile and a kiss on the lips.

I enjoyed his kiss. Once again it sent me to unknown parts of the universe that only a schmidt kiss could take me. Kendall left me to go back to sleep... which I did.

I woke up again to something moving my bed. I opened my eyes to see Kendall sat on the edge. He was injecting his insulin. "All okay" I said giving his back a rub. He had a vest on and some shorts. He wore a baseball cap, which looked odd. I was used to seeing his hair frame his face. He was beautiful.

"Yeah im all set. Just gotta pack this" he said putting his medicine away in a back pack. "Then we don't have to be back at a set time... you gonna grab a shower then smelly" he smiled poking his finger in to my side.

I laughed at him then wrestled him down to the bed. "I'm not smelly" I said with a sad face.

Kendall kissed me but I pulled away before I got sent to oblivion and wasted even more time stuck indoors. "I will be five minutes!" I said making my way out of bed and heading towards the bathroom.

Once showered, dressed and ready to go. I got in Kendalls car and memories of our first meeting entered my mind. It was crazy how much all our lives had changed.

I had a good look around the interior of the car. It had no air con like Logan's flashy convertible, and some of the dash was broken. I smiled. "How come you haven't bought a new car yet?" I asked as he drove us to the beach.

"I like this one. Reminds me of who I am and where I came from. I know it's not as fabulous as Logan's but he comes from a better background than me" he explained looking a bit embarrassed.

"Logan doesn't have a better back ground than you baby" I said giving his leg a rub.

"He was already rolling in cash" Kendall said rolling his eyes.

"I guess, but his home life was terrible, his mother treated him like shit... money doesn't fix families" I sighed.

"Well... whatever. I don't want to talk about Logan" Kendall snapped.

"Okay... sorry" I replied, but Kendall remained silent.

It worried me that I had annoyed him. I made a mental note to not mention Logan again. Which in truth was going to be hard as any happy past events in my life did involve him.

Kendall cheered up as we got to the beach. He wasn't intending for me to catch any sun today I realised as we got carried away with our kisses and Kendall ended up on top of me, I was only in my bikini, I could feel everything so intimately as we kissed.

"I planned to lose my virginity to you last week... it's a shame you went home to Kansas" I said enjoying the weight of him in between my legs.

"We have a long road ahead of us for you to lose your virginity to me Sheri" he replied smiling. "... but I'm gutted" he laughed.

I chuckled at him. There was no way on earth I was going to tell him about already losing it to James... several times over.

"Maybe I could please you tonight" I said giving him a little stroke of his hardness. I was still on my period so knew nothing that intimate could happen but I was prepared to wank the life from him.

"Really?... that sounds amazing" he smiled. We spent so long kissing and getting turned on that by the time we came to eat our picnic it was more dinner time.

Kendall passed me some food he had packed. It was some fancy looking pasta salad thing. "This is really nice Kendall, where did you get it from?" I asked.

"Kendall grinned at me. "I didn't buy it. I made it" he said still smiling.

I raised my eyebrows in mock astonishment. "not just a pretty face are you" I replied.

"nope I'm a fantastic cook! You should see my choc chip muffins I can bake Sheri... you will melt! they are orgasmic" he said smiling away at his own talents.

"Orgasmic huh?" I laughed. "I will look forward to those" I said.

After we had eaten we went for a stroll along the beach. "What do you think people will think when they find out we are dating on the show and in real life?" Kendall said giving my hand a little squeeze.

"I'm not sure... I think it's cute though. It's not long til the show airs. I bet it will go mental after. People will recognize us all over the place. I'm looking forward to doing season two though. I never thought in a million years that I would be an actress." I said feeling excited, trying to imagine what the future will hold for me.

"Yeah it is cute" Kendall agreed throwing his arm around me. "You should try and get a few more acting jobs though Sheri, now season one has finished don't think I haven't noticed your lack of education that your receiving." He said pulling me in closer.

"Yeah I know... it's okay though, it's always been lo.." I stopped talking realising I was about to go in to a Logan related conversation. I gave Kendall an apologetic look.

"Logan is right on that one though, you need school" he replied.

"I guess. Shall we get a movie and some junk food tonight?" I asked changing the subject.

"Yeah okay, we can watch it in my room, I like it just you and me, getting to know each other properly" he smiled.

"Me to kendy... I love you" I replied.

"Love you too sheri berri" he chuckled.

I smiled, although James and his sher bear nick name came in to my mind. I wondered where he was now. I expect he was at his sister's.

* * *

Kendall and I got ourselves a dvd and a bunch of snacks. I saw Logan briefly in the kitchen at home. He gave me a small smile but I blanked him, he was on the phone, I expect to cass. I didn't want him thinking he was forgiven or that I needed him back. I had Kendall now.

I curled up next to Kendall on his bed as we watched our movie. I traced out little shapes on his t-shirt with my finger. He was perfection to me. His tiny waist made my mouth water.

"This film isn't as interesting as I first thought." I said sexually In His ear.

Kendall smiled and turned to face me on his bed. "Your beautiful you know!"

I blushed at his romantic side. As I leant in to kiss him I placed my hand up his shirt. Feeling his gorgeous warm body, his chest perfectly smooth.

Kendalls own hand made it in to my top, his hand slowly, and cautiously feeling it's way on the outside of my bra.

"You want me to take it off?" I asked nervously.

Kendall answered by taking my top off himself, he unclipped my bra in seconds, and enjoyed himself by getting his first look at my bare boobs.

My self esteem took a bit of a blow as I realised so many boys had seen my tits now.

Is this what it was all about? I felt a bit slutty but just because I had whorish tendencies didn't mean that Kendall had to miss out now I had grown a conscience.

I let Kendall have full access of me. He made himself at home by touching and kissing me all over, he took his own shirt off then lay on top of me.

The combination of his beautiful smell, his kisses, his bare skin and his cock that was trying to impregnate my leg as it rubbed up against me in his shorts was too much for the both of us.

Kendall pulled away. He gave me several smaller kisses on my cheeks and my nose. "Your the best things that's ever happened to me." He whispered.

"You're so lovely Kendall" I replied.

He smoothed my hair down with his hand then ran it down the length of my bare arm.

It felt so good to be touched by him.

I let my hand wonder freely in to his shorts feeling the hardness of him in the flesh for the first time. He was no where near as scary big as James and his porno star cock but it felt nice in my hand.

I tugged away gently just to entice him to kiss me more. I felt him go for his second love bite on me just below the one I already had.

I liked the feel of how he did it. It was gentle and sexy.

"Are you ready Sheri?" He said breathing really hard as I still tugged on him.

I gave him a kiss, expecting the 'are you ready' to mean he was about to blow his load in his pants as I wanked him.

"Im ready" I whispered back.

Fear then took me as Kendall pulled away from me, leaving my hand empty. He pulled up my skirt and began pulling at my underwear.

Instinctively my hands went to stop him.

"Baby... Baby.. stop. What are you doing?" I asked in a jokey way as I didn't understand why he was getting so carried away.

"I thought you wanted this?" Kendall said as he stopped in his tracks. "You said tonight was the night" he added.

My eyebrows knitted together trying to gather some knowledge of where on earth he got that idea from.

"No kendall I meant ... you know... Give you a wank. I'm still on my period. I can't have sex yet" I said sadly.

Kendall kissed my neck again. "Sheri I really wanna do it... don't you?" He said as he took a break from the kisses to talk.

"Yeah I do... in a couple of days when I come off" I said trying to explain.

"I don't mind about the period." he then said as he started kissing my neck again. "I really want you babe" he continued.

"Kendall I can't.. not while I'm on." I said again slightly disgusted.

"But I need you so badly Sheri, your turning me on like anything" he replied followed up by more kisses. I could feel a third love bite coming on the other side of my neck.

I began to feel nervous. "I'm not sure I'm ready yet Kendall" I said trying to back track. But this made it worse.

"Don't you love me?" He asked stopping everything he was doing.

"Of course I do... just I don't feel comfy doing it while I'm on my period that's all!" I said sounding a bit arsey.

"I didn't have you down for a tease Sheri" Kendall said, his face still inches from my own.

"Baby Im not teasing. I just meant I could please you by tugging you off" I said now sounding desperate. He was making me feel like an idiot.

"Well if it's all about you..." He said and started to get off of me.

I stopped him. "No... no kendy of course it's not. It's not about me. It's us yeah?" I said trying to reason with him.

"You shouldn't get a guy going that bad, promising him something else then changing your mind Sheri... it could get you in to trouble with the wrong kind of person" he said with no emotion.

"I'm sorry, I thought you knew what I meant" I whispered feeling really dumb and very insecure.

"You do trust me don't you Sheri?" Kendall said looking me dead in the eye as if to check for any hesitation.

"Yeah of course" I replied trying not to shake my head or move, or even blink.

"Prove it then silly" he said gently kissing my neck again. "Let me fuck you sheri to prove it" he finished trying his luck by pulling at my underwear again.

"I just don't feel comfy with it coz im on though Kendall" I whispered out grabbing his hand again.

Kendall got off me. "Fucks sake Sheri, don't you love me? Don't you trust me? Not much point in us being together if your not comfy with me" he said grabbing his shirt and attempting to put it on.

I took it away from him. "I do, I do love and trust you, you know I do"

"So we can fuck then?" Kendall asked now with a smile back on his face.

I looked at Kendall feeling all kinds of wrong. "Sure" I whispered scared that if I said no he would break up with me again. Anxiety then took over as Kendalls hand began tugging at my underwear.

* * *

**Chapter 26: Chapter 26**

* * *

"Don't look so nervous" Kendall said with a smile.

"Um... I'm not... I'm just worried about the mess..." I lied. I was worried about everything! I was worried about how James and logan seemed to be right about Kendall, I was worried that Kendall didn't like the word no, I was worried that I was in deeper than I could handle with a distinct lack of Logan as my back up.

"Don't worry about it. We can just put a towel down." He said simply. My underwear was off and on the floor. Kendall got up to grab his towel. The thought of having sex whilst being on my period was the grossest thing.

"Scoot" Kendall said as he waved a hand over me to move over for him too place the towel down. I lay on top of it once he was done. I then watched in silence as his shorts got pulled down.

I was no longer excited to see what Kendall had to offer in ways of his penis.

I didn't want to do this! I didn't want to be here. I looked at the door. Logan and safety was just behind it.

I felt fingers on me, and looked to see Kendall un doing the button on on my skirt that he had lifted up.

"Your beautiful Sheri" he said for the second time this evening, as my skirt was removed from my body. I was so glad the only light in the room was from the tv that was still on.

I looked in to those amazing eyes. He looked so lovely and caring. Maybe I was a tease. Maybe had led him on.

"This was all my fault kendy... I'm so sorry" I said as he lay on the bed next to me now we were both naked.

"Don't be silly." He said giving me a kiss. "We all make mistakes" he added.

"Yeah... Yeah we do" I whispered.

Kendall began touching my boobs and kissing along my skin. I started to relax. He was so gentle. He really did love me.

"I love you Kendall" I said as I guided his lips to mine.

"Love you more" he said, flinging memories of Logan and his catchphrase in to my mind. Kendall must of heard Logan say that a million times to me. Couldn't he of just said 'I love you too' or ...

My mind stopped in its tracks as Kendall got on top of me. I felt him inside me seconds later.

"Kendall I'm not on the pill!" I said in a panic not wanting to be on first name terms with the nurse at the clinic who gave me my morning after pill when James and I had been foolish.

Kendall looked at me from his position, he looked a bit annoyed. Surely he would prefer to wear a condom anyway seeing as im still on my period. I mean it's not gushing out of me, I'm more off than on but... the thought of it still churned my stomach.

"Oh.. Well its cool... your on your period anyway, not like you can get pregnant." He smiled then kissed me. I could feel his hips carry on as he remained inside me.

I had no idea if that was true but I didn't feel I could say anything without making him angry.

"I'm not hurting you am I?" Kendall breathed out heavily at me. I was going through the motions and ran my fingers along his back. This wasn't at all how I expected.

"No baby it's fine" I replied. Kendall tucked his head to the side of mine and carried on making love to me. Not that I would call this making love.

My heart deflated as I realised that Kendall still thought this was my first time. I was so grateful that it wasn't.

There was no way I was going to visit the heaven that James had introduced me to, I couldn't relax enough. I didn't feel much to be honest. Just the movement.

I sold my soul to the devil and faked the entire thing. The entire time we were having sex I was wishing for it to be over.

When it was over I had a shower. I went in to my own room to get changed while Kendall sorted himself out.

When I returned to his room I wasn't sure what to expect. His mood swings scared me slightly.

I crawled in to bed next to him. He wrapped his arm around me, he remained kind-Kendall for the rest of the night. He turned back in to the person I first met.

"Would you like to go on holiday somewhere Sheri?" He asked sleepily.

"Is that an offer?" I asked enjoying my normal Kendall time.

"Might be" he smiled. "Be my treat, I would take you some where amazing" he promised.

I turned my head to look at him. "Your so lovely baby. I can't go further than a different state though, got no passport" I said pulling a sad face.

Kendall thought for a minute. "Leave it with me, I'm sure I can come up with something" he replied.

Kendall fell to sleep not long after that, I stayed awake watching crap on his tv. My mind too full to even think about sleep.

* * *

Kendall and I spent the next few days together. We did everything as a couple, he was so loving. I began thinking that he knew he acted a bit oddly the other night when we had sex and this was his way of making it up to me. He held my shopping bags for me, and held my hand.

He bought lunch and spoiled me rotten with new clothes. I felt like a princess. Logan was always fairly sensible with money. He would treat me to things a lot but never as much as what Kendall had just spent on me.

Once he was confident with my dress sizes he even begun to just pick clothes up himself that he thought I would like and put them in the basket.

After lunch we spent more time browsing the shops, nature called though and I needed to break away from Kendalls loving hand and visit the bathroom.

Kendall went in to a shop while I went to the toilet. As I came out to wash my hands another girl was at one of the basins. I smiled at her, she eyed up the love bites on my neck then awkwardly smiled back.

As she dried her hands and left I had the oddest feeling that I knew her from some where.

I racked my brains to think. She was definitely older than me. Dread filled my bones as I figured I must know her from Texas. Maybe at Logan's mom's party? She looked that sort. I hoped that Logan didn't have another secret girlfriend he had two timed me on.

I definitely knew her though. I pushed it to the back of my mind and went to find Kendall who had a pile of clothes in his arm that he was going to buy me.

After 4 days of constant Kendall-time I was beginning to feel like I needed some me-time. I pretty much lived in Kendalls room, we didn't always do much, but unless we went out we would do everything in this room in including eat. We no longer hung out with Logan and Carlos. James I hadn't seen since I told him I hated him and Kendall had begun to get odd again!

I got dressed in the morning in to an old pair of shorts and a pretty vest top, I went in to lounge on Kendalls bed thinking he was in a good mood.

"Oh are you wearing that?" He said casually pausing his video game as he looked at my choice of clothing.

"Yeah I wasn't planning on doing much today" I replied as I scanned through a few of his dvds.

"Why don't you wear some of the new clothes I got you?" he said with a smile.

"Well I can do... if you want... I just put these on to laze about the house. Might go in to the hot tub later." I said with a smile. Hoping he wasn't about to go weird on me again. He had been so normal the last few days.

"Well I don't mind picking something out for you" he replied excitedly, getting off the bed and going in to my room.

A few minutes later he came back with the choice of two outfits. One was a pretty maxi dress he had got me. The other was a pair of black denim jeans and a long sleeved top.

I pulled a funny face as I looked at his choices. "It's a bit hot to wear those kendy" I said.

"Well go with the dress then. Least it will cover your legs up" he replied.

I let out a laugh at his blatant rudeness. "What's wrong with my legs?" I said still chuckling.

"Nothing! they are beautiful Sheri. I like legs like yours" he said giving one of them a rub.

I took some offence to his comment. "What do you mean like mine?"

"Well... full, I like it that your chubby" he replied.

His words may have well have been wrapped in barbed wire as they hurt my heart like hell.

I didn't say anything further. I told myself not to listen or take any notice, but my silence seemed to spur him on to explain even more.

"To me your beautiful Sheri.. don't worry about it." He said. "Any way at least if your covered up then I know your not flaunting yourself to other guys" he said raising a knowing eyebrow.

"What do you mean?" I asked getting sucked in to the conversation.

Kendall smiled. "I've seen you flirt with other guys" he replied with a grin. "It's cool though. Im not prepared to let you get stolen away from me, so don't you worry." he said kindly, then gave me a kiss as if this was the most normal conversation ever.

My heart died once again as the realisation that Kendall was indeed on one of his weirdo moods again. I had never flirted with another guy while being with him. Why would he say that?

I took the clothes from him. "I will go change in to the dress." I replied with a pretend smile.

"Okay baby" he replied as he went back to playing his Xbox game he had on pause.

Once in my room I got undressed and had a look at my body in the mirror. I didn't think of myself as chubby. I took a pinch of skin from my 'full' legs, as Kendall had described them.

It was a fair pinch I could grab. Maybe I had put on weight. Either way I felt a bit crappy about the reflection that stared back at me.

I put the dress on, it was pretty. Kendall was kind to of bought it for me. I examined my appearance in the mirror. I had never really cared what I looked like but as I stared at my reflection I noticed my arms could be more toned. I didn't like them at all. They looked chubby too.

I reached in my wardrobe for a cardigan that might match.

Once dressed and looking presentable I looked in the mirror and sighed.

The thought of Kendall in his mood terrified me. I left my bedroom and looked at Kendalls door.

My heart sunk. The way he was wasn't right. I decided to swallow my pride and talk to Logan. I needed his help. I walked passed Kendalls door and made my way down stairs.

* * *

I found Logan in the back garden. "Hey... how you been?" I said quietly.

Logan raised his eyebrows to me. "Good thanks" he replied with no feeling and no mention of how I may be.

"I'm sorry how I acted Logan... I miss you" I said truthfully.

Logan looked up. He also eyed up the love bites on my neck. I was getting a collection.

"Sheri... " He began but then gave up.

"Can we talk? I really need to talk to you logues" I replied.

"I'm sorry Sheri. It's none of my business anymore. That much is perfectly clear. As far as I'm concerned you've made your bed you can lie in it. I'm just on my way out anyway. I can't bear too look at you like that. I've seen enough bruises on your body to last me a life time. I don't understand why you would want him to willingly do that shit to you" he said looking at the love bites again. He then walked back in to the house and left through the front door.

I sat down in the patio chair. I felt so alone.

"Hey Sheri! Not seen you for ages" Carlos said as he stood in the doorway that led out here to the garden.

"Hey los... " I replied.

"You okay? You look bummed" he said.

"Can I talk to you los... about Kendall" I replied.

"Ah Sheri I honestly don't want to get involved in any of it. I've got Logan moaning about you 24 fucking seven." He explained.

"Please los... I need to talk to someone" I said getting emotional.

"Gods sake! Fine... make it quick" he said folding his arms over his chest.

"Can we go some where else?" I asked urgently.

"Sheri I've got a date in half hour I've not got time for this" he replied just as Kendall joined us.

"There you are! What's up?" Kendall asked looking fine but his eyes told me I was in trouble for not going back to his room.

"Sorry, Carlos was just after some advice" I replied quickly.

"oh really? Well I can help out los. No need to bother Sheri" he said.

I gave Carlos my 'please help me' eyes.

"Er.. well I was hoping to borrow Sheri, its my dates 18th tomorrow. I was hoping she would help me pick out some jewellery with me" Carlos lied.

"Oh right... well don't be too long" Kendall said really eyeing up the situation.

"Quick as a flash" Carlos said with a smile. He then took me by my wrist and we made our way to his car.

I breathed a sigh of relief to be away from Kendall for a little while.

"Carlos do you think that Kendall is okay?" I asked safely within the confinement of the car.

"He is a moody cunt Sheri, I have no idea what you see in him" Carlos replied as he drove his way down the road.

"Only recently though, he used to be so lovely" I explained.

"To you maybe, he treats the rest of us like shit. Look Sheri im happy that your all loved up and stuff but I really don't want to get dragged in to this" Carlos finished.

"Do you think I'm fat los?" I asked to which he looked at me oddly.

"No!" he laughed. "Your so random Sheri" he chuckled.

"Do you think that Kendall loves me?" I asked.

"Sure!" Carlos replied distracted as he pulled over. "Look Sheri, can we pick this up later. I really need to not be late for this date" Carlos said checking his watch.

"But I was hoping I could ask you some stuff." I said desperately.

"Yeah later Sheri, look if your having problems with him just dump his ass. You can do better than him. Is it okay if I drop you here and you walk back?" He asked checking his watch again.

I sighed. I felt I had lost the people that I needed most, now I had no one. "Yeah that's fine" I said reaching for the handle of the door.

Carlos looked at my face and saw that I was truly troubled.

"Look I promise tonight that you can spill your guts to me okay... this girl I'm meeting is so hot Sheri, I was late last time... I can't be late again" he said with a friendly smile.

I returned his smile. "Thanks los" I replied.

I gave him a hug and left the car. I was only about a twenty minute walk from our house. It was a hot day. I wished I had my shorts and vest on like I had first decided. I toyed with the idea that I might take my cardigan off but changed my mind as the word chubby entered my head.

Kendall must be a bit embarrassed by me if he feels the need to spend a fortune on a new wardrobe full of clothes to cover my body up.

A blue car pulled up just ahead of me, the window wound down on the passenger side. I expected to be asked for directions.

I walked passed the car.

"Sheri?" Came a female voice.

I stopped and peered in to the window. It was the girl from the toilet who I recognized.

"Yeah?" I replied still not clicking where I knew her from. "Do I know you?" I asked.

"No... no you don't... I need to speak with you though" the girl said.

"About what?" I asked cautiously.

"Kendall!" She replied.

"Who are you!?" I asked defensively placing my hand on my hip. I couldn't take another boyfriend cheating on me.

"My name's Mackenzie" she said.

it was then it came flooding back to me that I knew her face from Kendalls photograph.

* * *

**Chapter 27: Chapter 27**

* * *

"Is he sleeping with you behind my back?" I choked out.

Mackenzie shook her head. "No honey, we broke up a while ago. Get in and we can chat" she said.

My curiosity out weighed my better judgement and I got in the car.

She drove off, the radio was playing lady gaga, which filled the awkward silence.

"You want a coffee?" She eventually asked.

"Er... I left the house with no money" I replied.

"That's okay, I'm sure I can stretch to buying you a coffee" she said with a smile.

"How come your in California?" I asked her. "Were you following me. I saw you the other day didn't I?"

"Well yes and no to the following part. Kendalls mom told me he had a new girlfriend. I was initially following him... but to find you!" She said as she pulled in to the car park opposite the starbucks I had been to with Carlos.

Mackenzie got out of the car. She was extremely pretty. A lot prettier than me. I left the car and walked over with her to the coffee shop.

Once we had our drinks in front of us she stated her business.

"You need to stay away from Kendall" she revealed.

"Why... you broke his heart, he wouldn't want to get back with you!" I hissed still on the defensive.

"Honey I don't ever want him back. The reason I came here to find you was to warn you about him." She said.

I looked at her, she looked friendly enough. "Why should I listen to you. You never understood him. He told me about you." I said to her.

"I doubt he told you enough if your still willing to call him your boyfriend" she replied.

I stood up, "Kendall may not be perfect but I won't have his cast offs' slag him off behind his back" I spat back at her.

"Sheri i'm not your enemy! Kendall is a control freak... please sit down... even if it's just crossed your mind that something isn't right with him... please" she said softly.

I looked down at her. She looked worried for me. The only thing that was crossing my mind at this precise moment in time was what the hell happened that she felt the need to drive all this way to talk to a girl she has never met.

I sat back in my seat. "You broke his heart you know. I've heard him cry over you" I replied.

Mackenzie nodded. "I've seen him cry over me a bunch of times. It gets old real quick" she replied.

"How are you so heartless towards him? After everything he has been through?"

Mackenzie laughed. "Me heartless? Honey are we talking about the same Kendall?" She said mocking me.

"Yes!" I snapped. "You were so embarrassed by him. You tore his confidence to shreds. If anyone's to blame as to how he is, it's you!" I raged.

"I don't think we are on the same page here... tell me why I'm to blame. What did Kendall tell you?" She asked still extremely calm.

"He told me about the cinema, he had a seizure and you freaked out, after that you avoided him. You even left him alone for strangers to deal with it while it happened again when you were at school! Then the day he left for California you told him that you weren't in to long distance relationships. You broke his heart Mackenzie!" I finished.

She sat silent for a second. She looked as if she was gathering ammo.

"The day Kendall had a seizure at the cinema I begged him not to go! He was really ill. There was this huge group of us going but it was his choice. It was only the second one I had seen him do, of course I freaked out. My friend Karen looked after him. I was crying my eyes out by his side talking to his mom on the phone" she replied. "I left him at school because we broke up. He slapped me across the face Sheri. I wasn't waiting around to check he was okay!... let me guess. He didn't tell you that part?! He begged for forgiveness. I eventually gave in and took him back. I finally saw him moving to LA as freedom. I told him the truth for once knowing he couldn't come back to haunt me. It doesn't make me a villain Sheri. It makes me a survivor." She said.

"What do you mean the second seizure you had seen? Kendall told me that was his first" I asked ignoring all other pieces of information.

"His first? No Kendalls been having them since first grade. He only just got diagnosed with the diabetes though which was making his seizures more frequent with the stress" she replied.

"What? Seriously?" I said angrily. "Does Kendall know why he gets the seizures?"

"Yeah course he does... you know nothing about the boy your dating do you?" She added.

My eyes welled up as her words rang true. "He scares me slightly" I admitted. "Is he epileptic?" I asked thinking Kendall had not told the truth by being insecure about another medical condition.

"No he isn't epileptic, he suffers from panic attacks. The attacks bring on his seizures. When ever he gets too worked up he just falls in to one" she explained.

"Panic attacks? You can't have have a seizure through a panic attack!" I argued.

Mackenzie shrugged her shoulders. "Google it if you don't believe me honey! Once he started getting ill with the diabetes he freaked out more. Look I'm not here to tell you his medical history I'm here to tell you what he did to me because I'm ... well im scared for you. Kendall has a lot of issues. How old are you sheri?" She asked looking me over.

"I'm 16... what did he do to you?" I asked terrified of hearing the answer.

"I'm a year older than Kendall, but he still managed to get in my head. Once he is in there its really hard to get him out. I was lucky coz he left town. You live with him!" She said. Her eyes looked at my neck.

"What did he do?" I asked again.

"Well he started off all lovely. I knew about the seizures anyway because I saw him have one during an exam. He was shy... for a guy on the football team any way!" She smiled. "He began making little comments about me. He didn't like the way I wore my hair. Said it was attracting the wrong kind of attention. Before long it was my clothes. He would call me ugly, fat, stupid, disgusting... the list was endless." She continued.

"Why did you stay with him?" I asked.

"By the time I realised I wanted out and that Kendall was a complete psycho it was too late. I had no one else left and was 2 months pregnant" she said to which my mouth hung open.

"Preg... what? What do you?... you have a kid?" I asked.

Mackenzie shook her head. She looked upset. "No honey. There is no kid... look does any of this sound familiar?" She asked.

"Well... yes and no. He doesn't seem as bad as what your saying, but he has made comments... he also made me lose the one person I called my family" I explained.

Mackenzie took my hand. "Run while you can... it's not going to get better!" She said.

I looked at Mackenzie and her perfect face, her groomed blonde hair, her pretty green eyes. She was slim and beautiful. How Kendall ever found fault in this girl was beyond me. "What happened to the baby?" I asked curious and completely out of turn.

"I told Kendall I lost it, but in truth I had an abortion. I couldn't be tied to him forever. I just couldn't!" She said looking emotional at my choice of subject.

"I'm sorry... it's none of my business" I said looking down to my coffee.

"No its fine.. honestly. It was actually the day he had a seizure at school that I told him I had a miscarriage" she explained.

I nodded. "The time Kendall said you just left him?" I asked.

"I guess... Yeah. I was a complete wreck. I told him I lost it and he went nuts... he blamed me for it. I argued back, said some stupid shit to him about him not being careful enough in the first place. He slapped me. That was the first time he hit me. I ran off. Next I heard he was being taken to hospital. I shouldn't of taken him back after that but he promised he would change. I think he tried. But he left kansas for L.A. before he got the chance to put it in to practice" she finished.

"Maybe I can help him?" I said clutching at straws.

"Jesus! your in love with him aren't you!?" She said.

"Yeah... I am" I replied.

"Here's my number. If you want to chat. Or you need help... call me" she said as she handed me a slip of paper. "Can I give you a lift nearer to your home?" She added.

I looked at the number then looked up to her. "Erm... no, I think I will like the walk back. Get some fresh air" I replied.

"Okay honey" she said standing up, then gave me an unexpected hug. "Be safe" she said with a smile.

All I could do was nod. She left with just one last look back at me.

I slumped back in to my seat with a sigh. What the fuck had I got myself in to?

I began my journey home with a head full of new and old problems.

I didn't want to lose Kendall, I truly did love him. But I wasn't prepared to condemn myself from one abusive man to another.

"Sheri!" I heard someone call my name.

I turned around and saw James waving at me frantically from across the road.

He ran over smiling. "Hey! I've been calling you for ages" he laughed.

"Hi" I said awkwardly. The last time I spoke to James he told me he loved me and I told him I hated him.

"How come your out walking? did you want a lift? My car is just up there" he said pointing over the road.

"I..." I began but burst in to tears on seeing his friendly face. "A lift sounds good" I sobbed nodding my head.

"Sheri? What's wrong?" He asked placing his hand on my arm as a way of trying to comfort me.

"Everything!" I wept.

James guided me over the road. His hand on the small of my back, even through the maxi dress and the cardigan I wore, I could feel the distinct stroke of his thumb as he ushered me to his car.

He opened the passenger side car door for me to get in then made his way round to his own door. He sat in silently and waited for me to calm down. His kind brown eyes on me. A sympathetic smile on his face.

"Fuck im so sorry!" I snivelled out.

"Don't be... what's going on huh?" He asked searching my face for clues.

"I don't even know anymore James... I don't know what's going on. I just had coffee with Kendalls ex girlfriend" I said starting to cry again.

"With his ex? How did that come about?" James asked narrowing his eyes.

The water works really started then as I told James everything. I told him about the clothes Kendall bought me, the terrible sex we had. The comments he made about my legs. The apparent bullshit he told me about his seizures. And everything that Mackenzie had just told me.

"Oh Sheri..." James said sadly once I had finished filling him in.

"What do I do? Im scared of going home, I'm scared of telling him the truth. What if he is as bonkers as this Mackenzie girl says?" I replied wiping my eyes.

"I know it doesn't matter now but I was telling the truth about him knowing that Logan was sleeping with cass... why did he lie about that Sheri?" James asked.

I shrugged. "I have no idea. I love him though James. I know how sweet and lovely he can be." I said.

James thought for a minute. "Sheri maybe all this crap he does... he does it because he is scared? when you were just friends he was fine, but now there is a risk of him losing you... well he does it to groom you in a certain way, so you think no one else will want you. Your not fat, or flirty! He makes you think like that so you won't want to leave him" James replied.

"That doesn't make sense though, him doing it makes me want to leave him. He actually slapped his ex... I'm not sure how I would cope if he hit me James" I revealed.

James rubbed his head with his hand. "I would kill him if he touched one hair on your head"

I looked at James. "This must be shit for you... I'm sorry" I said giving his hand a squeeze.

He raised one eyebrow. "It's not the funnest conversation I've ever had. The girl I adore crying over a total dick head" he replied bitterly.

"I'm sorry" I repeated.

"You need to talk to him Sheri." He said ignoring what I just said. "Talk to him and explain what you know and how you feel, how you feel about him. Say that things need to stop because he is driving you away, but you want to stay. Tell him you love him" James said.

"Why are you helping me stay with him if you are in love with me?" I asked in awe of James and his well needed advice he dished out.

He looked at me. "I just want you to be happy Sheri. If Kendall makes you happy then doing this is the right thing to do." He explained.

"Won't you move back in?" I asked.

"I've lost my room now." He said with his handsome smile.

"I pretty much live in Kendalls room, you can have my old room if you like?" I said optimistically.

James chuckled. "I'm not about to be making you move in with the guy! Maybe we could share a room?" He joked.

I smiled at James. "Your lovely, you know that! I think Kendall may think it odd us sharing a room" I smiled giving him a gentle nudge in the ribs.

"Sheri im always here for you okay. I care about you so much" he replied, his golden brown eyes fixed on mine.

"Thanks James" I replied giving him a hug. He felt so safe. The scent from his neck amazing.

I pulled away from him but our faces far too close for comfort.

"I guess I should drive you home" James whispered.

"That's a good idea" I hushed back as our eyes wouldn't move from each other.

James turned his key, purring the engine of his car in to life. I buckled up and collected my thoughts. "Are you going to the party tomorrow?" I asked.

"Yeah defo! Can't miss our first celeb filled bash! You going?" He asked as he sped his car up.

"Yeah. I bought a nice red number to wear." I replied.

"Maybe we could share a dance then?" he smiled.

"I would like that James" I replied

I waved bye to James once he dropped me off and made my way indoors.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Kendall demanded the minute I walked in the kitchen.

"I went for a coffee then bumped in to James. He gave me a lift home." I replied.

"James? Are you fucking him?!" He accused.

"What? No, kendall he gave me a lift home... he's my friend" I said trying to remain calm.

Kendall backed me in to the kitchen side. His face so close to mine. "Don't do that again" he replied in a cold whisper. His hands either side of my waist blocking me in.

My heart was trying to beat out of my chest. I wished to be anywhere but here. "I'm sorry... w.. we need to t.. talk baby" I stammered out in fear. Still trying to go with my original plan of talking to him.

Kendall frowned at me, then an ugly smile appeared on his face. The killer dimples had a whole new meaning to me right now. "I don't want you near him. Do you understand?" Kendall said placing his hand around my wrist as I tried to struggle from his enclosure against the kitchen side.

"Your hurting me" I whispered out. the tears trying to make another appearance. His grip only got tighter on me. "Kendall? Please your hurting me" I tried again.

It wasn't until I heard someone in the hallway that I realised Kendall wasn't listening to me, he was listening to wether the person in the hall was going to come in to the kitchen.

Kendall let go of my wrist and pushed his body hard in to mine, he kissed my cheek just as Logan walked in the kitchen.

"Don't mind me!" Logan huffed as he saw what looked like a sexy moment between Kendall and I up against the kitchen cupboards, when in fact it couldn't of been more different.

I saw Logan look in the fridge.

It would take just one second of eye contact with Logan for him to know something was wrong. Just one call of his name would get me to safety and away from Kendall.

I opened my mouth to speak but Kendalls hot breath in my ear stopped me in my tracks. "One word and I will cut his fucking throat" was whispered in to my ear.

I closed my eyes in complete shock and fear. Kendalls Face was still so close to my own. To unsuspecting eyes it would look like we were making out, or exchanging lust filled whispers. I heard Logan's footsteps walk out of the kitchen. I breathed a sigh of relief.

I opened my eyes to see light green ones staring back at me. "Get up stairs Sheri!" Kendall said. His eyes no longer looked amazing they looked dead.

Because I was too scared to move my own body I felt the tight grip of Kendalls hand on my wrist again and was pulled in to the direction of his room.

* * *

I sat on Kendalls bed in silence. He looked livid. I wasn't even sure what I had done wrong.

"Which one are you fucking?" He seethed out as he paced the floor.

"I'm not fucking anybody kendall. I love you!" I replied sounding more confident than I actually felt.

"Tell me the truth!" He demanded.

"I AM! THIS IS THE FUCKING TRUTH KENDALL! WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS! !" I screamed at him then began crying. "I can't take it anymore!" I sobbed.

Kendall looked at me as I sat crying on his bed. I looked up at him, scared and feeling completely bewildered.

"Im sorry... im so sorry" he replied as he sat down on his bed next to me. He threw his arms around me. His own tears leaving him. I held him close. Sweeping his dirty blonde hair back.

I felt sorry for him. He didn't want to be like this. This wasn't him. James was right he is just scared.

I pulled away from him, thumbing his tears away. "Kendy we need to talk about ... your ... behavior" I said, trying my best to sound as less accusing as possible.

He was staggering in deep breaths in his own misery he had produced. But he nodded.

"I love you so much" I soothed. "Calm down okay. It's only us" I said stroking his cheek. His eyes looked blood shot and cried out.

"I love you too Sheri" he replied.

Once Kendall had calmed down, I decided to not tell him about Mackenzie and her visit to warn me, but to just try and tackle his problem head on.

"Kendall you can't carry on the way you are. I don't know who that Kendall is when he scares me and makes me cry. I fell in love with the caring and sweet Kendall. The Kendall that makes me feel like I'm the most important girl in the world with his electric kisses." I explained.

"I don't mean to get so angry Sheri. My head just... fuck... I just can't think straight. I don't know what happens." He explained.

"You panic baby" I said trying to give him the go ahead to tell me the truth about his medical issues.

He nodded. "I do... more than you fucking know!" He said in a pissed off laugh.

"Kendall if it helps, then there is no reason to panic about losing me because as long as you treat me right I'm never gonna leave." I said making full eye contact.

"I don't deserve you sheri" he replied covering his hands with his face and laying down on his bed in what looked like shame.

"Of course you do. You deserve me baby. Don't talk shit" I said not quite knowing what to do, he looked completely broken.

I lay down next to him and rested my head on his shoulder. "I love you" I whispered in his ear attempting to pull his hand away from his face. He did allow me.

He looked so sad, it's awful to see as boy cry. Even more awful when it's my boyfriend.

"Shhh baby. Everything will be fine" I soothed.

"You promise?" He said looking at me with his watery green eyes.

"I promise Kendall" I said placing my lips on his and sealing my promise with a kiss.

Once again it was electric! My hand still swept at his hair as I kissed him. Kendalls own hand I felt gently on my side. It made me melt. I felt I had my old Kendall back. All he needed was to talk things through.

It wasn't long before our kisses had led to us both being totally naked on his bed.

"Kendall..." I said breaking away. "Shall I get a condom from my room?" I asked shyly.

He nodded. "You need to get on that pill. I hate condoms" he said still caught in the moment.

So did I but I didn't want to end up like Mackenzie. I worried at the back of my mind that my first time with Kendall might come back to haunt me.

I stole the bed sheet from Kendalls bed and wrapped my naked body in it, I left his room and went in to mine to get the condoms. When I walked out I pretty much bumped in to Logan.

He eyed the sheet, he eyed the fact I had no clothes on. Then he saw the condom in my hand.

Before I could say a word he had walked away. I let out a sigh then went back in to Kendalls room.

Kendall wasn't there!

I walked in further and was grabbed from behind, Kendall pushed me up against the wall. "Got you!" He whispered sexily to me.

He took my hand in his as my sheet fell to the floor. His touch gentle. The fear that entered my body in the last few seconds melted away as I saw his eyes were kind.

"I love you" he whispered as he kissed along my neck. Burying his face in to me. The coldness of the wall behind me only adding to the pleasurable sensations.

"I love you more" popped out of my mouth. Logan's catchphrase, the only thing that my brain could think of to say. I was worried that Kendall would take offence to such a recycled sentence from me, but he smiled from ear to ear as he now kissed along my collar bone.

Maybe all he needed was to know he meant more to me than Logan.

I handed Kendall the condom. With the use of one hand and his teeth he had it open and on in seconds. I was impressed really.

I wrapped my arms around Kendalls neck as he lifted me up, wrapping my legs around his tiny waist. I fully expected to get fucked senseless up again the wall. I was even slightly disappointed when Kendall carried me over to the bed and lay me down. But my disappointment faded when I felt Kendalls hardness enter me.

Straight away I felt so much more relaxed with him. I felt I could enjoy myself.

Kendall was kissing me frantically all over. His movement was fast and hard. Shunting me up the bed with each thrust.

I was in heaven. My insides craved more of his roughness that he appeared to do so gently.

"Fuck, Sheri your beautiful" he whispered in my ear then kissed just below it. I had my palm lay flat on his chest. The sweat from his sexual efforts turning me on. His hair now also looked brown from wetness.

Kendall pulled my leg further up by my thigh. He managed to get deeper inside me. I moaned out in pleasure, and just saw the killer dimples as Kendall smiled at his own progress.

My hand came away damp as I swept it through his now drenched hair.

Everything about this was amazing. The way he made my heart thump, the way he was so energetic. The way he whispered how beautiful I was in my ear... the way he loved me.

There was no way I could be discreet with the feeling he was about to inflict on me. I screamed out as I came. My hand on Kendalls chest lost control and I scratched my nails into him.

The familiar feel of a love bite coming on my neck added to my pleasure, Kendall once again buried his gorgeous little face next to mine as he climaxed.

I was dead with exhaustion.

The only thing I could manage to do was grab the sheet and wrap our sweat drenched bodies messily in it, I cuddled up to Kendall and fell to sleep.

* * *

A knock on the door woke me up.

"Won't be a sec!" Kendall mumbled out as he put some shorts on.

He gave me a passing kiss as he went to the door.

I curled myself up in to a happy little ball as I watched him walk. I saw the dips in Kendalls hips. Fuck my life! He was perfect!

Kendall opened the door just a fraction, I guessed to hide any nakedness I might have available to see, but I could hear it was Carlos.

"Hey man is Sheri about?" Carlos asked.

Kendall poked his head back in the door and looked at me, I smiled at him as I just reached for my clothes to get dressed. Carlos had kept his promise of having a chat with me. Not that it was needed now. I had sorted it out on my own. At least I thought I had.

Kendall looked back to Carlos. "She is asleep dude" he said, which made me look up.

"Oh okay, she wanted to have a catch up that's all. Tell her to come find me later when she is awake" los said.

"Sure" Kendall replied then shut the door.

I had just clipped my bra back on when Kendall walked over and sat next to me on his bed.

"You didn't have to lie, I was just getting dressed baby" I said with a smile.

"You think I'm silly enough to let you talk to him." Kendall replied coldly.

I stood up ready to slip the dress over my head. "Kendall we have been through this" I said softly.

"Look at you" he said also standing up.

I took a step away from him. His eyes told me he wasn't happy what so ever.

I did look at me, all I had on was a matching white panty and bra set.

"You dress like a whore" he said slowly, grabbing the strap of my bra to emphasize my whoreyness.

I struggled against him. "Kendall get off! Don't do this again" I pleaded. I had managed to calm him once today. Surely a second time shouldn't be hard.

I was wrong. He looked at me like something he had trod on. I tried to push him away but he ended up shoving me, I landed softly on the bed but he had broken my bra strap.

Once again the tears began rolling down my face.

"Your a disgrace to me" he said.

"What have I done?" I sobbed.

"I won't have you arranging to meet up with other men behind my back. I know what your like! You did that to Logan with me remember!" He raged.

"I can't believe we are having this conversation again! Kendall you have just ruined a perfect moment!" I moaned.

"No you have! You think I enjoy having a slut as a girlfriend?" he spat at me.

I grabbed my dress and flung it over my neck, pulling it down over my body. "No, but do you think I enjoy having a complete psycho as a boyfriend!? No! I hate it. I'm sorry Kendall but I spent too long being in fear of someone all my life. Im through with this!" I said making my way to the door.

"What?... what do you mean?" He said turning the water works on again and blocking me from leaving.

"I'm sorry Kendall, I love you, I really do, but it's over." I said getting emotional again as I looked at him.

"No... no you don't mean that" he begged.

"I do. You threatened that you would cut Logan's fucking throat earlier! Let me out" I said standing next to him as he blocked my way.

"No!" He cried.

"LET ME OUT OF THIS FUCKING ROOM!" I screamed at him.

"No... Sheri please" Kendall said crying his heart out. Mackenzie was right, It does get old quickly.

A moment later I heard Carlos knocking on the other side. "You okay sheri?" I heard him say.

"We can talk this through" Kendall cried ignoring Carlos' voice.

"No. We talked it through just a few hours ago Kendall. You need specialist fucking help!" I hissed at him, I then reached for the door handle forcing him to move.

The door opened and I saw the safety of Carlos on the other side. He looked completely shocked at what was going on. My ripped bra strap that dangled down from my dress and the bruise around my wrist from where Kendall held it too tightly earlier was being inspected by Carlos' eyes, as well as mine and Kendalls tear stained faces. Carlos then eyed up the scratch on Kendalls chest.

"I'm going to stay in a hotel for tonight" I said more to Kendall but I was looking at Carlos. I packed a bag of my things and left.

* * *

**Chapter 28: Chapter 28**

* * *

I had only been in the hotel room for an hour before my cell rang. My phone flashed up carlos' name on the screen.

"Hey los" I answered, sounding Fed up.

"Sheri, Kendall had a seizure about ten minutes ago" he said sounding urgent.

"Is he okay?" I asked sitting forward on the couch I was on.

"Yeah I think so... he is refusing to take his insulin though, he is asking for you" he said.

"I'm not coming back tonight. I just need some space okay. I will be back in the morning los." I said trying to not care.

"Sheri he looks really ill, I don't know what I'm doing, shall I just stick him with one of his injections?" He asked stupidly.

"no Carlos! You don't just stick him!" I said shaking my head at the idiotic words coming from my friend.

"Look I don't know what I'm doing, Logan is out for the night. I'm on my own here Sheri. I'm not being funny but he is your problem, not mine." Carlos said.

I rolled my eyes. "Fucks sake.. Okay, I will be back soon." I replied then hung my phone up and chucked it in my bag.

* * *

The taxi back to the house took around 15 minutes. When I got upstairs all hell was breaking loose, Kendall was in the middle of another fit and Carlos was on the phone to the emergency services.

"Fuck! how long has he been like this?" I asked frantically.

"Just a couple of minutes but it's his third one since I called you." Carlos said as he put his hand to the phone receiver.

I sat down next to Kendall who was still on his bed. "Kendall can you hear me? It's Sheri... I'm here okay... I'm here" I soothed looking at him. His appearance was terrible.

He soon began to slow down. He took my hand once he had control of his body again.

"Keep calm okay... everything's fine" I reassured him.

"Carlos keeps... trying to make me have my... insulin" he breathed out heavily.

"Kendall you need to take it" I moaned.

"I don't though, it's.. too soon, I had... it just after you left. He keeps.. waving a fucking.. needle at me" Kendall said panicked.

I looked at Carlos. "Your a dip shit los! What did I tell you! You can't just give it to him willy fucking nilly." I scolded.

"Well I thought it would stop him freaking out!" He said.

"He doesn't have the seizures because of his diabetes, he has them because he panics and you waving a fucking needle at him threatening to give him an insulin overdose isn't fucking helping!" I shouted.

Carlos looked at me. "I'm sorry... I was scared... the ambulance is on its way" he added. Then walked out the room.

"You okay?" I asked Kendall.

Kendall nodded. "I don't need an ambulance" he said.

"Well they can check you over at least" I replied.

"Did you call my mom?" He asked laying down on his side, resting his head on his pillow.

"No.. did you want me to?" I said picking the sheet up that I was just a few hours ago wrapped up in. I placed it over Kendall and tucked him in.

"Not really... how did you know it was because of a panic attack?" He asked sleepily.

"Mackenzie told me" I whispered out.

"Kenz? My kenzie?" Kendall asked trying to sit up.

"Yeah... look Kendall, I have no clue why your like this. But I know I can't cope with it. I wish I could, I really do. It's too much for me to be adjusting to life without my dad, not having Logan around and dealing with you... you scare the life out of me Kendall. I don't know what you are capable of. Did you really hit her? Mackenzie?" I asked feeling that now was as good time as any to have a well needed heart to heart.

"When did you see her?" He asked ignoring my question.

"Today... this morning. she has been trying to find me to explain I need to be careful with you" I replied.

"She told you everything?" He said quietly.

I nodded. "Yeah... pretty much Kendall"

"She told you this morning and you still came back to me?" He said getting upset again. He really was a complete emotional wreck.

"I did yeah, I had it in my head I could talk you round. It didn't work huh" I said giving him a weak smile.

"Please don't leave me Sheri... I promise I will get help. I need you. Please don't break up with me" he begged just as the door knocked and a paramedic walked in.

I left Kendall alone while he talked his medical problems through with the paramedics. He refused to be taken in to hospital.

After they had left I knocked on his bedroom door.

"Can I come in" I asked softly through the door.

"Yeah course" came Kendalls reply.

"You should be tucked up in bed I think." I said looking at him sat on the end of it instead of being in it.

Kendall smiled then held his arms out for a hug.

I sat down beside him and wrapped my arms tightly around him. "Im so sorry Sheri" he whispered.

"Okay... it's okay, its done now" I replied.

"Please don't break up with me" he said in to my shoulder, his voice muffled.

"let's get you in to bed then we can talk yeah?" I soothed.

I tucked him in once more and sat next to him with my feet up on the bed. He took my hand and rested his head on my lap.

"I can't be your girlfriend Kendall... not yet. Im not saying never... I'm just saying we both need some breathing space. I was silly to get involved so quickly after Logan, im gonna admit that I'm not completely over him." I said gently.

"Do you think you will get back with him?" Kendall asked.

"No... we are just friends... well not even friends at the moment... it's not about Logan though kendy. It's us. The way we have been isn't normal is it?" I explained.

Kendall let out a sarcastic laugh. "You're kind to say 'us'. I think it's pretty obvious it's me that isn't normal. The paramedic suggested I get my ass to the doctor and get put on anti depressants...he said it will help with calming me down but I'm not sure how I feel about more medication." he replied.

"I think that it's something we can look in to, and talk about... I hate seeing you get so fired up. I know that's not you. All the jealousy... its just crazy" I said stroking back his hair.

"Will you stay with me tonight?" He asked.

"Kendy I don't know... I don't want to lead you on... Kendall I need to know... did you hit Mackenzie?" I asked again.

Kendall stayed silent.

"I take that as a yes" I whispered.

"I would never do that to you. I can't believe I did it to her. Do you hate me?" He replied.

"I don't hate you. I don't compare you to my father" I said honestly.

"Did kenzie ask how I was?... I haven't seen her for so long" he asked.

I recalled the chat I had with Mackenzie quickly in my mind. "I don't think she did Kendall. She looked well though. She is so pretty" I replied.

"She is nothing on you" Kendall said giving my hand a kiss.

"You look terrible you know, do you want a glass of water or something to eat. Have you eaten today?" I asked.

"Yeah I've eaten. I'm fine Sheri. Feel tired though." he admitted. His hand that was attached to mine didn't look like it was in a position to let go any time soon.

"I will be next door in my room if you need anything, okay? Get some sleep!" I replied. My feelings mixed on wether I should leave him alone. I pried my hand from his

I kissed him on his forehead. He looked like he could sleep for a week. Again I felt sorry for him.

As I closed Kendalls door behind me, I let out a deep sigh of relief. Whatever my heart felt on possibly losing another man I loved, the relief of not being scared out weighed it.

I went to bed, for the first time completely alone.

* * *

Kendall woke me up the following morning with breakfast on a tray.

"I just wanted to say thanks for yesterday... and try my hardest to prove I can change" he added.

"Kendall it's not going to go away over night... I appreciate what your doing but I don't think giving you false hope will do any good." I replied, rubbing my eyes as I looked at the tray of food that Kendall had prepared for me, he had even picked a flower from... I'm guessing next doors garden? As there wasn't one person in this household that had green fingers.

"Yeah I know Sheri. Number one priority is to fix myself then everything else will fall in to place. I've even made a doctor's appointment!" He said cheerfully.

"I'm pleased kendy. Are you going to go to the award party tonight?" I asked not sure if he was up for a night out. We had all been looking forward to it though. Our first A-list party. It wasn't long now before the big time rush pilot premiered. It was important to get out and be seen.

"Yeah im still going" he replied. "Are we still going together?" He asked his huge eyebrows raised with hope.

"Maybe going as a group would be better" I replied, really trying to steer him away from him thinking we could just fall back in to being a couple. "Is Logan going?" I asked looking at the time, Logan would of been up hours ago.

Kendall looked away from my face at the mention of Logan's name. "I'm not sure Sheri, Carlos said he stayed at some girls house last night" he replied. I could see the green eyed monster in him already appearing but my eyes popped out of my head at the mention of a girls house.

"Is cass in town?" I asked shyly, honestly not wanting to make him jealous but I needed to know if I was in danger of bumping in to her.

Kendall shook his head. "No, just some chic" Kendall replied.

My heart sank at the realization that my ex boyfriend of two years was not who I thought he was.

"This is a huge breakfast" I laughed trying to not cry at the thought of Logan and another girl.

Kendall smiled. "I can help to eat it if you like" he replied.

"Sounds like a fair deal" I said returning his smile.

Kendall spent the entire morning with me, he asked a lot of questions about my childhood, and what I hoped the future would bring. He was determined to try and win me over. Truth was I wanted him to.

Kendall however was cagey about telling me about his childhood and obvious things that mattered. He had spent his entire life trying to hide or cover up the fact that he wasn't as normal as a lot of people. He did confide in me that one of the reasons he got in to acting and enjoyed it so much was because he liked to get out of his own skin and be someone else.

I loved Kendall so much when he was normal, and caring. It was hard to imagine him being anything else. My mind cast back to the day at the theme park, wearing the stupid ponchos in the rain. It felt like a million years ago now, but in reality just a few weeks.

* * *

Logan didn't return home at all. It was left to Carlos once again to keep things on an even keel with Kendall and I. I'm pretty sure Kendall still thought it was a date even though we were to be arriving at the party in a three some.

I got dressed in to the out fit I had bought with Logan the day he returned to California.

My long brown hair I wore down and swept over one shoulder. It helped to cover up the collection of love bites I had. Make up wasn't doing the job well.

My red dress looked beautiful, the shoes Logan has bought me went brilliantly with it.

I felt like a star! I smiled at my reflection. My tan looked good against the red. The corset-like top of my dress shone and sparked its way around my bedroom.

I gave myself a satisfactory glance then left to go downstairs.

Carlos was suited and booted, looking the most handsome I had ever seen him.

"Woah! Check us out?!" He laughed.

"You look great los" I smiled.

"You too Sheri... those legs! Wow!" He said eyeing me up.

I smiled. It was nice to be dressed up.

Kendall was the last to join us. He looked breathtaking. He also wore a suit and tie. Looking so much older than the 17 year old boy I had got to know.

Kendall didn't say I looked nice, I could see he was having a battle in his brain. I had my cleavage out, and my legs out on display for the world to enjoy. The world at the moment consisted of just Carlos blatantly not being able to take his eyes from my legs, but I could see it was bothering Kendall to have another man eye me up.

"You look so handsome Kendall" I said with a smile.

"Is the taxi on its way" he asked staring daggers at Carlos who now wore the look on his face that he had just this second realised I was a girl... a hot girl.

"Yeah it shouldn't be long. I'm nervous. I wonder who we will meet" Carlos replied.

"It's a bit cold out, I will grab you a jacket Sheri" Kendall said.

"I'm fine Kendall... besides I don't have anything that would match this dress" I said, seeing he wasn't happy I had so much flesh on display.

"Maybe you should change?" Kendall replied.

"Taxi is here!" Carlos announced excitedly.

I ignored Kendall, picked my purse up from the dining table and guided Kendall out by the hand. I wasn't having him be in a mood all night. "Enjoy your self" I said squeezing his arm as we got in to the taxi.

Kendall replied with just a small smile.

If only I knew what was about to happen, I never would of got in to the fucking taxi.

* * *

On arriving at the venue, I was completely star struck. The red carpet was out. Flash photography was everywhere! The crowd was huge, filled with people wanting to catch a glimpse of their favorite celebrity.

"You okay?" I asked Kendall who looked terrified.

"Yeah... this insane! He said looking out of the window as the car slowed.

Carlos was lapping it up. He was a bona fide attention seeker. Once out of the car, I held the hands of both my male companions.

Carlos gave the odd wave to the crowd but no one had a clue who we were. On entering the venue, the expense of everything hit me. Although this was meant to be a charity awards celebration, someone had obviously spent thousands and thousands making this place look amazing.

Carlos kept whacking me with his arm every time he saw someone famous. "Oh my god Sheri look!" He kept saying.

At one point he was actually pointing at someone who was stood just a few feet away.

The awards part of the night lasted the best part of an hour. We had our own table with other members of our cast but Logan and James had yet to show. I was confident that James would show up, but Logan I had no clue on.

Soon enough tables were cleared and moved around, making way for possibly the biggest dance floor I had ever seen, and the party of a lifetime.

The lights dimmed, music played and the evening celebrations began.

I went off to talk with some of the girls from the show. All of us looking completely amazing. I had left a sour faced Kendall talking with someone but when I glanced over at him he was sat down alone, nursing a drink in his hand.

I rolled my eyes. Angry that he couldn't just be normal for one evening to let us enjoy ourselves for once.

I pulled the chair out next to him. "I hope that's not alcoholic!" I said poking my finger at the glass in front of him.

"So what if it is" he huffed.

"It's gonna make your blood sugar rise" I moaned.

Even in the dimly lit room with the beating sound of the music that now played I could see Kendall pull his 'I couldn't give a fuck' face at me.

"Kendall lets just have fun tonight huh.. enjoy ourselves" I said trying to get him in the party spirit.

"I don't like the way everyone is looking at you" Kendall replied.

I looked around. No one was looking at me. "Kendall it's all in your head... come on let's dance" I said trying to pull him up put he snapped his hand away from me.

Kendall stood up. He eyed me over like I was trash. "I'm gonna get another drink" he mumbled. Then walked off. He already looked half cut.

I sat there looking at everybody else having fun. I was so pissed off that Kendall was trying to ruin it and we weren't even an item anymore.

"How about that dance?" Came a soft whisper from behind me in my ear.

I turned my head to see James looking out of this world with his handsomeness. He flung his suit jacket over the back of a chair.

I smiled at him, pleased to see a happy face. "I would love to" I beamed.

James took my hand and led me over to the all very crowded dance floor.

He placed my arms around his neck. "Where have you been?" I asked.

"Logan and I went out to get the suits, his car broke down. We were waiting ages to get a tow" he explained. "How did it go with Kendall yesterday?" He asked. I could feel his hands on my waist pulling me in nearer.

"Oh god... it was awful, we broke up" I said pulling a funny face.

"Serious? Shit!" James replied over the loud music.

"He isn't taking it too well though" I replied. Not wanting to go in to detail of what happened yesterday.

"Is he here?" James asked.

I nodded in the direction of the bar. Kendall was knocking the drinks back.

I saw Logan also, he wasn't with Kendall but he was talking to Carlos. At least he hadn't brought a date.

As I looked back at James our brown eyes met each other. "It will be okay" he promised and pulled me in for a very convincing hug.

"You look beautiful Sheri" James said to me as my head tucked in just below his chin. My shoes helping to combat the height difference between us.

"Thank you... your looking pretty good your self" I replied.

"Maybe seeing as your at a loose end now... we could hang out a bit more. I miss you sher bear" he said.

I gave James a smile. "I miss you too. I think I would like that" I replied.

The sexual tension between James and could be cut with a knife.

"You want a soda?" James asked not liking the change of music on the dance floor.

"Sure" I replied. Once we had our drinks, James took me by my hand and guided me back to the seat he had found me in.

I tried not to look at Kendall but I could see he was fit to burst.

"I guess it hasn't sunk in yet that you two have broken up" James said looking in Kendalls direction also.

"He said he can change. He is fine for a bit but then he just goes off on one. He is going to blow a gasket at you in a second" I said turning back to James.

"We are only talking... just friends huh?" He said smiling.

"Yeah... Kendall knows you have feelings for me... I told him" I admitted.

James raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Erm... Sheri... the way I feel about you... is it just one sided?" He asked boldly.

I smiled at James. "Your a good friend James" I replied trying to avoid the subject.

"Friends!" He said with a grin, he nodded his head to say that was cool by him. "I couldn't sleep last night coz I was thinking of you." He added for good measure.

"What were you thinking about me for?" I asked.

James reached for my hand under the table we sat at. His tell tale thumb rubbing against my skin. "I can't get you out of my head. Your always on my mind." He smiled.

I giggled at him. His perfection becoming too much once again as his attempts to woo me stole my heart.

"I love it when you do that." he said in my ear.

"Do what?" I asked looking in to the hazel eyes I trusted. The flashing disco lights shining off his face, making his handsome face glow in a rainbow assortment of light.

"Smile!" He answered. "I think it's the most amazing thing I've ever seen."

His perfect response only making me smile more. I blushed. Hoping the disco lights camouflaged my face to look as Immaculate as his.

"You look a bit hot? You wanna get some fresh air?" He asked grinning wildly. I wouldn't put it passed him that this was all a set up to get me alone. I was putty in his hands and nodded.

James led me out in to a foyer area at the back of the venue. There was a door open that led us to the grounds outside. I made a mental note not to even glance at Kendall as I left the party behind.

There were a few people out here smoking. But James led me to a fairly secluded spot.

James looked at me in approval of his private place he had found us.

"I think it's you that makes me feel hot James." I giggled, glad of the night sky to hide my blushes.

James took both my hands in his as he stood in front of me.

"Do you like that feeling?" He whispered leaning his face in closer.

I nodded my head. "I do... it feels nice... you feel nice" I said giving his hands a squeeze.

"Sheri... if I did something that I thought was stupid and I'm pretty sure you would think was stupid, would you hold it against me for trying anyway?" He said softly. His face so close to mine now that I could feel his breath on my lips.

I looked from James's lips to his eyes knowing full well that being kissed by him was just moments away. Memories flashed in my mind of how good his tongue felt in my mouth.

"I wouldn't hold it against you. Sometimes we all do stupid things" I whispered back, not moving my eyes from his.

"So your suggesting that I do this stupid thing?" He asked flirtatiously.

"Maybe you don't have to.. maybe I should be the stupid one" I said then moved in just by the inch needed to kiss him.

It started off slow. Just our lips. As I removed my hand from his palm and placed it on the side of his face I felt his tongue cautiously enter, I was momentarily in heaven.

James being yanked away from me brought me straight back down to earth with a thud. I opened my eyes just in time to see Kendall punch him square in the face.

Shock glued me to the spot momentarily as I watched James fall to the ground. The sickening sound of flesh being hit played over in my memory.

"KENDALL WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" I screamed at him trying to pull him away as he moved towards the visibly shocked James that was holding his nose as it poured blood out all over his shirt.

"IM GONNA FUCKING KILL HIM" kendall yelled back.

"NO! No your not!" I shouted. I grabbed at his suit jacket to try and stop him.

I saw Carlos run towards us, I don't think I had ever been so grateful to see him. He was a lot smaller than Kendall but he was stockier in build.

"KENDALL! C'MON MAN" he yelled trying to pull him away.

I looked at James. He was soaked in his own blood. "I'm so sorry" I said to him, the tears making their scheduled appearance.

"It's cool... it's cool" James said shakily as he stood up.

"It's not fucking cool! Logan is looking for kendall!" Carlos said as he tried to restrain Kendall as he battled to get to James again.

"YOU BASTARD!" Kendall cried out at James. "She is my fucking girl. Mine!" He sobbed out at him.

So much was being shouted and screamed with everyone trying to talk at once that it wasn't until Logan appeared that things actually began to look dangerous.

He marched over to me, his eyes looked almost sad. He gently took my hand in his and inspected my wrist. The perfect print of finger marks bruised me like a bracelet.

"I'm sorry Sheri, I had to tell him" Carlos said as Kendall fell to the floor in his struggles.

"Did Kendall do this to you?" Logan asked gently still looking at the bruise.

I nodded. A load of heart ache then exchanged between Logan and I as he saw every ounce of pain I held in my eyes. He was reminded of every bruise, every cut, every push, shove and fall, every broken bone, all the black eyes and split lips I had been subjected to over the years by my father.

None of which he was ever able to defend me or fight back in my honor. Now however as Logan looked from me to Kendall, I felt so scared as I saw years of built up hate in Logan's eyes that was now aimed towards my ex boyfriend for one small bruise.

It was James though that punched Kendall first on hearing that I had been hurt. Kendall wasnt taking it laying down though, he was pissed at James for kissing me.

Carlos this time struggled again but this time to get James away. Logan then lay in to kendall.

"Get the fuck off me" I heard James scream to Carlos as he pulled him back in to the party.

I was left alone with two ex boyfriends beating the shit from one another.

"Logan please" I sobbed as once again I tried to pull apart a fight. The buttons on Logan's shirt ripped open making him look even crazier than he already did.

Logan freed himself from me as his shirt came off completely. He grabbed Kendall by the collar dragging him up then kneed him in the stomach.

Kendall fell back to the floor coughing. A disgusting wheezing noise coming from him as he dug his fingers in to the grass trying to get his composure to get up.

"Logan please!" I begged, now crying so hard. The area only dimly lit by the occasional lantern light in the grounds but I could see both boys covered in mud.

Kendall laughed, blood all in his teeth from the punch he received from James.

"She deserved it" Kendall slurred. "Fucking whore" he said angrily at me. I cried even more.

Kendall stood up while Logan caught his breath. I thought it was all over but Kendall then planted a kick aimlessly at Logan, which caught him sharply in the thigh. Logan screamed out as his leg buckled beneath him

Logan was down which gave Kendall the prime opportunity to get stuck in with a few punches.

I saw Kendalls first punch on Logan hit his chin, the sound made a crack as Logan's teeth were smacked together.

I then attempted to pull Kendall off, there was a small gathering of people watching, but no one was helping me to separate them. Kendall got his second punch in. Logan's nose had blood explode out from it.

Kendall grabbed my arm, shoving me away, I landed with a thud on my backside. Logan got back on his feet with a struggle. His eyes streaming. Blood now all down his bare chest.

He shoved Kendall with both palms in his chest, Kendall tried to get Logan in some kind of head lock but Logan got Kendall with another punch in the face. Kendall doubled back.

Both boys then ended up on the floor throwing punches at each other. Logan succeded to get on top of Kendall, once again holding him by the collar of his now blood splattered shirt.

I watched in horror as Logan head butted Kendall, sending Kendalls head smacking in to the concrete ground with a hard blow.

"I swear to God if you ever hurt her again I'm going to fucking kill you!" Logan seethed at him. He moved his legs to stand up still holding Kendall by the collar and once again pulled him to his feet,just to punch him in the stomach and send him down to the floor again.

I don't know if Logan was crying or his eyes just watered from the pain, but his emotion on the subject of some one going out of their way to hurt me shined through as I watched him kick and kick Kendall over and over.

I covered my mouth with my hand as I saw the aggression he had to offer.

Kendall was no longer in a position to fight back. He just lay there.

"SCUM... YOUR FUCKING SCUM!" Logan screamed out at Kendall as he kept kicking his stomach.

"LOGAN! STOP IT!" I yelled.

"Why... " Logan said obvious tears running down his mud and blood covered face.

"Because he isn't my dad Logan! It's not him" I begged, Logan stopped the kicking and looked at me.

"I promised you I would never allow you to get hurt again. I promised myself Sheri!" he cried falling to his knees on the ground.

"It's over logues... come on" I said kneeling down next to him, I took him in my arms. I looked to Kendall on the floor who was wincing in pain.

"You okay?" I mouthed to him as my chin sat on Logan's shoulder.

Kendall wiggled his jaw to check for broken bones but nodded at me.

Security then made a late appearance and the three of us were escorted out the back of the building.

Logan took my hand as he headed towards home. "Stay the fuck away from me man!" He said to Kendall who was staggering behind us.

"We live in the same fucking house you moron!" Kendall replied as he pulled up his shirt and inspected his ribs.

"Why the fuck did you hurt her? What gives you the right to lay your hands on her" Logan kept arguing.

"I don't have to explain myself to you dip shit" Kendall mumbled back.

"Logan lets just get home, we can sort it out in the morning." I said clinging on to him as I slipped my high heel shoes off and carried on the walk home.

"You and I are moving out Sheri! I'm not leaving you alone in a house with a guy that raises his hand to girls... fucking pussy" Logan carried on his tirade.

"I didn't even fucking hit her Logan!" Kendall snapped back.

Logan grabbed my wrist and presented it in front of Kendall stopping the three of us from walking.

"Have you any idea the number of times I've found bruises exactly the same as that on her... huh? Too fucking many!... Jesus Kendall, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Logan argued.

"If you care that much about her Logan why the fuck were you screwing everything behind her back!" Kendall retorted as he now took the lead in the walk home.

I took Logan's hand again and pulled him forward to get moving. "Let's just get home to bed" I huffed, not wanting to hear any of this conversation.

"I don't know what the fuss is about anyway. She is shit in bed" Kendall said hurtfully which led to another scuffle between them of pushing and shoving.

"For fucks sake... stop it!" I shouted, getting between them.

I could feel Logan behind me, his chest pushing in to my back as he wanted to get to Kendall and tear his head off his shoulders.

I looked up at Kendall. I was in two minds of wether to just let Logan at him. Teach his disgraceful mouth a lesson, but I resolved to just slap Kendall hard around the face instead.

Again I grabbed Logan's hand and walked in the direction of home. This time tears rolling fast from hurtful words Kendall had spoken.

The majority of the journey left was walked in silence. Logan sometimes felt the need to ask if I was okay.

I think it should of been the other way round as Logan looked worse for wear. His nose looked broken. His eye beginning to swell. Kendall couldn't even stand up straight from the pain he was in. He also had a face that looked black and blue.

"I would shake your old man's hand Sheri." Kendall said out of the blue.

This of all things hurt me.

"Fucks sake! Shut that hole in your fucking face" Logan replied to him.

"No, why? I want to know what I've done that I deserve to be treated like this... go on Kendall... tell me?" I said getting dragged in to his warped mind.

"Apart from the fact your a complete whore?" Kendall retorted.

"So I kissed James, so fucking what! You and I aren't even together anymore Kendall!" I replied reaching for the door key in my purse as we walked up our garden path.

"It hasn't even occurred to you that your so disgusting that not even Logan wants you... no one wants you, not even your own mother!" He said drunkenly.

I swung the door open with a bang, Logan walked in first flicking on lights as he went in to the kitchen.

"How the hell have you got the right to comment on my life when your own is clearly fucked up Kendall!" I spat at him as I followed Logan in.

Kendall barged passed me in the door way of the kitchen. "My life may be awkward Sheri, but at least im not the one going from man to man because I have daddy issues." He replied.

"Oh fuck you Kendall. Your just jealous. You love me you know you love me! The only reason I've been going from man to man is because I haven't come across one yet that hasn't hurt me!" I snapped. "I'm 16 years old and I trusted each of you. The only person that's not screwed me over is James!" I ranted, Fed up of this ridiculous behavior.

"Only because you haven't managed to fuck him yet!" Kendall argued. He swayed from side to side. He was a disgusting drunk!

"That's where your wrong, while you went home to Kansas in one of your hissy fits, James was keeping me very entertained in my bed!" I revealed to them both, my hand on hip.

Both boys looked completely shocked as they looked at me, scared almost.

"Sheri... come here!" Logan said urgently.

"What? Why?" I asked puzzled looking at them both.

"Sheri. Come here now!" Kendall then said. All traces of our argument gone. His face serious.

"Sheri baby... come over here!" Logan said.

It was then I saw Kendall wasn't looking at me, he was looking behind me in to the hall. I was stood facing the kitchen still in the doorway. I froze not knowing what to expect that was near me.

"Is.. is it a spider?" I asked confused.

Kendall then raised his hands as if surrendering himself he walked towards me, gently took my hand and pulled me towards him and Logan in those kitchen.

Logan shoved me behind him like a lion protecting his cub. It was then I saw a masked man dressed in black wielding a knife in the doorway where I had just been standing... we had walked in to the middle of a burglary.

**Chapter 29: Chapter 29**

* * *

The man holding the knife looked almost as scared as we did. He sure wasn't expecting anyone to come home.

He walked in to the kitchen and threw Logan's rucksack at our feet.

"Money, wallets and phones!" He demanded in a shaky voice as he poked the bag with his black booted toe.

Kendall emptied his pockets and chucked the contents in the bag his hand was shaking beyond belief. Next was Logan to turn his pockets out. Only a wallet went in.

"Where's the fucking phone!" The robber demanded, his voice giving him away as a scared young man. Yet he still continued to wave the knife at Logan.

Logan took a deep breath, and began shaking his head. "I don't have it man... I was in a fight... it's lost" Logan replied as he showed the man the inside of all his empty pockets.

The robber despite having his face covered in a ski mask very much had his eyes on display. I saw him look over the state Logan was in. I expect Logan looked terrifying to him, shirtless, bloodied and beaten. I think Logan realised this too.

I saw Logan glance at Kendall to see the state he was in. He was weighing up the odds of two against one, then seeing Kendall was in no condition to fight anymore as back up, Logan eyed the masked man over to see if he could handle him alone.

I made eye contact with Logan. I wanted to scream 'dont you fucking dare' at him as I saw it cross his mind. Logan returned my eye contact with the look to say he could bring this guy down.

"You!" The man then said to me, demanding my belongings.

"I.. I left my purse in the hall" I said nodding in the direction behind him.

The robber looked behind briefly, not stupid enough to turn his back on us.

"All of you on the floor, face down!" He then demanded. "Hands on head" he added as an after thought.

I did as I was told, so did Logan, it was Kendall that was having difficulty. The pain from the kicking Logan had given him was stopping him from being able to get down successfully on the floor.

"Hurry the fuck up!" The robber demanded kicking Kendall in his leg.

"I can't do it" Kendall said looking at me, his eyes wincing in pain.

I looked up to the robber. "I can help him" I explained getting back up on my feet.

"Shut the fuck up, we... we will do it this way" the robber decided, grabbing me and placing the knife to my throat. "If you move... she gets cut... clear!" He explained to Logan and Kendall. I could feel the knife trembling in his hand.

I started crying on feeling the blade rest against my skin.

Kendall nodded. "Don't.. hurt her... please." He stammered out.

"Shut the fuck up" the robber replied as he walked backwards out to the hall. He saw my purse on the side table.

Through my tears as I was marched out backwards from the kitchen I saw Kendall had sheer panic in his eyes. My adrenalin levels were through the roof, Christ knows what his were like watching me be taken away from him at knife point.

Logan looked furious, even though I wasn't his girlfriend anymore, the protection that Logan wanted to offer me was a bond for life. I could see the mental battle he was having with himself right now. Weighing up the odds on wether I would end up hurt if he made a grab for this masked man who held a weapon at me.

"Pick it up" the man demanded as he forced me out to the table in the hall.

I did as I was told, I could hear Logan and Kendall bickering in the kitchen. I prayed to God that Logan wasn't going to try and play the hero.

"Are the keys of the house in there?" The man asked.

"Yes" I replied.

"Lock the door then give me the keys" he instructed.

With a heavy heart I locked the door with us now trapped inside. I gave him the keys which he put in his pocket.

"Please don't hurt us" I pleaded with the man. I could see the sweat pouring off of him around his eyes in the mask.

I knew from the look in his eye that this man... this boy, probably just a similar age to me was never going to hurt us. Obviously he was robbing our house and our neighborhood for a reason. No one does shit like this for fun, it's desperation.

The man didn't say a word but his eyes told me he was more scared than me. He lowered his knife to a less threatening position and thrust me back in to the kitchen.

The second I saw Kendall stood alone my heart accelerated with fear.

From the corner of my eye I saw Logan come at me. He shoved me hard, away from the burglars grasp and his knife.

I was thrown in to kendall as I fell, he made a painful grunting sound as his chest took the impact of me being propelled in to him.

I instinctively turned to see what Logan was doing. Kendall wrapped his arms around me to stop me from interfering as we both watched Logan punch the masked man in the face as they both scuffled on the floor.

The ski mask was taken off next revealing a sandy haired guy, no older than twenty. By the look on his face as Logan went to town on him, clearly being the stronger man. the robber wished he had stayed at home tonight.

It was almost as if this entire scenario was in slow motion, Logan was in complete control. He looked like a rabid animal on top of this guy, not like my Logan. I had always known Logan to have a hot head, but this was scary.

I felt sorry for the burglar. He wasn't even trying to fight back he was just trying to defend himself from Logan's flying fists.

As Logan eventually tired himself out the burglar got in a lucky shove, pushing Logan from him and on to the floor. With his new found freedom from Logan the apparent madman, the guy scrambled for my house keys in his pocket and ran to the door, leaving the bag of our belongings behind.

Logan sat up from the floor with a shocked look on his face.

"Jesus Logan! What the fuck were you thinking?" I asked.

Logan didn't say anything at first, he looked down to his stomach. "He... erm.. he stabbed me" he replied too calmly as he looked at himself. He was in shock.

Logan was already covered in blood from his fight from Kendall, but now it had been brought to my attention a fresh river of blood was steadily leaving his body from the side of his stomach.

"Oh my god... oh fuck.. just.. err just stay still" I rambled out as I made my way to him.

I was useless, I was in such a panic, my head wouldn't think straight. I looked at Kendall. I think he realised I didn't have a clue what to do.

"Sheri I feel funny" Logan said from the side of me. As he lay flat on the floor

All I could do was cry.

Kendall passed me a tea towel. "Sheri hold that down on it" he told me as he picked the bag up the burglar had left behind and grabbed his cell phone from it.

I was a sobbing wreck as I tried to stop the blood coming from Logan. It was seeping through the towel, my hands were covered in it. I heard Kendall asking for an ambulance as he spoke on the phone.

I turned to look at Kendall. "This isn't working. What do I do?" I sobbed.

"Hold it tight Sheri, put your weight on it" Kendall replied as he slumped on to the floor next to me.

"Sheri..." Logan said as he lay on the floor, his head on the cold tiles looked awkward, and unnatural.

"Logues it's fine... fuck it won't stop bleeding Kendall!" I called out.

Kendall dragged himself over, he was in obvious pain. "Logan, wake up pal... logues!?" Kendall said.

I looked to Logan's face and saw he was either unconscious or dead.

A howl left my mouth. "LOGAN!" I cried out. Kendall was by his side as I held my hand as tight as possible over his wound.

"He isn't breathing" Kendall said as he brought his ear down to listen, his eyes wide. My crying got harder.

"Oh my... is he dead?!" I said completely broken. Sharp cries leaving my body. I felt sick to the stomach.

Kendall didn't reply to me, he just began CPR.

Despite my efforts in holding the wound to stop the flow of blood, Logan was laying in a pool of it.

It was then I noticed that he had an exit wound too.

I felt at a complete loss. "I can't lose you Logan" I sobbed as I attempted to hold both his stomach and the back where the knife had plunged in to.

With my tears streaming down I tried my best to spot the knife, not wanting to look at Kendall carry on his CPR. Logan looked grey. The man must of taken the knife with him. It wasn't a lucky shove he gave Logan, it was a last ditch stab.

I heard the front door open, two paramedics came rushing in. They took over from Kendall and I. Once again life turned in to slow motion.

I watched on as Logan was seen to. Lots of scary looking equipment was being used. I had never been a religious person but I was praying right now. Praying that he would make it through. Praying that I would live to see those dark brown eyes and hear his laugh again.

Kendall placed his arm around me. "He will be fine Sheri" he whispered.

I searched Kendalls eyes, wanting to see the truth. All I saw in those eyes was an extremely scared Kendall.

Kendall and I went with Logan as he was rushed in to hospital. The paramedics weren't saying much whenever Kendall asked if Logan was going to be okay.

I felt empty. Completely empty. If I lost Logan I wouldn't even know what would become of me.

Kendall held my hand, trying to give me some kind of comfort.

When we arrived at the hospital Logan was rushed away. Kendall and I were left alone in a deserted waiting area.

I sat down on one of the cheap looking plastic seats. I looked at my hands that were covered in blood. "What will I do with out him?" I whispered out.

"You won't be without him. He will be fine... I promise" Kendall said as he knelt down in front of me, his face showing the pain he was in.

I nodded, wanting to believe. "I should phone his mom... and Cass" I replied absent mindedly.

Kendall handed me his phone. "Did you want me to do it?.. I'm not sure your in a fit state Sheri" he said as he held the phone out.

I wiped fresh tears away from me. "I would appreciate that. I don't know the number but if you Google the manor croft equestrian centre, it will be on the web site" I blubbed out.

Kendall nodded "manor croft" he repeated as he tapped away on his phone.

Kendall paced the floor as he spoke on the cell. I couldn't bear to think what must be going through Logan's mom's head. He hadn't had any contact with his family for months. For his mother to receive a call from a stranger to say her son was on deaths door must be awful.

Kendall hung up the phone in tears.

"How did she take it?" I asked as he sat in the plastic seat next to me.

"She was really upset. She is getting the first plane she can get on to be here with him." He replied then looked up to the set of double doors that Logan was rushed in to.

A nurse came out and walked towards us.

"How is he?" I asked not wanting to know. not knowing was the protection of knowing he wasn't dead.

I held my breath as she spoke.

"He is in surgery at the moment, he is doing good, as far as they can tell its just tissue damage, no internal organs were hit with the knife. The amount of blood he has lost is our main concern, once that is brought under control we will be able to patch him up. Is there a number we can call to let his family know?" She asked.

"We have just called them" Kendall replied. "How long will he be in surgery for?"

"I'm not entirely sure, once he is out then I will let you know" she replied.

Kendall gave my hand a squeeze as he thanked the nurse. She walked off in to the direction of where Logan's life hung in the balance.

"See that was good news" he said smiling. "Logie bear doesn't give up without a fight" he added.

I let out a sad chuckle. "If he makes it, it's because of you, you were amazing" I replied. "I couldn't even think straight."

"Because I wasn't the one watching the person I'm in love with bleed out on the floor..." Kendall said softly.

I looked at my hands again. "I do love Logan, Kendall but I'm not in love with him any more." I said so quietly I'm not sure he would hear me.

Kendall stayed silent for a moment. "Did you really sleep with James Sheri?" He asked. I saw him twisting his hands together in his lap.

"Yeah... yeah I did" I confessed. Wishing now that I hadn't opened my mouth. It seemed like a good idea at the time to get one over on Kendall, but now this had happened I just wanted everything to be calm.

"Sheri. The kiss you and James had tonight... are you..."

I butted in before he could get angry or carried away. "I'm not in love with James. I like him... I really do, but I've learnt my lesson on falling in love too quick. Maybe somewhere down the line though" I warned, it was better to be honest now than have to go through a similar evening as tonight started out with fist fights.

Kendall nodded as he looked at his hands. "You should... James is a good guy, he has liked you for a long time." Kendall said.

I looked at Kendall in surprise. I wasnt expecting him to give up so easily... or give in.

"I've caught you in a good mood then" I said with a smile. Knowing that tomorrow he will probably call me a whore.

Kendall shrugged. "I'm sorry about everything Sheri... life is too fucking short to be unhappy huh" he said as he looked up to the double doors that Logan was taken in to.

I took Kendalls hand. "Who broke your heart so badly that you ended up this unhappy Kendall?"

He looked up at me. The emotion in his eyes so visible. "No one" he said.

I let out a sigh. "Something must of happened." I said softly.

Kendalls tears left him silently. "I've never told anyone... it's just easier to be in control... your not any of the things I call you, I just try and steer you in the right direction by doing it... I just don't want you to get hurt... I didn't want kenzie to get hurt either." He replied.

"Did Mackenzie cheat on you?" I asked.

Kendall shook his head. He wanted to tell me, he really did. I didn't get why he was so scared of the truth all the time.

"Is it because of your seizures? Mackenzie said you have had them since 1st grade?" I asked.

He looked up. "Im sorry I lied to you about that. I have had them since first grade, probably a bit before that. They weren't as frequent though. Maybe two a year. It wasn't until I started noticing girls that they became a regular thing" he smiled.

I returned the smile. "Girls make you panic?"

"They never used to, it just takes one thing to change an entire life doesn't it" he mused.

"Who was she Kendall?" I asked. Surely the girl that had made him this way should be known. "Did she tell tales on you? Did she fuck your brother? Did she... I dunno... what did she do Kendall? It's time to be honest"

Kendall looked lost in thought as he relayed his own memories in his mind.

"I could of stopped it. If I was more of a man I could of stopped it." He said more to himself than to me, but it was a start.

"What was her name?" I asked taking his hand again.

Kendall let a deep breath out. "Her name was Savannah" he finally revealed.

"Did she cheat on you?" I asked.

"If only it was that simple." He began. "Savannah was the sexiest girl in my year, she was popular, pretty... a complete bitch" he laughed. "She was in my history class. I had never really spoken to her until we had to do a project together." He explained.

"Did you fall in love with her?" I asked.

"Well... yes and no. Savannah was loud and rude and hilarious. She did and said what she wanted to, she didn't give a fuck about anything... I wanted to be like her. I was so shy at school..." he trailed off.

"When was this?" I asked knowing that Kendall was with his last girlfriend Mackenzie for a year.

"We were both 15. Sav' used to come round my house to work on this dumb project but she was very good at distracting me. We ended up making out most of the time. She liked it that I was shy. Some of the things that she told me she had done were insane. Savannah had a boyfriend that I knew of, one of my friends on the football team. She was worried about taking it further with him. She wanted to amaze him. Be the best. That's what she was about you know. No one was better than Savannah" he smiled.

"How come she was making out with you if you knew she had a boyfriend" I asked.

Kendall shrugged. "I liked her. She was hot and the funnest girl I had ever known." He admitted.

"Fair enough, so what happened? Did her boyfriend find out?" I asked.

"No, Savannah wanted me to be her guinea pig... you know... have sex. But I refused. She was cool with that. She said I was sweet but dumb. A few days after I had turned her down she said she had met this other guy that was willing to go the whole way. She said he was older so she was excited to learn some 'amazing tricks'... those are her words, not mine" he explained.

"Truth is I wanted to fuck her, I was just so scared of doing it with the most popular girl in my year that I let her leave my house that night and go meet this other guy. She stood at my door dressed in this sexy little summer dress. She said she wore it for me, hoping that I would change my mind. I was so close to saying yes, but I just couldn't take control of it. The nerves kicked in and I was scared I was going to put her off if she saw me ... you know" he said

"Have a seizure?" I finished his sentance for him.

"Yeah that... so she kissed me goodbye at my door and left this beautiful smile imprinted on my brain. I was such a dick to let her go. Any way... She didn't turn up to school the next day to do our history presentation. It wasn't until the next day that I heard she was missing" he said wiping his eyes.

"Oh god..." I said now seeing where this was going.

"It took five more days before her body was found, turned out Savannah had failed to mention that the guy she met was over the internet. She met him, he drove her just 6 miles away from her home where he raped her, beat her and killed her. Her family had no idea she was talking to anyone online, neither did her friends... it was just me that knew she was going to meet up with this guy... just me Sheri, and I did nothing to stop it." He

said shaking his head.

"You weren't to know Kendall you were 15 years old. Did you tell the police that you saw her last?" I asked.

He shook his head. "No... I was too ashamed. I didn't want everyone knowing I had the power in my hands to of prevented it... she was so beautiful. I didn't tell anyone" he said.

"What about when you dated Mackenzie? Did you not tell her even?" I asked.

Kendall shook his head as fresh tears fell. "No I met Mackenzie at Savannah's funeral. There was no way I could tell her what I knew" he explained.

"Why not, I'm sure she would of understood" I soothed.

Again Kendall shook his head, "no chance... I couldn't tell Mackenzie because Savannah was her sister" he said.

The reality of Kendalls problems then hit me like a train wreck. The name calling, the hickeys, the terrible sex... "you do the things you do because if you had of done any of that with Savannah she would still be here? Kendy you can't live like that. It wasn't your fault" I assured him.

"The first thing I did when Mackenzie and I got together was make sure everyone knew she was mine. That's when I realised a love bite was a good mark to give. We then had sex. I didn't want her thinking the same stupid thing as her sister. We could be terrible at it together... and I was. I didn't have a clue what I was doing. If she ever dressed too sexy I really panicked, thinking some guy would get to her, quickest way to get her to change was to say something mean. She got pregnant in the end" he said looking at me to see my reaction.

"She told me" I admitted.

He gave me an apologetic look. "Once I found out about the baby I was so freaking scared Sheri, about what her mom would say, my mom... what Savannah would think if she was looking down on us... I couldn't think straight. The seizures were coming thick and fast. She was meant to come round my house one evening but she didn't show, I tried calling her, texting her, but her phone was off. I felt sure that she was dead. I just knew it. I went in to school the next day. She was there, bold as brass, not dead! but she told me she slipped and fell on the way to my house. She lost the baby... I was too busy being a pussy and having panic attacks that I made her walk, slip and lose my baby. That's two deaths on my conscience Sheri... that was the day I hit her. I didn't mean to... honestly. I loved her I was just so... relieved and heartbroken at the same time, I lashed out." he said now in complete pieces as he cried.

"Kendall... that's not true, you don't have any deaths on your conscience" I soothed.

"I just gathered that I had to keep the people I love close... I didn't mean to be such an ass hole. I just wanted to keep you safe" he cried.

I put my arm around his shoulder. "Kendall I think you need to talk with Mackenzie" I suggested.

"It won't do any good. She resents me." He replied.

Poor Kendall, I honestly understood exactly why he was the way he was. But I knew that Mackenzie hadn't slipped and fell. I knew that she had an abortion. I looked at Kendall wondering if now was a good time for him to know the truth, before I could open my mouth the nurse came back out of the double doors.

I stood up. The nerves to much for me to sit still.

"What's the news?" Kendall asked.

"The news is good" the nurse smiled.

My heart was doing somersaults of joy.

* * *

**Chapter 30: Chapter 30**

* * *

"Can we see him?" I asked the nurse urgently.

"Yes of course, he has only just come round from the anesthetic so he won't make much sense for a while." She replied as she gestured for us to follow her through the double doors.

Kendall took my hand once more as we were led through a maze of corridors. Finally being taken to Logan.

He was asleep by the looks of things as we walked in to his room. He lay flat on the bed with lots of tubes in him. A machine to the left of his bed made a steady beeping sound.

For the first time since I had known Logan he looked vulnerable and small.

I sat down next to his bedside. Kendall remained at the bottom of the bed.

"Logues?" I croaked out, taking his hand that lay by his side.

He battled to open his eyes but greeted me with a smile. His nose had tape running across it holding a bandage on his face. He had two black eyes, and by the looks of things a broken nose.

"Hey handsome" I greeted him with a cry and a laugh.

"Hey... are you okay?" He asked looking at me.

"I'm fine... your mom will be here soon, I expect she has let cass know too" I said shyly.

Logan just nodded. He looked at Kendall stood at the end of his bed. "I hear we made out?" Logan said sarcastically to him about the CPR.

Kendall chuckled. "Best I've ever had" he replied.

Logan gave a little nod. "Thanks dude" he said seriously.

Kendall just replied with a smile.

"Are you in much pain?" I asked.

"No im good at the moment. Did that guy get caught?" He asked looking tired. His blinks getting steadily longer.

I looked to Kendall, Then back to Logan. "Not that we know of. The police arrived just as you were taken in the ambulance but no one has spoken to us yet... they will catch him though... your so silly logues" I said starting to cry. "Why did you do that? You could be dead!" I sobbed as the shock started to sink in.

"No one gets away with hurting you" he said.

I shook my head. "I'm so glad you are okay." I blubbed.

"Hey stop the.. tears..." He said softly with a yawn. "what did er..." He said then drifted off to sleep for a second before waking back up.

I smiled at him.

"What did my mom say?" He said finishing off his conversation.

"I'm not sure Kendall spoke to her" I said looking at Kendall who was looking very uncomfortable as he stood in pain.

"She cried, kind of had a go at me, then blamed Sheri. Then said she was on the first flight to cali" he said trying to take in a deep breath.

"Are you okay?" I asked clearly seeing he wasn't.

"Yeah... I dunno.. im going to have to get checked over I think" he replied holding his chest.

I looked at Logan who was more asleep than awake. "I will go with him, let you get some rest" I whispered as I swept his hair from his face.

"Okay... I love you Sheri" Logan said with his eyes half shut.

I looked at Kendall feeling a bit embarrassed at Logan's declaration of random love.

"I will be back soon okay" I replied.

Logan gave me a smile as he drifted back in to sleep.

"C'mon then you! Let's get these ribs seen to shall we." I said to Kendall, taking his hand and walking back towards the reception.

He got seen fairly quickly, nothing was broken, he was just bruised beyond belief. The police caught up with us and we both had to make a statement of the nights events and give a description of the man. They hadn't caught him yet.

Once again Kendall and I found ourselves sat in the cheap plastic seats outside the double doors.

"Sheri you won't tell anyone about what I told you will you?" Kendall asked.

"I actually think you should speak to Mackenzie. What you feel is just plain old guilt Kendall, but there is honestly nothing for you to feel guilty about. It was a tragic thing to of happened but it wasn't your fault. You didn't know she was in danger" I assured him.

"Maybe if I had of told kenzie at the beginning, but not now. I lost her, She hates me now...you hate me, Logan hates me... James is gonna kill me when he finds me" he replied.

I laughed at the thought of it. "James is a big guy, you were silly to hit him. I doubt he will do anything though. I will talk to him." I smiled.

"I think once he has you then he will be pretty happy." Kendall replied looking at the floor. "You need a guy like James" he added.

I smiled. "I'm not sure im ready to date anyone Kendall. Boys are a lot of hard work... I'm lucky though, you all look after me, and in your own ways want to protect me" I said reaching for his hand.

"I didn't want for us to end up apart Sheri. I do love you." Kendall replied.

"I didn't want us to end either but... well with how things went... it just wouldn't of worked" I admitted.

"What about if I improved... if I got help and got better. Would you try again?" He asked, his eyes hopeful.

"Being honest kendy... I said to James that I would like to get to know him better but I do feel that we could be great... I'm just not sure if-" Kendall cut me off mid sentence.

"Sheri, its fine. Being honest myself I think you deserve a bit of normality... that doesn't get any better than James" he said with a small smile.

"Maybe if you spoke to Mackenzie you could try and pick up where you left off.. you still have feelings for her don't you?.. James is great huh" I added with a blush.

"Oh yeah amazing" Kendall replied sarcastically. "I will always have feelings for Mackenzie.. it's a lost cause though. Come here..." he said, opening his arms for a well deserved hug.

I wrapped myself in him. The smell of his hair reminded me of happy times in the rain wearing stupid fluorescent ponchos being stuck to his face enjoying the most electric kisses.

I knew it was going to happen when I pulled out of the hug which is partly why I let it. Kendall and I shared one more kiss. It was sad almost, a good bye kiss, but more a 'maybe try another day' kiss.

It only lasted seconds, I knew it was a farewell kiss then, as the electric had gone. I'm pretty sure Kendall knew that too. It was James's bad timing of arriving at the hospital to witness it that spoiled everything once again that evening.

"I thought I meant something to you Sheri... I thought tonight meant something to you... to us?!" James said as he stood in the entrance of the waiting area.

He made me jump, my eyes wide with shock of him catching me with yet another person attached to my lips.

"James that wasn't what it looked like!" I protested, but he had already turned and began walking away from me. I ran to catch up with him and grabbed him by the arm, forcing him to swing round and face me.

I was all set to tell him exactly what had just happened, and exactly how I felt about him but he wouldn't let me get a word in edge ways. He had been drinking by the smell of his breath.

James began his rant.

"I actually thought you liked me, I didn't realise it was just a game! Carlos and I got a taxi back to your place. I was sure tonight was going to be my lucky night and finally win you over Sheri. I was scared fucking stiff when we got there and found police and blood every where! The cops told me what happened and where you were. I had it all planned out in my head how I was going to keep you calm and be there for you... I love you Sheri! I get here and this is the shit that greets me... fuck! I mean I actually thought you felt something... who was I kidding huh!" He rambled.

"But James I do feel the-" I tried to explain but he cut in again.

"No... no I've had it. I'm done Sheri. I can't do this anymore... it hurts too much. I said before that I want you to be happy, obviously that's with Kendall. I'm done trying!" He finished.

"Honestly James... it's not like that!" I pleaded as he walked away again.

He turned as he reached another set of doors. "Just leave me alone okay... just leave me alone!" He repeated then left through the exit.

I stood there feeling like tonight couldn't get any worse, I was completely done in. My arms hung loosely by my side with very little grace. Once again my tears came out to play.

Kendall walked up behind me as I still stared in to the space where James had just left.

"Sheri im sorry" he said as he placed his hand on my shoulder.

"I'm a complete idiot!" I sighed out.

"Look it's almost 3am, let's get you home and we can sort everything out in the morning. He will come round once you explain" Kendall assured me.

"Yeah your right" I sniffed knowing that James wasn't a rash thinker. He would listen and everything would be fine.

I said my goodbyes to Logan quickly before I left the hospital. He was fast asleep. Kendall called a cab for us to return home.

As we left the hospital I saw Logan's mom walk in. Her eyes red from crying. She didn't notice me, her companion did though. To my surprise it wasn't Cassandra that was with her, it was Johnny.

Johnny gave me a small smile as he passed but didn't let Logan's mom in on the knowledge that I was in screaming distance.

I feared tomorrow felicity king was going to tell me exactly what she thought of me.

When we arrived home, I noticed someone had cleaned the kitchen floor. There was no sign of a stabbing or that anything out of the ordinary had taken place.

I went to bed, my head filled to the brim with brand new horrors. I thought that I would never sleep again but exhaustion took it's toll and I fell to sleep quickly.

My dreams were of nothing that mattered. Nothing scary, just repetitive nonsense that I found more irritating than restful.

A loud knock on my door brought me out from my sleep which I was grateful for.

"Yeah?" I called out in my unattractive morning voice, all of last nights horrors coming back to me. I looked over to the empty side of my bed where Logan used to sleep. I hoped he was okay.

Kendall opened the door and walked in my room.

"Morning" I yawned. "You look like shit!" I greeted him with. He only wore some shorts, his rib cage was red and purple. He couldn't walk properly and his face looked repulsive. "Is Logan okay?" I added.

"I've not heard from the hospital yet Sheri... you need to get up" he said in a concerned tone.

"What's happened?" I asked pulling the sheets from over me and grabbing my dressing gown.

Kendall sighed. "We are in deep shit that's what's happened" he replied. "Come downstairs when your ready" he added then left the room.

I stared at the site he had just left through momentarily. He was pissed off. I wondered what could possibly of happened now.

I flung my dressing gown on, and made my way downstairs, I could hear Kendall talking to someone

in the living room.

I braced myself that Logan's mom was here to humiliate me. I was shocked and pleasantly surprised when I saw Scott Fellows sat on the sofa with a woman I had never met.

He didn't look like happy Scott today though, he wore a serious face as he greeted me by just saying my name.

"Morning" I replied taking a seat next to Kendall. "What's going on?" I asked.

"Sheri this is Diane Pritchard" Scott said introducing me.

"Hi" I greeted her with but she just looked at me. She was mid fiftys. With a severe looking face, framed with white hair.

"Diane is the patron of the charity that you guys attended the awards party of last night" Scott informed me. "What the hell happened?... I had this emailed to me this morning!" He then said handing me a picture of Logan and Kendall in mid fight.

"It was just a ... bad night out" I explained as I looked at the picture of Logan just before he head butted Kendall. They both looked so angry. Eyes full of hate.

Scott looked from me to Diane.

"There are several of these pictures circling the internet and some even made the papers! They have made a complete laughing stock of the charity!" Scott said raising his voice.

"I'm sorry" I whispered out.

"Sorry doesn't quite fix this Sheri. We are one week away from big time rush airing and half my cast are seen brawling with each other! What was it all about?" He demanded.

I looked at Kendall. "It was just a disagreement that got out of hand" I explained.

"A disagreement about what exactly?" Scott asked.

"Me" I replied quietly. "It was nothing though and we are all friends again" I said looking to Kendall who nodded half heartedly in agreement, knowing that James was the missing link in us all being friends again.

Diane let out a sarcastic chuckle at the fact we were all happily best buds again. I didn't like her.

"It doesn't matter if your friends or not, you are meant to be professionals! Is this about you and Logan?" Scott asked knowing that Logan and I were a couple last he heard.

"Erm... no" I replied, again looking at Kendall for some assistance.

"Sheri and Logan broke up, erm... we kind of had a fling.." Kendall said looking awkwardly at me. "Last night things got crazy because she was... err... with James" Kendall said now wishing he hadn't opened his mouth.

I wanted the ground to swallow me up, I was completely embarrassed. Scott and Diane looked at me like I was the biggest cock tease in the universe.

"It was a bit more complicated than that..." Kendall tried to add but the moment had passed.

"Is what Kendall just said true? And you take full responsibility for last night Sheri?" Scott asked me.

"Well I didn't throw any punches but yes the entire thing was because of me" I replied trying my best not to cry in front of Diane whos clear blue eyes were piercing in to me.

Scott let out a sigh. "Okay... Sheri I'm sorry but as of today your fired" he replied.

My eyes widened and the tears came out. I looked to Kendall.

"What? Scott you can't fire her! She didn't do anything wrong!" Kendall argued.

"I'm sorry but unless you or Logan want to swap places with her there is nothing I can do. There needs to be some ramifications to what happened last night. I can't just let it slide!" Scott said.

I was howling. I needed that job. It was my gateway to safety, without it I was now alone with no money.

"Scott please... you can't do this to her." Kendall argued.

"Okay personally Kendall! It should be you and Logan that are taking the long walk home. But I'm fully aware, as I'm sure Sheri is fully aware that this show is going to be huge, she can be replaced... you and Logan can't!" He replied. "Someone needs to take the fall for this to show how sorry we are about the whole incident... it was a God damn charity event guys!" He raged.

I sucked in a big breath. "Surely there is something else I can do to make it up to you than being fired?" I blubbed.

Scott shook his head but Diane tapped him on his arm.

"Maybe we could speak privately for a moment Mr Fellows" Diane said to him.

Scott agreed and they both walked out to the kitchen.

"What am I going to do Kendall?" I sobbed.

"Fuck... I'm so sorry. It wasn't even your fault! I will take the blame, it was all me Sheri, every one knows that!" He said.

"No! Scott is right none of you can be replaced." I sniffed. "If you went then it would ruin it for everyone... I can be replaced" I agreed nodding and crying.

Scott and Diane walked back in. Kendall took my hand as we both prayed that this evil looking woman did in fact have a heart, and could stop all this crap.

"Okay, Diane and I have spoken. She finds it upsetting that your career could be ended at such a young age by being fired..." Scott began.

My heart filled with hope.

"So she has come up with a friendlier scenario that would still fix the mockery you three made at the party.." He carried on.

I gave Scott a little smile as I waited for my new punishment. I would do anything.

"So Sheri, we are willing to offer you a choice. You can either be fired, which wouldn't look great on any other audition you took or you can resign and keep some credibility" he finished.

"Resign?" I sobbed out. I was completely broken.

"Scott this is bull shit!" Kendall replied on hearing my two amazing choices.

"Don't speak to me like that Kendall. Something has to give." Scott explained.

I looked in to the evil clear blue eyes of Diane Pritchard. She held no remorse as she looked back at me.

"May I give you some advice Sheri?.." She said smugly.

I blinked as my only response, making a waterfall of tears leave my eyes.

"If I were you..." She replied. "I would get myself home, away from these boys and gain a little respect for myself. You are a ticking time bomb for them in destroying hopeful careers by the rate your legs open and close." she finished.

Kendall stood up on hearing these hurtful words. "Get the fuck out of my house" he hissed at her.

Diane stood up with a smile, straightened her skirt out and walked towards the front door.

"I will call you in the week Kendall. I think perhaps donating some of yours and logans wages towards the charity would be a kind gesture" he said then followed Diane out of the house. He put his hand on my shoulder as he walked passed. I took that as a form of him saying sorry.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and completely broke down. Kendall sat with his head in his hands.

Nothing could fix this.

* * *

**Chapter 31: Chapter 31**

* * *

Kendall presented me with a coffee as we now sat in the kitchen. He sat down silently opposite me.

I saw him look over to the floor where he gave Logan mouth to mouth last night. My own memories were horrific. Having to look at Kendall all battered and bruised wasn't helping either.

Now I had the fact that I no longer had a job weigh down on my shoulders also.

Kendall turned back to me. "Maybe if all four of us threatened to quit we could get your job back?"

I shrugged. "What's the point? It's done Kendall.. it hasn't sunk in yet... I have no clue what I'm going to do. How else will I get money, I will have to get a fucking paper round or sell my body" I huffed.

"Don't talk shit Sheri." He said looking horrified at the thought of me taking up prostitution.

I felt bad. It was a stupid thing to say after what he told me about that Savannah girl yesterday. "Sorry" I mumbled.

"Something will turn up, it always does. In the meantime I will look after you. We will all look after you... your only one small girl, I'm sure we can afford to feed and clothe you" he smiled.

"I don't want to live like that though Kendall. It's a kind offer but I can't and won't accept it." I said then realising what my only other choice left was.

"I'm going to have to go back home... to Texas" I said sadly.

"That's not even an option. Logan would never let you go back. You know that. I wouldn't let you go back either" Kendall replied.

"I guess... I'm 16 Kendall, on the run from home, no job, very little money left, no family... no boyfriend. What do I do?" I whispered out, trying to stop the tears by drinking my coffee.

Kendall let out a sigh. "You do what you always do. Get dressed and go talk it through with Logan. He knows you better than I do Sheri. He will have a solution" he promised.

I nodded, he was right. Logan would have an idea.

* * *

After I got dressed I sat on my bed and tried to call James. It was just ringing out, wouldn't even let me have the option of leaving a voice mail. On the 4th time I tried to ring him I got angry and threw my phone on the floor.

Carlos was walking passed my room as his foot got hit with my phone. He picked it up and handed it to me.

"You okay?" He asked. "Last night with all the fights and Logan being stabbed... it's mental" he added as he flattened his hair from just waking up.

"I got the sack this morning. I no longer play jo because of all those fights" I said trying to control my breathing so I wouldn't cry again.

"What? When did this happen?" Carlos asked.

"This morning... Scott came round with a woman from the charity. It was either me or Logan and Kendall" I explained.

Carlos shook his head in disbelief.

"And now James is ignoring me because he thinks something is going on with Kendall and I again" I huffed out.

"Oh I see.. is that why you chucked your cell?" Carlos asked.

"Yeah... he won't answer" I replied looking at the screen on my phone.

"He isn't home, I called him last night to see how Logan was at the hospital while I cleaned up the blood. He said he was going away, he said enough is enough. I just presumed he had bumped in to Kendall and exchanged some insults" Carlos revealed.

"No he walked in on Kendall and I sharing a farewell kiss, he wouldn't listen to me when I tried to explain... I want to sort it out with him desperately Carlos. Where has he gone?" I asked.

"I'm sorry I've got no idea" he replied. "Your love life is a complicated one huh, most people have a love triangle Sheri, yours is more ... Christ! A fucking Pentagon or something!" he said sympathetically yet sarcastically.

I sighed. "Your telling me! Los could you do me a favour and gimme a lift to the hospital? I need to talk to Logan about what has happened with the show"

"Yeah course. Logan is doing good yeah? I called the hospital last night, they said he was out of danger" Carlos asked.

"Yeah he should be fine. I was so scared. The blood just wouldn't stop coming out" I replied re-living the horrible memory.

Carlos gave me a small smile. "I will just chuck some clothes on then give you a lift" he said.

"Thanks los" I whispered out.

Carlos dropped me off just outside the hospital. "Did you want me to come in with you?" He asked.

"No, I think I need a good old heart to heart. Just him and me" I replied with a nod.

"Okay well give me a call when you want a lift back okay" he replied.

"Thank you los. I'm not sure what I would do if you weren't here for me" I said giving him a hug.

"My pleasure... Sheri is Kendall safe for you to be around? I feel bad for telling Logan what I saw now you've lost your job." He replied.

"I can guarantee I'm 100% safe in Kendalls company. His methods are completely deranged, but his reasons are heart breaking los." I promised.

Carlos nodded. "Just making sure, I worry not knowing how long Logan is stuck in hospital for. I didn't want you to be alone in the house if you were in any danger." He replied.

I gave Carlos another hug, he had a heart of gold.

I said my goodbyes and walked in to the hospital, hoping that Logan could somehow take some of this hurt away.

I walked up to the ward Logan was on, my heart sank when I saw his mother talking to a nurse just outside of his room. She clapped her eyes on me and marched over, grabbing my arm in almost a pinch and led me towards a quieter area.

"You have some nerve to come here!" She hissed at me.

"Why do I? I care about Logan! I snapped back.

"You care about Logan? That's the biggest joke I've heard all year. It's your fault that he is in there. He is currently fighting an infection from the stab wound. If my son dies I will personally hunt you down!" She said.

"Is he okay?" I asked, not knowing about an infection.

"It's nothing to do with you! You stole him away from his family, filling his head with rubbish. I knew you where trash the moment I laid eyes on you. Your father has become the complete joke of the town with his public drinking. He lost his job Sheri... do you even care about that!" She spat.

"I didn't steal Logan away. I knew nothing about him coming to California until the morning he showed up on my doorstep begging me to go with him" I explained.

"You filled his head with crap Sheri!" She retorted.

"Crap?! How dare you even suggest that. You should be proud of him. If you knew how hard he has worked to get to where he is now you would be proud." I said raising my voice.

"If you hadn't of led him astray he would of kept in contact with me. He knew you didn't fit in to our family that's the real reason he went and why he doesn't speak to us" she raged.

I shook my head. "Logan and I aren't even together any more, so the fact that Logan didn't want to talk to you is his own doing. He is with Cassandra now... surely you must know that!" I replied. My arms crossed over my chest.

Felicity looked shocked at first but then a smile crept on her groomed looking face. "So go back to your trailer park or wherever it is you crawled out from and leave my son alone. Let him go Sheri." She replied.

I stayed silent for a minute. "Can I see him?" I asked.

"I think it's best you let him get his rest. I will tell him that you called by" she said. I knew full well she wouldn't.

"Where's Johnny?" I asked.

Felicity smiled a big broad smile at me. "Collecting Cassandra from the airport, I expect they will be here any minute" she said looking at her watch.

I felt lost, I didn't know where to turn. Everything was going wrong.

"Can you just do me one thing... just one" I pleaded.

"If you leave Logan alone I will do anything" she grinned.

"Just say to Logan I'm sorry I didn't reply to what he told me last night." I said with a heavy heart. I wanted him to know that I loved him too.

"Consider it done" felicity chirped.

I turned my back on her and walked out the hospital.

* * *

I called Carlos who came and picked me, I arrived back home to see Kendall asleep on the sofa.

The state of him was still a shock. His face almost unrecognizable. I felt completely to blame for everything.

I went to to bed and lay on top of the covers. My mind was full with memories and fears and problems.

James popped back in to my head with how sweet he was when we found out Logan had cheated on me... what was it he had told me... I sighed when I remembered it.

'Everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.'

I looked in to my mirror. Was I worth suffering for? I had caused so much pain and aggro for everyone. To be honest I had no clue how I had caused such a stir amongst everyone. Kendall was right I am just one small girl. Not old enough to work a decent job, live alone, leave school, or even have sex. But I had managed to do it all, not just at the expense of screwing my own life up but James, who was somewhere with a broken heart, Kendall who was asleep downstairs looking like he had gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson and then my Logan. The one person I called home. He was the one I was hurting the most.

I couldn't do it any more. I walked across the hall and knocked on Carlos' door.

"Yup!" He said cheerfully.

I walked in. "Los, I'm gonna get out of here... could you possibly give me a lift to the airport once I've packed a bag" I asked.

"The airport? Where are you going?" He asked pausing his game and sitting up.

"Home" I whispered out.

Carlos narrowed his eyes. "I didn't think home was a great place to be for you?" He asked.

I shrugged, glad of the fact that I had never had the conversation of how bad home was with him.

"It will be fine" I lied. "I just need to let you guys get on with it now... I will come and visit" I smiled.

Carlos nodded. He let out a sigh. "It's not gonna be the same with out you" he replied.

"It will be peaceful" I smiled.

Carlos let out a little laugh. "Give me a shout when you are ready" he said as he lay back down on his bed and carried on playing his game.

"Thanks los" I smiled. Then went to pack my bag.

I left a note on Kendalls bed for him to find later. It simply said "don't go panicking over me! I'm at the end of the phone. Love you x x"

The drive to the airport was silent. Despite me saying I was okay on my own, Carlos insisted on staying with me till it was time to go through security.

"What did Logan say about this Sheri" he asked as we sat down waiting.

"I didn't get to talk to him." I replied honestly.

"And you couldn't get hold of James?" He asked looking at the one bag I had.

"No it just rang and rang" I replied.

"And you left when Kendall was asleep... Sheri why do I get the feeling your running away to something bad... you shouldn't be doing this" he said.

"Maybe not los" I revealed. "But it's the only thing I have that is certain... I will be fine" I insisted.

Carlos didn't respond.

I saw my flight time flash up on the over head screen. "I guess I should get going" I whispered.

Carlos stood up and handed me my bag. "Promise you will come back." He said giving me Hug.

"Promise you will look after those boys for me" I replied.

Carlos smiled. "Be safe Sheri" he whispered in my ear. Then ran his thumb across my face. "I don't want to see any bruises on here." he added, then kissed me on the cheek.

"Take care los" I said giving him a big hug, my tears unable to stay inside.

I gave his hand one last squeeze as I left to go through security.

Once on the plane I plugged my earphones in and listened to 'til I forget about you' on repeat while my tears became uncontrollable.

I wished the flight to never end.

* * *

**Chapter 32: Chapter 32**

* * *

Once I had landed and found my way out of the building, I approached the taxi. It was more an instinctive thing to do but once the driver asked where it was I wanted to go, I couldn't bring myself to say my home address.

Instead I gave him the address for Logan's old home, manor farm.

It took just a little over an hour to reach my home town. I saw the woodland that separated mine and Logan's old houses.

"Any where along here" I called to the driver.

He pulled up, I payed him and grabbed my bag. Then jumped over the fence in to the woods.

It felt like a million years ago I had last been here. I began walking my way through the trees. I smiled when I saw the stables.

I jumped the next fence on seeing no one was around and made my way to the stable that was nearest to me. I let myself in the over sized door.

"Hello Cairo" I said looking at him like he was an old friend and not just a horse.

I had a good look around, the hay bail that Logan and I used as a sofa was gone. It still smelt nice though. I loved the smell.

I dumped my bag down and gave Cairo a good pat and a brush. "I've missed you fella... I bet logie misses you too" I said getting emotional.

He looked good, his white coat still so bright. I smiled as fond memories of Logan riding him came flooding in to my mind. Logan was always my knight in shining armour but when I watched him ride Cairo he always looked the part even more. I actually missed the old days. Just Logan and I, no sex involved to make it more complicated. No other people butting in.

No stress!

Those days were never able to come back now though.

I spent a fair while in the stable. I got nervous that someone might walk in after an hour or so, I could hear cars and movement up by the main house so thought it best to get going.

I jumped back over the fence and slowly walked my way up to the house I once called home. I sat by a tree just out side it for a few minutes. Trying to think of something to say to my dad. Should I apologise to him for going, or expect an apology from him for forcing me to leave.

The decision was made for me when he walked out of the house. He must of seen me sat by the tree from the living room window.

"Sheriden?" My father called using his hand as a visor to block out the sun.

I stood up, ringing my tshirt in my hands through nerves. He was drunk, but not paralytic.

"No one's called me that for years" I said quietly in response to him.

"Sheri? My God!" He said coming towards me, I braced myself for a slap but instead received a clumsy hug from him.

I cried. I was half sad to be home, but half happy to see all the familiar things.

"Your back! Y'hell have you been?" he said breathing his whiskey breath over me.

"California... it didn't really work out" I admitted.

"So.. your back? Your home?" My father asked, he looked so pleased.

I nodded. "If that's okay?" I asked.

My dad gave me another hug. He seemed so much calmer.

We went inside the house and sat at the small round wooden table in our kitchen. My father knocked back the drinks and smoked liked a chimney. He seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say about the show and the beach and LA... I even told him about the boys that had entered my life.

He welcomed me home. It was like a parallel universe. Obviously me going away had done something. It had changed his perception of me.

I eventually went back to my old room. I smiled at the pyjamas that were left on my bed, I had forgotten to pack them when Logan took me away. Everything was as it had been, nothing had been touched or moved.

I took the little belongings I had in my bag and unpacked them. I saw my phone had 32 missed calls from Kendall, 8 from an unknown number which I presumed was Logan and 2 from Carlos. There was nothing from James.

I thought it best to call Kendall first.

It rang just once before Kendall answered it in a panicked state.

"Sheri?!" He said.

"Hi Kendall... I'm sorry I just left like that" I replied.

"Are you okay... fuck Sheri! What are you thinking huh?" He moaned.

"It's for the best, I think we all know that. But it's fine, my dad is actually pleased to see me, we had a chat and he has changed" I explained.

"People don't change Sheri" Kendall replied.

"You did" I reminded him.

"Shit Sheri... no I haven't! I'm still fucked in the head. I'm still battling with the devil every second of the day. I'm on my way to you... I'm bringing you back!" He revealed.

"What? What do you mean you're on your way, Kendall I'm fine, I'm not coming back so don't bother wasting the money on the flight." I snapped.

"I'm not on a flight... I'm driving up." He said sounding annoyed.

"Driving? Kendall it's a 3 hour flight versus a two day car journey, why would you drive here?" I snapped.

"It's not through choice Sheri, they wouldn't let me fly because my face doesn't look anything like my ID! Fucking bruises!" He said angrily.

I sighed. "Kendy... turn around" I pleaded.

"I can't do that Sheri. Listen I need to tell you something. I saw Logan a few hours ago..."

"Oh my god! Is he okay?" I butted in.

"He is fine, he is terrified now though knowing that you have gone home... but Sheri, Logan told me some things I think you should know" he replied.

I felt sick to my stomach. "Did him and cass get engaged?" I whispered out. My heart hurting already.

"What?!" Kendall laughed. "No, he isn't engaged! Sheri he wants you back. Him and that Cassandra chic broke up pretty much after that vacation they went on. He has been trying to find a moment to let you know but obviously with me and you it's been difficult" he explained.

"That's not true... Logan's mom said that Cass was flying in to be with him. Why would she fly in if they had broken up?" I asked, my mind completely fucked.

"She lied to you Sheri. Logan won't let his mom near his bedside. He has that guy with him" Kendall replied.

"Johnny?" I asked.

"Yeah that's him! He said that Cassandra is in Belgium at the moment anyway... "

"Belgium? But hang on... so your telling me Logan loves me and wants me back... and your okay with this? What about that girl Logan spent the night with before the awards party?" I asked.

"I guess Logan just got fed up with seeing us together. Maybe he was trying to make you jealous" he replied.

"It didn't make me jealous, it just made me realise that Logan isn't my Logan anymore. Kendall why are you pushing this... why do you want me back with him?"

"I don't... I just... im not sure. I just feel that he is the one you will always go back to..."

"Yet there you are in your car driving to Texas to rescue me... to just hand me back to Logan?" I said feeling emotional.

"Sheri... I'm scared for you... please just go to a hotel I will pick you up tomorrow and we will chat through everything." I replied.

"I spent my last dollar on the taxi cab back here from the airport, I'm fine here kendy. There's honestly no need to drive all this way" I argued.

"I'm on my way Sheri, im not turning back" he said adamantly.

"Okay well in that case there is something I need to tell you too... about Mackenzie" I revealed in my last ditch attempt to stop him from coming all this way.

"What about her Sheri?" Kendall asked.

"Pull the car over and I will tell you" I said.

"Sheri c'mon..." He said.

"Just pull the god damn car over Kendall!" I nagged.

"Okay... Okay... I'm pulled up!" He eventually said.

"Okay... good..." I rambled

"Sheri, are you going to tell me or not?" Kendall replied losing his patience.

"Kendall you need to tell Mackenzie the truth about why you act the way you do. If you do tell her then I think she will have something to tell you that you need to hear" I explained.

"What? Sheri stop talking in riddles! Just tell me what you know" he asked.

"You still love her don't you?" I asked gently.

Kendall paused on the other end of the phone.

"What did you want to tell me Sheri." He asked impatiently.

"Mackenzie didn't slip and fall to lose your baby. She had an abortion" I replied.

Again silence took over.

"Did you hear me?" I asked.

"Yeah... did she tell you that?" He asked.

"She said that she got pregnant, I thought you had a kid you hadn't told me about. She explained there was no baby. She had an abortion... her decision to do that had nothing to do with you" I replied.

"Why did she get an abortion though Sheri?" He asked in a whisper.

Fuck! this was coming out all wrong now.

"Sheri? Why did she get it done?" He asked again.

"Because she didn't want to be tied to you" I said quietly.

"So it was still my fault" he replied.

"no Kendall it's not. That person who you are sometimes is not you. Your kind and funny and you have this beautiful soul. That's what Mackenzie and I fell in love with." I argued.

"But it's 'this me' that both of you left me for!" He replied.

"no Kendall! Your twisting what I'm saying!" I tried to explain.

"Being honest I don't know why you thought telling me that would make it any better" he replied.

"Because you were under the impression it was your fault, you said that you felt you were responsible for the loss of two lives... Kendall your not responsible for anything! Savannah made her choice to meet that guy and Mackenzie made her choice to abort that baby... none of it was you" I tried to explain.

"Are you done?" Kendall said sounding moody.

"Just talk to Mackenzie, she will listen, I know you still feel for her and the fact that she tracked me down tells me she still feels something for you because she doesn't want you to do anything stupid!" I replied getting emotional.

"Stupid as in what?" He asked.

"Stupid as in driving hundreds of miles in the wrong direction" I whispered.

"You want me to turn around and speak to Mackenzie... tell her everything?" He asked.

"You need to do that more than I need you to rescue me" I said wiping away a tear.

"You don't want me to get you?" He said defeated.

"It's not that... it's... I want you better just as much as you want me safe... I'm safe here kendy. I've stopped running, It's time for you to stop running too. Face your fear! because what I'm learning right now is that there isn't much to be scared of." I replied.

"The worst has already happened" Kendall said airily.

"Exactly kendy" I agreed. "Turn around and do what you need to do" I replied spurring him on.

"Do what I need to do?" He repeated.

"Yes!" I said softly.

"Okay... can I start the car again and do that now?" He replied. I could hear a smile in his voice.

"You may" I said with a laugh, wiping away another tear.

"I'm on the end of the phone Sheri okay! Thank you..." He replied.

"I'm always here for you. In it together remember" I said.

"In it together" Kendall repeated. "I will call you later Sheri." He added sounding more upbeat.

"Okay kendy. Take care" I said. Our goodbyes were heart felt and seemed to mend a lot of things that had fallen apart in our relationship. He seemed like his mind was in a better place.

My dad knocked on my door, asking if I wanted to go with him to the store. I refused saying I was tired. He stumbled in to my door frame as he left with a jolly wave.

A few moments later I received a text message.

"ur in Texas thn? Kendall jst called me, said u need a friendly face. Said 2 text coz u would argue back. Gonna be on a plane headed for u in about 40 mins. Once I land I will call you to get the addy. We need 2 chat any way yeh!? Xx J"

On reading the message from James I felt three things. Anger, mostly aimed at Kendall for calling in back-up to "rescue me", butterflies that James would soon be here, but also sheer confusion that Logan wanted him and I back together.

I lay back on my pillow with a sigh. I should be happy but something just wasn't right.

* * *

**Chapter 33: Chapter 33**

* * *

It was just starting to get dark when I received the phone call from James to say he had landed.

It was all a bit awkward between us really, James sounded shy which made me feel embarrassed as it was my fault because he caught me kissing Kendall.

I said I would meet James at the bus stop outside my old school. I didn't want him just turning up at my house. My dad hadn't come back from the store yet, I presumed he had found a bar on his way back as he had been gone hours. But I did not want James any where near my dad just incase it started off an argument.

I sat in the bus shelter for about 15 minutes waiting for James. I looked at my phone. The minutes dragged by.

Not one car, bus or taxi had been passed in the last ten minutes. I looked up at my school. I had mixed feelings on returning back here. At least I would be a bit of a celebrity soon once the show airs.

"Sheri" said a soft voice behind me, but it still made me jump.

I turned around to see James. He had got off lightly with his punch from Kendall. Only a red mark remained on his face that I could see in the street lit darkness.

"Hey stranger! Where did you sneak up from" I replied.

He looked at me for a few seconds then gave me a hug. He somehow hugged all the stresses from me.

"I got out the taxi at the wrong bus stop, I just walked round...You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah I am... I wish you hadn't of just run off like that the other night without hearing me out... where did you go? Carlos said you went away?" I asked.

"'Went away' kind of meant me getting hormonal and getting pissed. I've just been at my place... passed out" he said sounding embarrassed. "Kendall phoned earlier, he said sorry for hitting me, said you had come here and that you may need some assistance... He also said about what happened with Scott and the bitch from the charity... I'm so sorry Sheri" he said.

"Did Kendall also tell you what Logan said?" I asked.

"Yeah... Yeah he did mention that. I expect if Logan was able to, then Kendall would of asked him to come and talk to you" James replied.

I just looked at my feet not knowing what to say.

"Is there any place to get some decent food around here? Im starving" James said with a smile.

I smiled back. He was the complete opposite of Kendall. James saw the cup half full when Kendall saw it half empty. Even now I knew he was feeling uncertain but he put his own feelings aside to make me feel comfortable.

"Yeah I know somewhere that does a good burger!" I chirped.

"Show me the way" James replied .

* * *

Once in the diner and James had food in front of him him, things got a little easier.

"You really are hungry huh" I joked as James destroyed the burger in seconds as he sat opposite me at the restaurant table.

"I've not eaten all day!" he said smiling, his mouth filled with food.

I laughed a bit louder than intended and turned the heads of two girls sat at the table just to the left of us, I recognized them from school. They used to tease me sometimes, called me 'short sighted Sheri' for my fabulous nak of walking in to things, which is how I explained my bruises most of the time.

"You know them?" James asked as he saw me looking at them with less than friendly eyes.

"Yeah from school, they weren't the friendliest!" I explained quietly, glancing at them again. I saw them now looking at James in apparent disbelief that I had managed to bag myself such a hot guy to eat a burger with.

James let out a chuckle as the prettier of the two girls gave him a flirtatious wave.

I rolled my eyes. "Oh my god your kidding me right" I said staring daggers at James.

"What? I find it funny that they have so much self esteem they can just try and steal your date" James replied.

"Date huh Maslow?!" I replied sarcastically.

"Well... you know what I mean!" He said with a grin.

"Who is your friend Sheriden?" One of the girls called over, causing my eyes to roll in annoyance at them butting in and using my embarrassing full name.

I saw James lift his immaculate eyebrows at this name he knew nothing of and smiled.

I gave him a kick under the table, which made him smile even more making him look more and more attractive if that was humanly possible.

I let out a sigh before turning my back on the girls. They weren't my friends they never had been. I had no desire to introduce them politely to James.

I looked at my plate of food losing my appetite completely now I was being made to look ridiculous in front of James.

"You okay?" James asked cautiously.

I nodded not making eye contact, as I heard the girls giggling away at my expense.

"You were right this is a good place to eat, but I think I could of eaten a scabby horse I was so hungry" James said which made me look up and smile at his gross description of his hungryness.

"A scabby horse James? Really?" I mocked him. Making his perfect smile come out to play again.

I heard the girls to the left of me snigger away. "How does a skank like that even get a guy, she must of paid him!" One of them said, to which the other girl let out the loudest cackle that must of been her ridiculous excuse for a laugh.

I wanted the ground to swallow me up. Being in James's life, and meeting on the show the way we did, he was probably under the impression I was a bit further up the ranks at school than I actually was. But right here, right now, James was being notified that he was clearly out of my league. I wasnt trash but I wasn't head cheer leader material either. I never had the nice clothes and expensive hair styles.

I was just Sheri Cooper, I looked up at James as he too realised I was just Sheri Cooper.

I felt my foot receive a kick under the table from James.

"What was that for?" I asked.

James shrugged. "Was wondering if you wanted to sit here" he asked tapping the space next to him on the bench he sat on.

I looked up in confusion to see James give me a little wink. "Okay" I smiled then walked round to sit on the bench next to him.

James leaned in to my ear. "Don't ever let people make you feel any less amazing than you are... because you are the most amazing person Sheri" he whispered, his hand slipped in mine and my heart rate increased on the feel of his thumb as it gently rubbed the back of my hand.

I took in a deep breath, trying to control my breathing.

"I know we need to talk a load of stuff through but just for the sake of here and now, this is where I'm still at..." He said then leaned in and kissed me.

My heart, my stomach and my head all exploded in to fireworks.

When James pulled away I took great pleasure in seeing the look of two pissed off looking girls, wondering how the fuck I had made out with such a hot guy.

"Shall we leave and have that talk" James asked softly.

I was speechless as I mentally tried to gather the pieces of my body that had exploded, ignited by James's kiss. I managed a nod. Luckily James kept held of my hand as I wasn't sure I could walk unaided.

"Thanks for that" I said as we walked hand in hand down the dark streets.

"Thanks for not slapping me" he chuckled.

I smiled at him, I don't think I would ever have the witts about me to do anything after being kissed by James. "So where did you want to go now...this town is a bit dull compared to California" I admitted.

"Well I know you don't want to, but I'm on strict instructions to visit your home to make sure your safe" he said seriously.

"You can't though James, it might kick my dad off in to one!" I protested.

"So what... your going to live as a recluse at home, never allowed to have a boyfriend just incase your dad gets angry? Sheri surely it's better to test it out now, if he freaks then I'm here to get you out of there, if he is cool then I know I can go back to California knowing you are safe and that I can visit as much as you want me to" He replied.

"You still wanna visit me even though I'm... this" I said holding my arms up.

James smiled. "I would prefer it if you stayed in Cali' but I get why you don't want to. Yeah I would visit. Why wouldn't I?"

I shrugged. "Im happy that you want to stay in touch" I said linking my arm tightly in his.

"Let's get back to your house, hopefully we can sort some stuff out yeah?" James replied.

"Ok" I said nervously, not too confident that tonight was going to go as I thought once my dad laid eyes on James.

James filled the walk home with chat about his new house. He said he preferred living apart from the other guys. It was too much living in each other's pockets all the time. Personally I thought the opposite, I was going to miss my old home in California and my new family I had made.

"How come you can live alone? Your still only 17" I asked curious.

"Technically I'm not alone, I stay in a tiny apartment at the back of my aunt's house" he said blushing.

I chuckled. "Not quite the bachelor pad you had me imagine then" I teased. "Your lucky you have so much family dotted around Los Angeles, doesn't your aunt mind you getting under her feet?" I asked knowing James had started off on his uncle's couch, then his sister's apartment, now his auntie.

"Na she is really cool, she has a bunch of kids in her house, lucky for me one just moved out so I got the bachelor pad" he grinned.

I looked ahead and let go of James's arm.

"What's up?" He said in his soft voice.

"We are here" I said really not looking forward to going in the house.

James looked up to the house I called home, the grass was overgrown in the garden, and it had a genuinely shabby appearance. Normally it would look much better, at least because I was there to do the chores.

"You ready?" James asked.

"Moment of truth" I replied.

James and I walked in to the house, my dad wasn't in the kitchen or the living room, I noticed the back door open though, then a cloud of smoke from where my father sat drinking and smoking in the back garden on the white plastic furniture.

"Dad... I would like you to meet James" I said from just behind him.

My father turned his head in the chair to look at James. He then attempted to get up. He staggered over and held his hand out for James to shake.

James had a bemused look on his face, I wasn't sure if he thought having a drunk as a parent was humorous but I sure didn't, I was completely embarrassed and mortified at this moment in time.

"Is this the guy you went away with?" My dad asked.

I shook my head. James left my fathers hand hanging, not wanting to shake the hand of a man that had hurt me so badly. "No, partly the reason I came back" I replied.

"good, the other boys mom kept coming round here, demanding to know where you... er... were." He replied.

My dad stumbled his way back to his seat. "Join me if you want" he said pointing a swaying arm at the other plastic chairs.

"Actually I was wondering if James was allowed upstairs? just to have a chat! I will leave the door open... I have half hour left on my curfew" I reminded him.

"Sure, sure... do what you like" he said with a laugh.

James and I left my father to it. We walked silently up to my room. It was pretty much the only tidy part of my house.

We sat on my bed.

"You hurt my feelings a bit then" I said quietly.

"How?" James asked.

"I saw you hiding a smile, you found it funny the state he was in" I said defensively. Logan would never of found it slightly amusing, and I could just imagine the serious face that Kendall would of worn on meeting him.

"I was hiding a smile because he was as high as a fucking kite on weed Sheri, the entire house stinks of it, can't you smell it?" He asked.

"Cannabis?" I asked shocked. "I wouldn't know what it would smell like to start off with. He doesn't smoke drugs" I said confused.

"Yeah... He does. At least we know he is too chilled out to hurt you now" James replied.

"Great if the drinking wasn't enough he had to step it up and be the town junkie too" I said huffing.

"Look Sheri, I need to know something... why did you not tell me that Kendall had hurt you?" He asked out of the blue.

"There was nothing to tell, he didn't really hurt me... He just... gripped me too hard." I explained.

"So what happened the night of the burglary? I honestly thought we were on the road to something good with that kiss... then next second your back with Kendall... He said that it was nothing, but I need to hear it from you" he added.

"Kendall and I had a heart to heart. He told me the reason why he is like he is, we cleared the air, hugged it out and a kiss just happened... it didn't mean anything apart from goodbye. The reason he called you to come here was because I talked him in to doing something that actually mattered" I explained.

James nodded. "What about Logan?" He then asked softly. Knowing that this was a hard thing to get my head around.

"I don't know about Logan... I thought I was over him but that was before..."

"Before you found out he wanted you back?" James finished for me.

"Something like that" I replied.

"Have you spoken to him yet?" James asked.

"No... He has tried to call me a bunch of times but I'm not sure what I'm going to say to him yet" I replied.

James nodded. "Then there is me... I don't really fancy my chances up against Logan" he said with a nervous laugh.

"James you... you are the most incredible person... you blow my mind, your caring, you have a sensible head... my body craves you" I said blushing.

"But?" He asked.

"There isn't a but James, I'm torn... that's me being honest... I'm sorry" I replied.

"Being honest isn't something to be sorry for Sheri... it just means I have an advantage to win you over seeing as im here and Logan isn't" he smiled.

I smiled back at him. "How exactly would you win me over?" I giggled.

James looked around my room, I'm pretty sure Logan didn't woo you in here, there must be somewhere better to go" he teased.

"Logan and I spent most of our time cuddled up on sofa made of hay in a stable." I reminded him.

James pulled a funny face. "See even that sounds far too romantic for my liking... where is this stable?" He asked.

"Just over the other side of the woods out there" I said showing him from my bedroom window.

James leaned in close to my face as he looked out in to the darkness.

"Did you fancy making some new memories in that stable?" James whispered in my ear.

"Tonight?" I asked.

"Tonight!" he confirmed with a smile.

I smiled back at the bad influence that was trying to seduce me.

"Okay" I whispered.

* * *

**Chapter 34: Chapter 34**

* * *

I walked down the stairs of my house hand in hand with James.

"Bye Mr cooper" James called to my dad who was now in the kitchen.

He gave James a wave. Once we were at my front porch James gave me a kiss, as he took both my hands.

"I will see you at midnight yeah?" He clarified on our arrangements.

I was to sneak out, cross the woods and spend some quality time alone with James while he wooed the life from me.

"Yep! I can't wait, are you sure you know where you are going" I asked.

"Yes Sheri" he chuckled.

James's taxi arrived down the small track road that led to my house.

"I will check in at my hotel then make my way back okay... I will get dropped off by the horse place" He said looking in to my eyes, he swept some of my hair from my face.

"Okay" I replied. I felt really nervous. Even though James and I had been intimate before, the thought of a date with him scared me.

He looked like he wanted to say something but he just bit his lip, and kissed me once more. "Call me if you need me" he said breaking away.

"I will... see you soon" I smiled

James left me with his beautiful smile. I stood at the door until I could no longer see the tail lights from the taxi.

He was perfect. I could easily imagine a life with James. The thought of that stopped me in my tracks as it wasn't so long ago I had imagined a life with Logan. Nothing was for certain. All we really had was now.

I went back inside the house, I said goodnight to my dad who was now watching tv. Him smoking pot definitely worked out in my favour. I actually felt he was a normal person for once.

I had a shower, panicked slightly at the state of my stubbly legs so spent a while shaving them untill they were as smooth as marble. I wasn't intending for James to get all my goodies tonight but the likely hood was very probable.

I let my hair dry naturally, I knew he digged the surfer girl look so thought a few curls in my hair could only help.

It seemed odd to be getting ready in my bedroom for someone other than Logan. Had I already made my mind up that it was James I wanted?

I waited until ten to twelve, I hadn't heard my dad go to bed yet which was putting a spanner in mine and James's plan. I put my dressing gown on over my dress and snuck down the stairs. I pretended to get a glass of water just to see how awake he was.

He wasn't! The back door was still wide open so I took my dressing gown off, took my chance and left.

I silently crept passed the living room window, using my father's beaten up car to hide behind if he did happen to wake up. I noticed he had left the drivers window down with the keys still in the ignition, I rolled my eyes at the fact I was surprised he hadn't been robbed and killed in his sleep with that and the fact the house was left wide open and unlocked too.

Never the less it made sneaking out that little bit easier.

Once hidden within the trees of the woods I made a run for it. I knew the route to the fence that separated mine and Logan's houses like the back of my hand. I could run it with my eyes shut. I knew the entire woodland well. I hardly spent anytime at home when I was younger. I tried to spend most of the day outside just to avoid my father.

I saw the fence up ahead, I couldn't see James though. He was meant to meet me right here. I hoped he hadn't got lost.

I waited a few minutes, the darkness beginning to get the better of me, and every crack of a branch or wind rustling the leaves making me jump as I strained my eyes trying to spot James.

I looked over to the stable then saw him casually walking over towards me.

I let out a sigh in relief that he had found it okay.

"I thought we were meeting at the fence?" I said giving him my pretend angry eyes.

James jumped over the fence in one go just using his hand to hitch him up. "I wanted to check it out first... I think you should leave your memories with Logan in that stable... besides I have found some where I think is nicer. C'mon!" He smiled taking my hand and pulling me back in to the woods.

"Where are we going?" I chuckled, amused that he was still trying to out do Logan.

"Just over here... I couldn't put up with the smell of horse crap" he laughed.

"I kinda like it" I smiled.

James walked me over to a small clearing in the trees. It didn't look amazing or romantic... just a clearing in the trees. I did however laugh when I saw he had already put a blanket down for us to sit on.

"Where did you get that from?" I asked.

"Stole it from my hotel" he said, sounding pleased with his efforts.

I sat down with my legs stretched out in front of me on James's stolen property.

I looked around, it was just complete darkness. The trees surrounded us giving us no pretty setting. The stable may of smelt like horse crap but it was warm and comfy and I kind of liked laying down with Logan in a bed of hay.

"I've gotta say James... I'm a bit disappointed. It's too dark here" I said teasing him about his poor effort.

James took me by surprise and squatted down right in front of me. His legs either side of mine. "I wasn't intending for you to be looking at the trees" he whispered then kissed me gently, pushing me down on to my back. He then pulled one leg from over me and lay down beside me. "I wanted you to look at that" he said looking up to the sky. "It's beautiful... we don't get views like this in LA... it's too bright." He said

He was right it was beautiful, the huge full moon, the stars, the warm breeze... and James "I don't think it can get much better than this" I replied.

"I was hoping it might" he said looking in to my eyes as he turned his head. The moonlight on his face bringing back the memories of the charity night when the disco lights shone on his face.

I kissed James, there was no point in denying that it was going to happen. We had shared a few kisses already this evening. I was his tonight... and he was mine.

"I know this doesn't mean we are.. a thing now" James whispered to me as he broke free from my lips. "But I need you to know how much I care about you" he finished.

"You got on a plane because you thought I was in danger... that says a lot already" I smiled, my head rest against the blanket while I looked up to James who now had his face in front of mine as he spoke to me.

"There is just one thing that is making me doubt wether we are gonna work out" he said seriously.

My eyebrows knitted together, I knew he was about to say that he was the popular guy and had a standard.

"What's that?" I asked nervously.

"Well I don't like girls who keep deep dark secrets" James continued.

I was confused. "James I'm not sure what your talking about" I confessed.

James tried to hide his smile. "Is your name really Sheriden?" He said having a little chuckle.

I slapped him on the chest. "Your a dick" I laughed. "Yes it is but I'm Sheri to you and the rest of the universe... clear!" I said poking my finger in to a well toned chest.

"I'm happy to keep that secret for you... Sheriden" he said chuckling, then buried his face in my neck, scattering me with delicate little kisses.

"Dick" I said softly laughing but getting in to the affection he was offering.

My breathing became staggered once again as I felt the full weight of James on top of me. The feel of it out of this world.

I was eager to feel his tongue in my mouth.

this was the definition of the middle of nowhere I thought. I let myself relax, no one was around, it was just James and me!

I felt along James' strong muscular shoulders through his t-shirt, his abs perfection, I could still see his nicely defined six pack and arms to die for that would never be erased from my memory.

I smiled at James as he lay on me, he smiled back then sat up on the blanket beside me. I saw a hint of anxiety in his face.

"Are you sure you wanna get this carried away?" I asked looking into his eyes.

He blinked at me before swallowing and nodding.

I leaned into him, bringing my hand up to cup the side of his face, kissing him gently, teasing his lips with my own, allowing heat and passion to spark between us.

I couldn't work out why he was all of a sudden so nervous. I flicked my tongue against his lip, I could feel his smile spread on his face.

James opened his mouth slightly and I gently touched his tongue with mine. I could feel myself getting excited, but I felt this wasn't about me, this was his time.

I pulled back to search his face for where he wanted to go next...I then looked to his crotch, James wore some cute ass shorts I could see his huge cock already bulging out of them.

"You alright James?" I whispered, still concerned why he had seemed to of backed off slightly.

"Yeah..." He insisted, pulling me back for another kiss. I playfully pushed him down. His eyes glinted at my dominance.

I pulled up my dress and straddled him, so he could feel my heat against his hardness. I dragged myself forward and then back, grinding over him. James moaned in response, I kissed him again, harder this time.

He gripped my ass, pulling me into him, my breasts pressed against his chest.

"I don't think I need this dress anymore." I smirked, pulling it over my head and throwing it somewhere to my left.

"Fuck your beautiful" James husked out at me.

His hands moved from my ass and ran over my breasts, James gently caressed my sensitive nipples. I moaned and ground my crotch into him once again. He leaned to kiss the top of my boobs. I sighed out a pleasurable moan once again.

I stripped off my bra and stood up, pulling his legs apart before kneeling down between them, undoing his shorts and pulling out his ridiculously large hard cock.

Rubbing my hand up and down the shaft, I flicked my tongue over the tip. Tasting his delights.

I looked up at James and smiled before running my tongue along his hardness again. shaft from the base to the tip. I hollowed my cheeks and pursed my lips, taking his hard cock into my mouth, hungrily bobbing up and down on it.

My hand followed my mouth, gripping his cock whilst my hot, wet, mouth worked up and down.

In his excitement James gripped my hair at the back of my head pulling it tight.

"Slow...Down," he gasped. I could sense that if I didn't slow up or change what I was doing He was going to cum. I knelt up, pulling off his t-shirt and kissing his neck. I slipped off my panties whilst he removed his shorts and boxers. We were both now completely naked.

James gently ran his fingers across my clit. "God your wet!" He said, in the moonlight I saw him blush. He probably talked about girls like this with the boys all the time, but actually telling me I was wet to my face in the heat of the moment seemed to be too much.

James then took hold of his cock, I put a condom on him before he guided it inside me. "Fuck that feels good" he groaned. I sat in his lap and wiggled. He moaned, grabbing my ass and helping me bounce up and down. I wrapped my arms around his shoulders kissing him hard, as he pounded me. "oh! fuck! yes, baby!" I moaned.

Suddenly James rolled over pulling my legs over his shoulders. Fucking me harder and deeper. "Oh! Fuck!" I moaned. Gripping the blanket as he fucked me closer towards my orgasm, his thrusts became more ragged and lustful as he to came closer to cumming.

"Cum with me James, " I gasped out.

"Fuck! Yes." He grunted before thrusting into me one last time I felt my stomach tighten as I went over the edge. My orgasm crashed through me, making my clit throb and my body shake.

I felt him harden further as he came, letting out a beautiful moan.

"Fuck, you are good," I laughed in exhaustion as he fell beside me, naked and sweaty. I snuggled into him as he pulled the edge of the blanket over my body.

"I wasn't expecting that..." James breathed in.

"Bit forward?" I asked, looking at him as he caught his breath.

"Sheri I don't think you could ever be forward enough where I am concerned." He chuckled. "I was going to be romantic but I liked your dominatrix approach better!" He laughed.

Again I slapped him on his now bare chest. "Your silly" I mocked him, feeling totally at ease as we looked up at the brilliant night sky.

"You called me baby, you know!" James said as he looked across at me.

I looked back at him. "I know" I grinned.

"I liked it" James confirmed.

I giggled at him. "Why did you seem so... scared to begin with?" I asked.

James sat up and pulled his boxers and shorts back up. "I wasn't sure if you were going to put the condom on again... did the emergency pill work okay last time? You get your period?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah I got my period, your safe from fatherhood, don't worry" I teased.

James just smiled at me. "Bare back is nicer" he said in a way to say it was worth the worry.

"James..." I asked, as he passed me my dress.

"Yeah?" He replied.

"You can't... well, girls can't get pregnant if they have sex on their period can they?" I asked,

James eyed me with a 'I don't know what im going to do with you' look.

"I'm pretty sure that any unsafe sex is unsafe... even if your on your period" he said.

I just gave a nod.

"Kendall I take it?" James asked.

"Yeah" I whispered out. "You know that terrible sex I told you about..." I replied.

"You will be fine... no point in worrying until there is something to worry about" James said putting this information to the back of his mind.

"I don't think I would be.. you know, but I still worry" I revealed.

"What would you do? You know... if you were?" James asked putting his shirt back on.

"I'm 16 James, let's face facts I can barely look after myself... and Kendall... well .. let's not even go there" I said. "Fuck im sorry, I've just totally ruined this entire evening haven't I?" I replied, feeling pissed off with myself.

James sat back next to me. He gave me a cute little kiss on my nose. "No you haven't, your being honest with me, and.. well I like it that you feel you can talk to me about anything. Thinking about you doing it with Kendall is fucked up though, makes me want to punch him in the face again" he joked.

"I'm a screw up huh" I replied.

"Yehhh... but your my screw up, so it's all good" James said giving me another little kiss.

I found it completely bizarre that he didn't want to run a mile after hearing what I just said. He must be crazy in love with me.

We spent ages talking and being cuddled up together. James was so at ease with everything. He was a living, walking, talking, chill pill. It was nice. Refreshing!

"I should be getting back soon, I don't want my dad to find out I've gone... what is the time?"

James pulled his phone from his pocket. "Fuck it's almost half two, my taxi will be waiting for me soon" James said bolting upright.

"Shit, how quick did that go!" I agreed only thinking it was nearing one o'clock.

James stood still, his panicking disappearing. "Too quick!" He said softly then kissed me again.

"James!" I moaned pulling away. "We need to get going" I insisted.

"Well im never going to get to my taxi in time" he said.

"Sure you will, if you run, where is it picking you up?" I asked.

"Just by the horse house... out on the road. He replied.

I rolled my eyes. "You mean the equestrian centre... Logans old house" I clarified.

"Yeah" he grinned, enjoying the fact he had irritated me by not using the correct words.

"You will make that if you run" I said to James.

"I'm walking you home first Sheri" James replied.

"There is no need, honestly I can be home in like... 4 minutes if I hurry. I know these woods James... I promise" I insisted.

James looked at me then looked at the time on his phone. "4 minutes... you promise?" He said.

"Yeah... promise" I replied.

"will you text me directly you get in? Or I'm coming straight back" he threatened.

"Yeah that's fine... look get going! Your hotel is miles away and you won't get another taxi at this time round here... go now!" I said giving him a kiss.

James smiled then began jogging off towards the direction of his taxi.

"Hey!" He called out to me as he turned. "I LOVE YOU SHERIDEN!" he yelled.

I laughed at him then watched as he ran further in to the distance.

I smiled to myself then made my way through the woods towards home, the darkness and the noises once again getting the better of me.

* * *

**Chapter 35: Chapter 35**

* * *

I walked through the trees with the biggest fucking smile on my face.

James was amazing! he was gorgeous, kind, romantic, sexy, thoughtful, caring, protective... and above all, he was absolutely a king in the bedroom department!

My body still hadn't recovered properly. I know I shouldn't of had sex with him again as I still wasn't sure I was willing to give Logan up completely but my body craved James.

It was hard to figure out who my body, my heart and my head wanted.

Breaking me from my fantasies over which hot guy I wanted was a noise.

I stood completely still for a second with my eyes shut trying to pin point which direction it had come from. The warm breeze blowing gently, as it whistled passed my ears.

I heard it again, it sounded like a movement in the trees, it was just to the right of me. I looked over trying to spot an animal or whatever it was, but I couldn't see anything in the darkness.

Just as I began walking again a huge crack from a branch being snapped or trod on next to me on my left made me jump from my skin, that's when I started running!

Twigs from the trees whipped against my face as I darted through the woods.

I was too scared to turn and look to see if I was being chased or hunted down by a crazy axe man or a bear. I fled through the forest like my life depended on it.

Next thing I knew I was face down on the floor with a searing pain in my ankle.

I lay still with my palms down, I felt wet and gritty. "Fucks sake!" I huffed to myself. Feeling stupid as I had spooked myself with noises of the forest.

I had to un-hook my foot from the tree root that it had got caught in. "Fuck fuck fuck!" I scorned myself as I sat up rubbing at my ankle.

I tried to get up but it was agony. "Shit sticks!" I said as I sat there in the mud. I shook my head as I saw a huge stag walk by me. Not quite the axe murderer or bear I had imagined.

I shook my head in annoyance. I fumbled around for my cell in the pitch darkness. I felt completely spooked out now, I was alone and injured in the middle of the god damn woods. I was a horror movie cliché just awaiting for my masked killer.

"Shit!" I cursed as I noticed a huge crack in my phone screen.

I noticed the time was long gone the four minutes that I had told James it would take me to get back, it was going to take me even longer now I had fucked my ankle up. If I text and told him what had happened he would turn around and come back. I didn't want him to though. He would be stuck in the middle of nowhere all night, I can't see my dad letting him sleep at our house no matter how high he was.

I weighed up my options and thought out a quick plan.

I text James, saying that I was home safe, and tucked up in bed. I also made some snide comment about how stupidly large his penis is. He was like a freak show in the circus!

I then scrolled through my missed calls and dialed the number that had no name attached to it.

It rang for a while before a sleepy unbroken voice answered. "Sheri?" I heard Logan's kind voice say.

"Hey stranger!... I need you to be my hero once more" I said in a sigh, still pissed off with myself.

"Are... are you okay?" Logan said as his voice woke up a bit more.

"I'm fine, I was out... in the woods and tripped up... twisted my ankle, but I was wondering if you would keep me company on the phone until I get home... I'm a bit scared out here on my own. A fucking great big stag just scared the life out of me!" I said with a chuckle.

"Sure, I can do th-... fuck Sheri! It's almost 3! Why are you out so late? Are you sure all is okay?" Logan asked in an angry whisper.

"Everything is fine. I was out with James... just lost track of time" I said getting up with very little dignity, trying to limp and hop my way home.

"How come James is there? I thought Kendall was driving to make sure you were okay?" He asked.

"Kendall is on a mission to sort his head out... He called James in as his back up plan... honestly though, everything is fine. My dad was pleased to see me... He is like a new person" I replied, clinging on to any passing tree to help take the weight off of my foot.

"I'm glad Sheri... it's good to hear your voice! I've missed you" he said.

My heart ached at his words. "I miss you too logues, is this your new cell number?" I asked.

"No, Johnny let me borrow his. I'm kinda gutted Kendall isn't on his way to you" Logan said with a sigh.

"How come?" I asked, picking up a long sturdy stick that was perfect to help me hobble home through the woods.

"I told him some things... was hoping he would tell you" Logan replied.

"Things like you and cass broke up and you wanted us to try again?" I said just louder than a whisper. I could now see the porch light of my house through the trees.

"Exactly that... I'm so sorry Sheri. I messed everything up, and when I realised it was just too late. But I need you to know just in case of that tiny chance that you want us to try again too." He explained.

"What happened with cass? You said everything was fine after the holiday.

"It was, I mean the holiday was great, but on the phone after she just turned in to this shitter version of my mom. Kept going on about me taking over from my parents, then about this show jumping competition in Belgium... everything was just horse, horse, horse. It bored me, and to be honest all I wanted was you. I got sucked in to something I thought was good, but I realised the good thing I had was you... I'm so sorry Sheri. It's the biggest mistake of my life" he admitted.

I sighed. "I do still love you Logan. I don't think I will ever stop. Seeing you almost die in front of me made me realise a thing or two too... but... well, James and I are... sort of close now" I confessed. Leaning against a tree for a breather

"Yeah, I gathered... it's err... it's cool. He shouldn't of just left you in the woods though! That's stupid. Plus what if your dad finds out you have gone out, coz im pretty sure he doesn't know you are out this late, he might not be so nice when you get back" Logan warned as I just came through the clearing in the trees outside my home.

"I don't think he will care logues. I'm going to have to be quiet for a minute while I sneak back in" I explained as I limped round the back of the house with the stick like an old lady. The door was still open.

"Okay" Logan said back in my ear.

I peeked in to the kitchen where I had snuck out from. My dressing gown still on the back of the chair where I had left it. I slipped it back on me.

"You okay? What's that noise?" I heard Logan say in my ear.

"Its just me" I whispered back to him.

I crept through the living room, my dad was still on the sofa. As I turned to go up the stairs that over looked the living room, a floor board creaking disturbed him from his sleep. He looked at me with a puzzled look on his face. I flashed him a smile as I walked through the pain trying to disguise my stick and new limp. My dad ran a hand over his face waking himself up.

In agony I made it upstairs to my room, I was exhausted and the pain from my ankle had drained me.

"I'm upstairs in my room now" I whispered to Logan after I shut the door and sat on my bed.

"Good, so what did your dad say that made him change his ways?" Logan asked

"He hasn't said anything" I chuckled. "He has started smoking weed. He has been high since I got back to Texas"

"What?!" Logan said.

"It's cool logues. Don't worry, he is harmless now" I insisted.

"No Sheri, he isn't. Fucks sake! What is going to happen when he isn't high, and he is just a complete ass hole wanting revenge on you!" Logan said almost shouting at me.

"Well... I don't... fuck! I didn't even think." I replied as I heard the distinct footsteps making their way up the stairs.

My bedroom door swung open with a bang against the wall, my father eyed me over. Covered in mud, my dress visible, and my dressing gown as a pathetic attempt to cover it all up.

"Why do you look like that!?" My father hissed leaning against the door frame.

"Sheri run!" I heard Logan say in my ear.

I looked at my ankle. "I can't" I replied, now sobbing in to the phone.

"YOU COME BACK HERE LIKE SOME SLUT?" My father shouted.

I cowered further in to the corner of my bed as he walked in the room. He saw the stick I had used rested up against the end of my bed and grabbed it.

"Logan!" quivered out from my mouth.

Just as the words had left me I recieved a blow from the stick, it missed my head which was what he was aiming for, but caught me on my neck, winding me completely.

I choked out as I tried to cough, speaking was no longer an option.

"Sheri? Sheri?!" I heard Logan say loudly as he heard my rasping breaths trying to get oxygen in to my lungs.

"Baby talk to me!" Logan said completely panic stricken as he lay completely helpless in a hospital bed hundreds of miles away listening in on me being beaten.

THWACK! I received another smack with the stick, this time across my leg. I wanted to scream out in pain but all that would leave my mouth was a disgusting gurgle noise.

All the time I gripped my cell in my hand, not wanting to lose the only piece of comfort I had left.

The tears rolled down with the pain only getting worse as the seconds ticked by.

"Sheri you there!?" I could hear Logans desperate voice say to me.

Again all that came out was a cough.

"Jesus fucking Christ please say something!" I then heard Logan say. It sounded like he was crying.

My dad slumped drunkenly in to my wall as he came in my bedroom further. I did the only thing I could think of and grabbed my bedside lamp, once I was up on my one good foot I smacked it over his head. The impact brought him down to his knees, slouching in the corner of my room. I tried my hardest to escape from the small room, the pain from my ankle slowing me down drastically.

"Sheri please talk to me" Logan pleaded.

I tried to talk but the voice that came out was just a rasp of noise.

"Sheri get out of there, and go to mine... Brian will be there, he will make sure you are safe!" Logan instructed me.

I had just stepped over my fathers leg and was in the hall outside of my room. I held on to the banister as I tried to make my escape.

I felt a stab of hot pain run through my ankle as my dad grabbed me, sending me face first on to the top step of the stairs. My phone fell from my hand and bounced down the steps. I cried, thinking I was going to die right here and now.

I kicked out, shunting his grip from my foot. Then kicked him in the head, probably causing myself more pain than I had caused him. But I scrambled round and went down the stairs on my bum.

"Logan!" I croaked out. As I picked my phone up.

"I'm here, I'm here. Sheri are you hurt bad?" He asked.

"Ankle!" I managed to get out, my neck killing me where I had been hit but that was the least of my problems.

I looked up and saw my dad stagger at the top of the stairs as he tried to descend them. He missed his footing and tumbled all the way down.I just about managed to get out of the way.

"Sheri im gonna hang up and call the police" Logan said as I hopped out in to the living room.

"No! Please!" I said, my voice cracking like a teenage boy as it tried to mend itself.

"I'm going to have to Sheri... just keep moving... keep going, get as far away as you can!" He said.

I sobbed hard down the phone. "Please" I choked. "Don't leave me"

"Sheri please just don't-" was the last thing I heard Logan say as my phone was smacked from my hand. I felt my hair being yanked backwards.

Cries leaving my mouth that had no human sound. I slumped to the floor as my hair was released. I received a kick, it caught me in the chest. My eyes streamed in pain, not knowing if I was able to get up, or even breath.

I looked up to my father. His face full of rage and bright red from the physical attack he was inflicting on me.

I tried to crawl out to the kitchen, pulling myself from the door frame along the floor. I regretted that decision almost immediately when my dad slammed the kitchen door shut with my fingers still in it.

I howled out in painful sobs, snatching my hand back and holding it to my chest. Scared to look at it, scared to see blood, or broken bones. I just lay there and sobbed.

My dad then walked out to the kitchen, with the door now open again I saw him casually swig out of a half empty bottle and sit in a chair.

I scanned the floor for my phone, my breathing out of control from pain and adrenalin.

I cried hard as I scooted myself across the living room floor toward my phone.

"Logues!?" I said in to it. But he had gone. With my trembling hands I tried to ring James, the crack in the phone screen making things harder to see, before I could even get to my contacts I saw my father come back towards me.

I closed my eyes bracing myself for what was yet to come.

* * *

**Chapter 36: Chapter 36**

* * *

A sweeping back hander struck me hard around the face, it was so hard it moved my entire body across the floor.

A pounding began inside my head as the pain and the crying I was doing took its toll.

I tried to picture something in my head, something to focus on as I gained the energy to move. Something that would take me away just for a second from the reality I was living.

It was Kendall that popped in to my mind, the day at the theme park. The rain dripping from his face as he kissed me. The vibrant colors of the dumb ass ponchos we wore. The feeling he gave me, the fun we had. I clung on to that thought. It was a million miles away from where I actually was right now, but my memory was safe, and it was a happy place to be.

I was dragged from that memory quite literally by my hair. He was going to kill me if I didn't do anything. Once again I was pulled in the direction of the stairs.

This is what my father always did, Chuck me in my room like a naughty child. Unless of course I ran!

I screamed out in pain as he trod on the section of my hair that still dragged along the floor. I felt some of it get ripped out.

I squeezed my eyes shut and took the deepest breath I could muster in the shallow puffs my lungs offered me. With all my might I swung my elbow back hoping to jab him hard in the stomach to stop him in his tracks. I ended up doing one better as I heard "OOOMPH!" From his drunken mouth.

I had elbowed him in the nuts good and proper. He let go of my hair from the agony and I ran.

I ran through the pain in my foot, the hurt was like no other I had known, it seared and shooted through my entire leg.

I got to the kitchen, freedom was so close as the back door was still wide open.

"Shhuri!" The drunken slur of my name came out of my father's mouth. I turned to see my dad walking towards me. There was no way I could out run him now through the woods to get to Logan's old house which was the nearest place to get to that had people and the prospect of safety in it.

I sobbed so hard, not wanting to go through another round with him. As he approached me my survival instincts kicked in, I mindlessly picked up the nearest object to me and swung it at him.

The crack it made was the most hideous sound I had ever heard. But the thud his body made as it fell to the ground with a lifeless slump was the worst.

The iron I held in my hand dropped to the floor in my shock.

I saw a large cut on my dad's head that was seeping out on to the grotty cream lino floor of the kitchen.

I stared for several minutes waiting for him to wake up. My body shook from shock at what I had done.

"Dad?" I whispered out through my cries.

"Fuck!... Dad?" I tried again.

I hobbled nearer him, tears streaming silently down my face. The house was just filled with the sound of crying, yelling and the sharp movement of furniture and angry foot steps...now the house was filled with nothing but the sound of my own staggered breathing.

I gingerly prodded my foot in to my father's chest as he lay on the floor.

I then backed away as the realisation of what I had done sunk in... I had struck him on the head!... I had hit him with a fucking iron!... what the fuck was I thinking? What was I going to do?

Calm down Sheri! I thought to myself.

It was self defense... fuck is he dead?! Is he really fucking dead?

I hit him with an iron... what was I expecting to happen? Fuck... what if no one believed my story? What if I was put in prison?!

I weighed up the story in my mind... I had been missing for months, then suddenly I return and he ends up dead!

James had only seen him in a good mood... what if the police checked my phone? I had a text message on there saying that I had got home safe, only Logan knew the truth.. fuck!

I erased the message as I stood there thinking it through.

I had no options... at least no good ones... I heard a siren in the distance, Logan must of called the police.

The only option I had still was running.

I looked at my dad as he lay on the floor. "Im... so sorry... Dad" I sobbed out.

I limped my way out side, placing my phone in my dressing gown pocket.

I looked at my hand that had been crushed by the door, at least two fingers were broken, it made my stomach turn looking at them as they sat distorted on my hand.

I wiped the back of my good hand over my face wiping away the tears, the sirens were getting louder as the police cars made their way down the muddy track that led up to the house.

I limped and hobbled as fast as I could in to the trees. That was when I glanced over at the beaten up VW car that my dad owned, even in the night sky I could see the window still down, the keys still in the ignition.

In that split second I decided that four working wheels were better than my legs that could no longer hold up my beaten and exhausted body.

I yanked the stiff door open of the car and sat in. I had no clue how to drive, I had no experience apart from what I had observed through the years. But I turned the key, firing the ropey engine in to life. in my panic I floored the gas pedal but the engine only roared uncontrollably at me.

Why wasn't the fucking thing moving.

The sirens were almost here, fear jacking my frazzled brain in to action.

"GEARS!" I said to myself aloud. I managed to get in to 1st gear and wheel spun the car in to action. as It sped up, the entire vehicle began kangarooing, jolting me forward and back, I put my foot down again and shifted in to second, then third, then 4th, all the while heading in the direction away from the police.

Although I knew the route I was taking only took me further away from civilization, it would allow me time to think and get another plan of action sorted. I had to flip through many different switches until I found the one for the headlights, the early morning still pitch black.

I sped around tight country corners as I travelled further alongside the woodland.

I knew there was an iron gate ahead, I prayed it was open. The car twisted and turned and jerked on the gravel track.

I could hear from the open window that the sirens had stopped. I don't think they had seen that I had left in the car. Hopefully if they went looking for me they would assume I was on foot in the eastern side of the forest.

I sped up further, swerving around pot holes that I saw lit up in the road, some I just drove through. Making the car jolt out of control, sending shear pain through my ankle and my hand.

I just wanted to get away. I briefly wondered how much gas I would need to get me to LA. Logan would know what to do, Logan was my protector, he wouldn't care what I had done, or how I did it. He was always going to be on my side!

I hit another pot hole making the car jerk all over the place, just as I gained control of it I realised the metal gate on the road which most definitely wasn't open was pretty much on top of me. I instinctively slammed my foot down on the brake. Pain from my twisted ankle engulfed me.

The car skidded, but still going too fast it smashed through the barrier. As the metal frame of the gate lifted from the impact, it crashed through the windscreen, glass rained over me.

I opened my eyes just in time to see the car head towards a gully.

Again, even through the pain in my foot I pressed down on the brakes, trying to stop the car or at least slow it down.

The headlights then showed me what my fate was as the car dipped down the gully, bonnet first. Trees and twigs made their way in to the car through the smashed windscreen. I felt them whip at my face, scratching at my already aching skin.

The bumper hit something and I felt the back end of the car flip over like the worst fun fair ride I had ever been on.

With the lack of a seat belt my chest shunted in to the steering wheel.

I felt sick enter my mouth as the car continued to tip over .

I clung on to the steering wheel for dear life, knowing that if I let go I would get thrown out of the car and end up being crushed by it as it flipped onto its roof.

I realised I needed to breathe but couldn't as the car came to an abrupt stop, I wasn't upside down though, I was horizontal. The bonnet of the car was dug in to the ground, the back end of it was held up in the air by the tree that had stopped it in its tracks.

* * *

I tried to lift my body from the steering wheel, gravity forcing my tired body towards it.

I managed to climb over just enough to slump in to the passenger side foot well.

My lungs ached as they drew in tight breaths that felt unnatural. I sat there hunched up, sobbing uncontrollably, in so much pain, inside and out.

I was ready for the police to find me. I was ready to explain my story, I couldn't give a fuck about what would happen to me... I just wanted this pain to go away.

* * *

I drifted in and out of consciousness, I only knew this because one minute it was dark out side and the next it was daylight streaming in.

Why hadn't the police found me yet? Why weren't they looking?

I strained my head to try and see out of the car, all I could see were trees and bushes.

My mind drifted off as I listened to the birds sing, completely unaware that I was here feeling so sad and in so much pain. They were about to enjoy a brand new day, I wasn't sure if I would see another one.

* * *

I fought against the tiredness that my brain was feeling. I remembered my cell in my pocket. I reached in, wincing as I caught my little finger which was definitely broken on the fabric of the gown, causing it to bend.

I pulled the phone out regardless with a trembling hand.

The time on the phone said 8:23am... how the fuck had it gone from around 3, to 8 in the fucking morning! Why had the police not found me. I was going to be left here to die!

I struggled to load the contacts up, the crack in the screen making it almost impossible to see names.

I finally got to the one that I needed, the one that was near, the one who could help me.

I dialed James's number, it rang and rang.

"Pick up James... Pick up the fucking phone!" I muttered to myself. I heard the dreaded beep of a low battery in my ear.

The phone just kept ringing. Why wasn't he answering? It then struck me that this was James I was calling, the same James that never got up until the p.m. the same James that could sleep through a world war. The same James that was completely oblivious to the trouble I faced because I couldn't tell him I had fallen over and hurt my ankle.

The phone suddenly stopped ringing. I waited with baited breath to hear the soft voice of James, but it never came. That was when I realised my battery had died and I had absolutely no hope left.

The tears rolled steadily. Once again I pictured Kendall in my mind, the day of the theme park. The ponchos... kissing in the rain... green eyes!

If I had the choice of a last memory before unconsciousness or death took me then I chose it to be that... my mind drifted away as my eyes could no longer stay open.

* * *

"Sheri? Sheri!" I heard in my head, it sounded like a million miles away that some one was calling my name.

My eyes fluttered open, bringing the voice closer as my brain awoke my ears properly. I must still be in a dream or I was dead? as I saw the un unmistakable green eyes which wore so much concern in front of me as I still lay hunched up in the horizontal car.

"Kendall!? Am I alive?" I croaked out...

* * *

**Chapter 37: Chapter 37**

* * *

"Of course your alive!" Kendall replied softly as he flashed me a fake smile, his eyes told me he was nervous.

"Why are you here?" I asked remembering he was off to talk to Mackenzie.

"It doesn't matter about that just yet... let's try and get you out of here shall we" he replied rubbing the side of my arm that he could reach as he looked uncomfortable, half in, half out the driver's side door leaning over to me.

I nodded.

"Okay I'm going to go round and try and to get to your side alright... we will have you out in no time" he promised.

"Okay" I replied in a whisper. I watched on as he crawled backwards out of the driver's door and then clung on to the tree out side as he made his way up the embankment to get to my side of the car.

* * *

I must of blacked out again as the next thing I knew I heard Kendalls voice in my ear once more.

"Sheri?" He whispered softly by my side.

I forced my tired eyes to open but they wouldn't. "I'm here" I replied regardless.

"Okay I'm going to try and get you out... put your arm around my neck" I heard him say. I then felt my arm being moved for me as Kendall wrapped it over his shoulders. I felt the pain gnaw away in my hand as my arm was moved.

"It hurts!" I moaned out.

"I know... I know" Kendall said gently as he tried to keep me calm. His own appearance still looked painful from his fight with Logan. Expect he knew exactly what my body felt like.

Kendall then tried to lift me from the foot well. Pain from my chest and my ankle burnt through my veins.

I screamed out in the unendurable agony that shot through me, waking every sense in my body. "STOP!... fuck please stop..." I howled out.

This feeling was too much. I was breathless from the effort of dealing with the torturous stabbing as pain raged through me like a tornado.

Kendall placed me back down slowly.

"I'm going to phone an ambulance Sheri okay" Kendall said.

"Have you... not done that alr..eady?" I said sobbing.

Kendall took my good hand and stroked it softly as a way to say sorry.

"I panicked" he whispered.

I looked up to him, he wouldn't take his eyes from me as his other hand took his phone from his pocket.

I gripped his hand tighter. "Don't leave me will you" I asked emotionally.

"I'm not going any where unless you tell me to" he replied as he placed the phone to his ear.

He flashed his smile at me, the killer dimples the best medicine I had received so far as they reminded me of happier times.

"Ambulance please!" I heard Kendall say in to the phone. I looked up at him again, his eyes scanned my crumpled broken body as I still lay slumped and uncomfortable in the foot well.

He had a sad look in his eye that I wanted to go away.

"A car accident!" Kendall said in to the receiver. "Yeah one passenger... female, she can't move!" He said calmly. "Yeah she is awake"

I listened to his voice the tone was relaxing, it sounded like silk.

"Er... hang on." Kendall replied to whoever he was talking to. "Sheri where are we? What's the road called?" He asked.

"It's... the baron farm estate. This isn't really a road it's... erm.." I said taking a deep breath. "It's baron copse... just a track road used for forest machinery... tractors..." I said trailing off, taking another deep breath. My chest was so tight. "...That kind of thing..." I finished.

Kendall gave me another reassuring smile. "Baron copse, It's a track road leading off from baron farm estate" Kendall repeated to the telephone operator.

"Yeah... Okay... yeah I can do that... thanks" he said then slipped his phone back in his pocket.

"How long?" I asked.

"A few minutes" Kendall replied. I knew he was lying, Logan and I lived in a small town that only had one doctors surgery in it, the nearest hospital was miles away.

"That's good" I replied, not wanting to worry him further by letting him know.

"Did you want a drink Sheri? I have water in my car. It's parked up just there" Kendall said pointing up, out of the gully.

I gripped his hand tighter. "No, please don't go anywhere" I replied.

Kendall smiled. "I won't leave you" he whispered.

"How did you find me?" I asked. The breeze from outside blowing the homely scent of Kendalls hair towards me.

"I went to your house, wasn't sure if it was the right one so phoned Logan. He said what had happened. Said you were injured and that he told you to run. I searched everywhere in those woods Sheri. I thought I would try down this track just incase... saw the back end of this heap of crap in the air... you woke up pretty much a few minutes after I got down here" he explained.

"I..." I narrowed my eyes as I tried to think it through. "I don't understand how you are here so quick?"

"I haven't slept, just kept on driving" he whispered taking his hand from mine and swept my hair from my face.

"What's the time then?" I asked knowing that Kendalls Honda wasn't capable of fantastic speeds.

"Just coming up to 1:30pm" he replied.

"Fuck!... I've been here almost 12 hours?" I replied. "Did you get hold of James?" I then asked.

Kendall shook his head. "It just rang out... He likes his sleep huh" Kendall said with a chuckle.

I smiled. "Yeah he does... why did you carry on driving to Texas? I thought you were going to see Mackenzie... talk to her atleast?"

Kendall gave me a smile as he rubbed his palm gently through my hair. "Don't worry about all that now... your dad was lucky he wasn't around, I would of fucking killed him!" He then said reminding me of what horrors I had done.

Silent tears began to fall from my face.

"Sheri its okay, I promise he won't ever hurt you again!" Kendall soothed taking my hand once more.

"I.. I killed... him. I... hit him with... an iron!" I sobbed.

Kendall looked at me for what seemed an eternity. "You couldn't of Sheri" he said his eyes moving as if he was piecing the pieces of a jigsaw together. "There would of been police... or tape or... something at your house? It was just an ordinary house, no one was there. Besides, Logan said he called the cops back to see what happened after they were sent out. They said that your father said you had ran off with a boy after a small domestic... the police spoke to him Sheri... you didn't kill your dad" Kendall said now looking at me like I was insane.

"B..but... He was lying there... I saw him... He was just lying on the floor" I explained.

"He isn't dead Sheri... unfortunately!" He added.

Silence succumbed the horizontal car as this news sunk in.

"I had sex with James... last night" I whispered out.

I could see the words pain Kendall, but he needed to know.

"Sheri you don't have to do this... let's just get you patched up first. The heart to hearts can wait" he replied.

"Okay..." I agreed closing my eyes once again.

"Oh no you don't!" He said loudly. "I'm under strict instructions to keep you awake" he said.

"I'm so tired" I replied

"I know, you can rest but you can't go to sleep okay... keep talking to me Sheri... talk about anything... talk about..." He rambled trying to think of something.

"Warm bubble baths" I said with a weary laugh. "The things I would do to be in a bubble bath right now"

"With your little rubber ducky?" Kendall mocked with a chuckle, he made me laugh which hurt my chest.

"I would prefer a hot guy" I teased.

"I'm sure you won't have any problems trying to find a hot guy to share a bubble bath with you Sheri" Kendall said raising his eyebrows.

I smiled and raised my hand to his face. "These things are massive!" I said sleepily as I ran my thumb along his brow.

"They are" he smiled at me.

I closed my eyes once again.

"Sheri!" Kendall said, snatching me away from my daze.

"I'm not sleeping" I said slowly.

"Open your eyes then" he replied, I could detect the relaxed sarcasm in his voice. I knew then I wasn't in danger of dying. He was too calm. I just felt like I was dying because of the pain.

"Your a work Trojan" I moaned. My eyes feeling so heavy.

"I know but you are hard to wake up once you pass out... keep talking" he insisted giving my hand a gentle squeeze.

"I can't think of anything" I replied.

"Sing me a song then" he suggested. "Keep your mind busy, the ambulance won't be long now I promise" he said.

I sighed, but the look in his electric green eyes showed he meant business.

"_**Make it... count, Play it safe, dont look.. back, Don't hesitate**_." I said more in words than in a lyrical sentence.

"That's my girl" Kendall smiled "keep going..." he encouraged.

My mind couldn't remember the other parts at this precise moment in time. So I skipped to the chorus. "_**Cmon shake it up! Whatcha... gotta lose? Go and make your.. luck with.. the life you choose, If... you.. want it all, Lay it on the... line. It's... the only... life ya.. got, So... ya.. gotta... live it... big... time.**_" I got out but needed to stop as I couldn't breathe well.

"That was perfect" Kendall whispered. "Did he hit your face?" He asked as I saw his eyes flutter to my cheek.

"Yeah... he hit me with a stick too... got my neck" I replied in a wheeze.

"I can't believe the police believed him if he told them it was a small domestic" I said narrowing my eyes.

Kendall shrugged. "Well I think Logan will be paying him a visit once he is here" Kendall said.

"Please tell me he isn't on his way... He is too poorly" I replied.

"He discharged himself, left with johnny to come back here" Kendall confirmed.

I could hear the siren of the ambulance coming.

"Promise me something" I whispered to Kendall.

"Anything" he replied.

"Don't let Logan near him... He cannot keep a cool head... Promise me you will make Logan see sense and not go near my dad... it will just make it worse... let's face facts, I'm gonna have to go back in that house with him at some point" I said.

"Sheri you can't go back there... not after this!" He said.

The ambulance arrived before I could argue my case that I had no where else to go, but I think Kendall knew that already by the way his eyes looked at me.

I saw a paramedic approach the car.

"Hey!" The guy said peering in through the driver's open door "Who do we have in here then?" He added as he looked at me.

"This is Sheri" Kendall replied.

"Hi Sheri! How old are you?" He said, with his reassuring smile.

"16" I whispered out.

"And your a bit stuck in there are you?" He asked.

"It hurts too bad to move" I replied.

"Okay well my colleague is just on her way with some gas and air for you... so sit tight and we will have you checked over and out of there in no time" he said placing his medical bag in front of me.

"You okay?" Kendall asked in a whisper.

"Yeah... don't leave me" I replied.

Kendall didn't leave my side until I was as high as I kite on gas and was ready to be lifted out from the car by the two paramedics.

Unfortunately for me the gas only made my head fuzzy, it did nothing to take the edge off the pain, and even more unfortunately for me the two paramedics wouldn't listen to my cries to stop moving me like Kendall had.

As I was pulled from the car, I howled and sobbed in pain, my chest felt like it was stabbing me.

It only got worse as my upper body was turned to finally be free of the car. The sharp jab of pain that suddenly hit me, left me unable to breath.

The panic that I then felt was so severe. Chaos soon erupted around me, only raspy hitches of air were leaving and entering my body. My head felt dizzy and light but the tightness in my chest so painful.

"What's wrong with her!?" I heard Kendalls voice, it had lost all traces of calm now.

I couldn't keep my consciousness going any longer to hear the reply. A hazy fog took me away as my eyes closed not being able to breathe.

* * *

**Chapter 38: Chapter 38**

* * *

I woke up in a warm bundle of soft white sheets and pillows. I had no pain. It was dark outside the blinded windows, but a bedside lamp lit the room I was in cosily.

I felt so warm and content, I just wanted to drift back off to sleep, but as my mind awoke, I turned my head and saw to the side of my hospital bed, a sleeping Logan in a chair.

I looked around the hospital room I was in, it smelt horrible in here, like disinfectant. I looked at my battered body, one hand was strapped, I had a drip connected to my arm too. I had some disgusting looking tube thing inserted and taped to my chest. I looked up to the bags of medicines that the drop was connected to. Pain killers are a god send. I couldn't feel a thing now, I couldn't even imagine how bad I had felt in that car.

I reached my hand over and poked logan in the leg with my finger to wake him up. He stirred quickly, wiping his eyes with his hand. His hair was all over the place. He looked like a cute scruffy little animal that had come out of hibernation.

"Hey beautiful!" He said with a husky voice.

"Hey!" I replied, finding his compliment welcoming to my ears. "What happened?... Why are you here though Logan!" I then scorned, he looked pale and in more need of my hospital bed than me.

"You want the full medical down low or just the juicy bits" he said with a smile, ignoring my moans.

"Full!" I said smiling back as I watched him kiss the top of my hand.

"Your ankle is fractured, not twisted!" He said softly, but in a way to say I had been incredibly dumb. "Your little pinky is broken in three places" he said kissing my good hand again as I looked at my other that was strapped up. "And you broke 5 ribs... when they got you out of that car your lung got punctured by one. Your okay though Sheri... but you were so lucky! What were you thinking trying to drive! You could of killed yourself!" He moaned.

"I was scared Logan, I didn't know what I was doing. What the hell were you thinking flying back here in that state though!" I moaned at him.

Logan smiled at me. "We are two of the same huh! I'm fine, just need to take it easy while it all heals up. I refused to leave you, James was asked to go a few hours ago. He was out in the corridor shouting at the doctor" he said with a chuckle. "He said you two are kind of together now... I'm pleased for you... honestly" Logan said.

"Why was he shouting at the doctor? We aren't together, together! We are... well I don't know what we are. I'm so confused" I replied looking at Logan's sad little face.

His eyebrows raised in hope that his dreams of getting back with me may not be as dashed as he thought. "Because he wanted to stay with you, he feels so bad that he wasn't there to stop it all. He was a bit of a mess Sheri." He said.

"It wasn't his fault, I should of been honest. I sent him this stupid text saying I was home and fine... I was so stupid..." I sighed.

"Well its done now let's just concentrate on getting you well. Your safe, your dad is never getting to you again Sheri" Logan replied.

"Maybe... I thought he was dead. You haven't been to see him have you?" I asked.

Logan looked at his feet, then my hand, he looked every where but at me.

"What have you done?" I asked terrified. "Surely you didn't hit him?" I said looking at his already weakened body from his own wounds.

"No... no I've not been to see him... I was going to, but Kendall said that you made him promise that I wouldn't... I dealt with it though Sheri!" He replied.

"Where is Kendall?" I asked on hearing his name.

"He waited around until it was clear you were okay, james was giving him a hard time, but Kendall was exhausted, he went back to a hotel" Logan explained.

"Yeah I expect he was, he drove through the night to get to me... what do you mean you dealt with it?" I asked just realising what Logan had said.

"Your dad has been arrested Sheri... I reported him, I've made a formal accusation that he has been physically abusing you for years... I can't let this happen again. The police were just going to put it down to a domestic... I needed to do it." Logan said again not making eye contact.

Tears pricked at my eyes as he spoke. "Why? Why did you do that? What the fuck is going to happen to me now, where am I going to go?" I snapped.

"I'm sorry, but it was the only thing I could do.. I'm trying to fix things so you can stay near me" he explained.

"What? Logan! For fucks sake! What do you mean fix it for me? What the hell is going on?" I said now snatching my hand away from him.

"I honestly thought it was the best thing, I mean your almost 17! it would only be for a year!" He said also getting emotional.

"What would be for a year?" I said now crying fully. I knew what was coming. My dad had warned me what would become of me if I ever tried to tell anyone again like when I tried to tell my teachers what he did.

"You have a case worker...she is really nice Sheri so don't panic! She was in earlier after I spoke to the police. She will be in tomorrow to talk to you" he said softly.

"You've put me in care!?" I said in an emotional scream.

"Sheri what choice did I have? I listened to your screaming and shit on that phone, I thought you were being murdered! I had to do this! It was time I did this!" He said.

"No! You had no right to do it Logan! No fucking right at all! This is my life, its me that is stuck here, your fine being able to do the show and be in your fucking stupid band! You will forget about me stuck in some kids home on my own... I trusted you!" I said sobbing.

"Janice said that you will most likely get a foster placement. So it will be the same Sheri, just you won't get smacked about all the time" Logan said wiping at his own eyes, I realised that this was a hard thing for him to of done, but it still wasn't his choice to make!

"Who the fuck is janice!?" I snapped.

"Your case worker... Sheri please. You must realise you couldn't go back there after all this had happened?" He replied.

"I'm not going to a foster home!" I blubbed. "I would rather run away and sleep on the streets!" I said spitefully.

"Don't be stupid Sheri... it will be okay, in gonna be there every step of the way. I promise" he said.

"I don't want you any step of the way! I will never forgive you Logan... you've ruined my life" I sobbed.

"I've saved your life" he replied in a whisper.

I broke down completely in sobs. Logan stood up and made his way to the edge of my bed.

"I'm so scared logues" I sniffed.

Logan held me in his arms as best he could without hurting either of us. "I know... I am too. I'm terrified, but it doesn't compare to how I felt listening to you on the phone. My heart was breaking because I thought I was losing you forever. I'm sorry Sheri, it was the only thing I could do... I'm so sorry. I love you so much" he said emotionally.

I clung on to him as I cried. "I just want things to be normal again Logan. I just want us to be normal again. Let's go back to how it was. No fame, no show just us, we could go away... any where Logan... please. I don't want to be left here on my own to be forgotten in foster care" I sobbed out.

"I would you know I would... what about big time rush though Sheri?" He said pulling away and searching my eyes.

"Its me or big time rush Logan! You started this, if you really want to fix it then this is how! Let's just go, just you and I." I replied, my eyes wide.

"I'm not sure I..." Logan tried to say but I interrupted him with a kiss.

It was so long that I had felt his warm lips on me.

He welcomed me eagerly. Only breaking away from my lips to whisper "I love you so much Sheri"

Our tongues met. A thousand happy memories swam back in to my heart. His lips moved slowly against mine. I felt him take my hand.

I gently pulled away from his kiss. "Let's just go Logan... please. We could be so happy" I whispered desperately, resting my forehead on his.

Logan looked at me, his dark brown eyes lost momentarily in thought. "Okay... let's do it... " he whispered back.

I gave him another hug. "You won't regret it I promise" I sniffed.

Logan replied by wiping away my tears and giving me a smile. Although the smile never reached his eyes.

* * *

**Chapter 39: Chapter 39**

* * *

I hardly slept for the remainder of the night, by morning I was feeling the effects of the car crash and being hit by a stick across my neck.

I was feeling tired, and all I wanted to do was sleep, but the pain wouldn't let me and the nurses wouldn't up my medication.

I had my head rested on Logan's shoulder. He was laying on the edge of the bed. next to me, above the covers.

I could tell he was in some pain, but he wouldn't admit it to me.

"It's weird huh" Logan said softly as he stared at the view from the window.

"What's weird?" I said with a yawn, turning in to him as his shoulder was my pillow. I gave him a tiny kiss on the neck. His skin smelt beautiful.

"It's weird that we were together for so long, but we haven't... you know, but you've done it with Kendall and James" he said in a tone to not offend.

"It is weird... I'm sorry" I said feeling embarrassed.

"I didn't mean it like that... I mean it's up to you, it was up to you, and I didn't want to with you because-... well you know what I mean. I'm just saying... well I think it's gonna be amazing. When you and I...you know... get round to it" he finally finished.

I laughed at his nervous ramblings. "I can't wait either logues... I don't think either of us are in a fit state at the moment though" I chuckled.

Logan took my hand as he lay next to me on the hospital bed. "Your my world sheri" he said, tilting my chin towards him.

I welcomed his kiss. It spoke volumes about how he felt about me. It was sensual and loving. Careful not to hurt me, but yet still so sexy with his tongue gently circling mine.

I felt at home. I felt like I didn't need to impress, or be nervous. I no longer had to watch what I said or feel inadequate to someone out of my league.

I felt comfortable with Logan, we fitted together so well. We were only ever complete when we were together.

The nurse entering the room was what made us separate.

"Just doing your hourly obs Sheri" she said as she wheeled in the machine to check my blood pressure. She slipped my arm in the wrap. I winced as it blew up tight with air.

"It's all looking good" she said smiling away as she placed a heart beat monitor on my finger.

I looked at her I.D. as it swung from a lanyard on her neck. "Lola" I said reading her first name. "That's pretty, it's unusual" I said looking at her as she checked my heart beat against her watch that hung on her uniform.

Lola smiled at me, "that's fine" she said about my heart beat. "My mother was a dancer, she wanted to make a statement with my name" she replied still smiling.

"It worked" I replied.

Lola laughed, "you should tell my mom that, most parents would be thrilled that their child wanted to work in medicine... I think my mom would prefer me to be a pole dancer" she chuckled.

Logan let out a little chuckle too from next to me. "I know that feeling" he replied. "My mother sounds similar to yours"

Lola looked at Logan with concerned eyes.

"You don't look so great yourself!" She said to Logan as she scanned his pale face.

"Im fine" Logan insisted.

"He isn't!" I said to lola. "Just show her" I scolded Logan.

Logan rolled his eyes but stood up cautiously from the bed and pulled his shirt up to show his war wounds.

It was bandaged up but lola took an interest, she walked round, removed Logan's dressings and examined the damage.

"Knife wound?" Lola asked.

Logan nodded.

"Do you mind if I do your blood pressure?" She asked Logan, to which he shrugged.

Lola pulled her blood pressure monitor round and strapped Logan's arm in it.

The machine blew up tight, then gradually went down in short bursts.

"It's a bit higher than I would like it" she said, now placing the heart beat monitor on his finger. "Are you on any meds?" She asked.

"Err... Yeah, antibiotics, it was infected but it's fine" Logan said.

"Can I see?" Lola asked.

"Yeah they are in my jacket pocket" Logan then said pointing to the chair where his jacket sat.

Lola walked round, and padded the jacket down for the pills, she had a read of the label, them back.

"Okay well Sheri you are fine, your obs are great but your friend here is not in as such good shape" she said with a smile to show it wasn't too serious.

I looked at Logan to say "told you so"

He poked his tongue out at me playfully.

"His name is Logan, and he discharged himself far too early so he could be here with me" I explained.

Lola nodded with a look to say Logan had been extremely stupid.

She wrapped the power cord around her monitor she had wheeled in ready to leave. "I will be back in a while to change your dressings Logan, the wound at the back may need some attention, don't take any more of those pills for now" she said.

I smiled at her, Logan looked a bit grumpy that he had been found out trying to act the tough guy when he did need a little bit of help sometimes.

"What did I tell you" I teased Logan as he sat back down on my bed, then pulled his feet up, so he was laying down next to me again.

"Honestly I'm fine" he said as I rested my head on his shoulder once more. "What does she know anyway, she must be what? 21 at a push, fresh out of college" Logan moaned.

I laughed at him. "Just let them fix you" I said giving his leg a gentle rub.

Logan rubbed his face against mine. "Are you laughing at me missy?" He joked.

I smiled at his playfulness.

"I might be, yes" I agreed, enjoying his face up against me.

"It's a good job your so pretty" Logan replied as he gently bit my bottom lip, tugging playfully for a second before letting go and kissing me.

Once again I felt complete. Everything was so messed up in our lives right now, but when Logan kissed me, it just didn't matter. I knew that as long as I had him, everything would be fine. It would be even better once we were away from everything. The thought of foster care terrified me, I felt guilty making Logan choose but he had left me with no choice. I couldn't go in to care.

A cough in the room made me jump, as Logan and I parted lips, I saw another set of brown eyes look at me. They were the eyes of a heart broken James.

He gave Logan and I an extremely weak smile. I looked at Logan, completely lost for words. I felt my cheeks redden at what James must think of me right now. It wasn't that long ago I had my ankles on his shoulders as he fucked me stupid in the middle of the woods.

I felt mortified that he now watched as I made out with Logan!

"Err... hey!" Were the words of wisdom that left Logan's mouth. He knew something had been going on with James and I, but I'm pretty sure he was oblivious to the hard core sex in the woods.

I could see the same thing running through James' mind as I looked at him

James had nothing, he looked back at me in a way to make every guilty feeling I had ever had hit me like a juggernaut in the heart.

The door to my room opened once more and Lola walked back in with a wheelchair.

"Logan, did you want to hop on board and I will take you down to the treatment room" she said.

Logan gave her a sarcastic look. "A wheelchair? Really?" Logan replied. One eyebrow raised high to indicate he was not amused.

"Yes really! c'mon!" Lola instructed. "You need to keep the pressure off those wounds, you are doing more harm than good by walking around" she moaned, pointing in to the chair.

Logan shook his head in annoyance. "Be back in a bit then" he said to me with a glum face.

Lola opened the door up again and wheeled Logan out. "I think your allergic to penicillin..." I heard her say to him as they walked around the corner and out of view.

James closed the door behind them.

"I don't even know what to say to you" I said looking up to James, he swept his hair to one side with a sharp flick of his head.

"Just say you will forgive me... I'm so sorry Sheri... fuck! I'm so fucking sorry" he said as his eyes filled up.

"What? James forgive you for what? You haven't done anything wrong!" I explained.

James came and sat on the edge of my bed that Logan was just on. He looked at his feet. "I should of walked you back! I should of called you... I should of done something! Fuck! I just lay in bed while all that crap was happening."

I reached for his hand. "It wasn't your fault, I won't give you forgiveness for something that you had no knowledge of... it just happened, I'm gonna be okay, so don't beat yourself up about it" I said sternly to him. He was a complete emotional wreck.

"You and Logan... he won?" James then said looking at me, his teary eyes making my heart melt.

"No one won or lost James... Logan and I just have so much history... we understand each other. Your too good for me anyway, your all kinds of hot!" I smiled.

James took in a deep breath. He then nodded. "Yeah I am hot" he said with a very small chuckle. "I just want you happy, if that's with Logan, then it's with Logan!" He said with a shrug. "... I knew in my heart you would always go back to him" he added.

"Im sorry... I do feel some amazing things for you, your the most caring and beautiful man that I know... honestly James." I replied.

James gave his face a wipe before any tears escaped down his cheeks. "I will always be here for you, you need a caring friend around because you do such stupid shit all the time." He smiled.

I looked away from him, not wanting to break his heart further.

"What have you done now?" James then said, reading me like a book.

I looked up in to his kind brown eyes. "I'm not going to be around for much longer... I'm going to New York when im fit enough to travel" I said in a whisper.

James narrowed his eyes at me. "New York? Why? What about Logan?" He asked confused.

"Logan's coming with me... we talked about it all night. If I don't get away from here I'm being put in to foster care... who knows what the people will be like. I can't do it James. Im a runner, I run away from all my problems" I said feeling uncomfortable with the way he was looking at me, I had only seen James angry at me once before. Last time he revealed he loved me, I didn't feel such caring words about to come this time round.

"Yeah and you never get away from those problems Sheri, they follow you! And new ones pop up... what about the show? How is Logan going to be with you in New York while he is filming in LA?" James snapped, standing up and pacing the floor as he gave me the third degree.

"He won't be in LA... he is quitting the show" I said. James looked like his neck veins were going to explode.

"QUITTING!?" He repeated. "So he isn't bothered about his career now? He isn't bothered about the fact it's not just his career that will be finished if he quits?" James raged, placing his hands on his head in disbelief.

"He's doing it for me James! I asked him to, I gave him the choice. He chose me. I'm sorry okay, just think for a minute of what will happen if I don't go. I'm not built for care, James!" I replied softly.

"Your being selfish! I never had you down for that Sheri. You ran away with Logan so he could chase his dream, now your snatching it from under his feet!" He argued.

"No im not. That's why we are going to new york city! He can pick up where he left off." I reasoned.

"What are the chances of him getting a break there Sheri! And what about me, Carlos and fucking Kendall! What are we meant to do, have you thought out a master plan for us too?" He snapped. His face red with anger.

"Your all so talented... you will be fine. I'm sorry" I said now beginning to cry.

"Your not sorry! Your being a complete selfish bitch! You don't want Logan, you just know that he is the only one that would agree to this stupid shit! FUCKS SAKE!" He yelled.

"I do love him, don't you ever tell me how I feel!" I sobbed back at him.

James shook his head at me. "Your using him and you know it. Logan would do anything for you and you are abusing that!" James replied.

"It's not true!" I said getting so worked up I didn't even hear the door knock. James looked toward it though, just before a heavily obese woman in her 40s walked in.

"Morning Sheri" she said as she waddled in and tried her best to squeeze her massive backside in the high backed chair that sat next to my bed. I don't think Logan's jacket that was slung over the back of it would ever be the same. "I'm Janice, one of your case workers" she said with a friendly smile, "how are you feeling today?" She asked as she blew some of her brown permed fringe out of her eye.

I looked at James as I felt my heart beat begin to accelerate in fear.

Finally James could read my eye language. He knew how scared I was right then. He let the argument we had just been having, go. He sat beside me on the bed again. Not even the gentle rub of his thumb as he took my hand was working to make me feel safer.

I felt James then understood why I was making Logan do what we had planned. He didn't agree with it, but he knew.

I turned my head to address Janice, not really wanting to know the reality of my fate if Logan changed his mind.

* * *

author note: thanks to all who is reading! and to musicrox14 and jenno2, for the reviews,yes Sheri is being selfish, maybe James will be able to talk her round? but as we all know this story is messed up from start to finish, so don't let it come as a surprise if the first season they have just filmed is the only season! Will hopefully update again today 9th sept or tomorrow. I have james and Logan left in my personalised fanfics. Carlos, Dustin and Kendall are now gone, so if you want your name on your own story, let me know. thanks for reading!

* * *

**Chapter 40: Chapter 40**

* * *

"I'm feeling okay" I replied to janice with a trembling voice, "sore but okay"

Janice smiled away at me, I guess she was used to dealing with young, scared people. "Well im glad" she said bending over in the chair that was too small for her large body to be in. She opened up her satchel like bag she had brought in with her and pulled a file out.

My heart sank. I was a file... I was a government statistic. I didn't want to be here listening to this bull shit. Why had Logan done this to me? He knew the amount of times I had honestly thought about reporting my dad myself. I used to google things, I had read things that had happened to kids in similar situations, the more I read the more I realised I was best off how I was. Logan knew that. Why did he have to go and do this now!

"Have you had anything explained to you Sheri?" Janice asked in a soft voice.

"Only that my dad was arrested really" I replied in a whisper.

Janice nodded sympathetically. "Yes, yes... he has been arrested, he has been refused bail, so there is no need to be worrying about any unwelcome visitors" she said making eye contact.

"Ok" I replied.

"The young man who I spoke with yesterday... Logan?" She asked.

I nodded.

"He said you are very close friends, he told me some of your back ground history which I have been doing some checks on... we are trying to contact your mother, but so far have come up with nothing I'm afraid" she explained.

I just looked at her, not really having a comment for what she just said.

"Logan said you have no other family that he was aware of" Janice continued as she read through yesterday's notes.

"Just Logan, he looks after me" I said.

Janice nodded with a smile. "He said as much" she replied. "Logan did protest that it was in your best interests to stay with a family near him in Los Angeles"

"Yeah he said he asked for that" I agreed.

Janice nodded. "Sheri... the thing is, because Logan isn't a relative of yours social services are keen to keep you in Texas. It helps to keep things normal for you with familiar settings. I have looked in to finding a foster carer for you in California but it's not looking hopeful, there are a number of children waiting to be placed that live in California already, I honestly can't see that you would get a look in. It's more likely that you will be placed here." She explained.

"I don't want to stay here though. Logan is 18 can't I just stay with him?" I asked.

"Is he your boyfriend?" Janice asked.

I nodded.

"Sheri your 16, it would go against my better judgement to let that happen, for arguments sake where does Logan live? House, apartment, where?" She asked.

"In a rented house" I replied.

"Okay does he have an income that could support you both?" She then asked.

"Yes he does" I replied feeling my heart lift a little as this was looking hopeful.

"Does he share the house with any one?" She then asked.

"Two other guys" I replied.

"Are they his relatives?" She asked.

"no they all rent separate rooms, I answered honestly, then received a gentle jab in the side from James.

I looked at him. He gave me the eyes to say I had fucked up.

"Well that's where the application would end Sheri im afraid. It's not a suitable accommodation.. I'm sorry. I have found a nice family that are willing to take you in for emergency foster placement, this won't be for much longer than a few weeks, just until we find one that suits you completely" she then said. "They are based just in the next town from where you live."she carried on.

I shook my head and lay my head on my pillow, facing the opposite way to Janice. I had heard enough.

"Sheri im on your side" I heard her say to me.

It was to much, I let the silent tears run down my face and on to the pillow.

"I understand that everything seems scary right now, but I am here to help you" she soothed.

"Please go away" I sniffed out, not turning to look at her.

I heard Janice sigh. "I will leave some things for you to read through, they just help explain what will happen. The police will want to talk to you soon also Sheri, they will want a statement at some point" she said.

I stayed silent, not wanting to know anything.

"Thank you" I heard James say. I then heard Janice squeeze her fat backside out of the chair and shuffle to the door.

I wiped my eyes as I turned my head back. "I'm definitely going to New York then" I said

"Sheri, why don't you give it a chance? This might turn out good! Surely it's better to give these people a go, than to just ruin every thing Logan and the rest of us have worked so hard for" James replied as he let go of my hand.

"Get it in to your head! I'm not staying here all on my own with some complete weirdo strangers, while everyone I care about is in LA" I snapped, feeling emotional that he wasn't getting that I didn't want my life to change. "This is my life James" I said beginning to cry. "This is happening to me! I don't want it happening to me" I sobbed.

James placed his hand on my shoulder as a way to comfort me. "Sheri, foster care isn't as bad as what your making it out to be" he soothed.

I looked at James with hatred in my eyes. He hadn't listened to anything I had just told him. "You know what I think James?!" I cried. "I think that your the one being selfish! You would rather the girl that you loved got thrown in to some rancid kids home, so you can carry on your own fantastic life as normal!" I yelled. My hands beginning to tremble with adrenalin running through my veins.

"Don't you throw my feelings for you, back in my fucking face Sheri! If there was anything I could do then I would do it for you..." he replied in a cold tone.

"There is something you can do! FUCK OFF! Leave me alone" I shouted.

James stood up."im glad you are okay sheri" James said softly. He made his way to the door without saying another word.

Then he was gone.

Guilt piled on me thick. I didn't want to hurt anyone, annoy anyone... Or crush dreams. Wasn't I due a break sometime? What had I done in my life that was so terrible that all this horrendous shit kept happening to me?

I stared out of the window as I lay confined to my hospital bed. All I could see outside were industrial looking rooftops. The sky was blue. Just gentle wisps of cloud slowly swept passed.

How had I become this person? I had no clue!

The door to my room opened, Logan was being wheeled in by Lola, they were both smiling. Oblivious to the torment I felt inside.

"Logan did you want to stay sat in there or would you like me to help you in to the chair?" Lola asked.

"No, I kinda like it in here now, I will practice those spins" he chuckled.

Lola left the room giving me her best smile.

"Things didn't go well with James then?" Logan asked sympathetically as he wheeled himself next to me.

I looked at Logan, his sympathetic face annoyed me. It reminded me of the day at the cinema when he tried to explain that cass understood my situation.

"No he told me to fuck off" I lied. "That janice woman came in... she killed your jacket" I said absent mindedly.

Logan looked at his crushed jacket on the seat. He raised an eye brow to it. Did she find a family in LA?" He asked. Turning back to face me. I saw the glimmer of hope in his eye.

I shook my head. "No... she can only place me in texas" I replied.

Logan nodded. "Still going to New York then? He asked.

I looked at Logan. His dark brown eyes, his crooked smile, his Tom Cruise eye brows.

"Your a star logan! You are born to shine. I'm not going to take you away from the dream I helped you build. We will be okay separated won't we! The family will be nice... if not I just complain and get moved on... yeah?" I said.

Logan bit his lip. "I love you Sheri" he said emotionally. "If you want to leave I will go too" he stated.

"I know... Will you do me a favour... I don't want James in here again.. I don't want him near me" I said, More for the fact that I was ashamed of myself for how I acted but partly because I knew he was right.

Logan nodded, not asking any questions. "Thanks Sheri... I know this is my fault... I feel your giving up your life for me"

"I have to stop running. I need to just deal with life, it's my life" I said with a half smile.

"It's our life!" He corrected me.

"Did the nurse patch you up?" I asked changing the subject. looking at the site of his wound as it hid under his shirt.

"Lola? Yeah! She cleaned It all up, said it would need changing every few hours because of the infection... she gave me some new pills too. Lola thinks my heart rate and blood pressure were high because I'm allergic to penicillin" he said with a smile.

"I thought I heard her say that... I'm glad you have been seen, at least it's one less worry huh" I replied.

Logan gave me a smile as he gently got up out of the wheelchair and sat on the end of my bed again.

He wrapped me in his warm arms. "I'm here with you every step of the way." He promised, kissing the top of my forehead.

I nodded. "Can you pass me those pamphlets. I need to read them through at some point" I said sadly.

* * *

author note: thanks to oxybtrswag rusher1 and musicrox14 for your reviews. you bunch do make me chuckle. sheri does tend to have some whorish qualities, I will grant you that. she has how ever done the right thing now. I have done the love triangle in pretty much all my stories, so I do need her to be a bit of a slut to make the love square work... apologies for the run in short chapters. midweek ones always seem to be shorter than the weekend ones.

personalised fanfic: I still have James left! if any body wants him in a fanfic about yourselves then let me know. also Carlos is also up for grabs as the lovely reader who wanted Carlos wanted an m-preg story, which is... well it's messed up, and I don't want to do it. no offence to the ppl who read our write those, but it's wayyyyyyy out of my comfort zone.

thanks to every one who is reading!

* * *

**Chapter 41: Chapter 41**

* * *

I must of dozed off a million times throughout the day.

I fluttered my eyes open to see Logan fast asleep in the chair next to me, his feet rested up on the edge of my bed.

My stirring woke him.

"Hey" he said sleepily.

I smiled. "You should get yourself off and get home... or go to a hotel some where?" I said looking at his tired face.

"No im not leaving you... I have to have my dressing changed any way" he replied.

"Oh yeah... how are you feeling?" I asked.

"Yeah not too bad." Logan replied.

I stared out of the window for the millionth time today. The afternoon Sun hidden by clouds.

"What is the time?" I asked Logan as his eyes began to shut once again.

Logan pulled the cell that Johnny had given him sleepily from his pocket. "Just gone twenty past 4" he relayed the information.

"Hmm" I replied as I got lost in a mixture of thoughts. The main one that should be playing on my mind was all the information that I had read about foster care earlier, but the only thing that entered my mind was where is Kendall?

"Did any one drop by while I was sleeping?" I asked.

Logan shook his head. "Only one of the nurses." I said to skip the obs until you had woken up. You needed the sleep... was that okay?" He asked.

"Yeah... sleep is good" I replied, looking out at the now tiring view from the window.

"Do you know if my phone arrived safely in here with me?" I asked looking around for it in the room.

"No I haven't seen it Sheri. Did you want to use this one?" Logan asked handing me his phone.

I looked at it. Using Logan's phone to call my ex boyfriend was the lowest of the low... but I took it.

"I'm just going to call that Janice woman.. she left her card clipped on one of the pamphlets" I said in a half truth.

Lola walked in with her trade mark smile slapped on her face.

"Come on then mr! Let's see how these stitches are looking huh?" She chirped at Logan.

"Shall I get back in the wheelchair?" Logan asked, more ready for bed than a medical examination.

"Sure, wheeling you round will be quicker" she said helping him up from the seat and in to the wheelchair. "Its my home time in ten minutes so quicker is always better" she said, opening the door and wheeling Logan out backwards.

"Take care" I said as he gave me a smile and a wave as he was taken from the room.

The door shut, I held the phone in my hand. Why hadn't Kendall come to visit me? Surely he wasn't still asleep!

I scrolled through the recently added contacts that Logan had placed in the phone. With a heavily bandaged finger on my hand I pressed dial on Kendalls name.

It answered after a few rings. "Is she okay?" Kendall answered the phone with, thinking I was Logan.

"Kendall.. hey! It's me, I'm fine. You okay?" I asked shyly.

"Sheri! It's good to hear your voice... I was so worried about you" he said.

"Why didn't you come in then?" I asked skeptically.

"It's hard... I don't fit in any more." He explained.

"What? What do you mean? I don't get you Kendall! you travel all this way then say you don't fit in? What's happened? Is it Mackenzie?" I asked bombarding him with questions.

"No... I can come in if you want... I mean I just didn't see any point" he replied.

"There is a point for me" I answered. "Please... it would mean a lot... just don't tell Logan I asked you to okay" I added.

"It's true then, You are with him again?" he replied with a sigh.

"Yeah... look just come in" I said getting annoyed.

"I'll see you soon okay" he said.

"Sure... thanks Kendall" I added.

We said our goodbyes and once I had deleted the call history, I found myself staring in to the light of the window.

* * *

I only realised that I had fallen to sleep when my door swung open, Logan was being delivered back to me by Lola, she said her farewells and left.

"What did Janice say?" He asked as he carefully stepped out from the wheelchair and picked up his jacket which was slung over the seat next to my bed still.

"No answer, just went through to voice mail" I lied. Logan picked his phone up from the bed where I had left it beside my leg, he slipped it in his jacket pocket.

"You okay?" I asked.

Logan nodded with a wince. "I think I'm going to take your advice and get some proper sleep in a bed... a hotel though, I'm not going home!" He clarified.

I raised my eyebrows in surprise. This couldn't of worked out more perfectly with Kendall coming in. At least I could talk freely with him if Logan wasn't around.

"You will feel better for it" I replied.

"You sure you will be okay? I will try and pick you up a new cell tomorrow, just for now, get you something decent for when... well... when I go back to LA." He said sadly.

"I will be fine... I need some well earned sleep too" I said truthfully.

Logan gave me a gentle kiss goodbye then walked out once he had his jacket on.

In the meantime while I waited for Kendall to arrive I had my obs done by the new nurse that had just started her shift. She was the complete opposite of Lola. old, miserable and heavy handed.

"Can you close the blinds please. I think I may go insane if I look out at that same view for much longer" I asked politely.

I saw the nurse roll her eyes at me as she turned to the window.

She turned the plastic stick that controlled the white slat blinds in an instant and walked out of the room.

She had done a half assed job of it, they weren't completely shut, and the sun bounced off of the shiny strips of metal, ricocheting the beams of Sun right in my face.

"Fucking bitch!" I murmured to myself.

I flicked my bedside cover away from me and gingerly sat up the window wasn't that far away. I placed my good foot on the floor, and held tightly on to the stand that my drip hung from. I took one step placing the foot with the broken ankle down. It was in a cast, but the pain was still unbearable as I put just a tiny bit of weight on it.

I gripped tighter on to the stand, even holding the foot above the ground proved to be painful.

"Ah fuck! I said to myself as I tried to carry on towards the window.

I got half way then began crying more in desperation than pain. I didn't think I could go any further. But going back was now the same distance.

The emergency pully was in the corner of the room and the call button for the nurse was back at the head of my bed.

I took in a few deep breaths, trying to gather the energy and determination to get back to the bed. The Window was a lost cause now.

I began my way back to bed, crying in such pain as I tried my hardest to use both feet. I was still using the drip stand as a walking stick, I must of leant on it too hard though as one of the wheels shot off and the stand fell over ripping the drip from my arm.

I cried out in more pain. Sharp sobs left me as I stood stranded and bleeding.

"Sheri! What the hell do you think you are up to huh?!" Kendall said as the door opened up, he rushed over to me with logans wheelchair and helped me sit down in it. He then buzzed the button calling for the nurse.

* * *

I sat there quietly while I had another drip fitted by the nurse. She kept tutting at me. I didn't even look her in the eye. I felt ridiculous.

She manhandled me back in to bed then left. I looked at Kendall who was now sat in the chair at my beside.

"You alright?" He asked.

I nodded. "Kendall where have you been?" I asked cutting too the chase.

"Just at the hotel." He replied.

"Why haven't you come to see me... I thought after you... well you helped me so much in the car... why?" I asked again.

I saw Kendall swallow, his face was now an assortment of colors from his bruising. "James came to see me" he said looking up to the ceiling. "He said you were back in Logan's arms" he said sarcastically. "And said you were off to new york with him... what's the point in coming in to see you one last time just to have all that confirmed." He moaned.

"Did James say anything else... about... me shouting at him?" I asked.

"You told him to fuck off? Yeah he did mention that, and he took your advice, he went to the airport a few hours ago. " Kendall confirmed.

"Oh" I said feeling ashamed.

Kendall looked at me with sympathetic eyes. "He did say he had some things to sort out... so don't blame yourself... I think he was just heading back" he added trying to cheer me up.

"I'm not going to new york... I'm just going to ride it out with the foster family they have found... I can't take Logan away from you guys when you need him" I said softly.

Kendall looked up, his eyes now happy. "Really? Where is Logan any way?" He asked.

I nodded. "Gone to a hotel to get some decent sleep. He didn't want to go to his parents house" I explained.

"Oh I see... James kind of said... oh it doesn't matter" Kendall then replied, stopping in his tracks.

"No carry on! James kind of said what?" I asked.

"He said that you were using Logan to get away from here... but if your not getting away from here... I guess your not using him" Kendall said, explaining it more to himself than to me.

"What happened with Mackenzie? Did you tell her about Savannah?... and you know... how you feel?" I asked ignoring his assumptions.

Kendall looked at me, I couldn't read his expression. "I called her yeah. Told her everything" he replied.

"What happened? What did she say?" I asked.

"She said that she understood it wasn't my fault... just like that" he replied, looking at me but passed me.

"Did you tell her how you felt about her?" I asked.

"Yeah... " he replied.

"What did she say about that?" I asked.

"She said she felt the same" Kendall said. His far away glazed look made me think that he wasn't telling me the truth.

"So what's happening then?" I asked,

"Nothing is Sheri... nothing is going to happen... look, I don't want to talk about it... how are you?" He asked changing the subject.

"Kendall?!" I moaned, wanting a proper explanation.

"How long are you in here for?" He asked, ignoring my moaning.

"I don't know." I replied annoyed.

"I guess in a way, staying in here is better than going to a strange family?" He said.

I let out a sigh. That was the most truthful thing I had heard all day. I smiled. I felt Kendall, even for just a split second understood how I felt about all the foster crap. Everyone else just tried to say it was going to be okay... so to hear someone else say out loud the things I were thinking was refreshing.

The door opened to my room. "Visiting hours are ending" said the nurse who I believed to be a reincarnation of a certain moustached dictator. She shut the door as quick as she opened it.

"She is a delight huh!" Kendall chuckled.

"Yep! I wish you could stay longer... " I replied.

"Well I can come back tomorrow... as long as your not running away, im good to visit" he replied.

"Thanks Kendall... what else happened with Mackenzie when you spoke to her?" I asked in a last ditch attempt to find out.

"Nothing, exactly what I told you Sheri." He replied. "I best get going, I will be back tomorrow okay... oh! Before I forget. This is for you" he said handing me my bashed up cell phone.

"You had it?" I asked.

"Yeah I picked it up for you when you got out the car. I charged it up for you" he said with a helpful smile.

"Thanks... maybe I could text you later? I think it's going to be a long night." I replied taking the phone.

"Maybe it's best to just stick with texting Logan for now Sheri" he said with a well meaning smile.

My heart sunk slightly. "Yeah... your right" I replied.

Kendall gave me a kiss on the forehead and wished me a good night.

I was then left alone in the room with only my thoughts for company.

My thoughts once again only accumulated to one thing. I spun the phone in my hand. not really having to persuade myself much.

I dialed the number.

"Fuck! Sheri, how the hell are you. I feel so bad letting you get on that plane" was the answer I heard in my ear.

"Hey los... I'm fine. Listen I need you to do new a favour! I left LA in a hurry, can you go in to my room. On the chest of drawers there should be a phone number written on a piece of paper... could you tell me the number?" I asked.

"Yeah sure thing... hang on a sec" he said. I heard some movement, doors opening and closing and the rustle of clothing.

"Yeah I got it Sheri" he said.

I grabbed one of the foster pamphlets and the pen that had been sat on the bedside since Logan finished the puzzles in a magazine he had found earlier.

"Okay I'm ready" I said armed with my pen.

Carlos relayed the number to me. And in big bold capital letters underneath, I wrote out the owners name to that number as I chatted away to Carlos on the phone.

...MACKENZIE...

I smiled to myself as I said my goodbyes to Carlos. I then punched in the number for the one person who I hoped could shed some light on what was going on with Kendall now.

* * *

author note: thanks to everyone that is reading, and to rusher 1, musicrox14 and oxybtrswag for the reviews. such harsh comments ladies! haha I love it. sheri has definitely blossomed in to a little lady since meeting the rest of btr. but the end is near... (i keep saying that, then keep coming up with more stupid stuff to put in the story)

hopefully update tomorrow(12 sept). a few things will be uncovered, and Sheri will hopefully meet some lovely foster parents. she does deserve a little break even if she is a ho! lol.

thanks for reading.

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**Chapter 42: Chapter 42**

* * *

2 days ago...

* * *

"Hello?" Came the voice I hadn't heard in so long.

"Macks? It's me" I replied.

Silence echoed in my ears for what seemed an eternity.

"Mackenzie?" I tried again.

"Kendall? Yeah sorry... I'm here, it's just a shock... hearing your voice... I mean it's been months!" She replied.

I ran my hand over my face as I looked out on to the road I had pulled up by. I winced as I caught one of the more tender areas of my cheek... fucking henderson!

"Yeah its been a long time since we spoke" I agreed as I then ran my finger over the steering wheel as a distraction.

An awkward silence beckoned, neither of us not knowing what to say to the other. I racked my brains for what seemed an age, but nothing suitable was coming to me as to how I should start this conversation.

"Are you... err.. you okay?" Mackenzie asked finally breaking the quietness between us.

"... yeh... I'm sorry, I shouldn't of called" I replied feeling my chest getting tight as panic set in.

Don't do this now schmidt! I thought to myself.

"It's fine... honestly. What did you want Kendall?" She asked in her soft voice that sounded so similar to her sisters. I felt the lump in my throat rise in hearing it. Memories were a killer.

"Are you in LA?" I asked, it sounded like a simple question to ask, but my voice didn't want to work, it came out as more a whisper. My heart felt like it was about to propel out of my chest cavity.

I felt the hazy feeling come over me. I took in a deep breath. I thought of Sheri and what she had just said to me on the phone.

That didn't help much, thinking of Sheri only made my heart speed up further. I opened my window up and took in a deep breath of fresh air.

"I was... im back in Kansas now" she replied totally oblivious to my physical breakdown I was having on the other end of the phone.

I grabbed one of the water bottles from the passenger seat I had bought and took a sip.

The sweat was pouring off me. Cmon man... get a fucking grip! Just this once... just this once! I bargained to myself in my head.

I took another deep breath. "Did you speak to Sheri?" I blurted out.

I heard her sigh down the phone, thinking this was a phone call of hate and moaning. "Yeah!" She replied. the attitude in her voice only reminded me further of her sister.

I squeezed my eyes shut trying to not let the tears come out.

"Sh-... umm... fuck! Sheri said that the err... the baby? macks!?..." I got out of my mouth then rested my head on the steering wheel as I could no longer hold the tears in. I held the phone against my ear still, hoping she understood my question. There was no way I could say it again.

"She told you what I said?" Mackenzie asked in a wary tone.

"Yeh" I whispered down the phone. Pressing my face so hard up against the steering wheel so the pain of my bruised face could take away the pain that was in my chest right now.

"I didn't lose it, I had an abortion, I'm sorry I lied Kendall... it wouldn't of worked out with us, you know that..." She replied.

I sniffed in at my tears and wiped my nose on the back of my hand. "I know... " I replied emotionally. "Macks... I need to talk about Savannah" I added. Adrenalin soared through my veins. My hands shook, the phone wouldn't stay steady in my hand.

"It's her birthday soon... she was planning her 18th since she was 9" Mackenzie replied. "It's so unfair" she added.

I smiled. "I can imagine. It is unfair macks... I need to tell you about the night she went missing" I said. My lungs running out of any useful oxygen.

"What about it Kendall..." Mackenzie whispered. It wasn't the done thing to talk about what happened.

"I was with her. Savannah and I were... well like a secret thing... we weren't together but... she was so amazing macks!" I said placing my head on the steering wheel once more.

"What exactly are you getting?" She asked.

"she left my house. We were doing this dumb project together for school... sav being sav wanted to... take our friendship past the kissing stage... I didn't want to. She told me that she met a new guy, and she left my house to go ... do it with him. Macks that was the night she didn't come home. I've spent all this time keeping that to myself. Things got so bad in my head recently that I told Sheri. I told her that I blame myself. I had the chance to stop it. I had the chance to tell the police I was the last to see her... I didn't do any of that... macks it's my fault. It's all my fault.. she is.. gone" I sobbed. Pressing my face in hard on the steering wheel just because I deserved the pain now.

I heard the emotion crack in her voice. "Did Sheri say she was going to tell me? Is that why your telling me" she asked.

"... no! Sheri said I should tell you because I'm carrying guilt that isn't mine to carry." I explained.

"Kendall..." Mackenzie said.

"Yeh?" I replied, once again squeezing my eyes tightly shut but the tears still escaping.

"Sheri is right... it's not your fault" she replied.

I completely broke down at this point. I had no control of the tearful gasps that left my mouth.

"Kendall... c'mon, don't upset yourself" I heard her soft voice sooth in my ear.

"Im sorry... if I could turn the clock back..." I replied incoherently.

"Kendall... I knew about the guy. I knew about Savannah and you... we were sisters Kendall, we shared everything. She told me that she was going to fuck him senseless... I knew too! Turning the clocks back wouldn't of stopped her from going." She replied.

"But... what? But if you knew...why didn't you tell the police? Why didn't you tell me?" I asked.

"Savannah was the type of girl who everyone loved, boys wanted to date her, girls wanted to be her, teachers loved her, she went to church every fucking Sunday... she was adored Kendall. Who am I to tarnish that memory that everyone had of my sister to bring them to the reality of what she was like behind closed doors... a 15 year old slut!" She replied. "Why do you think I latched on to you at her funeral. I knew you were spending time with her. I wanted to make sure you weren't about to go shouting about her personal life. She was iconic in our town. All that my family have left of her is her memory. I don't want that ruined by a few mistakes she made... not you, not me. But her.. her mistakes!" Mackenzie said clearly crying as she sucked in sharp breaths down the telephone.

My mind was insane as it currently tried desperately to piece together the new twists and turns in the story of what happened.

I knew about the guy, but Mackenzie knew about me and the guy! Mackenzie purposely hunted me down at Savannahs funeral to make sure I didn't say anything...

"Did you ever love me?" I asked. Her motives for being with me had now opened up my eyes to a whole new world.

"Your a lovely guy Kendall... when you are... normal" she added cautiously.

"The reason you had an abortion...?" I whispered out.

"I told Sheri... I couldn't be tied to you forever" she explained.

"Why? Couldn't be tied to me because of the mood swings or..."

"Because I loved you Kendall... but I wasn't in love with you" she replied . I felt a train had just ploughed through my chest.

I nodded, my face completely wet with tears.

"I'm sorry I interfered with Sheri. I hope I haven't caused any problems.. I needed to warn her that... well that your like the way you are"

I felt my heart shake with anger. I had to step out of the car and walk around just to burn off some of the adrenalin that burned through me.

"Savannah really loved you Kendall. I knew all along that it was her you wanted... not me, im not Savannah honey" she said to which I had to sit down on the grassy verge of the layby. My stomach felt sick as she knew me better than I did.

"She was amazing!" I sobbed.

"She is gone Kendall... nothing can bring her back. No one can replace her, especially me" she said.

"I wanted to protect you, I thought acting how I did would stop you from making the same mistakes" I revealed.

"Kendall you know me, I'm not going to make the same mistakes as her... Savannah was a one off, built to capture our hearts and break them. She broke yours by never coming back" she said softly.

I rested my hand on my knees as I sat. My head hung low as I listened to the words she was saying.

"I've turned in to a monster macks... how do I stop being like this?" I asked desperately.

"Do you love Sheri Kendall?" She asked.

I laughed sarcastically. "She has just asked me the same thing about you" I replied.

"Well we both know that it's not me your in love with. Savannah will always be in your heart... now answer the question Kendall. Do you love Sheri"

"It doesn't make any difference if I do or I don't" I replied.

"It makes all the difference in answering the question you just asked me!" she replied with the attitude her sister would be proud of.

"Yes... yes, I'm in love with Sheri" I replied annoyed that she was just stringing this conversation along.

"Then that is your answer" she replied matter of factly.

"What!?" I asked confused.

"How do you stop being a monster!" She replied. "Do it for Sheri!" She said.

I looked up on hearing those words. I saw my shitty car in front of me, the adrenalin that cursed its way through my body taking control of my actions. Every thing was so fucking clear now... it was Crystal fucking clear.

"Macks I need to go... I have to get to Texas" I replied, then flung my phone through the open window of the passenger side. It bounced on to the seat. I hurried round to the drivers side. Started the engine and put my foot down, cursing myself for phoning James before I spoke to Mackenzie. I was practically giving her to him!

* * *

author note: a little change of point of view there just to confuse you all lol, just in case you are confused that was the phone call that Kendall made after Sheri told him to not come to Texas, I thought it would be easier to relay the info like that than have Sheri ask Mackenzie on the phone.. thanks to everyone who is reading and my dedicated team of reviewers. sophie17, you are a smart cookie! but shhhh. lol. musicrox14, your right. Sheri does need to be in LA! there is nothing that can be done though, maybe she has a knight in shining armour that has already given us a clue as to how she may get there (shhhh sophie17, if you have worked out that one too, haha!) and oxybtrswag. I hope this chapter helped makes things clear about what Kendall has running through his mind... am I kind enough to let her have nice foster parents? sure why not! but there is always a catch! mwahahaha.

Will update either tonight or tomorrow. it's so close to the end now. my next personalised fic that it's going on will be dustins girl, (kelli). kendalls will be coming very soon too, unfortunately Charlie you have given me too much freedom and its just getting longer and longer lol. erm... I need to pm a few others about their ones. I am getting round to it so don't think I'm ignoring you. thanks everyone for reading. oh yeah read the new logan oneshot ive done if you haven't already!

thanks for reading!

* * *

**Chapter 43: Chapter 43**

* * *

**Present day**

* * *

"... I feel bad if I've just sent him on a wild goose chase" Mackenzie said on the phone to me as I lay in my hospital bed.

"Well I don't understand why you said to him what you did even if I wasn't back with Logan? You warned me away from Kendall!" I argued, feeling really annoyed with this stupid girl who had told Kendall that the good way to sort his head out was to do it for me!

Me, being the person that was now going back out with Logan!

"Well im sorry but you palmed him off on to me, so all I've really done is send him back to you. Look Sheri, all he needs is something to focus on... you don't have to be his girlfriend, you just need to be his reason to change." She said, talking to me like I was a small child and she was the grown up, when in reality. Neither of us knew what we were really doing.

"I just don't understand why he said you felt the same." I huffed. "Clearly you don't! Why didn't he just say you weren't interested?" I asked.

"Kendall has a lot going on in his head... I'm not sure he was ever in love with me. I think maybe he was talking about Savannah. I said that Savannah loved him... in her own fucked up way. So him saying that she felt the same way... well he was talking about Savannah. So obviously nothing can happen with that" she said sadly.

"Well Mackenzie I've got a lot going on in my head to... so thanks a bunch!"

"I'm sorry he didn't even say you had broken up with him... do you care about him still? In that way?" She asked.

I rolled my eyes. "That's none of your business" I snapped.

Mackenzie sighed down the phone. "Honey, I'm sorry if I've made things harder, fact is Kendall needs something in his life... he's chosen you. Just guide him through it. I'm sure once he is ready you can set him free a brand new man in to the world."

"Whatever... look im gonna go... thanks for filling me in and... stuff" I replied, said goodbye and hung up.

I stared at my phone, tracing my finger along the crack in the screen.

Why was nothing ever simple, how was I meant to be Logan's girlfriend, apologise to James, make it up to him and be there for Kendall... I wasn't even going to be in the same state as any of them. In truth I was still torn between all three.

If I didn't buck my ideas up I was going to lose all of them. Why did Logan have to report my dad to the police! I would of happily of just gone back to California, let Logan take care of me. Why did my life have to be this way? Why did my parents have to split up and begin the chain of events that led to right here and now.

I never wanted everything to end up this way. I would never wish for any one to feel the way I do.

I was cursed, I could turn a blue sky grey in an instant... how could I change it?

I picked up the pamphlets about foster care again. I opened one up about the "facts of foster caring."

I scanned through the text.

"Over 500,000 children in the U.S. currently reside in some form of foster care. Placements in foster care... yeah blah blah blah" I read out loud as I scanned further down the page.

I ran my finger along the words as I read them. "Two out of three children who enter foster care are reunited with their birth parents within two years. A significant number, however, can spend long periods of time in care awaiting adoption or other permanent arrangement. Making decisions about the future for a child in foster care is called Apermanency planning. Options include: returning the child to his/her birth parents; termination of parental rights (a formal legal procedure) to be followed, hopefully, by adoption; or long-term care with foster parents or relatives." I sighed after reading it.

My dad was never going to be released, he was on a one way ticket to jail after this. I was doomed. Doomed to stay in fucking texas! In fucking foster care!

I wondered where my mom was, Janice said she couldn't trace her. I wondered if my mom ever thought about me... then I wondered what the chances were that she lived in California?

I picked my phone up again and dialed the number on the card that was clipped on to the leaflets.

"Hello? janice Webb speaking!" She answered after a few rings.

"Hi ... Janice, it's Sheri... erm Sheri Cooper" I said nervously down the phone.

"Hello Sheri, how are you feeling now?" She asked in a caring voice.

"Umm yeah im sorry about earlier... " I said shyly.

"It's fine, it's fine, I honestly do understand how you feel. It's a confusing world for you at the moment" she replied.

I nodded, not that it did her any good, she couldn't see me agree.

"Janice... I was wondering if im still allowed to visit my dad?" I asked.

"A visit? Oh... I'm not entirely sure Sheri.. because of the legal side of things... I can find out, but I wouldn't hold your breath" she replied.

"I just wanted to ask him about my mom... see if he knew where she was... I really don't want to stay in Texas" I said beginning to cry. "I have no one here." I sniffed.

"Your father was asked if he knew the where abouts of your mother. He said he didn't know sweetheart" Janice replied, her tone soft.

"Oh... okay. What about the guy she went off with? Does he have a name for him that could be traced?" I asked.

"I don't know the answer to that Sheri. I can have it written out and sent to your dad asking along with his lawyer. But it's at his own discretion if he wants to answer it" she replied.

"How long would that take?" I asked.

"It depends... probably a few days to get an answer back... maybe longer" she replied.

"So I'm not allowed to visit him and just ask that one question? How long until I'm placed in to foster care" I asked feeling trapped again.

"Like I said I would have to look in to it, but I wouldn't think it would be allowed. Once you are well enough to leave hospital you will go home to the foster parents Sheri" She said. Her caring tone was nice to listen to. It was mother-like. Logan was right, Janice was nice.

I sighed. "Okay... I thought it would be worth a try." I replied.

"Sheri... if you can't visit your dad and ask... maybe their is someone that could do it for you?" She said.

My eyebrows raised in surprise at her helpfulness.

"Logan would do it!" I automatically said.

"Logan was the one that filed the complaint, he won't be allowed because of any possible court hearings, he has agreed to be a witness..." Janice replied.

"Okay... im sure my friend will do it for me then... thanks Janice. You've been kind" I said to her.

"Sheri just promise me you won't get your hopes up, look at it as a way of gaining answers not a problem solver. Chances are that your mom has a life of her own and has made the choice to leave you behind... I don't want you back to square one on this! The foster family that you will be with are called john and sue Letterman, they are a lovely couple who I know well. I can bring them in to meet you if you like?" She asked.

I sighed quietly, really wanting to know nothing about sue and John Letterman, but Janice was nice, I owed it to her to be nice back.

"Okay..." I replied.

I bid farewell to Janice, then dialed Kendalls number.

"I thought I said to stick to phoning henderson" kendall chirped down the phone. He had pretence anger in his voice but I could tell he was glad I had called him.

"I know... but I've got a favour to ask..." I replied.

I told Kendall about the conversation with Janice, I didn't however tell him about my chat with Mackenzie. I had decided that letting him know would be a mistake.

"So you want me to go and visit your dad... and not punch him in the face?" Kendall said.

"I just want the name of the guy that my mom went off with. Kendall if we can find her she might hold the answer to all my problems. I just have this feeling she lives in California... I can just feel it kendy!" I said excitedly.

"I will do it for you. Ask the one question then I'm out of there... Okay" he replied.

"Thanks Kendall. I owe you one" I replied.

"Nah you don't Sheri, im So far in your debt, I doubt you will ever owe me anything" he said.

I smiled. He was still that sweet guy. "You taking care of your self Kendall?" I asked, meaning his health.

"Yeah I am. I'm fine... it's just you that we need to fix up... look I will phone up and see if I can visit this dick okay." He replied.

"Good... Okay Kendall, thank you. I just have a great feeling about this" I said again.

Kendall let out a soft chuckle. "Try and get some sleep Sheri berry" he said.

I smiled again. "I will. I will see you tomorrow yeah?" I asked.

"Yeah course" Kendall replied.

"Okay cool... well... night then" I said.

"Night Sheri" I heard him say, the phone then clicked and I knew he had gone.

I text Logan "baby got my phone back! I've come up with a last ditch plan to get me back to California with you. Hope you get some good rest tonight. Love you xxx"

I let out a relieved long breath through my nose. Finally I felt like things were normal. Or at least nearly back to normal.

Logan my boyfriend: **check**

Kendall my good friend: **check**

Mission back to LA: **check**

Make friends with James: **un** **accomplished**

The last on my to-do list would have to wait, I was shattered.

My phone buzzed. It wasn't Logan though, he must be fast asleep. It was Kendall. "I have an appointment tomorrow morning at ten to see him. It's up to him if he wishes to talk to me though. Don't get your hopes up. Sleep well Sheri. X"

I smiled, knowing nothing was going to go wrong this time. My body was exhausted, my brain fried. I placed the phone, the pamphlets, the numbers and the pen all back on the bedside table and drifted off.

* * *

I woke up by Lola gently shaking me. She no longer wore her trade mark smile on her face.

"Sheri... the police are here for a statement. Shall I tell them to give you a few minutes to wake up?" she said softly.

I rubbed my face. "Erm yeah... "I replied sleepily.

Lola gave me a smile then looked to the floor. Domestic abuse obviously something she wasn't comfortable dealing with.

I checked the time on my cell, it was 8:34am.

Lola did my obs, she left the room and came back with a set of crutches. My heart sunk that once I was fully fit to leave I knew I had to go to sue and john Lettermans' house.

"My chest is really sore today" I lied. Clutching at myself.

Lola nodded sympathetically. "I will organise another x-ray to see how things are mending in there" she replied.

"Thanks Lola" I smiled. "Has Logan been in yet? He hasn't replied and I've got so much to tell him." I said.

Lola concentrated on wrapping up her cord around the blood pressure monitor. "No sorry, I've not seen him... I will tell the police to come through, okay?" She said.

"Okay. sure... thanks" I replied.

It was a female officer that came in. I had the upsetting task of telling her my terrible child hood. Showing scars, talking through incidents and what happened the other night.

* * *

Logan walked in halfway through. "It's fine logues, come in" I said as he stood looking unsure as he eyed the police woman up.

Logan took a seat and listened in to some tragic stories that even he knew nothing of.

I saw him sit there, shaking his head in disgust that a father could treat his daughter in some of the ways he was hearing.

I told them about the time I tried to tell my teachers but nothing was done about it. I enjoyed the feeling knowing the guilt they would feel once they were contacted to back my story up.

I relayed it all without shedding a single tear. I didn't want to cry over that man any more. I knew I would never speak to him again.

The police woman left. Logan came and sat on the edge of my bed folding his strong arms around me.

"You okay?" He asked kissing the top of my head.

I nodded. "Yeah, its done now. Did you not get my message last night?" I asked rubbing my hand along his perfect chin. I had missed him more than I ever thought possible.

"Not until this morning, the reception was terrible in the hotel" he explained. "What's this plan to get you to LA then?" He asked tipping my chin with his finger and kissing my nose.

I smiled. "Well to cut a long story short, Kendall visited me yesterday, that's how I got my phone back. I was reading though those leaflets. It said I could get placed with another relative... it didn't mention from the same state!" I smiled. "So Kendall has gone to ask my dad if he knows the name of the guy my mom went off with. If we can track him down, we can track my mom down... she lives in California... I can just feel it." I beamed.

"You actually know that she is in California? It's still a big fucking state Sheri!" Logan replied.

"I know but it's nearer living in California anywhere than living here... and no, I don't know that she is actually in cali, but it's worth finding out huh!"

"Is it? Sheri what if you find her and she thinks "yeah I will have Sheri come live with me"." Logan said in a sarcastic female voice. "But then we find out she lives in Canada or France or somewhere further?" He added sounding concerned.

"Then I say no, and stay with the foster parents" I said matter of factly.

Logan shook his head. "What am I gonna do with you huh?" He said smiling.

"Hopefully marry me one day" I smiled back.

"Back on track aren't we baby" he said leaning in for a kiss.

My heart swelled. Back on track sounded amazing.

This time it was Kendall that walked in on Logan and I sharing an intimate kiss.

"Sorry... "he said looking at the floor.

"Did you find out?" I asked not even bothered about how he must be feeling to see the kiss. My mind only set on my mother, on California, on a normal life... with Logan!

"Yeah I did..." Kendall replied. His tone wary.

"Well go on then... what's the guys name?" I said excitedly.

Kendall looked from me to Logan then back to me. "Your mom ran off with a guy named Jeffrey Henderson" he said.

I then looked at Logan in complete shock.

* * *

author note: thanks to everyone who it's reading and to Sophie17, oxybtrswag and musicrox14 for the reviews on last chapter. Yeah lil kendy has it bad for Sheri huh! He is a sweet heart! as regards to this becoming a series, it's entirely up to you bunch, but I only have one pair of typing hands so it's either texas teardrops2 or every rushers nightmare gets continued. I can't do both. rushers nightmare has some amazing stories coming up in that. and I've cast myself as James' girlfriend (im natalie the one that thought unicorns were real) her stupidness causes some tragic tragic things to occur. but like I say it's up to you lot.

Will update tomorrow 14th sep. thanks for reading. nat x x

* * *

**Chapter**

* * *

Logan's brown eyes searched my own. "Your dad ran off with my mom" I said in a whisper to him.

I looked up to Kendall who was a spare part in the room now.

"Um... maybe I should wait outside for a bit" Kendall said as he looked awkwardly between the two of us.

Logan waited until Kendall had left the room before speaking.

"I don't know what to say Sheri... I'm so sorry" Logan said still staring at me.

"Logues it's not your fault what they did... shit it's a shock huh." I said gathering my thoughts.

"Yeah... Yeah it is. They aren't still together though Sheri, last I heard my dad was with some woman named Sienna who is half his age" he informed me.

"Will you contact him and ask about my mom?" I asked.

"Of course I will... fuck. I want you with me Sheri, if talking to my dad to get the information that we need is what I have to do... I do it" he said placing his hand back in mine.

"How long ago did your dad move to vegas Logues?" I asked, desperately needing to gain clues wether or not my mom is nearer to Logan in LA than the foster parents here in Texas.

"He has been there for as long as I can remember. I'm going to have to talk to my mom to get the number for him" Logan said with a sigh.

"Your mom must of known that I was the daughter of the woman her husband ran off with" I said curiously.

"I don't know, she never made any indication whenever she slagged you off that she knew any thing like that... I'm not going to say anything to her, just ask for the number. Sheri I've been thinking... I honestly don't think I can leave you here if this doesn't work out. Maybe new york is the better plan" he said.

I shook my head. "Baby... no!" I said rubbing my thumb against his face. "We will be okay... you love me don't you" I asked.

"Of course I do Sheri... I love everything about you. I just don't want to be apart from you" he said.

I gave Logan a soft short kiss on his lips. "We won't be apart, all this is a sign that we are staying together" I smiled at him.

Logan smiled. "Kind of odd that our parents ran away together like we did" Logan said searching my eyes.

"I guess my mom couldn't resist a Henderson just like me huh" I smiled back at him.

Logan placed both of his hands on mine. "Sheri I promise you that things are going to turn out good for us."

"Your future is going to make everything good for us" I replied.

"Our future!" He corrected. He let out a little chuckle. "I will come home from filming my block buster movie and you would of just locked up your own florist shop" he beamed.

I laughed at his romantic visions. "Yeah im still all about the flowers... acting wasn't for me" I smiled. "... don't forget about our six kids" I said scanning his face for a reaction on this.

His eyes gleamed in amusement. "As many as six huh" he chuckled.

"Yep... six" I replied. A nagging feeling then hit me. "I guess Kendall should come back in. Do you have to have your dressings changed?" I asked.

"Yeah about midday Lola said she could fit me in" Logan explained.

"Oh she said she hadn't seen you, did you bump in to her on your way in?" I asked.

"Yeah, yeah she was just coming out of one of the other rooms while you were talking to the police woman" he said. "I'm going to call my mom, get this number" he said getting his cell out of his pocket. "I will get you to LA if it's the last thing I do" he smiled, kissed my forehead then walked towards the door of my room, opening it up and leaving.

Kendall sauntered back in.

I patted the space on my bed for him to take a seat. He did and I wrapped my arms around him as tight as my broken body would allow.

"What's that for?" Kendall mumbled, his face buried in my neck.

"To say thanks for going to see my dad, and to say sorry for you walking in on Logan and I kissing" I replied.

Kendall gave me a beautiful dimpled grin. "Your welcome, and... don't worry about it Sheri" he said.

I looked at his face properly as we now sat so close together.

"Your face looks better today. I hate you all looking so beaten" I commented.

"It feels a bit better today actually. Sheri... your dad gave me a message for you" he revealed.

"Kendall I don't want to know I'm done with him, I know now that it's over, I'm not willing to go back to that. It's not just my heart ache, its everyone around me." I said realising that 3 lovely boys attempted to follow me to Texas and rescue me.

"...The message was that he was sorry" Kendall said anyway.

"Why did you say that? I didn't want to know" I snapped.

"He was really upset... I've never seen any one like that... like he was dead on the inside. Sheri I think he had tried to cut himself... I mean no one said anything to me, but he had bandages on his wrist... I wanted to tell you the message just incase he topped himself... I'm trying to do the right thing, not keep things from you" he said with a nod.

I took Kendalls hand in mine."I'm sorry you had to see those things, but thank you for doing what you did. It doesn't make any difference if he is sorry. Sorry doesn't help either of us right now huh" I said. "Kendall... can I be honest with you, there has been something playing on my mind" I added.

Kendall looked intrigued. "Course" he replied.

"We had unprotected sex... while I was on my period... could I be pregnant?" I asked.

The light in Kendalls eyes then died. "I don't think so... I'm sorry... I wasn't thinking" he rambled.

I gave his hand a squeeze. "It's not your fault, I wasn't sure... I'm going to ask Lola to do a test... just to put my mind at ease.

Kendall nodded.

"Kendy.. it will be okay... don't look so scared" I reassured him. Inside though I wasn't so sure.

"You are a beautiful girl Sheri... Logan is lucky to have you, I was stupid to let you get away" he said.

His pain saddened me. "I'm not away... I'm right here with you" I said with a smile.

Kendall returned my smile. "I'm going to go to the shop downstairs, did you want anything?" He asked.

"Chocolate!" I said with a wink.

"One chocolate bar coming right up" he said treating me to those dimples as he got up from the bed.

I grabbed his hand. Making him turn and look at me."Kendall you will always have me as a friend... for eternity!" I said softly.

"I know I will" he replied casually. Just as Kendall walked out the door Lola walked in. "That's good timing" I heard Kendall say as he walked off.

"What's good timing?" She asked with her winning smile. Her blonde hair that she wore in a pleat looked immaculate.

"How old are you Lola?" I replied to her question with another question.

"23... hold your arm out for me" she said as she got ready to test my blood pressure.

I stayed silent.

"Why do you ask?" She said as the strap inflated tight around me.

"I dread to think how many huge mistakes I would of made in my life by the time I'm 23" I replied.

"Wanna talk about it?" She asked

"If I tell you something your not allowed to tell any one else are you?" I asked.

"No, patient confidentiality! What's eating you?" She asked cheerfully.

"Would... I was wondering... would it be possible to have a pregnancy test done?" I whispered out.

"A pregnancy test?" She asked shocked. "I didn't realise that you and Logan were... sorry that's none of my business" she said stopping herself from talking.

"No... erm. We aren't. We haven't. I haven't been with Logan long. Its not him... it's erm" I looked at the door that Kendall had just walked out of.

"Oh I see" Lola replied grabbing the medical notes at the end of my bed. She scanned through them as she sat down next to me.

"Sheri your not pregnant... at least it says you were negative on here. you were tested when you came in for lots of different things, pregnancy being one of them because you needed an x ray" she explained.

"Oh... oh well that's a relief" I said feeling a bit stupid.

"Sheri your only 16, you shouldn't be having these worries at your age. I'm going to arrange for you to have a little chat with one of the sexual health workers here. I think a better understanding of everything will help you a lot... Logan said to me you and him had been together for a while?" She asked.

"We have.. we broke up, he cheated on me" I said quietly.

Lolas face turned sad. She patted me on the leg. "I'm going to organise another xray for your chest to see what the pain is you mentioned earlier. In the meantime you are perfectly fine to have a practice on those crutches" she said with the smile back on her face.

She's stood up and put the notes back on the end of my bed.

"Thanks Lola. You have been amazing for me" I said honestly.

Lola gave me a small smile. "I will be back shortly with a time for xray" she said.

Logan almost bumped in to her as he rushed in to the door. "Fuck! sorry Lola!" He said in a hurry.

Lola looked to the floor as she straightened her uniform out from the collision. "It's fine... don't rush around with those wounds" she said then left.

I raised my eye brow to Logan awaiting the news.

"Was your mom okay with you calling? She give you the number?" I asked.

Logan nodded, she gave me the number, I called him. I asked about your mom... Sheri she lives in..." he said dragging it out.

"Oh Logan don't fuck about, just tell me!" I moaned.

"Nevada! she is right next door to California Sheri. I have an actual address!" Logan said beaming with pride at his excellent work.

I smiled. "I told you didn't I? This is the beginning of the start for us" I grinned at my handsome boyfriend.

Logan gave me a delicate hug. " you Sheri. This will work huh...this has to work!" Logan said breaking free and kissing me.

It was nice to feel for just a second that things were looking up.

* * *

**Chapter 46: Chapter 46**

* * *

Two days had passed since Logan found the address for my mom. The hardest part had been so easy. It was the easy part that was hard.

"I'm sorry Sheri I can't allow you to travel out of state without a proper guardian at this stage of transition" Janice said. Refusing me to leave with Logan to go to the address he had for my mother.

"Janice please, I'm begging" I pleaded.

"No Sheri, I have the Lettermans coming in later to visit you, I spoke to your doctor, he seems to think you are imagining a lot of the pain in your chest seeing as the xrays have come back clear." She said sternly.

"I'm not ready to leave hospital" I said in a high pitched voice. I knew I was lying, now I knew the doctor and Janice knew I was lying too.

It was late afternoon, I looked over to kendall, who's face was now mostly yellow from the bruising as it faded. He was sat in the chair that had moved from my bedside over to the window.

He gave me a shrug as if to say we would find a way. Logan was having his dressing checked on his stab wounds. He was fully on the mend now, he was pleased with how his cuts looked, so was I. I worried he did too much. He was never one to complain.

"I think that you are ready to go Sheri" Janice replied. "You are fairly independent on your crutches now. Your no longer on any pain medication... you are fit to leave sweetheart! Maybe Logan could visit your mom on your behalf?" She asked.

"I wanted to be there" I said getting emotional.

"I'm sorry. Look I'm going to have to go, the Lettermans will be here at 6, I will be back with them. I have a few visits to make around town." She said, gave me a caring squeeze of the shoulder then left the room.

"That woman is huge!" Kendall said in some disgust.

"Oh who cares... Jesus I can't believe this! It's just a taste of things to come. I'm not allowed to leave state like a fucking prisoner, how will I ever visit you guys if I get stuck with foster parents here?" I moaned.

"Logan will go see your mom... or I can go, I don't mind" he replied as he stood up and looked out the window. Boredom had taken its toll on Kendall the last few days as he kept me company and he had taken to playing a game as he looked down on the hospital entrance and car park. He would see someone coming out and guessed which car would be there's in the general direction they headed.

He was fairly good at guessing the correct car. I was terrible at it.

"How would you go? your car is stuck here unless your going to drive all the way to Nevada" I huffed.

"Why don't you ask Carlos or James. If it's Vegas area it wouldn't take them long to get there" he said. "C'mon chubs where are you?" He then said to the window.

"It is Vegas area... who are you calling chubs?" I asked grabbing my crutches and walking over to the window.

"Well get James to do it" Kendall said as he stared out the window. "That janice woman is chubs." he grinned still looking out the window. "I bet that big Lexus is hers... I can't see that her ass would even fit in that though" he said transfixed on his game.

"You are really rude sometimes" I chuckled.

Kendall looked at me and smiled. "Your telling me you don't think her ass was huge? She just about fit through the door... oh fuck there she is!" He said looking down at the car park.

We were three stories up and could see mostly everything.

"No your right it's huge." I agreed now playing the game. "I don't think it's the Lexus, her salary wouldn't get her that, I reckon the red Toyota" I said pointing to the "comes as standard" budget car.

"Moment of truth" Kendall then said as we watched Janice waddle her big body across the car park.

"Haha! Told you!" Kendall said as we watched Janice click her key fob and open the boot chucking in her bag inside the Lexus.

We both watched in silence and amazement at how Janice and her massive body got in to the drivers side of the car.

"I reckon at least two attempts to shut that door" Kendall said grinning from ear to ear as we watched poor Janice, who was severely obese squeeze in to her car.

"I say three" I replied as I narrowed my eyes at the uncomfortable sight of her shuffle in the seat.

Janice held her arm out to grab the door handle as she now sat in the drivers seat. She pulled the door towards herself. It didn't shut, probably just hitting her backside that was no doubt hanging over the edge of the seat.

"One" Kendall said, counting the tries it took her to shut the door.

Janice tried again. it still didn't shut properly against her body.

We then saw her arm reach right out then slam the door shut.

"Three!" I said smugly. "I win!" I smiled.

"I'll let you have that one" Kendall replied, treating me to his dimples. He broke eye contact with me and continued to look out the window for his next contestant of "car match."

"Do you think James will go?" I asked. "I've not contacted him yet, the longer I leave it the harder it gets" I said.

"Yeah he will do it. Just call him Sheri, get it over and done with. If you do it now, he could have all your prayers answered by tomorrow." He said with a smile.

"Yeah your right." I said walking over to my bedside table on my crutches and getting my phone.

I sat down on the bed and dialled James' number.

It rang and rang. Why the fuck did he never have the answer phone switched on?

"Hello gorgeous!" He finally answered full of charm.

I giggled like a twelve year old schoolgirl. "Hi!" I replied, slightly taken aback by his "pretend it didn't happen" approach.

"What can I do for you Sheri" he then asked, still in his cheery tone.

"Well... I wanted to say sorry James. I'm sorry about being rude, I'm sorry about being so quick to try and ruin your dreams to save my own skin.. and... well im sorry that we.. did what we did the other night" I explained.

James fell silent on the other end.

"You there?" I asked.

"Yeah, Sheri don't be sorry... you really need to start believing that all I want for you is for you to be happy. How are you?" He asked now sounding concerned.

"Well im not running away to New York any more, so I guess I want you happy too. I'm okay my ankle aches but I'm good!" I replied.

"Yeah Carlos said your doing the foster care thing... sticking it out in Texas then?" He asked.

I sighed. "I don't want to. I want to go home with you guys. Your all my home!" I replied feeling emotional.

"Has that social worker tried any other carers in LA for you?" He questioned.

"No, she still says there is no point." I said to James.

"Really? I bet she could pull some strings if she wanted to... did you want me to have a word with her?" James said, his undefeated attitude was nice.

"no... well... There is another reason why Im calling?" I confessed.

"Go on" James replied.

"Logan's found my mom... she lives in vegas. We only have an address... I was going to ask if you could check it out for me?" I said feeling like a complete user.

"You want to live with your mom?" James asked.

"Not really, but I can't stay here James, I'm not happy here"

"She just left you though Sheri" he said sadly.

"I don't have any other choice though James... Will you go? I know it's a lot to ask, especially after... well how I treated you" I explained.

"I will go if its what you honestly want." James asked.

"I don't want to be here on my own. I need to know that Logan and you guys are as near as I can get to you. Your my family James. You guys are all I have in the world" I said wiping my eye as a teardrop fell.

I saw Kendall turn his head and look at me, making sure I was okay before turning back to stare out the window.

"Text me the address. I will go tonight" James replied.

"You don't have to, don't feel I'm pressuring you" I said back tracking.

"I don't want you somewhere where you don't want to be Sheri. I want you near" he said softly. I could hear the heart break in his voice.

"What did I do to deserve you" I said looking at my hand with my broken pinky as I spoke on the phone.

"I was just going to step in the shower... once I'm out I will get going" he said ignoring my comment.

I however only had visions of Naked James in my head now. He was just about to get in the shower? he must be buck naked. Why did he feel the need to tell me that much information?

"Er... erm, okay" I stumbled out. "Thank you" I added. I was still looking at my hand as it sat on my lap, it crossed my mind what James might be looking at.

"You okay?" I heard James say with a chuckle.

"Yeah... well... I will.. err. I will leave you to... shower your body. Um... to shower!" I said going completely bright red as now James now knew I was thinking about him soaping up that delicious body of his... his huge manhood. "Oh god" I said out loud.

"You okay sheri?" James questioned.

"Yes! Fine, just... just my ankle aching" I lied.

"Okay well I will go_shower my body_" he replied sarcastically, making me go even redder if that was possible. "Send me that address and I will see what this woman is like" he replied.

"Thanks James" I replied

We said our goodbyes and I text him the address that Logan had written out for me.

"Is he going?" Kendall asked still staring out the window.

"Yeah... I wish I was going too. I wonder what she looks like." I asked feeling nerves coat my stomach.

"Come here" Kendall said standing up, holding his arms out for me.

I hobbled my way over to him on my crutches. He gave me a beautiful hug, I could feel the stresses just leave me like he squeezed them out of my body.

"Thank you" I mumbled in to his neck line

"You will be okay sheri. Your our family too you know" he said repeating the words he had over heard me use on the phone to James.

"Oh look Lola!" I said spotting Lola out the window from my hugging position with Kendall.

Kendall broke free from me to play another round of car match.

"I bet Lola owns the Toyota" Kendall said once again amused by his game.

"Oh I was going to say that" I said giving him a gentle poke in the foot with the bottom of my crutch.

Lola was stood just outside the entrance of the hospital, she was stood still putting her cell phone in her purse.

"She must of finished, I hope I don't get Hitler-nurse again. She has no bedside manner!" I said to Kendall as we waited for Lola to begin walking. I hope it wasn't the Toyota. Kendall was always the winner.

"What is she waiting for? Christmas!" Kendall said watching Lola just stand there.

"Maybe she can't drive, she might be waiting for a lift?" I said joyfully, hoping this was the case and that Kendall would finally lose for once.

"Maybe" Kendall said with a shrug as we both looked out from the slat blinds behind the window.

Lola turned to greet someone that was walking out the hospital.

"Aww it's my logie" I said watching him have a chat with Lola.

"Why is he outside?" Kendall asked.

"I don't know, a bit of fresh air perha-" I stopped dead in my sentence as I now watched Lola giggling at my Logan as she shyly touched him on his stomach.

I watched as her left leg bent behind her as she went in to full girly flirt mode with my boyfriend.

I heard Kendalls adams apple rise and fall as the room we stood in turned to silence as we watched my nurse and my boyfriend now link hands.

Tears filled my eyes as I watched Logan work his magic on her. He was whispering in her ear as he held one of her hands.

I felt sick.

"Sheri..." Kendall said. He was no longer looking at Logan and Lola, he was looking at my horrified face.

I didn't reply, I just stared down at Logan. He chatted away with Lola before placing a delicate kiss on her lips. They soon separated Logan walked back in the hospital and Lola made her way to the red Toyota.

"You win.." I whispered to kendall as a tear rolled down my face.

* * *

**Chapter 47: Chapter 47**

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"Sheri... fuck! I'm so sorry." Kendall said as he looked at me.

I stopped myself from looking at the spot I last saw Logan in. I grasped my crutches and walked back over to the bed.

"What a complete dick that dude is!" Kendall said now shaking his head. "I cannot believe he has done it to you again. I can't believe that bitch has been parading around whilst they have been doing it right under your nose!" He rampaged. "What are you going to do Sheri? He will be up here any minute, what are you going to say to him? The cheating fuck!" Kendall said finishing his tirade of insults and opinions.

I let out a sigh, helping the emotion to wash over me instead of engulf me.

"... Nothing... I'm not going to do anything" I replied sitting back up on the bed.

"What? Sheri, Logan is fucking that nurse! Did you not see that! They are all over each other!" He stormed.

"I saw it" I said calmly. "I saw it all" I said in a daze. My head whirling about with scenarios.

"Sheri... oh my fucking god! Your not serious!? You have to say something, slap him, call him a dick... if your not then I sure as fuck am!" He said angrily.

I looked up to Kendall. "no your not! If you care about me as much as I know you do, you will respect my decision Kendall... please!" I replied, looking him in the eye.

Kendall shook his head, not quite believing what was coming from my mouth. "Why Sheri? Why are putting up with this crap?!" He asked softly.

"Believe it or not I am in love with Logan, unfortunately he just can't say no! But I know he loves me too. That girl is just a flash in the pan romance just like cassandra... he will come back to me and I will always accept him... it's just in my heart" I replied in a whisper.

"Sheri..." Kendall said softly, sitting next to me on the bed. "You can't go through life being his door mat. If he is doing this now, when you are in hospital! Imagine what he will do when you are stuck in Nevada or Texas while he is swanning around giving it the big I am" Kendall said trying to reason with me.

"I get what you are trying to say. Honestly I do... but I chose Logan. He is the one I wanted, it's always been him. It's always going to be him. It's just the way he is" I replied. "He doesn't mean to hurt me... I know he loves me" I said as I saw the door handle go.

Logan walked in the room.

"Hey sorry I took so long, I went to the cafeteria and had some food. I was starving!" He lied. Slouching down in the chair by the window.

I looked at Kendall. He shook his head. "You want me to stay for these Letterman people?" He asked. Doing as he was told and holding his own anger in.

"No you get yourself off... it's been a long day" I said. Unsure if Kendall was able to control his temper.

"Sure?" Kendall asked once more.

I nodded.

Kendall gave me a big hug. "You deserve so much better" he said in my ear.

I was scared to let go of the hug, I felt I might just unravel and cry a river. I took in a deep breath.

"I will call you later okay... let you know how things go" I said slowly breaking away from him. I held on to as many tears as I could but one ran down my face.

Kendall sat back down on the bed, blocking Logan's view of me with his back.

He thumbed away the tear. "Let that be the only one!" He whispered, giving me a smile.

I returned his smile and nodded. "Okay, I promise" I replied.

"I love you... this is killing me" he said in a whisper.

My heart felt like it had cracked in two. Never had I felt pain from someone telling me they loved me, but this actually hurt. "You best go." I said looking in to his green eyes that held so much sorrow as they looked back at me.

Kendall gave a nod of his head and walked out the room, he didn't acknowledge Logan what so ever.

"What was all that about?" Logan asked as he remained sat in the chair.

"Nothing.. Janice said no to going to Vegas, but James is going to visit my mom for me. I expect he is on his way by now" I said pretending to look at the time on my cell.

"You look like your about to cry Sheri" Logan replied as he got out the seat and came and sat next to me on the bed. He took my hand.

I looked at his hand, the same hand that had just touched Lola. I wondered what other parts of Lola it had touched.

I flashed Logan a smile. "I'm fine, just a bit emotional" I replied.

"Did Kendall do something to you?" He asked. "I heard him whispering away just then!"

"No, the foster people are coming in soon... I just hope James calls with good news later. I don't want to be apart from you Logan" I said looking up in to his very dark brown eyes. I could hardly see his pupils in this light.

"Even if we are separated you will always have my heart... never forget that!" He replied giving me a kiss.

The lies he just uttered were almost as painful as the heartfelt words Kendall had said on leaving my room.

Logan's kiss however did not lie. It was his kiss I knew to be true. It was laced with love and adoration for me. It swore me a promise of protection that no one else could offer me. He couldn't help the way he was. I expect it was my fault anyway, we got together too young. If Logan needed to blow off steam so I could hang on to him then so be it.

It hurt like fuck but the pain of not having him right now would be a million times worse.

"I love you Sheri, don't worry yourself about any of it. Everything is going to sort out... let's just hope your mom is nicer than your dad huh" he said folding his arms one by one around me.

Having the thought of my mom not being nice forced in to my mind made way for yet another worry to plague my life.

"I just know there is a good reason why she left me behind... I know it." I said breaking away from Logan and looking in to his chocolate coloured eyes.

Logan chatted away to me in his own little way. He spoke of mundane things in an attempt to take my mind off of my worries.

"I saw some beautiful flowers just a minute ago, full of dahlia's." Logan said, he knew my favorite were dahlias.

"Why didn't you get them for me?" I asked feeling a bit resentful.

Logan smiled. "They were on someone's bedside in a vase Sheri. I'm not rebel enough to steal from sick people" he chuckled.

I let out a little laugh. In a way it was sweet he noticed them and thought of me.

"The flowers in the shop downstairs are awful, I wouldn't insult you by buying those" he said circling his finger across the back of my hand as we sat on my bed. "I know your particular" he added. still smiling as the touch from his finger made me feel special.

I felt sorry for Lola then, Logan always had the gift of the gab, he had the ability to be able to talk to anyone without feeling insecure.

The impression Logan gave to everyone was that they were important. Poor Lola was going to be in for a shock when Logan disappears back to LA after having his fun with her. never to be heard of again.

He will leave here without a care in the world where as Lola would be left with a shattered heart.

She deserved it!

Soon enough the door knocked and Janice walked in. She had two strangers with her who I took to be Mr and Mrs Letterman.

"Sheri this is John and Sue." Janice said as she squeezed her huge backside in to the chair by the window. A nurse came and went, bringing two more chairs in for my visitors.

"Nice to meet you both" I whispered out.

John and Sue took a seat and smiled. "Janice said you are a bit nervous about coming out of hospital?" Sue said beginning her conversation. Her voice was fairy-like, it flowed from her.

"A little" I lied clinging on to Logan's hand as I feared the adrenalin in my scared stiff body was about to cause me a heart attack.

"There's really nothing to be nervous about darlin'. You can treat our home as your own and come to us if you feel you need to ask or talk about anything" sue said as John nodded away in agreement next to her.

"It's not permanent with you though Is it?" I asked, transfixed on Sue's auburn hair color. It looked so vibrant that it had to be a dye but so natural that I couldn't believe it was. Maybe she was a fairy?

Maybe this was a sign? Finally a fairy godmother to come save me from the pits of hell.

Get a grip Sheri! I thought to myself. My mind working over time.

"No its just going to be until a permanent place becomes available, but John and I always welcome the kids to pop in and say hi after they move on" she said.

I smiled. The vision this lady gave me of her home and the family life she tried so hard to give to children who were unfortunate enough to be placed in foster care warmed my heart.

She had a friendly face. "This is Logan" I said introducing them to see what reaction they would have to a boyfriend.

"We have heard a lot about this young man" John said getting up to shake Logan's hand.

"Janice has said that you two are inseparable" Sue added with a smile.

I turned to look at Logan. he smiled at me, obviously getting the same friendly vibe off of these people as I was.

The Lettermans were really friendly people. I felt mothered by Sue, just like I felt from Janice.

Putting my trust in these people seemed like a good place to put it. I had to remind myself that not all grown ups were out to hurt me. I was given the information that I would be leaving hospital tomorrow though. The nerves set in.

Once they had gone I felt a lot less stressed, still not wanting to stay in Texas but if James' mission failed I wasn't going to be so scared knowing I was stuck here. At least for the short while I had to live with the Lettermans.

"I'm going to get off Sheri, im starving! I haven't eaten all day" Logan said contradicting his earlier lie of being in the cafeteria as he gathered his phone and wallet up from my bedside.

"Okay... Logan!... can you phone me tonight... just so I can hear your voice" I said realising that it wasn't bad reception in his hotel that had been stopping him from contacting me... it was Lola being in his bed.

Logan looked at me, I could see the guilt in his eyes. He nodded.

"Of course I will.. even if I have to hang out the window" he joked.

"I love you logues. Your my entire world. I don't want to be without you" I said feeling emotional.

Logan rested his forehead on mine. "What's brought all this on?" He whispered gently at me.

I shrugged as I looked at his almost black eyes at such close proximity. "I just need you to know"

"I know baby girl." He said looking back at me. "You will never be without me" he promised.

"I took his hand as his face moved from mine. "Don't break my heart logues" I said in a whisper.

The look Logan gave me as my words hit him, was a mixture of fear and confusion. I could see it cross his mind that I may know what he was up to behind my back.

"... your heart is completely safe" he replied. He backed his words up with another amazing kiss that told me I was the only girl on the planet he was in love with. His tongue met mine slowly. The feel of his breath on my face was beautiful.

"I love you Sheri" he said kissed my forehead and left.

I got myself in to bed, dozing in and out of sleep, the ache in my heart waking me up every now and again as the dreaded feeling of Lola and Logan crept in to my mind.

My phone rang. Looking at the caller ID I felt sick. It wasn't Logan. It was James.

"Hello?" I answered nervously, scared at what new information was about to change my life now.

"Sheri... hey!" he said softly.

The tone in his voice was caring, I couldn't work out if the news to follow was going to be good or bad.

"Did you find my mom?" I replied, asking the obvious question.

"I did, sher bear... I did" he replied...

* * *

**Chapter 48: Chapter 48**

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"What happened then?" I asked, I could hear the shake in my voice. I curled up the bed cover around my finger as I spoke.

"It's not good news Sheri... I'm sorry" James replied.

"Not good news? What do you mean? Is she dead?" I asked confused.

"Dead? No she isn't dead... she is... I don't even know how to tell you" he said taking a sigh.

"Just say it straight James!" I replied.

"... well.. she kind of.. Sheri she offered me a discounted rate... put it that way!" James replied.

"What do you... oh! my mom is a prostitute?" I asked shaking my head. Should of guessed really.

"Kind of yeah... she didn't live alone.. there were other girls" James informed me, sounding very awkward on the other end of the phone.

"My mom lives in a whore house?!" I snapped.

"I would say brothel.. but I guess whore house sums it up too. She did seem like a nice person, and she seemed genuinely interested in you! but Sheri I would leave this well alone... you don't need that lifestyle any where near you" James warned.

I rubbed my face with my hand. "Foster care here I come then ay!" I replied.

"Sheri... everything will be okay. I promise you I will do everything in my power to get you back to Los Angeles... I promise" he said again.

"You know what James... don't worry. The foster people seem nice and I've just had... well I've had a crappy day. I'm good here" I replied. "Maybe Texas is the better option. Only time will tell" I said feeling my eyes get emotional on thinking of Logan and Lola.

"Really? Are you sure Sheri.. I'm really trying to sort-"

"James I'm sure! This is it now huh" I replied butting in.

"I don't want it to be it!" He simply said.

His words made my head hurt. I couldn't think straight with all these boys pouring their affection on me, hurting me, cheating on me.

"It is it though James... I'm sorry" I replied.

The phone stayed silent for a moment. "Will I ever see you again?" James then asked. His voice sounding urgent.

"Course you will!" I replied, not knowing if this was the truth or a lie.

"I'm always here for you Sheriden" he said, making me smile at the use of my dumb ass full name. I heard a beep in my ear telling me I had a text message.

"Don't call me that" I replied smiling still.

"I'm going to get going, hopefully get back to LA before bedtime" he then said.

"Okay... thanks for doing that for me James. I'm sorry it was a wasted trip" I replied.

"It's okay, she wanted your number. I said no but she has mine. I wasn't sure if you wanted contact... thought that was best thing to do" he said softly.

"I would like to meet her... just to see if I remember her face. If she calls send her my way" I said feeling completely miserable.

"Okay. I will call you tomorrow Sheri. Sleep well okay" he said in his soft caring voice.

"G'night James"

I clicked the end call button. I was then reminded of my new text message as my screen displayed:**new message from: LOGUES.**

I clicked on the text.

**"Hey baby, I tried to call but phone was engaged. I miss u Sheri. I love u so much! Im really tired tho so gonna get my head down. Night baby girl x x x"**

I sighed again, wondering if he was really tired or just preoccupied with Lola.

My life was a shambles!

In a sense I was kind of pleased that I was going with the Lettermans. At least a few weeks or however long it was going to be in their house was going to be the most normal I had ever witnessed my life to be.

I lay down in bed. Logan and Lola playing on my mind, James and his soft voice and Kendall telling me he loved me and that seeing me like this was killing him.

Logan would be the eventual death of my heart. But I craved him! I needed him. The gift of the gab he possessed worked like a charm on all the ladies. Unfortunately that included me. I wondered what lengths he would have to go to to hurt me enough for me to say enough is enough and not want him anymore.

I didn't feel like there would ever come a day like that.

My phone chimed again as I lay in my bed staring at the blank cream wall. This time it was my email notification.

I smiled when I saw it. A bit of light entertainment was heading my way in the form of Kendall and the YouTube video he had just uploaded.

I clicked on the link in my email. I loved his covers. It was nice to see his face on the screen of my phone even if it was cracked.

Kendall looked done in though. His eyes once again sad. The life from his voice as he spoke gone.

"What's going on ladies and gents?!... well I got up today and I wanted to play creep by radiohead... so this is creep.. by radiohead" he said with a smile that never reached his eyes. His hair a complete state on his head but it gave me the urge to want to smell it, to touch it.

The song stopped me in my train of thought, this wasn't an average cover he had done to pass the time... this was a statement. It was him feeling worthless. It was him wanting me but me not wanting him back. It was me openly choosing a liar and cheater over this guy who sang his heart and soul out in front of me on my phone.

I wasn't helping Kendall, I was making him feel like an outcast, a loser... I was making him feel like a creep!

What the fuck was wrong with me!

I shook my head as I watched him playing his guitar and sing the song...

_"When you were here before_

_Couldn't look you in the eye_

_You're just like an angel_

_Your skin makes me cry"_

Kendall had obviously gone to great lengths to find a song that described exactly how he felt about me and about himself... my heart broke as I continued to watch him.

_"But I'm a creep,_

_I'm a weirdo_

_What the hell am I doing here?_

_I don't belong here"_

Tears left me as I watched the man I still felt so strongly for publicly show his real emotions hidden in the lyrics of this song.

_"I don't care if it hurts_

_I want to have control_

_I want a perfect body_

_I want a perfect soul"_

I could no longer see the video through my tears. His words hurt me. They felt like a dagger through my heart. I didn't want him to feel like this. I didn't want him to be so full of hate towards himself.

I pressed stop. I couldn't watch anymore.

I allowed myself to cry. I let the emotion pour from my heart. I never wanted him to feel like that. I never wanted to hear that song again but it echoed in my mind.

As the hot tears spilled over my face I dialed his number in to my phone.

"..." it answered but no one spoke. I could just imagine the state this fragile boy was in right now after singing and posting that song.

"I know your there.." I said as I sniffed. I could hear his own emotion.

I wiped the cascade of tears away from my face. Making room for more.

"I saw it! The God damn song!" I said to him as he remained silent. Only the sound of his breathing the indication that he was there listening to me. I heard him stagger in a breath, unable to talk through his own tears that he now shed.

Tears that I alone had caused him and me.

"You are... special Kendall!" I sobbed out to him.

I heard him crack with emotion.

"Don't... you ever.. ever think that you are... not" I carried on.

Still nothing from him.

The tears in my lashes making it impossible for me to see, I just closed my eyes and let them fall. "The way... the way I feel about you hasn't changed" I cried.

"You may think your a creep... your not... your not any where near a creep Kendall!" I pleaded with him. "Say something... please" I begged

Once again only his desperate attempts to control his emotion could be heard.

"Kendall I'm sorry I made you feel like that. Truth is... fuck! The fucking truth is... I spoke to Mackenzie. She told me everything. I know why you came back. You were never in love with her... where you?" I sobbed.

I heard Kendall break down in pieces on the phone.

"It's me that you... want" I choked out. "It's me that you love isn't it?... and I make you feel like crap... just like Logan makes me feel..." I howled out. Tears rolling, feeling like they would never stop.

"That song... fuck! I hated it! I hated it because you think what you were singing was true... Kendall it's not true. Your more special than you know!" I sobbed. Taking a minute to suck in some deep breaths.

"I do care about you, I want to make you smile! I hate seeing you look so sad... it kills me" I cried, wiping at my face again.

"Kendall it kills me because I do love you. I am in love with you" I said then let myself go. No more words were able to come out of my mouth, only noises of the pain my heart felt as I cried.

"... Sheri..." I heard him whisper in his cries. "I love you too.. so much" he replied.

It was with those words of complete honesty that I knew I was back where I belonged.

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**Chapter 49: Chapter 49**

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My eyes didn't want to open in the morning.

I had stayed awake until the small hours talking to Kendall on the phone. Once again my heart ached, but this time for the right reasons. He said he was going to be here with me today for when I go to the Lettermans house.

I felt complete, being able to talk to Kendall freely about everything again was so good. If he strayed back in to bad habits then I knew this time it could be addressed and dealt with, not spiral out of control like before.

I did only have one major thing that was constant on my mind this morning and it wasn't the Lettermans.

"Morning Sheri!" Lola said as she breezed in through the door. "I hear you are going home today?" She asked wheeling her monitor in.

I stared at this brazen bitch as she played Florence fucking Nightingale in my room. The adrenalin in my body was hard to control as it egged my mouth to scream at this complete unprofessional slut that paraded around my hospital bed.

"Yeh!" Was all I could manage out. Without allowing my thoughts to spew from my mouth.

Lola looked at me. "C'mon it's not that bad surely?" She said with a smile.

"Let me see, my dad beats me up, ends up in prison, I crash a car, my ankle is broken, so are my ribs and my finger! and I'm about to go and live with strangers!... oh yeah and I was sacked from my job!" I replied sarcastically at her.

She raised one of her eye brows at me.

"Sorry I didn't mean to upset you Sheri" she replied honestly.

I glared at her.

"I've just got to do your obs then I will be out of your hair" she said warily, not knowing what kind of mood I was in.

"Have you seen Logan this morning?"I asked still glaring at her.

She looked up as she unwound the electrical cord for the blood pressure monitor.

"No I've not seen him?... is everything okay with you two?" She asked casually.

"Yeah... why wouldn't it be?" I asked.

"No reason you just seem a bit tense" she replied.

"Well if I want to be tense I can be fucking tense!" I hissed at her.

Lola didn't respond to my bad attitude. She placed the strap of the monitor around my arm just as Logan walked in the room.

"Hey beautiful!" He chirped.

I noticed the ridiculous grin on lolas face at his words which were meant for me but she was taking them for herself too.

"Hi" I replied quietly. he had both of his hands now behind his back.

"Pick a hand" he beamed at me.

"I'm not in the mood for games Logan" I replied still with my arm in the strap. I noticed Lola had a face like a slapped ass as she could see what it was he was hiding behind his back.

"Please... C'mon!" He begged.

"Whatever!" I replied and tapped his left elbow.

"Ooh good choice!" He grinned then produced a star bucks coffee from his hiding place.

"Thanks" I replied dryly, taking the coffee from him.

"I guess that leaves just this one little thing for you behind my back" he said handing me an absolutely beautiful electric pink dahlia flower.

I smiled at the kind gesture. I looked Logan in his eye as he took in my response.

"It's the first of many... one day you will own your florist shop and will be sick of the sight of them" he smiled.

I took the flower in the hand that had the strap attached to my arm. I enjoyed the look of complete jealousy on lolas face. "It's beautiful Logan... thank you" I replied just to annoy her.

"Not as beautiful as you" he said back to me.

I had to hand it to Logan, he had some big balls on him to be so openly lovely to me in front of his mistress. Lola looked fit to burst. I suspected she was very smitten with my Logan, but Logan being Logan only ever thought of two things. One was his dick... but conveniently enough, the other was me!

Lola was just a fancy to pass his time of day. I doubted she was even the only one he had been screwing behind my back.

"Sorry to interrupt but I'm going to have to get these final obs done if you want to be discharged today" she said looking upset. I think it had just dawned on her that she was being used.

Silly fucking bitch!

Logan smiled and moved out of the way, he sat down in the seat by the window.

Lola turned the machine on and the strap on my arm began blowing up with air as I sat on the edge of my bed.

"That's too tight" I moaned.

"I'm sorry Sheri, it has to be tight to get the reading" she replied softly.

The machine kept blowing up. The one thing that I knew Logan could offer me apart from being a whore, was protection! It didn't matter if that protection was from a parent that beat me up, a boyfriend who intimidated me or a burglar in the house. Logan would not tolerate people being outwardly mean to me. This included nurses, whether he had been having sex with them or not!

Lola was unfortunately incredibly nice. She wasn't outwardly hurting me at all at the moment. But no one fucks my boyfriend and gets away with it easily.

"Fucks sake Lola! It's too tight! why are you being so rough!" I moaned pulling at my arm.

"Sheri im being gentle!" She said in a calm tone. I honestly think she really liked me.

"Logan tell her!" I moaned being a pain in the ass patient and jogging my arm about. Waving the beautiful flower that was still in my hand in her face.

"Lola maybe just leave it huh?" Logan said backing me up, seeing I was getting stressed out.

"Honestly I'm not being rough though" she replied.

"Now your not no! you were just a second ago when Logan was over there." I raged at her. "Why are you trying to cover it up for Logan?" I said, raising alarm bells in Logan's head that Lola had gone psycho on me.

"What?! Sheri I didn't!" She protested looking at Logan who looked pissed off with her.

"Im sorry if it seemed I was being rough... I think you're in a terrible mood today Sheri, that's all" she replied gaining some composure.

Logan turned to sit back down as he was satisfied the problem had been solved.

I gave it a moment. I counted to ten slowly in my head then yanked my arm with a shed load of force behind it.

"OUCHH!" I called out. Letting logan see Lola pull my arm back in to position. "LOLA! you crazy bitch" I said then let go of the coffee that was in my other hand and smiled as it dropped to the floor covering her black denier tights and my cast in hot coffee.

"OH MY GOD! why the hell did you do that?" Lola yelled at me as she stepped away from the growing puddle of coffee as it spread across the floor. She wiped at her legs.

"Me?! Why the hell are you treating me like crap today?" I said with fake tears glistening in my eyes for Logan's benefit.

"Are you okay sheri?" Logan asked as he stepped over the coffee spillage and saw my leg covered in it.

"I think so" I replied rubbing my arm for good measure.

Logan turned to Lola who was now wiping at her scolded legs with some paper towels. Her pretty white nurse pumps on her feet completely ruined now.

"Why did you do that?!" Logan spat at her.

"What? Logan I didn't do anything! It was her she has gone mental today" she replied.

"I don't want you anywhere near us again!" He replied to her as he eyed me over to check I really was okay.

Lola looked up to him with a shocked face.

I watched on in amusement as Logan "dumped" her in front of me.

"Logan I didn't do anything... I swear to you" she said looking absolutely heartbroken.

Logan shook his head at her. "I couldn't give a fuck Lola" he replied.

"I can't believe your being like this... after everything" she said trying to reason with him as best she could in front of me.

"There are a million nurses out there Lola... your just not good enough" Logan said as he took my hand.

I could see Lola was about to lose it, she was borderline in tears. I did kind of feel sorry for her. Logan had just pulled her along like a bit of string and now he was treating her like this.

"This isn't you!" She said to him, a single tear running down her face.

I laughed. "Excuse me! what exactly do you mean; this isn't him? Your the care giver Lola, you know nothing about Logan or me!" I snapped.

Her eyes narrowed at me. She used one of the paper towels to wipe at her tears.

She shook her head this time at me. "I'm sorry Sheri but you know nothing about your boyfriend!" she replied, her face full of regret.

I saw Logan's face fall. I was a bit annoyed really, I didn't want him to know that I knew... but hey ho!

"Nothing? What you mean like as in how he has been fucking you behind my back?... Yeah I knew about that. The same I knew the last time he did it!" I snapped at her. I let go of Logan's hand.

"Sheri.." he began in his apologetic tone.

"Just hang on Logan!" I replied not letting him get a word in edge ways.

I looked back at Lola who was in bits now, her usually pretty face was red and blotchy from crying.

"Did he tell you he loves you Lola?" I asked.

She nodded to say yes and looked at Logan.

He however just scowled back at her for revealing the truth.

"Did he tell you that he had never felt this way before?" I asked in a whisper. My own heart breaking as the words left me.

"Yeh!" Lola cried out.

I turned to Logan and took his hand again.

"Do you love her?" I asked through my own tears.

Logan shook his head. "No! I love you... I'm so sorry Sheri" he said as he too started the waterworks up on the realisation he was minutes from losing me.

I looked at Lola. "He does it all the time... your just a game... a quick fuck... something to keep him warm at night. He always comes back to me." I said to her.

Lola then gave Logan a well deserved slap around the face and left the room in tears.

I was left with Logan who was also plagued with his own emotion and regret.

"I'm so sorry... I'm so fucking sorry" he said over and over, begging for my forgiveness.

"How could you do it again to me?.. we only got back together the other day" I said once again letting go of his hand.

"I can explain" he replied.

Explain? What!? Was he about to tell me he slipped and his dick fell in to her?!

On the other hand...

"Go on then! Explain. We were together again for a few days and you fucked Lola because... ?" I asked. Amusing myself through my own heartbreak.

"It wasn't like that... it was... I love you Sheri" he said.

"I'm waiting for an explanation logues" I said unwrapping the blood pressure monitor from my arm.

"I just... I wasn't thinking straight. I had so much going through my head" he said.

"Oh right... that's a good reason! I've had one or two things running through my head too! Maybe I should of fucked my doctor to make things better!" I snapped sarcastically.

Logan shook his head. "I'm sorry... I love you so much.. I need you Sheri!" He replied his face a complete mess as he knew how badly he had screwed up this time.

"I don't need you" was all I replied.

Logan looked at me with his eyes blood shot red. "You do! You need me! You need me more than ever now... please don't do this!" He begged.

"It's over Logan... I'm sorry. Once was enough.. cheating on me twice is just plain dumb" I replied. "Leave me alone please" I said in a whisper over his cries.

"Don't do this..." Logan pleaded.

"I didn't do this... you did. You brought it on your self. I love you Logan. Nothing can change that or take it away... I wish it could, but I won't go through life knowing the next heart ache is around the corner. You feed me bull shit about protecting me from the world when really all I need is protection from you! I'm better off without you logues... you know that!" I said sadly.

"I love you" he replied wiping at his face.

"I love you too. But this is where it ends" I said in return.

Logan looked at me, his own broken heart so visible in the brown eyes that I had come to know so well.

"I can change..." he replied taking my hand.

"But you can't change what's already happened" I said giving his hand a stroke.

"We need each other... you can't fight what we have Sheri! I know you feel the same... we are meant to be together. It's fate!" he stated.

"Sometimes fate gets it wrong!" I replied. "It's time you went logues" I said wiping away one of his tears.

Logan stared back at me for such a long time. I handed him the flower I still held in my hand but he gave it back to me.

"Keep it! First of many, remember" he replied.

Logan then buzzed the button for a nurse to come in. He kissed my hand and left.

I let the tears roll freely. It was Hitler-nurse that came in to tend to me. She was pissed off when she saw coffee all over the place that needed to be cleared up.

Three birds with one stone. I thought to myself.

* * *

**Chapter 50: Chapter 50**

* * *

I sat on my hospital bed with my belongings in a carrier bag sat next to me.

I looked at my cell phone for the millionth time in the space of a few minutes. It was twenty past eleven.

Kendall said he was going to be here at ten!

I had tried calling him but it was switched off. Alarm bells rang in my head that he might of had a seizure and hurt himself. An annoying voice kept telling me that he was fine but just didn't actually want to be with me again.

I kept repeating the phone conversation that I had with him last night over and over in my mind. There wasn't a hint of hesitation in his voice then. He was so completely happy that I was wanting to try again with him.

What if he woke up this morning and had a change of heart though! The voice kept saying in my head.

I let out a deep breath. Cursing myself for telling logan to leave. Janice was going to be here in ten minutes to take me to my new home and I really didn't want to do it alone!

I tapped my good foot on the floor as the nerves in my stomach got the better of me.

I looked up at the clock that was above the bed. The ticking sound of the second hand as it slowly went by was the only noise I could hear.

I saw the handle of the door turn, I let out a relieved sigh a bit prematurely thinking it was Kendall as it wasn't him. It was Lola.

"Janice is here, shall I send her in?" She said softly, not looking at me.

"Please" I replied looking at the failed attempt she had made on her white shoes to get the coffee stains out.

It wasn't her fault about Logan really. I bet she couldn't wait to clock out and cry herself to sleep over him while eating a ton of chocolate and watching bridgit Jones.

I just felt sorry for her.

Lola nodded and walked out. I watched as Janice and her huge backside made its way in to my room.

"Hiya Sheri!" She said cheerfully. Catching her breath from her workout of walking from the car park, to the elevator, then to my room.

"Hi... my stomach is doing somersaults" I said with a smile.

"Oh don't be silly, you will be fine. Shall we get going?" She asked.

I looked at the time. It was 11:25 now. Kendall was a no-show still.

"Can we hang on for just five minutes... I was hoping to not do this alone" I said looking at the clock again.

"Is Logan running a little late?" She asked with a smile.

I shook my head. "Logan and I called it a day... I'm just waiting for... just waiting for my friend!" I replied.

"Oh I am sorry... he seemed a bit too good to be true" she added.

I gave her a weak smile.

We sat in an awkward silence for a second.

"The Lettermans are all set for you, I rang them just before I got out of the car" she said changing the subject.

I nodded. "They seem really nice... it's a shame it's not permanent" I replied.

"They are a very lovely couple. They have been fostering for years but it's only ever been for emergency placements. Sue didn't have the best upbringing either... I think that's why they do it. Giving something back." Janice mused.

"Do they not have any of their own children?" I asked.

Janice shook her head. "They had a little girl a long long time ago but she died shortly after birth" Janice said sadly.

"Oh that's awful... poor sue" I said thinking what the Lettermans must have gone through.

"Sheri I don't mean to rush you but it's time we went. I will be there with you if your friend can't make it" she said so kindly.

It made a lump come to my throat. Janice! A perfect stranger! was being so kind and lovely towards me in a time that I was so desperately alone.

I looked back up to the clock. It had just gone half eleven now.

I nodded. "Thank you" I replied getting my crutches and standing up.

"I will take your bag Sheri" Janice said as she watched me awkwardly trying to pick the carrier bag up.

"Thanks!" I smiled. I gave one last look at the room.

"Did you want your flower Sheri" Janice asked as she noticed it sat on top of my bedside table.

I looked at the gorgeous pink dahlia. "No it can stay" I replied then walked out the room.

I searched the corridors, hoping to see Kendall, maybe he slept in. We were up pretty late talking. I thought to myself.

He just doesn't want you! Said the evil voice in my head.

As I stood in the elevator with Janice taking up most the room I saw Lola in the corridor. She gave me a small smile which meant goodluck.

I didn't have to, I'm not entirely sure If I wanted to even, But I returned the smile. She looked a bit happier as she turned and walked away in her coffee stained shoes.

I prayed and prayed as the lift doors closed and the elevator went down three levels that Kendall would be waiting for me in the reception area of the hospital.

I could feel tears prickling behind my eyes as I realised I was going to be doing this alone. Completely alone. No friends, no family... no boyfriend.

The doors opened. all that greeted me were strangers faces as they waited patiently for Janice and I to exit the lift.

I carefully scanned each and every face as I hobbled my way as slowly as I could out of the hospital. I prayed to see Kendall. Just a glimpse of his dirty blonde hair would take such a strain off how nervous I felt going to my foster home.

The nearer I got to the exit the more frantic I became. I hoped to see Logan. Just for a friendly face. I felt I could forgive everything if he just accompanied me to the beginning of my new life.

I even began thinking that james would show up. James was a true knight in shining armour. He was always there for me.

Fresh air hit my lungs as Janice held the door open for me. I felt the tears coming and there was nothing I could do.

"C'mon sweetheart... don't cry. Everything will be fine" I heard Janice say as she gently rubbed my back.

I saw the Lexus that I would be getting in to. Janice didn't question how I knew it was her car. I made my way to it. All the while searching my eyes as far as the sky line to see Kendalls face. I stopped and looked back at the hospital.

Maybe we missed each other in separate lifts? I thought to myself.

He just doesn't want you! Replied the evil voice in my head.

I looked up to my room three storeys high. I hoped to see some gorgeous dimples but it was empty.

Janice clicked the key fob on her car. She opened up her trunk and put my carrier bag in, then opened up the back door for me. I wiped my tears away as I handed her one of my crutches. I gently sat down on the car seat and scooted around lifting my leg in carefully. Janice placed my crutches in the foot well of her front passenger seat.

I looked out the window praying to God that Kendall was just confused about the time and that he was going to appear with his bed head blonde hair full of apologies any second now.

No red Honda was making their way in any shape or form in to the car park.

I took in a large staggered breath. I watched in amazement from close proximity how Janice actually did fit her large bum in to the car.

She shut the door on two attempts this time. I smiled to myself that Kendall would of found that amusing if he were here with me.

Janice started the engine once she asked if I was buckled in safe.

This was it. This was the reality now. I was on my own!

Janice put the car in gear and gently moved away. She handed me a tissue from her place in the front. She could see in her rear view mirror I was in pieces, crying in the back seat.

I took the tissue gratefully and attempted to stop the lonely river of tears that was leaving me.

Janice pulled out of the hospital and we made our way to the Lettermans.

I looked out of the window. My heart feeling so heavy.

That's when the car braked suddenly jolting me forward in my seat. My ribs absolutely burning pain again through my chest. But as I looked up and saw Kendall through the windscreen, holding his arms up to stop the car I couldn't of cared less about the pain.

He opened the car door and climbed in.

"That was a ridiculous thing to do!" Janice scolded him as she tried to turn her massive body around to give him the evil eyes.

Kendall was drenched! Absolutely drenched in sweat! His hair was plastered to his head, his green t-shirt he wore had a V line wet patch from his sweat and he was so out of breath that he couldn't string a sentence together.

I however could only smile at him.

"Im... ... so... sorry!" He panted out.

Janice turned around in the car and set it in motion once again.

"You okay?" I asked taking his hand.

Kendall grinned at me as he huffed and puffed his breaths in trying to gain control. His killer dimples making me melt.

He nodded "fucking... ... Honda!" He got out.

Turned out Kendalls car had finally given up the ghost and died on him this morning. His battery on his phone had died because he had given me his charger. He had no money for a cab so he had run 12 miles from his hotel to the hospital.

He looked dead but so God damn happy at the same time.

I buried my head in to his soaking wet sweaty shoulder. He absolutely stank to high heaven but I loved it.

"You tell him it was over?" Kendall asked.

I nodded as I looked up to him. "Yeah... yeah it's over between Logan and I" I confirmed.

Kendall didn't smile. He didn't jump for joy, he just simply nodded. He knew I was going to find it hard without Logan again.

"You ready for your new home? Sorry I look terrible" he laughed.

"I'm ready now your here. I couldn't care less if you look awful... I'm just so glad you made it" I said with a smile.

Kendall wrapped his sweaty, smelly arm around me. I was ready for anything now.

Janice pulled in to a pleasant looking cul-de-sac. The house she drove up to looked nice. The garden neat and tidy. I saw sue out the front, she was playing tea parties by the looks of things with a girl that couldn't of been more than 5 years old.

Janice turned her engine off, she turned around once more. "You ready?" She asked with a smile.

"As I'll ever be" I replied and opened the car door up...

**Chapter 51: Chapter 51**

* * *

"Sheri! Hello" sue said standing up from her crouched position on the grass. She eyed kendall and his shabby looking appearance with an amused eye.

"Hi" I replied quietly to her, feeling incredibly shy.

"Can I get you a drink?" She smiled looking at Kendall as he neared death by exhaustion at her feet.

"That would be amazing! Thank you" Kendall replied.

Janice, Kendall and I followed sue in to her home. The kitchen was nice. expensive looking oak cabinets furnished most of the walls. Black shiny tiles sparkled on the floor.

It was lovely to not see beer cans and crap all over the place like at my old home.

I sat down at the larger than average dining table. Kendall helped me. Taking my crutches for me as I sat.

"What can I get you to drink?" Sue asked.

"Just water thanks" Kendall replied looking like he would drink out of a puddle if he had to, he was so thirsty.

"Sheri?" Sue asked me.

"Water will be lovely thank you" I replied.

Kendall sat next to me. The little girl from the front garden ran in to the house.

"Are you Sheri?" She questioned me, placing her little elbows on the table top.

"I am Sheri" I smiled at her. Her hair was as black as night. She had a curious look on her face.

"What's your name?" Kendall asked the little girl.

"Phoebe" the little girl answered. She didn't have an ounce of shyness about her.

"How old are you Phoebe?" Kendall then asked.

"4. How old are you?" She asked him.

"17" Kendall replied.

Phoebe raised her eyebrows on hearing Kendalls ancient age compared to her tender years. "Did your daddy do that?" She asked him, poking her finger in to one of the fading bruises on his face.

"No my daddy didn't do this." He replied softly.

"You have a big nose!" she then told Kendall.

I had a little chuckle at his expense.

"Phoebe don't be so rude please! Go and wash your hands and you can have a snack" sue said to her.

Phoebe gave Kendall a smile then walked out of the kitchen. Sue delivered our glasses of water.

"Sorry about her she doesn't know when to shush sometimes" Sue said to Kendall.

"It's fine" he chuckled.

"Are you looking after Phoebe too?" I asked.

Sue gave me a smile. "Yes... yes Phoebe comes from a background not so different to yours im afraid. she has been here for 3 weeks. I also have Helen who has been here for a week. She keeps herself to herself though" sue replied.

I nodded. I hadn't thought that other children might be here.

"Who is this then?" Sue asked looking at Kendall who had finished his glass of water already, after running 12 miles to catch up with me.

"This is Kendall" I explained. "Logan... well... Logan won't be around anymore" I said and looked at the table.

"Well as long as you have one person to make you smile... that's all you need" sue replied.

I looked at Kendall and smiled. I saw his cheeks flush red.

"Is that all the belongings you have Sheri?" Sue then asked looking at the plastic bag that Janice had brought in with her.

"For now... the rest is in LA or at my dad's" I replied.

"Well if there is anything that you need just ask. Help yourself to snacks in the fridge... did you want to see your room?" Sue then asked.

"Yeah that would be great" I replied, feeling nervous.

"Sheri if you feel okay here I'm going to leave you to it... is that okay?" Janice asked.

I nodded. "I will be fine... thank you Janice. You have been brilliant!" I said honestly.

"My pleasure sweetheart. You have my number if you need me. I will be in touch daily." She replied. "Oh this is for your friend to get back to his hotel... can't believe he ran 12 miles!" she said with a smile handing me twenty dollars cab money for Kendall.

"Thank you Janice! That's too kind of you" I said smiling at Kendall.

"See you soon.. take care" she said. Sue saw Janice out, Phoebe then came back in to the kitchen and grabbed my hand.

"I will show you your room. It's next to mine!" She said in her little cherub like voice.

I felt sorry for this little girl if she has been through similar things to what I had.

"Can my friend come too?" I asked her.

Phoebe looked up at Kendall. She gave him a real hard look before deciding. "Sure!" She eventually said.

I saw sue still chatting to Janice on the door step. Phoebe pulled me up the stairs, which was no easy task with a broken bone. She pointed in to her room which was a complete mess. Toys scattered about every where.

"This one is yours." She said going in and jumping on my bed.

The room was nice. It was big. The walls were a very light green colour. There was a crisp white bedspread waiting for me and a selection of nice pictures on the walls. There was a small bedside cabinet and a matching set of drawers in the same oak color as the kitchen cupboards had been.

"It's nice huh" Kendall said to me.

I nodded as I took in my new surroundings.

"Phoebe get off that bed!" Sue nagged as she walked in to the room with us. "If you need anything, just let me know. Just one rule! when boys are around... the door stays open!" Sue said with a smile looking at Kendall.

"no problem" I replied.

"Phoebe, come on! Let Sheri settle in then you can play with her later maybe" sue said holding her hand out for the little girl.

"Bye, big nose" Phoebe said chuckling to Kendall as she walked passed.

Kendall poked his tongue out at her.

I sat on the bed once they had gone.

"How you feeling?" Kendall said trying to sum up my thoughts.

"Erm... bizarrely okay" I said with a smile. "These people are so nice Kendall"

"They are really nice. I wasn't sure how I would feel leaving you here but I think I can go away feeling happy you are safe" he replied.

I looked at him, his green eyes looked stunning. "I wish I could just stay here forever. I don't want to be moved around all over the place" I said looking out to the large back garden.

"I wish you could come back to LA still. I'm going to miss you when I go back" he replied. "The show airs in a couple of days. I'm going to have to head back for publicity shit"

"It's not shit Kendall. It's a shame things aren't different but I know we can cope with this. I am going to miss you though... heaps" I said reaching for his hand.

Kendall smiled at me. This was our first contact on us being... I didn't even know what we were to be honest. I could feel the electricity once again though.

"I don't know about you, but a hug sounds good about now" Kendall said looking at our hands.

I leaned over and hugged him. The smell of his hair so lovely. compared to the rest of him at least.

"Why the hell did you sing that song huh?" I asked.

"It felt like the right thing to do." He replied.

"Where do we go from here Kendall?" I asked, rubbing his face with my thumb. He needed to shave. His stubble scratching at my skin.

"We get to know each other again." he replied enjoying my touch. Moving his face toward my hand

"But how do we do that if im here and you are in LA?" I asked.

"I'm not sure Sheri, but I know I'm going to enjoy finding out. Long distance doesn't bother me... how do you feel about it?" He asked.

"I feel... I'm not sure. I feel like it's going to be tough... I guess we just make the most of being together when we can" I said feeling emotional.

"Don't get upset Sheri. Everything is gonna be great! Let's face facts; a distance between us is the smallest problem either of us has had to face compared to everything else that's been going on" Kendall said with a reassuring smile.

"Yeah your right. I know your right. Kendall... what are we? I mean I want us to be more than friends but I don't feel it's right to go back to how we were" I tried to explain. I looked at the brightness of the white bed cover, not wanting to make awkward eye contact with him.

"I'm not sure either. I want to be yours; you know! I want to know that your mine... I'm scared stiff that if im not clear on that then maslow is going to come along and sweep you off your feet." He said with a nervous chuckle.

I shook my head. "James is lovely and I'm probably stupid to not make a go of things with him but he is too perfect. I don't feel I can ever be good enough for James... I'm comfier just being his friend" I said honestly.

Kendall smiled at me as he looked up from his hands. "Not sure if I should take offence to that."

"Well we both know your not perfect Kendall but it doesn't mean I can't love you... I do love you, I meant what I said last night" I replied looking in to his perfect green eyes.

Kendalls smile widened. "I love you too... so James can be told we are more than friends!?" He asked.

I giggled. "Yes James can be told we are more than friends; but Kendall this time I need-"

"I know! You don't have to say anything... I know Sheri" he interrupted.

I searched his face. "Thank you Kendall... you sure your okay yeah? You look terrible"

"I'm fine. I'm going to have to get going soon though I need to have my insulin" he replied.

"I think I have a play date with a 4 year old any way... you will need this though..." I said rummaging through my carrier bag and giving Kendall his cell charger back. "And this" I said giving him the twenty dollars that was in my pocket.

"That was really nice of her... really didn't fancy the long walk home!" He chuckled.

Kendall put the charger and the money in his pocket. "I will try and get the car going again. Come back and see you later?" He said.

"I would love that! Maybe we could go out? I'm so sick of being indoors. Just a walk through the park or something, I'm not really in the right state to do anything too crazy" I smiled.

"It's a date... for just more than friends!" Kendall chuckled.

"Can't wait!" I replied.

"Did you want me to help you down stairs?" He then asked.

"No I will stay up here, if you help me down then I will need more help getting back up here" I explained. "I might just hang in here for a bit anyway" I said looking around the room.

Kendall nodded. "Maybe get some rest! You were up late and you need to get 100% again" he said sternly, drumming it in to me that I need to take it easy.

"You be okay seeing yourself out?" I asked.

"I will be fine... your phone battery okay? I will charge mine and bring the charger back later" Kendall said.

"I have half left" I replied.

"Okay... well... I guess I will see you later then?!" Kendall said taking my hand in his.

"I guess so" I smiled, not entirely sure what to do.

Kendall took the awkwardness out and gave me a hug. "Call me if you need me!" He said in to my ear.

I pulled out from his hug and ran my hand along his face once more. "Your not perfect Kendall but your perfect for me" I said.

He smiled and kissed my cheek. "I'm happy with that!" He replied. "Have a lay down... I will tell the nose obsessed girl to leave you alone for a bit on my way out" he chuckled.

"Thanks... see you soon. Don't forget to take your meds" I reminded him.

Kendall gave my hand a little squeeze then left my room clicking the door shut behind him.

I let out a big sigh as I flopped my body down on to the bed. I stared up at the ceiling. It didn't take long before my eyes wanted to close.

* * *

My consciousness came back to me with a rustling sound. I couldn't figure it out at first.

I was drowsy and not properly awake, but I opened my eyes to see a blonde haired girl in my light green bedroom.

I sat up, not really knowing what to do or say. She was blatantly going through by bag. "What are you doing?!" I asked in a croaky voice.

The girl turned and looked at me. "What does it fucking look like I'm doin!" She answered back, then emptied the contents of my carrier bag out on to the bedroom floor.

I saw her pocket a bracelet that Logan had once given me for my birthday.

"Hey! That's mine" I said not quite believing my eyes.

"Mine now!" Said the blonde, she had a sour look on her face.

I sat up swinging my legs around from the bed. "I don't think you're understanding me! Give me back my bracelet!" I said through gritted teeth.

The blonde stood up, she was skinny, around 14 or 15 years of age, but had a hard look on her face. Her blue steel eyes bore deep in to me. She walked over to where I sat defenseless on the bed with my visible injuries.

"I don't think you understand!" She hissed at me then pushed her foot in to my cast, bending my foot back in to the bed.

I cried out in pain but she wasn't about to stop.

The blonde put her face right in to mine. "Your gonna wish you had never come here!" She replied as she jabbed a finger in to my ribs.

My eyes winced at my pain. "Fuck you!" I said slapping her hand away from me. "I get beaten up for most of my fucking life, I come here and get you! You piece of shit; up in my face!" I snapped, pushing her back and standing up best I could on one foot.

She was tall for a girl of her age. Bigger than me. But she wasn't used to people standing up to her.

"Oh you got the balls huh?!" Blondie spat back.

"Fucking try me!" I replied limping towards her. My heart was beating so fast. Never had I acted like this.

"I'm gonna fuck you up!" The bitch yelled at me then smacked me in the cheek with a thump. I fell back on to the bed with this crazy bitch on me.

She was right though, she was going to fuck me up. She currently had her knees on my chest, I couldn't breath through the pain of my ribs as she yanked at my hair.

"What is- HELEN! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" I heard the frantic voice of sue, as she entered the room wondering what the noise was.

Sue managed to get the blonde bitch off of me. I heaved in deep breaths. As the shock of what just happened sunk in.

"What the hell is going on in here?!" Sue demanded.

"I woke up to find her stealing my things!" I said rubbing my chest, staring daggers at the girl.

Sue held her hand out to the girl. "Give it back, Helen!" She said sternly.

The girl named Helen reluctantly handed my bracelet to sue. Then my cell phone came out of her back pocket and also got handed over.

My eyes narrowed. "You thieving fucking bitch!" I said to Helen.

"ER.. SHERI!" Sue snapped. "I won't have that language in my home"

Sue handed me my belongings. "I suggest you two get to know one another or you will be making your lives completely miserable if your going to be hating on each other" sue said. "Helen this is Sheri. Please make an effort you never know you could be friends" she said sounding exhausted.

I glared at Helen as I caught my breath from being attacked.

"I want you two to sort this out... Helen tidy that mess away!" Sue said pointing to the contents of my bag.

Sue then left the room, although I didn't hear her footsteps go far. I wanted her to know I was trying. Sue was nice, so I thought I would make the first move.

"Your Helen then?" I asked the blonde.

"What's it to you" she spat back as she chucked my things back in my carrier bag.

I shrugged. "How come your here then? What did your parents do to you?" I asked nervously.

Helen looked up to me. "What makes you think it was my parents?" She asked.

"It's always the parents that screw their kids life up" I replied honestly.

Helen sat on the carpet with a sigh. "That's true, but my mom didn't do anything really. She just left me"

"I wouldn't call her leaving you; not doing anything. Did she run off with a guy?" I asked wondering if her story was similar to mine.

"no she died of cancer" Helen replied.

I gulped down my saliva. "I'm sorry"

Helen shrugged. "It was years ago. I didn't cope too well, the people that take me in don't seem to cope too well either." She explained.

"You have a slight temper?" I said with a smile, trying to not accuse.

Helen returned my smile. "You noticed then?" She laughed. It was then I heard Sue's footsteps walk away from the landing outside my room. "What about you? Why are you all beat up?"

"I got sacked from a tv show in LA, came home to my abusive dad, he beat me up, I stole his car... this is the result" I replied.

"Yeah right! A tv show in LA.. bollocks!" Helen replied.

"It's true... look" I said finding a clip for the premier of big time rush on YouTube, on my cell. I found it and let her watch it.

"Holy shit! That is you!" She replied looking at me in the brief clip on my phone.

I smiled. "That one there is my boyfriend" I boasted pointing at Kendall.

Helen looked suitably impressed. "Your lucky! My boyfriend broke up with me. Got fed up with the hassle of me moving around. It wasn't just him; my friends soon followed." She said sounding depressed.

"Kendall loves me, I don't think we would break up because I was in care... same goes for my friends" I said thinking of Logan and James... heck even Carlos checks in with a text once a day.

"I hope so" Helen replied. "Sorry about hurting you" she added. "You never know who your going to get placed with, it's always better to be known as the one to be frightened of or they will drag you down"

"Well im pretty harmless" I confirmed.

Helen just looked me over, assessing if I was telling the truth.

"How old are you?" She asked.

"16, you?" I replied

"16" she answered with a smile. "I'm going to the skate park later to hang out... there is this guy I like, did you want to come with me?" She asked.

"I have a date with Kendall... maybe another time?" I replied.

"Sure sure... well sorry about the bracelet and shit" she said.

I nodded, "it's fine honestly.. I get why you did it. But I'm not out to make anyone's life hard." I said honestly.

"You want me to carry one of those down for you... Sue is a cunt, but she makes really nice cakes... if you want one?" Helen said.

I raised my eyebrow at the thought of delightful sue ever being a cunt, I just couldn't see it. But the thought of some food sounded great. "That would be amazing... thanks" I replied.

* * *

For the first time ever in my life I sat in a pleasant kitchen, with Sue, Helen and Phoebe while we ate cakes and had a chat about our days.

It was the closest I had ever come to a family life, john was at work, he worked in an electricity plant a few miles from town.

Phoebe was adorable and Helen although was crude and obnoxious, she was nice. It wasn't her fault she had ended up the way she was.

I looked at sue and the look we shared was one of contentment. She was happy with her make shift family and so was I.

* * *

Helen and I played with Phoebe in the garden. I think I was bringing the normal person out of Helen as Phoebe had not played, or really spoken to her before. Phoebe was wary of people she was unsure of. I could tell she was unsure of Helen.

Come late afternoon my phone rang.

"Hey you!" I said answering to Kendall.

"Hi, Sheri, you sound cheery" he said sounding pretty cheery himself.

"Yeah its been a good day" I smiled away on the phone. Phoebe handed me a pretend cup of tea.

"I'm glad! Listen I've got the car in the garage but it's not looking good, I'm not going to be able to make it to you tonight but I promise tomorrow we will spend the entire day together... I promise. I love you... miss you heaps" he said.

I blushed slightly at his declaration of love. "It's fine, I told you that car was rubbish!" I laughed.

"Yeah I know, I've been looking online for something nicer... got to have a nice ride for my girl to sit in huh" he said. His smile so audible.

I blushed again. "I don't care about the car Kendall... as long as I sit next to you" I replied.

Kendall chuckled at my soppiness. "Everything okay there then?" He asked.

"Yeah... it's really good kendy..." I replied looking at Phoebe as she fed her doll a slice of cake. "..Really good" I added.

"Okay, I'm so pleased... I'm gonna let you go, coz I still have the God damn charger. Turn your cell off and call me before bed yeah?" He said.

"Okay... speak soon.. love you... miss you Kendall!" I said.

"Miss you more" he replied.

I hung the phone up and sighed.

"Lover boy not coming out to play then?" Helen asked.

I shook my head. "No his car is in the garage... he is coming tomorrow" I replied.

Helen looked to her feet as she sat on the immaculate lawn in sue and Johns garden. "That's how it always starts" she said.

"What starts?" I asked her.

"Being alone... just you wait, today it's the car not working, next week it's he didn't have time, week after that he will need some space" she said miserably.

"Kendall wouldn't do that. His car really is broken" I explained.

Helen gave me the look to say she had heard and seen all this a million times over.

It made me worry in the back of my mind. What if I did lose Kendall? Logan was practically gone now and James... well he knew nothing was ever going to happen with us. He could give up on me any time he pleased. I didn't want to be alone.

"Is it cool if I hang out at the skate park with you later?" I asked now having my time free.

Helen smiled. "Yeah sure" she replied.

I returned her smile. A back up plan was always a sensible idea. I couldn't survive on my own. And Helen was the kind of girl who would look out for me...

* * *

**Chapter 52: Chapter 52**

* * *

There was a knock on my bedroom door, it interrupted me as I read the twilight book sue had let me borrow; I didn't have much else to do without proper use of my phone as I was trying to conserve the battery life to call Kendall later and I didn't have any proper belongings here to keep myself occupied.

"Come in" I called out to the door.

"I'm ready!.. oh are you wearing that?!" Helen said cringing at me as she walked in and sat on the end of my bed.

I frowned at her. "I don't have a lot of options, most of my clothes are in Los Angeles." I replied with a huff.

"Great!" Helen replied sarcastically. "Well, you coming then. Wait until you see noah... he is the sexiest cunt you've ever layed eyes on" she said.

"Stop saying cunt!" I laughed.

"Sorry miss prim! Let's go then!" She said pulling me up by my hand.

I stood up and with Helens' help; got down the stairs with my broken ankle fairly quickly, sue and Phoebe were in the kitchen getting dinner ready.

"Are you girls off now?" Sue asked as we walked through.

"Yeah.. do we have a curfew?" I asked unsure of the rules in her house.

"10:30 please Sheri. I will keep some food by in the oven for you both" she said.

I watched Helen roll her eyes at the fairly early time we had to be home. She didn't have the same relationship I had with sue. Helen saw all grown ups as wastes of space.

"Ten thirty is fine." I smiled.

"Take care girls. Sheri please be careful on those crutches!" She said giving me a concerned look.

"I will be fine" I assured her with a smile.

Once Helen and I had left the house, she led me to the skate park. It felt like it was miles away. My arms hurt from the crutches, my ribs ached and my foot throbbed.

"Did you want to take a breather or something?" Helen asked as she watched me stop for the millionth time as we walked to the park.

"No... thanks! I will be okay. I just have no upper body strength to be carrying my leg this far" I explained.

"You sure? You look in pain Sheri! If you wanna take a break then it's cool!" She said looking fairly worried.

I shook my head. "Honestly it's fine. How much further?" I asked.

"It's just up there, do you see the basketball hoop just behind that big bush?" She said, pointing up ahead.

"Yeah, I see it" I replied looking up, it wasn't far at all. I began walking again. Looking forward to having a sit down and catch my breath.

"So, your dad is in jail? What about your mom?" Helen asked as we slowly walked.

I let out a sarcastic laugh. "Hooker!" I simply replied.

"Fuck! That sounds fair!" Helen replied.

"Tell me about it!... what about you? you lost your mom. What about your dad?" I asked.

"My real dad I never knew but he died in the army when I was a baby... I have a step dad, but the cunt didn't wanna know me after my mom died... fucker!" She replied.

"Sucks!" I replied.

"I know right!..." Helen said. "... Oh great!" Helen then said dead pan.

I looked up to see what she was moaning about and saw a group of six girls all sat around a bench in the park. Three guys who stood with their skateboards were talking with them.

"Who are they?" I asked as we walked the short distance towards them. I noticed one of the skater boys; a cute black guy, look over at Helen as we came nearer.

"It's Chelsea Daniels! The biggest whore your ever likely to meet. She likes Noah too, the rest are her clique... fucking fake ass bitches!" Helen said, staring daggers at the pretty Latino looking girl with her group of friends.

"Is noah the black guy?" I asked.

"Yes! What do you think?" She asked smiling at me.

"Fuck girl! He is all kinds of hot!" I laughed back at her. It was then I noticed the blonde haired guy next to noah. He had beautiful light blonde hair, just ever so slightly longer than Kendalls. He was possibly... only very possibly! Better looking than James!

"Oh I see you eyeing up Sam!" Helen laughed.

"I've got a boyfriend thanks... I was merely admiring the view!" I replied with a smile. My bed hopping days were well and truly over. I was more than happy with my sexy Kendall and his good and bad points.

"Do I look okay?" Helen then asked me quietly as she flicked her hair over her shoulder.

I looked at Helen, she was a pretty girl, long blonde hair and tanned skin, she was elegant and tall but looked younger than 16. Her clear blue eyes made her look angelic... at least until the word "cunt" popped out her mouth.

"You look hot!" I replied quickly and honestly as we were now in hearing distance from the group of teens at the bench.

It was Noah that walked up to Helen, leaving his mates and the girls behind.

"There you are! Wasn't sure you were allowed out again after last night" Noah said to her.

"Hi! Yeah its cool. I got a little saving grace thanks to Sheri here" Helen said back to him, pointing her thumb at me as she spoke.

I had no clue what they were talking about, or what had happened last night. But I gathered helen was only allowed out today because I was with her. I smiled at sue on the inside; being trusted with her confidence was a nice feeling.

"You got cigs babe?" Noah asked Helen.

"Fuck, Noah, I only gave you a pack yesterday... I'm not made of fucking money" she moaned as she rummaged through her purse and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. Noah took one out.

"Shit... I've got no light!" Helen then said having a good look through her bag.

Noah tucked the cigarette behind his ear and walked over to blonde boy Sam asking for a light.

Helen presented the pack of cigarettes in front of me. "Feel free" she said offering me one.

"I don't smoke" I replied turning my nose up at her bad habit.

She looked up at me as she folded her bag back up. "Just have one Sheri.." she urged.

"Honestly I don't smoke" I replied with a smile.

Helen came in a little closer. "Sheri your gonna make us both look like fucking losers! Just take a fucking cigarette" she said looking over to the group of girls, with a nervous look on her face.

I also looked over to the girls, all of them had a cigarette in their hands. They looked a lot more grown up than Helen and I. When I looked in the mirror I still saw a child. The girls sat over on that bench looked liked women... slutty women; but women all the same.

I reluctantly took a cigarette. Helen smiled at me, "c'mon I will introduce you to Sam, he can light us up" she said excitedly.

I walked over with my crutches, the unlit cigarette between my fingers feeling very foreign.

"Who's this then hels'?" Sam asked Helen as he gave me a friendly smile.

Helen held her hand out for the lighter. "This is Sheri... she is staying with the cunts with me" she said as she lit up.

My heart rate quickened as she turned to me with the lighter in her hand.

I had never smoked, I always thought it disgusting breathing in my father's smoke. I wasn't even sure what to do. I wasn't one hundred percent that my previously punctured lung was going to appreciate it either.

But Helen lit me up and I took my first puff of my first cigarette.

It burnt my throat slightly to start off with but in all fairness it was quite nice. Relaxing!

I smiled at Sam who seemed to of taken a liking to me, but not quite sure on how to begin a conversation.

He turned to Chelsea and her friends. "Yo, you think it would be good to let crutches here, sit down" he said to the girls.

Chelsea stared daggers at me, I looked down at the floor not wanting any trouble.

"Yeah, run along skanks!" Helen said squaring up to one of the smaller girls.

Chelsea looked Helen up and down with her evil eyes, but gathered her clique and retreated, realising that the boys they wanted weren't interested in any of them. They walked away. One of them called something back to Helen, in which Helen threw a half empty beer can at her. It missed luckily.

"Thanks!" I said to Sam as I hopped over to the bench and sat down.

"It's cool ya know... did you used to go to Campbell high?" He asked.

I nodded as I took another puff of my cigarette. "Yeah.. I left for LA for a bit though. Did you go to Campbell too? I asked.

"For a year yeah! My family moved town so I left. I thought I recognised you" he said.

"Your face doesn't ring any bells to me" I said honestly.

I looked over to the third friend who was now back on the skate ramps. He was pretty good on his board. I noticed then that Noah and Helen were backed up against the flat side of the skate ramp. They were all over each other. I was pretty sure he was giving her a discreet fingering up against the wall.

I let out a laugh and looked down to the floor again.

"She finally snagged him by the looks of things" I chuckled.

Sam looked up to his friend, who dry humped Helen while sticking his tongue down her throat.

"Yeah I would call that snagged" he joked.

"So what school you going to now your here?" Sam asked as he also looked away from his friend.

"I'm not sure... it's been a tough few days... things will get sorted soon I expect" I replied.

"We are all at bridgehouse now, hopefully you will get in there.. least you will know a few people then" he said opening up a bag by his feet. He pulled out a beer and handed it to me.

I automatically took it. Not wanting Helen to moan at me again for being a loser. I shouldn't be drinking though, I was on antibiotics and still wasn't keen on alcohol since my puke session at the beach house months ago.

I stubbed my cigarette out and opened the can, taking a sip.

"Do you know Helen well?" I asked breaking the awkward silence.

"Yeah kinda. We hang around at school... she has been after noah for weeks." He laughed looking back over to the now empty spot where noah and Helen were. I imagined they had gone round the back of the skate ramp to get it on.

"She beat me up earlier, tried to steal my things... she seems okay though... now I know her" I replied.

"Yeah she does what the fuck she likes... that's just Helen for ya" he replied.

The guy that was skating came and sat with us shortly after. He drank a beer. Turned out his name was rob. Rob gave me an uneasy feel, he seemed a bit dark on the inside.

Helen came back over, dusting off leaves from her dress from her fumble with Noah who she now held hands with.

"You guys coming back to mine?" Rob asked the group.

"Yeah"

"Yep"

"Sure" came the trio of yesses from Helen, Sam and Noah.

"What's the time?" I asked Helen. I had left my cell at home, turned off, to save the battery.

"Just gone 9:40pm" Helen replied helping herself to beer from the bag.

"We won't have time, back at half ten huh! it's gonna take me that long to get home with these" I replied holding up one of my crutches.

"Your not honestly saying your going home at ten thirty are you Sheri?" Helen said giving me a smirk. "I never go home at curfew and sue does fuck all about it because she is a soppy cunt" Helen replied.

"But I like sue!" I replied feeling uncomfortable.

Sam handed me another beer. "My car is just around the corner from robs, I can drive you both back for half ten" he said.

I looked up at Helen who raised an eyebrow at me.

"Okay... but ten thirty on the dot" I said back to Sam.

"Scouts honor" he replied giving me a beautiful smile that just reminded me of James.

The walk to robs was fairly funny and quick as Noah had the ingenious idea of letting me balance one foot on his skate board while Sam gently pulled me along, Helen held my crutches for me.

I once again marveled at how my life had completely flipped around. A week ago I was an LA golden girl with a bright future. Now I was just an ordinary kid again.

I felt more relaxed being normal. Acting was fun, but it wasn't me. It was Logan's dream.

I wondered how Logan was now he had entered my mind.

"What about you Sheri! You got a boyfriend?" Rob asked nudging Sam in the ribs.

"Yeah I do" I replied with a smile. I could tell Sam liked me but I didn't want to give him the wrong impression.

"Oh bad luck Sammy!" Rob laughed out.

Sam blushed as he continued to pull me along.

"Sheri has some hot Kansas cutie, don't you Sheri?" Helen said smiling.

"He is pretty hot!" I agreed.

"How long you been with him?... I remember you used to go out with the rich dude with the horses" Sam said.

I looked at him in astonishment that he actually knew about Logan.

"Yeah Logan... things didn't work out with me and him, but I've been with Kendall a few weeks... on and off" I replied honestly, not wanting to discuss my complicated love square that had been going on. All that mattered now was I loved Kendall and he loved me back.

That's all I needed to get by.

"That's cool" Sam replied.

* * *

We reached robs house by ten to ten. It reminded me of my dad's house. We all traipsed down in to his basement. Noah got fed up with me hobbling and ended up giving me a bumpy piggy back ride down the stairs.

I sat on the sofa that was in there. Noah sat next to me with Helen on his lap as they made out.

Sam was rummaging through some boxes and my heart sunk when I saw him pull out a crack pipe.

I didn't want to be here any more, I felt scared and completely out of my depth. I wasn't in to smoking and drinking or doing drugs. I began to panic.

I looked over to Helen who was still trying to eat noahs' face off.

I probably could of coped with the booze and the smoking, but when Rob knelt down by the table and pulled out his rock of crack I felt sick

It was this that set the alarm bells ringing in my head. I was a good girl, I was normal, I had normal friends and did normal things. Watching this go on in front of me wasn't normal. I wanted to go back home to sue, in her normal house.

"Oh my God Sheri... your fucking face!" Helen laughed as she now looked at me.

I smiled at her, not wanting to let on that I felt so nervous right now.

"Have you never smoked crack before?" She asked amused.

I forced out a pretend chuckle. "Yeah... course. I don't really like it though" I lied.

"That's because I bet the shit you had was shit... robs stuff is always great, huh Rob?" Helen said.

"Sure is baby hels" Rob agreed as I watched him prepare his pipe. I noticed Sam waiting patiently.

"If Sheri don't want it, she don't have to smoke that shit" noah said.

"Shut the fuck up Noah!" Rob said. "Lil Sheri ain't tried it before, she is lyin'" he chuckled and handed Sam the pipe.

I watched as he held it up and inhaled. He wasn't Sam after that... he was a different boy. A boy with only one look in his eye which screamed "when is it my turn again!"

I noticed it was rob that was handing the pipe around.

I watched Noah have his go. He then offered it to me. I shook my head then he gave it to Helen.

Helen didn't take her turn just yet though. She was still smiling at me.

"Try it Sheri!" She said.

"No, im good... honestly" I replied trying not to make a big deal out of it.

"Sheri, don't be such a fucking baby. It doesn't do any harm! It just makes you feel... nice!" She said still shoving it in my face.

"Leave her alone Helen, just cause your a fucking crack head doesn't mean everyone else has to be." Noah said.

I looked over at Rob who gave me the look like I was a complete twat!

"Helen's right... it just makes everything good... all your problems just float away... you look like a girl with a lot of problems" Rob said smiling.

I looked at Helen. "It's true... try it. Nothing bad will happen" she said softly.

She explained what I had to do then... I did it!

It was the head rush of all head rushes. I had never felt so amazing. All my problems did float away. Nothing worried me, nothing bothered me. I didn't have a care in the world. I was amazing the most beautiful person in the world.

The room got more intense, the sound of Sam talking seemed to get louder... life was just better. Life felt great.

At least until I breathed out and the amazing feeling that my body just possessed faded away with me after just a few minutes.

"Good huh?" Rob said looking at me.

"Holy fuck yeah... it doesn't last very long though" I said watching as the pipe made its way round the group.

"Na, but it's worth it huh" he laughed. "Once you go crack, you never go back!" He smiled.

We spent the evening passing the pipe around. I loved it. I just wanted the feeling to last longer. My body felt immense on the high, then it felt drab when I was down again. I watched the pipe going round and round, all the while chasing the next high. Noah was blowing his left over smoke in to Helen's mouth.. all I could think seeing that, was I wanted Kendall to do it to me.

I felt like shit once it had all gone. My normal body felt lifeless, boring, mundane, tired...

I was now sat next to Sam, he was really chilled from what we had done. There was zero awkwardness with our group now. I Iayed my tired head down on Sam's lap. He stroked my hair back. It just felt nice.

"Can't it last any longer than that?" I said to rob who was sat on a giant bean bag. He was the guy in charge of all this. He was the supplier, the dealer... he was God to me right now as I craved more of that amazing feeling.

"Not like that... you want a longer high it's gonna cost you Sheri" he replied matter of factly.

"Sheri has got the major Jones's" Noah laughed.

"Leave her alone" Sam said looking down at me.

"It just felt nice" I replied to both of them.

"I don't think I will be any good driving you home... I'm so tired... you can stay here if you like?" Sam said softly still stroking my hair.

It was those words that really sent me back to the miserable world I lived in.

"What is the time?" I asked sitting up, ignoring Sam, who was clearly trying to pull me. I wasn't interested one bit

"12:20" Noah answered.

"What? What the fuck! sue is going to freak!" I said practically jumping from my seat and grabbing my crutches.

"Who gives a flying fuck Sheri" Helen replied as she wrapped her arms tighter around Noah.

"I do! I said I would be home, and I need to call Kendall!" I said making my way towards the stairs.

Sam dragged his body up from the sofa. "I will give you a lift... I will be fine" he yawned.

"Helen come on!" I said now feeling ten times more stressed than I did earlier.

"Na I'm staying!" She said flatly.

"For fucks sake!" I moaned. Then did my best to get up the narrow staircase without falling.

Sam helped me to his car. I was home within five minutes. I saw the downstairs lights were still on.

"Great!" I huffed out now knowing I was gonna get a bollocking from sue.

"See you tomorrow?" Sam asked.

I looked at him. He was no where near as nice as James once you got passed his good looks. "Maybe!... just friends though Sam" I said.

"Yeh sure... see you later Sheri" he said.

I gave him a smile then left the car.

Sue opened up the front door before I even reached it.

"I'm sorry" I said to her.

"Where is Helen!" She replied looking at me with disappointed eyes.

"She said she was staying at a friends house" I explained as sue moved aside and I walked in. The floral smell and the neatness of the house compared to the messiness of robs basement were like two different worlds.

"Is she safe?" Sue asked.

"Yeah... yeah she is fine where she is" I replied.

"It's almost 1 so get up to bed.. we will discuss this tomorrow with Janice" sue said. Her hand on hip.

I didn't say anything further to her. I kind of relished at the thought that all she did was put her hand on her hip, my dad would of beat two barrels of shit from me!

* * *

I turned my phone on once I was upstairs and called Kendall.

He took a while to answer, but finally did sounding croaky.

"Hey baby" he said taking in a deep breath from waking up.

"Kendy I'm so so sorry" I said apologising for not calling him sooner.

"What for?" He asked.

"Not calling!" I replied.

"I just thought your battery died. What you been up to then?" He asked.

I collected my irrational thoughts as quickly as I could. "Just went out with the other girl that lives here... didn't do much... hung out and shit" I replied.

"Well least your making friends... I'm glad things are good for you Sheri. I miss you so much though" he said. I could honestly hear the pain in his voice.

I crawled in to bed fully clothed, not feeling up to doing anything. "I miss you too kendy" I said as I rested my head on the pillow and turned my bedside light out.

"Can't wait to see you tomorrow Sheri. I still haven't got my car back but they called earlier and said definitely tomorrow. So I will be round as soon as possible okay" he replied.

"Okay baby" I answered.

"You okay sheri?" Kendall asked.

"Yeah... yeah im fine... just miss you" I replied automatically as my mind was searching itself as to when and how I would get my next high...

* * *

**Chapter 53: Chapter 53**

* * *

The sun shining through my window was the first thing to wake me up. I hadn't bothered to pull my curtains when I got in last night.

The second thing that caught my attention as I woke up was the handsome boy sat on the end of my bed.

"Hey sleepy head!" Kendall said with a small smile.

"Oh my god... hey! Your here early." I said smiling.

Kendall chuckled. "Not really, it's almost midday!" He replied showing me his killer dimples.

"Is it?! Geeez!" I said holding my arm out as an invite for Kendall to lay down with me.

He glanced at the open door of my bedroom and just nudged it with his foot ever so slightly so it closed a fraction. The angle of the door was good. No one on the landing would be able to see us together on the bed if they walked up the stairs.

Kendall lay down. I rested my head on his shoulder.

"What you been up to Sheri?" Kendall asked softly.

I looked up at him from my position on his shoulder. "What do you mean?" I asked pulling the cover out from under him and covering us both up as we cuddled together on my single bed.

Kendalls face looked tense.

Sue had a go at me when I arrived... she thought it was me that had dropped you home late last night" he explained.

I felt my heart cave in at his words.

"It was just a guy that Helen knows, nothing happened between us I promise! Helen refused to come home with me so he gave me a lift back... just a lift!" I explained looking up to his beautiful green eyes.

"I'm screaming on the inside but I believe you Sheri... I'm trying to stay calm... " he replied. I felt terrible. Poor Kendall was battling his own demons to get better and here I was putting him to the test after just one day apart.

"I love you Kendall... I'm not willing to mess about with us. It was just a lift" I whispered in to him as I held him tighter.

"I believe you... just wish you wouldn't go off with strange dudes... it fucks my head up after Savannah" he replied.

"I was fine, I'm sorry... is your car okay?" I asked noticing that my head felt heavy. I had no desire to get out of bed at all.

"Cost me 300 bucks to get it fixed... well cost my dad 300 bucks! The guy in the garage said the head gasket was about to blow so there is no way it will get me back to LA" Kendall said.

I looked up in excitement. "Your staying longer?" I asked hopeful.

Kendall kissed my forehead as he snuggled himself in closer to me. "No... I'm gonna sell the Honda, my dad is paying for me to fly back to LA... once I have some money rolling in again I will get a decent car"

"I wish I held on to my money... could do with it now" I sighed. Thinking of robs last words that it would cost me, to feel like that again... it didn't cost me last night. He just shared it with us all.

"Yeah, we were pretty dumb... I've got nothing to show for it. What are you after? doesn't sound like you to want stuff?" Kendall said closing his eyes.

"Nothing really... just nice to have it" I replied.

Kendall rubbed his nose in my neck line as we got cosy. "You stink like cigs Sheri" Kendall mumbled in to me.

I mentally scorned myself for not getting changed or attempting to wash myself last night. "Helen and her boyfriend smoke" I replied.

"What did you want to do today?" Kendall said rubbing his hand along my arm.

In all honesty I was itching to get back to robs just to get a hit of that feeling again. But my body had no desire to move. "I just want to cuddle up with you all day... I love you" I replied turning my head in to him. Inhaling his scent that lingered on his skin.

"Sounds nice... are things okay yeah? I worry about you being here" he said.

"I'm fine.. I'm sorry about last night kends... I was just trying to fit in. Im a complete ass hole. Are you okay... taking care of yourself yeah?" I asked rubbing my hand along his jaw line.

Kendall chuckled at my description I had given myself. "your not an ass hole Sheri... I need to learn to trust you or this will never work... I do trust you and I know guys are going to come along and see how beautiful you are. But I trust you that you would tell me first if you wanted to call it a day between us" he said. Obviously my outing playing on his mind more than he was letting on.

"I would tell you Kendall. But I don't think those words will be coming for at least... a hundred years!" I joked.

"Oh great!" He teased. "So I will have to try and find some new hot play thing for when I'm 117" he laughed.

I kissed him on the cheek. "'Fraid so" I replied with a smile. "Don't change the subject though... you looking after yourself yeah?" I asked seriously.

"I'm fine, I got my meds so I can stay all day... until you get bored with me" he whispered.

"I can never get bored with you... your very entertaining" I mocked him.

"Hmm... in what way?" He laughed.

"Well these lips..." I said rubbing my finger along his bottom one. ".. They can keep me fully entertained for ages." I replied.

"If that's true why haven't you kissed me yet?" He asked with a gorgeous glint in his mesmerising green eyes.

"I wasn't sure how slow you wanted things between us" I replied honestly.

"I should think that kissing is just fine!" He said reaching his face in further to mine as we both lay our heads on my pillow. The tension that built up in those few seconds before or lips touched was unreal.

His lips were still so soft. Once again I felt I belonged. His tongue that eased its way in to my mouth was warm and delicious. I welcomed him. I welcomed his touch. His hand gently felt along my face.

I wanted to surrender my every urge to him. I wanted him to please my body the way I knew he could, the way he did last time we made love. My hands explored his body. Running down his chest which was covered by his t-shirt. I enjoyed the feel of what lay hidden beneath.

I came across the hardness in his pants and slowly rubbed it on the outside of his jeans.

A smile appeared on Kendalls lips. They ever so slightly parted from mine. "Slow is hard" he whispered.

I smiled back. "Your hard!" I replied, which made him chuckle.

I thought it best to leave his hard parts alone. Slow really was key with us at the moment and I honestly didn't want to mess it up.

Just being cuddled up with him kissing me and the thrill of not knowing where his hand might linger was enjoyable enough.

I did however catch myself thinking about what time Kendall would leave so I could go to robs.

Kendall eventually fell to sleep as he lay next to me. His hair was swept back from his face as I watched him. He was so perfect. So beautiful. I began to feel guilty. Guilty that I had this dark secret of what happened last night while I was out with Helen and her friends.

What would Kendall make of it if I told him the truth... he sure as heck would not let me get any more, that's for sure... and I really wanted more.

I guess it was only a matter of time before I slipped in to a bad habit like this... it wasn't so bad though. Helen was right. It didn't do any harm, it just made everything feel amazing. I wasn't hurting anyone else.. it was my body after all. I deserved a bit of fun.

The warmth and feel of Kendall next to me as he slept was a lullaby in itself to send me off to sleep.

I woke up after just a short time scratching my head, I had got hot and sweaty with Kendall next to me and the fact I was still fully clothed from yesterday.

I fidgeted about trying to get back to sleep but I felt disgusting.

"Kendy... wake up" I whispered.

Kendall woke up with a stretch. "Whass up" he said sleepily.

"Will you help me have a shower... my hair is so fucking greasy. I feel terrible" I said with a sigh.

"I don't think I'm gonna be allowed to help you shower, baby." Kendall replied now wide awake at hearing my odd request.

"I can't do it on my own with this cast on me, and my finger like this." I said feeling really emotional over wanting a shower.

Kendall smiled at me, he rubbed his thumb along my chin. "I will see what I can do" he said, flipping the cover over and getting out from my bed. He left the room and I sat up.

Kendall returned a few moments later with sue. "Janice will be here later... she is concerned about you" sue said as she handed me a bikini.

I nodded. "What's this for?" I asked taking the bikini.

"Kendall said you wanted a shower. That will make things a bit... more appropriate if you insist on his help" sue said.

"Thank you sue" I said.

"It's not a problem Sheri... I will get you a garbage bag to wrap that cast up in. You don't want it to get wet." She said then walked out of the room.

"She seems really pissed at me huh" I said to Kendall as he stood silently.

"She will get over it Sheri. Your a nice person... we all make mistakes" Kendall said in an upbeat way.

Sue returned with the garbage bag and helped me wrap my cast up securely. She then turned the shower on while I got changed; Kendall had to wait outside my room.

He was supplied with an assortment of towels and was given the look to say "behave" by sue.

It felt so nice to have a shower, it felt even nicer to have Kendalls hands soap my body up. He did behave but he made sure my boobs were well soaped. He was absolutely soaked by the time we had finished rinsing my hair. His t shirt clung to his body.

Kendall wrapped me in a towel and helped me back in to my room.

"Less itchy now?" He smiled as he gently rubbed the towel against my skin.

"I feel so much better" I said looking at my ribs. They looked worse than before. "Shit! Look what that bitch did!" I said tracing the outline of the newer looking bruises on me.

"What bitch?" Kendall asked.

"Helen and I had a fight when we first met yesterday... she ended up kneeling on my ribs." I explained.

"What! Why are you just telling me this now?" He said heading for the door.

"Where are you going?" I asked.

"To tell sue! Sheri im not having some crazy girl attacking you that lives under the same roof!" He moaned.

"It's fine, sue knows... she dragged her off of me... it was just as misunderstanding" I said trying to reason.

"Well she doesn't sound like a great person Sheri" Kendall said as he sat on the bed next to me. "She beats you up then leaves you with a guy you don't know in the middle of the night... no wonder sue is miffed at you... it doesn't sound like you Sheri" he said softly.

"Is not all bad... besides I don't have much choice staying here do I?" I said.

"I guess not... let's get you dressed huh" Kendall said with a smile.

I just about got dressed in time for when Janice arrived. I talked Kendall in to leaving. I wasn't sure what sue knew about what Helen got up to with her drug habit. I didn't want Kendall finding out about it at all. He checked my cell to make sure it was fully charged before placing it back in my shorts pocket. He was taking the charger back with him.

With a heavy heart I waved bye to Kendall. We only had one more day together before he had to catch his flight back to LA.

I sat down at the huge table in the kitchen. Helen was already sat in here. Janice and sue preached on at us about being responsible and making the right choices. I didn't listen to a word.

I looked at Helen, she smiled at me but just with her eyes. It made me giggle. Then of course Janice began moaning even more at me.

I did however hear the word "grounded" crop up.

"What do you mean grounded, I'm not being fucking grounded!" Helen yelled. "Your not my parents!" She scorned.

"Once you can learn to be trusted then you can have your freedom back." Sue said.

"This is bull shit! Im not staying in this house with you bunch of cunts... you can't force me to stay in" Helen said standing up.

"Helen! Excuse me! Where exactly do you think your going?" Sue demanded.

"Away from you" Helen spat back then walked out the kitchen. I heard the front door slam shut as she left the house.

Sue and Janice looked at me. They treated me like the good child, the favorite. In all honesty it killed me to do it but I needed that feeling back that Rob had let me experience.

"Im sorry... I will go talk to her" I said standing up and reaching for my crutches.

"No Sheri, you will stay in as you have been told to do" Janice said. Her own disappointed eyes trying to see through me.

"I will just be a minute... she listens to me" I pleaded.

Sue nodded and I limped out of the house on my crutches. I saw helen just up the road. She was talking to a guy in a car. It wasn't until I got closer that I realised it was noah she was talking to.

"Hey!" I said to him through his open window as I stood next to Helen.

"Hi, you want a lift?" Noah said to us both as he leaned one arm over the passenger seat.

Helen just got in the car without questioning him.

"Helen!" I heard sue call from the front door as she watched her get in.

"You coming Sheri?" Noah asked.

I looked from him to sue, then with a heavy sense of shame, got in the back of the car.

I didn't look back to see sues reaction. I didn't want that memory in my head.

A sordid sense of relief washed over me when I realised Noah was driving back to robs house.

It was only late afternoon, the sun shone brightly in through the small Windows that were in robs basement. All I could see out of them was grass from his parents unkept garden. We sat around for a bit drinking beer. I felt so agitated that no one else seemed to want the crack as much as I secretly craved it.

"I knew you would be back sheri!" Rob smirked at me as he handed me a cigarette. I gladly took it today, anything to calm the anxiety that I had over wanting something so badly but not quite sure on how to go about asking for it.

"How did you know I would be back" I asked as he lit me up.

"I've never seen a girl more needy than you" he replied.

I honestly didn't have a clue what he meant by that. So I didn't respond to it. "Is Sam coming round?" I asked.

Rob sneered at me. "I thought you had a boyfriend?" He questioned.

"I do! It doesn't mean I can't ask if Sam is coming over does it?" I snapped.

"He likes you, ya know!" Rob said.

"Yeah I know, and I've told him I'm not interested like that" I replied.

Helen momentarily left noahs lips. "You shouldn't just palm Sam off Sheri... it won't be long before that Kansas cutie of yours gets fed up and drops you!" She said. Her tone serious.

"Kendall loves me... I know he wouldn't do that!" I replied to her and Rob.

I saw noah give me a sympathetic smile. Out of everyone here he seemed most normal. I didn't understand why he actually wanted to date Helen.

"Whatever Sheri! Kansas is about to be a tv star. No way he is gonna stick around for a kid in care in Texas!" Helen said then placed her lips back on noah so arguing back would be pointless.

I slouched back in to the sofa and took a drag from my cigarette, letting it blow out slowly.

"What!" I snapped at Rob noticing he was staring at me.

"Your boyfriend is famous?" He questioned.

"Yeah... well he is gonna be. We are in a kids tv show... it airs tomorrow..." I revealed with a sigh.

"no fucking way!" Rob laughed. "You must be rolling around in cash" he added.

I shook my head. "Nope! I've got nothing, he's got nothing. We bought a load of shit with the money we made... clothes... nice haircuts... clothes. It just kind of went" I replied.

"That is a shame Sheri" Rob said, just as Sam walked in.

"Get the fucking base cooking dude, had the worst fucking day!" Sam said as he reached the bottom step. He sat down on the arm of the sofa next to where I was.

I didn't understand what he just said but the crack pipe came out and I watched in awe as Rob got things going. I took in every detail this time. I didn't want to have to rely on him... I didnt like him.

"You okay?" Sam asked me as he too watched and waited patiently for a go on the pipe.

"Yeah... grounded but... well that didn't work out as well as they had hoped." I said with a smile.

"So it seems" Sam chuckled.

"Sheri if your gonna want in on this your gonna have to start paying babes" Rob said as he saw my greedy looking eyes on him.

"You know I don't have any money!" I replied.

"Well this shit ain't cheap shez. Every one puts in... I will let you off today, but I'm gonna need some money next time" he said.

I frowned at the nickname he had given me, "shez" just sounded trashy. But I was grateful that he wasnt going to make me sit out on it today.

The pipe began going round and once again I felt like the most amazing girl in the world. Noah and Helen left before it had all gone. Noah wasn't smoking it today. But as I came down from my hit all I could think was I was glad they had gone so it was more for me.

Sam passed the pipe to rob after he had a turn. That was when he passed his smoke on to me. It wasn't a kiss but it was the sexiest thing I had ever experienced. I noticed his hand fall on my lap. He didn't caress me or anything but I knew it was his way of testing the water.

I smiled as I picked it up and placed it on his own lap.

I saw Rob laugh at me.

"Fuck I gotta go to work" Sam said once all the crack had been burnt out.

I had no clue how he would survive an evening at work after doing that but he went off without saying goodbye to me. I think I hurt his feelings.

"Why don't you just fuck him" Rob said as he rolled up a joint. He sat next to me on the sofa now it was just me and him left in the basement. I didn't really care. He was about to get stoned. I knew he wasn't about to attack me.

"I've got a boyfriend!" I replied. He offered me the joint after he had a toke. I was desperate for some kind of new high so I graciously accepted the joint.

It was nice but nothing on the crack.

"How much money do you need?" I asked Rob.

Rob laughed. "Knew this was coming! However much you can get your hands on baby girl. The more I get.. the more you get" he said.

"You not have any more on you tonight?" I asked.

"Nah... it doesn't work like that shez. You can't have it and not smoke it. I do have a bit of H." He said looking at me with a smile.

"H?" I questioned. Not knowing again what he was talking about.

"Heroin, babes!... that will give you the buzz your looking for" he said resting his head back on the sofa as he inhaled the joint then passed it back to me.

"Isn't that the worst thing to get in to... needless and shit?" I asked. Kind of intrigued.

Rob shrugged. "You can snort it, or roll it in a joint" he said taking the joint from me and having another toke... but it is best shooting it up" he replied passing it back to me.

"Injecting?" I asked.

Rob laughed at my complete lack of knowledge about drugs. "Yes shezza babes.. Injecting... shooting... whatever!" He said putting his arm around me.

I tested my head on his shoulder as I relaxed.

"What does it feel like... can I try it?" I asked.

"I'm not cooking up the heroin just so you can have a freebe taster... get your hands on 80 and I will part with the H and get you a club membership to the crack party" he teased.

"80 dollars! Where the fuck am I meant to get 80 dollars" I moaned.

"Everyone finds their own way shez" rob said as he put his feet up on the table.

It dawned on me then that's why Helen was trying to steal my stuff. She was trying to raise cash. I didn't have any belongings to sell. I had no job and had no money coming in.

"I got no way of getting it... might as well be a million bucks" I sighed watching as Rob put the joint in an ashtray.

"Well no cash, no high. Dealers don't do credit babes" he said.

I felt peeved off. "I will get the money!" I sighed out again.

"Well you should... nothing beats a heroin high... nothin!" He said.

"What does it feel like?" I asked.

Rob smiled. "imagine the best orgasm you've ever had... then multiply it by a hundred. That still doesn't come close to it" he said.

"Sounds good... really fucking good" I replied.

"Well im gonna have to love you and leave you shez. I've got a girl to meet" he said.

"Oh... can I have a hand up the stairs" I asked.

"Fuck I forgot about your leg... you want me to call you a cab?... it does only takes a few minutes to walk to where your staying" he said.

"I got no money for a cab.. I will walk" I replied.

Rob looked kind of guilty. "Sorry normally I would totally walk you back... especially with your leg like that but I've been trying to get with this chic for ages... sorry. Phone your boyfriend?" He then said.

I could just imagine what Kendall would do and say if he saw the state of me stinking of weed.

"Yeah maybe" I said to rob, knowing full well I wouldn't ever phone Kendall to pick me up from here.

"Shame your guy can't supply the reddies for your habit. If he does then I will be down here later if you wanted that H" Rob said as he helped me up his basement steps.

"Okay... " I replied feeling a bit vulnerable. Rob flashed me a smile as we left his house, he went the opposite way to which I needed to go.

I only got to the end of the road before my arms started killing me. I sat down on a wall. It's a shame that Kendall was as irresponsible as me and had spent all the money he had earned. I bet he would give me some if I asked... but he didn't have any.

My mind then strayed to Logan. Logan always had money. He was always very sensible with it. He was saving away for something. Only buying the things that he needed unless it was a one off treat.

I pulled my phone out of my pocket and scrolled down to his name.

My finger hovered over the dial button. Not sure if I really wanted to talk to him yet. But the craving I had for robs drugs out weighed my anger for my ex boyfriend who I knew still cared about me, and I knew had money!

I pressed the dial button.

"Sheri... hi!" Logan replied sounding genuinely happy to hear my voice.

"Hi logues. How are you?" I asked.

"Erm... not great... Sheri im a fucking mess with out you" he said honestly.

"Are you back in LA?" I asked. Trying to get to the point. If he was then this conversation was pointless.

"No.. no I'm staying with Johnny.. im still here." He said with hope in his voice.

"You wanna chat? Clear the air?" I asked.

"Yeah.. I would love to? When?" He asked eagerly.

"Now?" I replied skeptically.

"Sounds good... where is the house you are staying at?" He asked.

"I'm not at the house logues.. I'm at... Jacob place." I replied on seeing the street sign. "I'm just out walking" I added.

"Okay... well I will be there soon.. thanks Sheri! I know we can work it out.. I know we can" he said.

I felt guilty then. He didn't have a clue I was dating Kendall again, he didn't have a clue I just wanted his money and he didn't have a clue I wanted it for drugs.

Logan chatted happily away to me for several minutes, but all I could think about was drugs. He promised he wouldn't be long. He had the use of johnny's car.

I sat on the wall for what seemed an eternity before a gleaming white bmw pulled up next to me.

Logan got out and walked towards me, wrapping his arms around me.

It was a shock, I wasn't expecting this contact from him. As he pulled away from his hug his lips met mine. Once again shock glued me to the spot. His tongue gate crashed my mouth. It felt nice but awful all at the same time. I pushed him away.

"I'm with Kendall!" I whispered out.

"What?" Logan asked, his eyes full of disappointment.

"I'm with Kendall... it's best you know now" I said honestly.

"You made me drive all the way out here to say that? I thought you wanted to try again. Sheri I love you!" He said, his voice dripping with emotion.

"I need some money logues... I didn't know who else to ask" I said beginning to cry. I felt bad I was hurting him.

Logan looked at the state of me. "Get in the car" he replied softly.

Logan drove us away in silence. He parked up at a nearby woodland park. It wasn't very busy.

"What's going on then?" He asked. Taking my hand. I didn't bother to try and pull it away.

"I just need some money... I'm totally broke Logan" I said staring down at my belt buckle for something other than his dark brown eyes to look at.

"I honestly thought you wanted to try again... how can you be back with Kendall!? The guy is an ass hole" Logan moaned.

"I'm sorry... I just don't feel how I used to about you" I replied.

"That's a lie and you know it. I can feel the fucking tension between us right now Sheri... you want me as badly as I want you!" He replied.

He was right, I did still care for him deeply but the trust had gone! It was only the intense physical attraction that remained... it was hard to resist but I loved Kendall.

"I don't" I lied.

"This is a total fuck up Sheri" Logan said angrily letting go of my hand.

My desperate tears then left me again as I feared I was losing the person that could supply the means to the goods I craved.

We sat in silence for a while. The only noise coming from my occasional sniff as I wept.

"How much money do you need?" He eventually asked as he took a sigh.

My mind whirred in to action. He was going to give it to me! I decided asking for more would be better. It would avoid another situation like this for a while at least.

"500 bucks" I whispered out. Not knowing if that was taking it too far.

"What the hell do you need 500 dollars for Sheri?" He asked.

"I can't tell you Logan" I said not wanting to lie, he would see right through it any way.

"I'm not giving it to you unless you tell me" he replied.

"Just 100 dollars then... please Logan I'm begging you" I said desperately.

"Sheri I can take you to a cash machine right now and get the 500, but your not getting it until you say why you want it... is it for Kendall?" He asked.

"No! No please don't say anything to Kendall about this! Please" I urged.

"Okay, okay... just tell me why then." he asked wiping a tear away from my cheek.

I let out a big sigh. "For drugs" I said quietly. Not quite believing that I had told him.

"Ha ha! Very funny!" He said sarcastically.

"I'm not joking logues... they make everything seem better... it's just a one off. I promise. It helps with the pain of my injuries and ... well it helps me forget the pain of you" I said trying to get a sympathy vote from him.

Logan looked at me like I was a complete stranger. "What kind of drugs? Weed?" He asked realising that 500 dollars was going to get a lot of weed for one small girl.

"Crack" I replied slowly.

"Jesus fucking Christ Sheri! Have you gone fucking mental?! Do you know how addictive that shit is?" He stormed.

"Yes but I'm fine with it. I just need another go or two to get me through this shit that is happening... who was the one that called the police on my dad Logan! Huh?" I replied making him feel guilty.

"Sheri there is no way I'm giving you money to buy drugs... your fucking insane if you thought I would!" He said angrily, like I had wasted his time.

My eyes felt hot with tears as more threatened to pour down my face.

"Please Logan" I begged taking his hand.

Logan looked positively sad for me. I could see he was wondering how the fuck I had got mixed up with drugs.

"I'm sorry but no" he replied softly as he took my hand once more as a way of showing his sorryness.

I looked at my belt buckle again. Not knowing what else to say.

"Come on I will take you home" Logan said tipping my chin back up and giving me a smile.

It was then my body more than my brain cooked up a last ditch plan and I pressed my lips against Logan's. It was then me that gate crashed my tongue in his mouth. I was desperate beyond belief for that money... for that high.

"How badly do you want me Logan? Is my body worth 500 bucks?" I breathed out heavily as I parted from his lips.

I placed Logan's hand on my inner thigh, as close to the in between of my legs as I could let his finger tips touch.

"Don't do this Sheri!" Logan whispered out.

"You've always wanted to fuck me... this is your chance baby... you can have all my goodies" I said seductively selling myself to him.

"You want me to give you the money in exchange for a fuck?" Logan said narrowing his eyes. But his finger tips quivering as they neared me intimately.

My mind was set on only one goal... getting high.

"Yeah" I panted out, as the adrenalin of his touch seared through me. "What do you say...?"

* * *

**Chapter 54: Chapter 54**

* * *

"This isn't fair Sheri... you know how I feel about you! You know I want you so fucking badly" Logan said as he looked at his hand on my leg.

I moved my face in closer to his. I could feel his breath on my face, the warmth of his skin radiated through my body. "I want you too Logan" I lied. "We need each other... our bodies want each other" I said teasing him with the fantasy. Embedding it in his mind.

He kissed me. It was hard, passionate and urgent. I matched him kiss for kiss as he held me closer. His hand that was on my leg moved its way up my body, he ended up brushing away my hair. Only pulling away to tell me he loved me.

"I love you too" I breathed out.

Logan pulled away completely. "Do you really?" He asked. His kind brown eyes searching mine for a hint of the truth.

"Of course I do... we are soul mates Logan! We've been through so much. But you just kept screwing it up!" I explained.

"I can change... I promise you Sheri. Just give me another chance" he begged. He was as eager for me as I was for the drugs.

I shook my head slowly. I'm happy with Kendall... I do love him. I can't let you keep breaking my heart logues" I said in complete honesty.

"So what!... if I give you the money tonight we have one last time of being together.. one last touch, one last kiss..." he said getting emotional.

"You have to let me go at some point.." I interrupted.

"I'm not sure I can Sheri" he said.

I felt I was at a dead end. "Fine... I'm sorry I wasted your time!" I said and opened the car door up to get out.

Logan grabbed my wrist. "I will do it... I can't resist being with you... even if it's just once" he whispered.

"You will?" I asked.

Logan nodded. "Yeah, I will give you the money but not for spending the night with me. I want you to do that because it means something to you... not because you want something. Can you do that?" He asked.

"You promise I will get the money!" I asked my voice trembling.

"I promise" Logan replied.

"I want to make love to you Logan" I said, looking him dead in the eye.

"I love you so fucking much Sheri" she said with a crack in his voice as he leaned in once again and kissed me.

I let myself enjoy it. I felt more relaxed knowing I was going to get what I wanted. Having sex with logan wasn't really the worst thing I could do... at least it wasn't with a stranger. At least it was with someone who I knew cared about me and I cared about him... even if it wasn't true love. The sexual attraction that we had for each other was probably going to last a life time. It was most probably best that we got it out the way now. If I kept telling myself that then it would help ease the guilt I felt when thinking about Kendall.

Our kissing in the car got to the point nearing no return. It was Logan that slowly pulled away from me. His hand caressed my face as if he didn't believe I was real.

"Will you come back to johnnys house with me? Do this properly! I never imagined us ever getting it on for the first time in a car" he smiled, kissing me once more.

"Will we be seen?" I asked.

"No... no, no one is home... Sheri im not going to tell a soul... not Kendall, not anybody" he said softly as he noticed me looking on edge.

"Ever?" I asked. I never wanted Kendall to know.

"Ever! I promise" he said.

"Thank you, logues" I said resting my head on his.

Logan started the car, he drove a good few miles. All the while he held my hand, only letting go to change gear.

He pulled in to a gas station. I watched eagerly as he walked up to the cash machine. It must be breaking his heart to actually give me this money but he had no idea how much I needed it... I didn't think anyone knew how much I needed it, apart from me. Drugs were at the back of my mind all the time now.

I honestly wish I had never touched the stuff. I was ruled by it.

The car door opened and Logan sat back in.

"I couldn't get the 500 but I've got 380! It's all I was allowed to withdraw... I've already taken cash out today" he explained.

"It's fine... 380 is... it's good" I smiled as I practically yanked it from his hand and put the large bundle of cash in my shorts pocket.

I momentarily thought about doing a runner, not going through with what I promised. That was until I remembered I couldn't run far.

Logan became quiet on the drive to johnnys house. I think he was nervous. Him being nervous made me feel terrified. He was Logan! And Logan slept around a lot... he shouldn't be nervous. That was when it dawned on me that he was nervous because I was going to be the first girl he had slept with that he was actually in love with.

Logan took my hand as we left the car, leaving my crutches behind. he didn't say a word as we approached the door to johnnys nice looking house.

I didn't ask as to why johnny or his parents weren't at home. I just followed him inside.

"Sheri!..." Logan said as he stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah?" I asked, concerned he was going to ask for his money back.

"You love me don't you?" He asked.

As I looked at the person who had been my best friend, my boyfriend and my family for so many years I could only reply honestly. "With all my heart Logan" I whispered out.

With that, he helped me gently up each step and in to the room that he was staying in. It reminded me of my bedroom at sues. Crisp white sheets, but on a large double bed.

Logan led me inside his bedroom.

I watched his eyes, his lips, as he spoke promises of love and adoration to me.

I couldn't hear a word over my heartbeat.

I leaned in, and kissed him softly. Logan smiled, a beautiful sparkle in his eyes, he wrapped his strong arms around me as our lips met again, harder this time, with longing.

My tongue snaked in to meet his, and he held me tighter in his embrace, our bodies pressed together, my heart pounded.

Logan broke from our kiss and swept me up in his arms, carrying me to the bed. We didn't say a word, but our eyes sparkled at one another, I was already yearning to kiss him again.

As soon as he lay me down my arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer and kissing him hungrily.

Eagerly we broke away, and hastily peeled off our clothes. My eyes devoured his beautiful body as he slid out of his jeans. I pulled my shorts off, and our eyes drifted over one anothers naked bodies. It had been a long time since we had seen each other like this.

I smiled as our eyes met, I spread my legs to either side of his hips. As he leaned in to kiss my neck and breasts, his beautiful strong shoulders and arms either side, enveloping and protecting me as only Logan could, my heart pounded and I breathed into his ear "I want you".

I could then only think of Logan, nothing else but him! His eyes, his scent, his skin, his absolute beauty. Logan's lips roamed over my chest, I softly moaned out, instinctively moving my hips closer to his, longing for him, needing him.

He whispered back to me "I want you so much Sheri" and straightening his arms as he lay right above me. Our eyes met and our gaze was fixed as for the first time, he gently pushed into me.

Fireworks exploded within me, Logan had me gasping, I pulled him closer. I had waited so long for him. He was more perfect than I ever thought he could be.

The love we made, went on for ages as Logan savoured every touch and every kiss. This was the Logan I had fallen so hard for to begin with.

I was relieved that he was still in there, even if he was hidden inside a jumped up egotistical man whore.

He was still my Logan. Still my best friend, still my family and the sexual desire we shared as we climaxed together was like nothing I had ever experienced before.

He took my breath away!

Our sweaty bodies breathed as one, heavily from our heightened pleasure.

"Every time I've ever told you that I loved you... that's what I meant... this, right here. This is us at our best Sheri" he said, kissing me delicately on my face as he spoke.

I wrapped my body in to him as I got cosy on the bed. "That was un real!" I said honestly. "It was beautiful Logan" I replied brushing back his hair with my hand.

"I don't want to let you go Sheri... ever! I can't... will you find it easy to let me go?" He asked in a whisper.

I kissed him. "It's going to hurt forever logues" I replied, I placed my head on his shoulder as I relaxed. It felt natural to be with him... like we had never been apart or been with other people.

"Your my princess, Sheri" he said kissing my forehead.

I lay there thinking for a while. Listening to the silence of the room. I slowly traced my finger around Logan's chest. I enjoyed the feeling of his heartbeat pulse through me.

I may have got what I wanted tonight.. my money. But it left me with another craving.

Logan!

I was devoutly in love with Kendall. I truly was. But now I had tasted the full impact of what Logan and I could do together it left me feeling torn. I knew in my heart that Logan would always hurt me. He couldn't change. Kendall was definitely the one for me.

The guilt piled on me thick, not just for Kendall but for Logan. I watched his handsome face as he fell to sleep. His breathing got heavier and his lips parted. It felt like decades ago that I had watched him like this. He made my heart ache.

Once I knew Logan was properly asleep I kissed him on his forehead.

"I love you so much... I'm so sorry" I whispered to his beautiful face, taking it all in. Remembering every detail, every imperfection, every emotion that I could gather.

It was then I silently got out of the bed, got dressed and very slowly made my way down the stairs.

I double checked that the money was still in my pocket. I got my crutches from the car and pulled out my phone.

It rang a couple of times before someone answered.

"Can I get a taxi please..." I said to the lady who asked where I was heading.

"Jacob place" I replied...

* * *

I arrived back at robs house just before 9pm. He seemed satisfied to see my face.

He wouldn't let me in this time. Said he had a girl in the basement with him. But I could smell the crack smoke from him a mile off.

"I've got the 80 dollars you wanted" I said to him as I handed it over.

He counted it thoroughly. "Excellent... come on in" he then said.

When I reached the bottom of the basement steps two girls I didn't know were here. They were on the crack pipe.

Rob saw me eyeing it up with a greedy look on my face.

"That's theirs I'm afraid" he said.

"But I can have some tomorrow?" I questioned.

"Yeah.. I'm going to get a new stash" he said as he opened up a small wooden box that was sat on the table down here.

Rob handed me a small packet. I looked at it. Not having a clue what it was.

"It's heroin Sheri" rob said once again amused at my lack of knowledge.

"What do I do with it?" I said as I held the packet up. It wasn't a liquid. How was I meant to inject that!

"You gotta cook it up shez" he laughed. "Here I will show you."

I watched Rob as he got out some basic equipment that I could use and gave me a brief demonstration on how I get this in to liquid form.

"...Then once you've done all that. Just get a hypo and shoot the shit up... tie something around your arm to get the veins up though" he said.

"What's a hypo?" I asked now completely confused. It was like a science experiment. I felt really unsure of all this.

"Hypodermic... a needle! I don't have any so you will have to find your own." He said.

"What? Where the fuck am I meant to find a needle from you idiot!... No I don't want this shit. You can have it back! Give me my money!" I demanded.

Rob laughed at me. "Sheri im a dealer! This isn't fucking Wal-Mart. I don't do refunds. You got what you asked for now get out. I will see you tomorrow" he said.

"Rob! Where the hell do I get a needle from?" I asked pissed off.

"Best and easiest place is the doctors! Or even easier the A and E department. Raid one of the little medical trolleys they have lying about. Easy as taking candy from a baby" he replied.

I sighed. "Your an ass hole" I said.

"You realised that a bit too late though huh!" He replied with a smirk.

I put the heroin in my pocket and made my own way up the stairs. I didn't call a cab this time though, I just walked backed to sue and Johns house.

The dark night air felt nice, it was a beautiful evening but I felt miserable. My thoughts were consumed by drugs and boys and problems.

I went straight up to bed once I got in. Sue tried to talk to me but I walked away. I had no interest in anything. I felt dead to the world. I welcomed sleep as it took me away.

* * *

The morning came and I was woken up by my phone ringing.

"Hey wake up! I'm on my way round." Kendall said cheerfully.

"It's half seven!" I groaned. Not wanting to get up yet.

"I know... my flight is at midday though. Then I'm back in LA." He said sadly.

"Midday!" I moaned. "Kendall I don't want you to go back. I need you here" I said sounding emotional.

"Hey... Sheri, c'mon baby... it's only for a little while then I will be right back in your arms... I'm just in a cab heading over to you. Im all packed so it's just you and me until its time to go okay" he said hiding his own emotions well to not upset me.

"Okay I will see you soon" I replied.

Once I had hung up I buried the money and the heroin at the back of one of my drawers behind some clothes. I threw yesterday's clothes in the wash so Kendall couldn't smell the smoke. Although I was dying for a cigarette... I wondered what Kendall would say if I told him I smoked.

Once I was up and ready I felt depressed. I didn't feel like eating, I just sat like a zombie in the kitchen thinking things over. Figuring out the best way to spend that money.

Kendall knocked on the door.

"Hello beautiful" he said with a bunch of flowers in his hand.

I smiled at his kind gesture. Then laughed at the flowers.

"Best they had at the gas station" Kendall explained with a smirk.

I smelt them. "They are beautiful" I said inviting him in.

Kendall walked in with his bag and sat down at the large wooden table in the kitchen.

"You feel okay? You look ill Sheri?" Kendall questioned.

"Just feel a bit down in the dumps... I'm okay" I said, my voice sounded monotone to me, Christ knows what Kendall thought of it.

"Is everything okay here... your not yourself Sheri... where is that pretty smile, hey?" He asked.

"It's fine... just going to take a while for all the new things in my life to seem normal again" I replied. "Are you okay. You look a bit shit!" I said bluntly. His face was ashen.

"Yeah im due a shot... over due actually, but I was trying to time it so I wouldn't need another one until I was back in LA" He said explaining his well thought out plan to avoid injecting his insulin during a flight.

"Your stupid, you will make yourself ill" I said to him.

Kendall then rummaged through his back pack and pulled out the large wallet that he kept his medicine for his diabetes in. It was then I saw the individually wrapped assortment of brand new hypodermic needles.

I gulped down my saliva as I knew that taking one of those was by far the easiest way to get one and not from the doctors or and accident and emergency ward, like Rob had recommended.

I watched as Kendall sorted his meds out in front of me. He wasn't shy about it if I was in the room any more. It was second nature to see. Usually I looked away on the part that he stuck the needle in but today I was transfixed on how he did it to himself.

"Does it hurt?" I asked.

Kendall looked up as he popped his used needle in to a hard backed case and sealed it shut.

"A little bit" he smiled.

He then packed everything away as quick as he had got it out, zipped it up and put the wallet back in his ruck sack. He was obviously well trained in not leaving any of it lying around for someone to find... someone like me.

After that the needles were all I could think about. How the fuck was I going to get one?!

I tried to come up with a possible excuse that I might want to keep one here for emergencies just in case he forgot his wallet, but I decided to not mention it at all.

I completely wasted our last few hours together by being preoccupied about the needle.

I was cuddled up with Kendall, in the same room, but I couldn't of been further away.

"Logan text me this morning" Kendall said as he kissed my forehead.

My heart momentarily freezed.

"What did it say?" I asked nervously.

"Just said he was already back in LA. He jumped a flight late last night. Asked when I was coming back. The cast are having a get together to watch the show air tonight" he explained.

"Oh" was all I could reply thinking of how Logan must of felt so terrible that he woke up to find me gone then just had to leave to get away from me.

"It sucks! You should be with us Sheri. Your as much a part of the show as everyone else is" he said defensively.

I just nodded not really listening, my mind was consumed with much more pressing matters than the launch of a tv show.

"I'm just going to use the bathroom, then I've gotta go baby..." Kendall said freeing himself from me as we still sat at the kitchen table.

I watched as Kendall walked out in to the hall to use the downstairs bathroom. I dragged his ruck sack over to me and pulled out the medicine wallet. I opened it up to grab one of the needles but I heard the toilet flush and the bathroom door open before I had time to finish.

The only option I had left was to hide the wallet. I placed it on the chair next to me which was tucked under the table.

Kendall walked back in the kitchen and picked his ruck sack up, zipping it shut, totally unaware that his medicine was gone.

He took my hand. "It's time... cabs here!" he said nodding towards the outside of the house.

"I'm gonna miss you so much!" I said as I buried my head in his chest. The tears began leaving me for so many things. The drugs, the lies, Logan, sue... just everything was weighing down on my shoulders.

Kendall took in a deep breath, I presumed to control his own emotion. "You stay inside okay! I don't ever want you to see me leave you... I love you Sheri." he said before softly kissing me on the lips, hugging me once then leaving.

I broke down completely as he turned at the door. This was this hardest thing. Texas was nothing but heart ache for me.

I watched silently from the kitchen window as Kendall was driven away... leaving his insulin behind tucked under the table of sue and John Lettermans house...

* * *

**Chapter 55: Chapter 55**

* * *

"How are you feeling love?" Sue said as she gently tapped on my bedroom door and walked in.

I was just layed out on my bed. The twilight book I had once been interested in was cast to one side. I had no desire to read it now or do anything.

"I'm okay" I replied turning away and facing the wall. I wasn't in the mood for cute chit chat.

"Sheri, im always here for you... don't think of me as some kind of parent, think of me as a friend" she harped on.

"I said im fine ok!" I snapped at her.

Sue didn't say another word, I heard her footsteps disappear out to the corridor and down the stairs.

I checked my phone. Kendall called when he got back to LA earlier, He seemed bright and cheery. He was due his next insulin shot around 2 hours ago. He hadn't called to say he had noticed his wallet missing.

I hadn't called him to say I had found it. Maybe he thought it went missing on the flight and had just gone to get another prescription... I felt too guilty to mention it. Hoping he would see it as his error and not get suspicious if he knew I must of taken it.

I looked at the time on my cell. It was 7:32pm. The episode would of just started now. I could just imagine everyone all gathered around having a laugh and celebrating... I doubt I would even be missed. I wasn't in the first episode, I came in half way through.

I had no desire to watch it. To be involved, I didn't feel sociable at all.

I watched the minutes tick by as I just lay in bed. The needles, equipment I had collected from the kitchen, heroin and money were now all in my drawer. Hidden away by the small selection of clothes that I had with me.

I was scared to touch it. I was worried I would forget something Rob had told me in preparing it, and end up killing myself... but the thought of it...the thought of it overwhelmed me. I wanted it. I knew in my heart of hearts that I was going to take it! It was just a matter of time.

I had a good idea for a time though... just after 8! I knew Kendall was going to call me then. He didn't say he would but I knew he would do it after, than before the show started so he could tell me it wasn't that big a deal.

8 came and went. No phone calls came my way. Twenty past 8 came and went.

Nothing! Not even a text from anyone. I felt let down. I wasn't important enough to be included.

My paranoid brain then began attacking my thoughts. Maybe Kendall was with another girl. Maybe Logan had told him about us sleeping together! Why hadn't James or Carlos even phoned to ask how I was?

Out of sight, out of mind! I wasn't needed or wanted in the LA life any more.

I didn't fit in.

I got up and closed my bedroom door, I reached in to the drawer and pulled everything that I needed out.

I stared at the illegal items I had in front of me. With a sigh I went through everything as I remembered Rob had shown me and after a few panicky, hand shaking moments I had a needle full of heroin... ready to insert in to myself.

I picked the needle up. The contents of it wasn't nice and clear like I had been used to it looking with Kendalls insulin... it was brown and murky. My heart rate accelerated with nerves. My hand shook completely.

I held it against the bend in my arm, lining it up with my vein.

"What that?" Came a cherub like voice from my door.

I froze as I looked up and saw Phoebe stood in my room watching me.

"It's nothing Phoebe! Get out please!"

"I can't sleep.. Will you read me a story?" She asked me politely.

I stuffed the needle in my drawer and closed it shut.

"This really isn't a good time Phoebe" I said in a sigh, my hand still shaking.

"You look sad" she said ignoring me.

"I'm fine! Get to bed" I said getting up and taking her in to her room next door.

Phoebe jumped in to her bed, I threw the cover over her.

"Please read me a story" she begged, her eyes wide with hope.

"Not tonight pheebs okay... I'm tired" I lied.

"Okay Sheri" she said sweetly, a yawn escaped her own tired little mouth.

I walked to her bedroom door ready to leave.

"Sheri.." Phoebe said as I opened the door up.

"Yeah?" I replied desperate to leave.

"When I grow up I want to be just like you. It doesn't matter that our daddys hit us or call us names" she said.

"You don't want to end up like me pheebs..." was all I replied. Then left the room, clicking her door shut behind me.

Once I was back in my room I got the needle out from the drawer again.

"Just fucking do it!" I said out loud to myself.

Once again I lined the needle up but the vein was hardly noticeable.

It then dawned on me I had forgotten a tourniquet.

I immediately got my belt and wrapped it around my arm. The difference was noticeable straight away.

I picked the needle back up, feeling so emotional, in so much fear of taking it but in such great need of escaping myself.

The tears flowed as I looked at the contents once more.

I was a good girl! At least I used to be.

Why was I choosing to take this path? I didn't want to, but I felt I had to.

I inserted the needle in to my skin. It really hurt! Fuck knows how Kendall did this to himself all the time.

As my thumb hovered over the syringe and the thought of the chemical enhanced holiday I was about to experience from my life, my phone started ringing.

My heart ached as I saw it was James. Typical fucking James! Always my knight in shining armour.

I slowly took the needle out. I picked my phone up.

"H..hello..." I answered.

"Sheri?... You okay?" Came the soft calm words of the person that I trusted with my life.

I burst in to tears.

"Sheri? Did Logan call you?" He asked.

I shook my head as my tears rolled. This of course was no help to James who was on the other end of the phone.

"Sheri... it will be okay!" He soothed.

"I... I was.. 2 seconds away... from... oh my God... I'm about to take heroin James... please, stop me.. I don't want this life" I sobbed.

"What? Are you joking?" He asked.

"No... I wish I was. Ever since I got here I've been smoking, drinking, doing drugs... sleeping around" I added.

"Sheri... are you going to take it?" James asked his voice shaking.

"I don't want to James, I'm scared, but I know I will take it... I'm not strong James... not any more." I cried.

"Look Sheri... fuck! Listen I need to talk to you but I need you to get rid of that shit so I know you can't take it." James said in a panic.

"I haven't decided if I want to take it... I'm scared." I rambled.

"I know your scared... listen.. erm.. what's the woman called your staying with?" He asked.

"Sue" I replied with a sob.

"Okay... I want you to walk your cell to her and hand it over. Let me talk to her Sheri" he said sounding like a negotiator for terrorists.

I got up and walked out my room. I went down stairs and found sue and John watching tv. They looked at me shocked like I was insane. I handed sue my cell phone and just stood there.

I held my hands together. My heart about to explode with fear.

"Oh my goodness!" I heard sue say as she listened to what James was telling her.

"Sheri sit down!" She ordered me.

I did, then I watched as sue went upstairs still talking to James. John stood up and walked to the bottom of the stairs to see what was going on.

It became clear to him when sue walked back down stairs with my needle in her hand. She Went to the kitchen and squirted it down the sink.

Sue listened to James talking to her on the phone for several minutes, she then handed it back to me.

"Sheri... I'm going to come and see you... it's gonna be late but I'm on my way okay" james said urgently down the phone.

My head was in a spin right now, I didn't know if I was coming or going.

"I want Kendall!" I blubbed out.

"I'm on my way Sheri... everything is going to be fine. Sue is going to sit with you, I'm going to get the earliest flight I can... are you okay?" He asked.

"James, I want Kendall! Please bring him with you... I've done something so stupid... so fucking stupid" I sobbed.

"...Sheri ... what did you do?" James asked, scared to hear the answer.

"I took his needles... for the drugs!" I replied as I cried so hard.

"Oh Sheri... "James said sympathetically.

"Tell him I'm sorry! I can't do this anymore... I even fucked Logan for the money!" I blurted out. I noticed a horrified look on sues face.

"What! Logan gave you money to buy drugs?" James said angrily.

"Yeah... please put Kendall on the phone" I begged.

"Sheri... I'm going to fix this okay. I knew I should of listened to my instincts. I will fix everything. I'm gonna take you back to Los Angeles with me, okay!" James replied.

"How?" I sniffed.

"I will work it out... I will be there soon okay.. a few hours. Sit tight Sheri. I've gotta go, I'm about to drive... take care okay!" He replied then was gone before I could say another word.

I stared at my phone for a little while before I had the courage to look up to sue.

"Im so sorry... I let you down." I whispered out through my tears.

Sue shook her head. "No, its only yourself that you can let down... you've done the right thing though Sheri. Your friend James is a good person. We need to have a chat though sweetheart... about Kendall!" She said then sat down next to me.

"Wh.. what about him?" I asked nervously, now realising that James didn't say anything about him. Why had James phoned me in the first place. "I should call Kendall!" I said in a panic.

Sue took my cell phone from me, placing it on the arm of the sofa. "Sheri... love, Kendall isn't very well at the moment... he is going to be fine, but he is in hospital" she said.

My brain got dizzy and my eyes had a tunnel vision effect. "No!" I said now in absolute bits. "It's all my fault... oh my God its all my fault!" I howled.

"Your friend James was just telling me that Kendall is awake and absolutely fine but he is staying the night in hospital. He took a bad turn and ended up banging his head pretty bad... Sheri it's not your fault" sue insisted.

"How can you say that? Of course it is. What he started going in to hyperglycemia and freaked out?.. had a seizure?" I asked. My eyes wide.

"I don't know the details Sheri but from what I gathered he hit his head pretty bad in a bathroom... he is fine though!" Sue said again.

I sobbed my heart out. "He isn't fine! How can you say he is fine... I think I'm going to be sick... what have I done! What the fuck have I done!" I cried out.

"Can you keep an eye on her I'm going to call Janice" I heard sue say to John.

John then took over from sitting next to me as sue got up and reached for the home telephone.

"He will be fine Sheri, try not to worry" john said.

I looked up to this man I hardly knew. "He will never forgive me... the things I've done John!" I wailed.

"If he cares about you Sheri, he will forgive anything... this isn't you is it! He should know that" John soothed.

I sobbed in to my hands, hoping he was right. I listened in to sue as she spoke to Janice now on the phone, so much was happening at once.

"Yes I know" I heard sue say. "I'm sorry Janice, this was over looked, but if it comes to the price of saving one to sacrifice another I know this one is worthwhile" she said.

Silence filled the room as Janice spoke to sue on the receiver.

"Yes I think it's me done on this girl" I heard sue say to which I started crying. "Im sorry Janice... Yes I know... I'm sorry!" Sue said again.

She hung the phone up shortly after that.

"Sue im s.. so sorry! Honestly." I pleaded.

"Sheri just be quiet a moment please, I'm trying to think." She replied.

Both her and John then went in to the kitchen. They spoke in hushed tones.

I picked my phone up from the arm of the sofa. I tried calling Kendalls number but it was switched off.

I decided to text him instead.

**"Kends, im so sorry. It was all my fault. I'm being moved on. Sue and John have had enough of me. Text back when you get this! Im so sorry baby! I love you so much. I truly do! Xxx**" I wrote then pressed send.

I thought about quickly running away. Wondering how far I would get on a broken ankle. I didn't want to be moved to a different foster house, no way was James gonna be able to rescue me. He was 17 years old. What could he possibly do!

John then went upstairs.

"Sheri do you have anything else in your room.. drugs?" She asked.

I shook my head. "No, it was just that... Kendalls insulin is in my drawer... with some money" I replied, my face covered in tears and snot.

Sue nodded. "Okay... did you share any needles Sheri?" She asked.

"No... no ive not taken that before, I've only ever smoked stuff... Sue I need help.. please don't send me away" I sobbed.

"Send you away? Sheri im not sending you any where." She soothed as she stroked my back.

"B.. but I heard you say on the phone..." I began saying then watched in horror as John came downstairs with Helen and a bagfull of her belongings.

She was crying.

"Sheri, you fucking cunt! What have you said?" She demanded.

I shook my head. "Nothing!" I sobbed.

"Helen it wasn't Sheri, I can see what's going on with you, it is the same story every where you go... I won't have you corrupting people in my house! Especially with Phoebe around!" Sue then said standing up.

"Whatever! Your a bunch of fucking losers! I don't want to be part of this shit." Helen spat back.

My mind was like a whirlwind trying to take everything in. Kendall, james, Logan, Helen. I felt like I needed to scream or I was on the verge of a nervous break down.

Helen was ordered to sit down on the chair opposite me. I couldn't even look at her. I felt completely drained.

It wasn't long before Janice arrived. She collected Helen and spoke in whispers to sue. I couldn't hear anything that was being said.

"What's going to happen to Helen?" I asked John.

"She will be put with another family... Sheri this isn't your fault" he said.

I stayed silent, I felt like it was all my fault, all I had was guilt inside me. I was riddled with it. I wasn't content with trying to ruin my own life I had dragged Logan, Kendall and Helen for the ride too.

Sue presented me with a blanket to get comfortable on the sofa. I guess she realised that I was completely unsafe to be left alone. It must be fairly late by now.

My head begun to lull just after midnight, I pulled the blanket around me, resting my legs up on the sofa.

I must of drifted off after that. My cried out eyes had taken their toll. It was a soft kind voice that woke me up though.

"Sheri" I heard, and opened my eyes to.

It was then I saw the amazing smile that greeted me and the kindest brown eyes I had ever known...

* * *

**Chapter 56: Chapter 56**

* * *

"James!" I replied, the lounge was dimly lit but his eyes were the best medicine I had been subjected to in a long time.

James gave me a tight hug. He didn't see me as the girl I now knew myself to be. He just saw me as the Sheri I had always been.

"Kendall?!" I blurted out. "Is Kendall okay?"

James nodded. "He is going to be fine"

Sue stood awkwardly in the room, she had stayed with me down here, while John had gone up to bed a while ago. "Can I get you a drink James" she asked.

"That would be great" James said still in our embrace.

Sue walked out giving us some privacy.

My tears started flowing again. James looked pretty emotional himself.

"What were you thinking sher bear?" He said breaking from his hold on me, I sat up on the sofa, giving James room to sit down. He instinctly took my hand. The feel of his trade mark thumb stroke was so loving and kind. It just made me more emotional.

"Does Kendall know about Logan?" I asked.

"No, he doesn't Sheri." James replied. "He hit his head pretty bad."

"I tried to call him but he didn't answer" I said checking my cell. "He hasn't replied to my text either." I said. My eyes wide with the fear that I had lost the person I was truly in love with.

"He will be okay! I promise, first things first Sheri! What the fuck has been going on huh? Drugs?" He said completely concerned for me.

"I didn't want to... I was scared at first, I don't know why I did but I'm scared I can't stop now, I still want them." I said, tears dripping down on to my hand that lay on my lap.

"Your not getting anything! I mean that! I can't believe Logan was so fucking stupid... you slept with him for money... Sheri." James said sounding disappointed in me.

"I was desperate. You don't know what it's like to be me. I haven't been living James, I've been surviving! Every fucking day since my mother left me behind. I thought I could brush it off... but the last few weeks... I just can't handle it anymore" I blubbed, leaning in to his shoulder as I cried.

James let me cry for a bit, giving my back a gentle rub as he spoke soothing words in my ear. "Sheri, the thing is... well you can't get low... I mean you can't get this low without getting high first. Do you understand what I mean?" He asked.

"That I'm a dumb bitch for doing all this as I was doing okay in the first place!?" I replied, wiping away my tears.

"You were doing great... honestly I know that things have been messed up the last few weeks but you were okay. Kendall was talking non stop about you earlier, he loves you Sheri, I love you. As long as you have us, your always going to have a family okay?"

I sniffed, nodding as sue walked in and handed James a drink of pink lemonade. It was so typically sue. "Logan too" I replied to James.

"Logan doesn't care about you Sheri... He only cares about himself. You know he took your nurse back to Los Angeles with him" James said to which my mouth flung open.

"Lola is with him? They are together?" I asked, crying again.

"They looked pretty together... yeah" James clarified.

I felt sick, sure I had left Logan alone at johnnys house but I actually believed him when he said he loved me. "Im such an idiot! What have I done James?"

James gave me a reassuring smile. "Thankfully nothing that can't be fixed" he said.

"Does Kendall know that it was me that took his meds?" I asked. I noticed sue listening in as she sat silently in the chair.

"No he didn't say anything before he was taken to hospital, he never even said anything was wrong. It was Carlos that noticed him looking a bit rough, Kendall just got up and went to the bathroom during the commercials of the show... no one noticed he had gone missing until it had finished" James explained. He had a far away look that showed regret.

"Did you find him?" I asked.

James nodded. "His head was bleeding all over the place, he had knocked himself out cold. The ambulance came, Kendall came round... I went with him. He was stitched up, I called you after... I guess if that hadn't of happened to Kendall then you would of taken that shit!" James said, sounding panicky again.

"He is okay isn't he James?" I replied, still wiping at my eyes.

"He is doing okay, he was a bit confused when I left him, but the nurse said it was concussion. I phoned his mom... she is on her way. I expect by the time we get back there tomorrow she will be there." James said rubbing his temples.

"When I get back? How am I going back?" I asked looking between James and sue, who knew nothing about this.

"My auntie..." James began, this time talking more to sue than to me. "I live with her at the moment, but she is a foster carer. I asked her the other day what the chances of her taking you in are if she could sort it out... she said there wasn't any space, but if I moved out, you could move in... Sheri I wish I hadn't of listened to you the other day. None of this would of happened... you could of been home with us. You told me you were happy staying in Texas, and that's all I've ever wanted; for you to be happy. If I had of Insisted, Jesus! I could of changed all this!" He said running his hand over his tired looking face.

"any decision to move Sheri will be down to Janice, I don't have any say in where she goes. I will contact her in the morning... how do you feel about that Sheri? Is Los Angeles where you want to be?" She asked.

I just nodded my head. I didn't want to be in Texas a minute longer, the amount of texan teardrops I had shed was beginning to drown me.

"I will get you a blanket James, I expect your exhausted" sue said getting up from her seat.

I spent that night with my head rested on James' lap. I didn't sleep a wink, I watched James as he drifted in and out of sleep. I listened out for any text alerts from Kendall but nothing came.

I prayed to God that I hadn't lost him, why wasn't he replying or trying to contact me, surely he would know that I would be going out of my mind with worry.

Sue eventually went off to bed, but I remained awake, craving a cigarette, craving crack and craving Kendall. I wondered what Helen thought of me now.

James didn't sleep well, he was tossing and turning most the night, I felt guilty, knowing it was me that had caused him the uneasiness, usually James slept so well that a nuclear blast couldn't wake him. But tonight he was forever waking, always giving me a gentle smile as his eyes recognised where he was and why he was here.

* * *

Day light eventually broke through the lounge window. Sue was up and making coffee before James woke up, I decided it best to let him rest.

"I've phoned Janice, she said she will be over soon to talk to you." Sue said as she passed me some toast.

"I'm not hungry" I whispered to her.

"I don't care if your not hungry, your body needs food, I can't remember the last time you ate Sheri!" Sue snapped.

I picked the toast up and took a bite. "I'm sorry I let you down sue" I said quietly once I had forced the toast down.

"I actually feel that it was me that let you down. I knew what Helen was like, I hoped that you would be the influence on her; not the other way round." She replied.

I felt bad that she felt like that. "Sue... out of all of this, meeting you has been the best part. Your a lovely person. Phoebe needs someone like you in her life permanently. I hope she finds that person because I would hate for her to end up like me." I said.

Sue looked at me thoughtfully.

" morning. Thanks for letting me crash here" James said interrupting my heart to heart with sue. He looked dreadful... well as dreadful as the beautiful James Maslow could look with added worry and stresses I had caused him.

"Your welcome James" sue replied smiling, I think it was a rare occurrence that such a caring and polite young man had been under her roof with all the waifs and strays she took in over the years.

James sat down next to me at the large wooden table, sue passed him a coffee; he looked like he could use 4 more.

"How are you feeling Sheri?" James asked as he took a sip from his mug.

"Ok... my body feels kind of shaky, but I think it's just coz Im worrying about Kendall." I said picking at the toast. I took another bite when I saw sue looking at me. I didn't want her to worry any more.

* * *

As the morning wore on, James was introduced to Phoebe and john, I enjoyed watching as Phoebe, being her true un-shy self had James chuckling away. Whoever did snag him and got to keep him forever was going to be such a lucky girl.

Janice soon arrived and the question of my staying was very much in debate. I was asked to leave the room. James got very vocal as he argued his case that I would be better off being placed in to foster care in LA. I found it amusing that he was allowed to stay but I had to sit in the sidelines of my own future.

I played with Phoebe, she had her Lego out today. Although my mind was not in to playing games at all.

"Are you going to leave?" Phoebe asked.

"I'm not sure pheebs... I hope so." I replied honestly.

"I'm going to miss you Sheri" Phoebe said looking at me.

"I will miss you too pheebs... I will phone you though, make sure your okay. Your a cute little thing" I smiled.

Phoebe smiled, pleased with the prospect of me wanting to stay in touch, she then played with her Lego once more.

After several minutes the kitchen door opened. "Sheri could you come in please" Janice said.

I hobbled in and once again sat next to James at the table.

"I've spoken to James' aunt. It would appear that she is a foster carer and she is willing to give you a permanent place for the foreseeable future" Janice started. "The problem that I have is the fact that although your friend here seems nice, the lifestyle that you would be involved in won't be a wise move considering your recent drug problems" she said.

I looked at James with disappointed eyes, we were so close, but yet so far. It was always the way.

"Please Janice! I can't stay here!" I begged.

"Sheri listen. Hear me out before you go off on one. In my own personal opinion I don't think it would be wise that you stayed here with the people that got you involved in it, in the first place. Once you get moved over to Californian social care, it will be near on impossible to get you back in the state of Texas... do you understand what I'm saying?" Janice said.

I nodded. The tears once again started. "I do Janice... I need to go, I can't stay here" I sobbed out.

Janice nodded. "Then I will allow for James to accompany you back to California... this is on sue sticking her neck on the line for you Sheri, she is vouching for you both. Don't mess this up and go awol, okay!" She said making full eye contact.

The tears of joy that left me were uncontrollable. "Thank you... thank you" I said to sue grabbing her hand on the table top.

"Just don't let me down... do me proud okay!" Sue replied.

"I will, I promise to God I will" I sobbed.

James helped me up from the table, he was about to help me pack the small selection of items I had with me.

As we walked out the door I heard sue chatting with Janice.

"I would like to talk to you about Phoebes' future here..." sue said.

I smiled to myself, happy that Phoebe was destined to get the childhood she deserved.

* * *

"James! Wake up!" I said shaking him awake. "We are just about to land" I added. James looked very uncomfortable in his airplane seat. He was far too tall to get comfortable in it.

"Sorry I didn't mean to doze off again" he smiled.

"It's fine, you need the rest" I replied with a smile.

I looked out the window from my seat on the plane. The view of Los Angeles was amazing. I smiled away to myself.

"You seem so much happier Sheri" James said as he pulled his seat back in to the upright position.

"I can't wait to see Kendall! I'm going to change James. I'm going to give him my all. Every ounce of my heart. I'm determined to put all this behind me and start again."

"Is he really the one that makes you happy?" James asked. He eyed me intently.

"110 percent!" I replied. I knew that James had strong feelings for me but I knew that all he wanted was me happy.

"Let's go sort out your Kendall then!" He said smiling.

* * *

Once we arrived at the hospital I was full of nerves.

James walked back up to me after using the pay phone, his cell battery had died.

"Okay my aunt says you have half an hour then I'm to take you to the house" he said.

"Your aunt sounds strict!" I smiled pressing the elevator button over and over trying to get to Kendall quicker.

"She is fairly strict.. but in all fairness you need that. She is nice though Sheri. You will like her" He replied as we stepped in the lift.

James pressed the button for the 5th floor.

"What if Logan has told Kendall I slept with him?" I asked, now feeling nervous.

James shook his head. "He won't have, why would he bring lola out here with him just to drop himself in the shit like that" James replied, he helped me out of the elevator then handed me my crutches.

"I guess so." I replied.

"Don't get freaked out when you see the stitches on Kendalls head okay... it was a nasty one" James warned.

"Okay!" I nodded.

James and I walked up the corridor. I woman was outside the room we were headed towards crying in to a tissue.

She looked up at me as she saw me approach.

"Sheri?" The woman asked.

I nodded.

"It's good to finally meet you, I'm Kendalls mom" she sniffed, then gave me a hug.

She looked devastated.

"What's happened he isn't dead is he?" I said bluntly, I took James by the hand to steady myself.

Kendalls mom shook her head. Her tears rolled down her face. She couldn't get the words out. I limped over to the window of the room we were outside, I saw Kendall awake, the stitching on his head was huge. I noticed then he was with a girl.

As the girl flicked her immaculate Brown hair I realised it was Mackenzie!

I turned to Kendalls mom, emotion hit me hard as to what the hell was going on.

"Why is Mackenzie here?" I asked her, looking between her and James for an answer. James looked just as confused as I did.

"Sheri, love... Kendall can't remember hardly anything. The last thing he does remember is that Mackenzie was his girlfriend. He thinks she still is. He kept fitting last night, getting wound up, frustrated and confused. I called Mackenzie. Im sorry Sheri but he doesn't remember you." She said softly as her own emotional tears fell.

I felt like my hopes and dreams had died.

* * *

**Chapter 57: Chapter 57**

* * *

James pulled me in to his chest as I sobbed my heart out. Surely this was a bad dream! It can't be happening.

Everything I seemed to do or touch just turned to dust. God had a sick sense of humour when it came to my life.

"It's not permanent though? Right?" James asked Kendalls mom as he gently swayed me from side to side in his arms.

"Hopefully not" she sniffed, "it depends on the amount of damage he caused in the fall"

"Are you saying Kendalls got brain damage?" I cried out, my voice so high as I tried to get a grip.

"He has swelling..." She replied, blowing her nose in to her tissue. "Once things have calmed down they are hoping he will make a full recovery"

"Hoping?" I questioned.

Kendalls mom let out a sob. "It's no guarantee" she then said.

"Oh my god" I replied, wiping at my eyes.

"What does he remember? If he doesn't remember me then does he remember James?" I asked looking up to James' face.

Kendalls mom shook her head. "He remembers nothing of Los Angeles. He has been told that Mackenzie and him broke up but he is so confused... She is the only thing that has calmed him down. A lot of his life is missing, his... childhood" she sobbed.

I looked through the hospital door window again at Mackenzie and kendall.

"Can I talk to him?" I asked. "He might remember once he sees me.

"You can but... I need you to be strong Sheri, I know this must hurt but I need you to be there for him, he is scared and confused about everything right now" Kendalls mom said as I still peered in through the window.

I wiped my eyes. "I can be strong for him... I promise I can" I said desperate to talk to him.

Kendalls mom nodded at me. "He had spoken non stop about you when he called me yesterday" she said then walked over to the door, I let her pass as she reached for the handle. She slowly opened it up. "Macks... Can I have a word" she said softly.

"Yeah sure!" Mackenzie replied and made her way to the door. She smiled at me.

"Hey" I said.

"How you doing Sheri?" She replied.

"Been better" I said. Mackenzie gave me a sympathetic smile. I was getting sick to death of those smiles.

"Sheri would like a moment with Kendall... is he coming to terms with this any better?" Kendalls mom asked.

Mackenzie placed her hands in her tight jean pockets. She looked amazing. I felt ridiculous up against her.

"I have explained, he just gets upset. Wants to know why we broke up." She replied.

"Why did you break up?" Kendalls mom asked.

"I don't think Kendall is ready for that conversation yet" she replied. I whole heartedly agreed with her. Kendall obviously couldn't remember that he had told Mackenzie all about Savannah, and the fact that Mackenzie knew any way. He once again harboured all that guilt inside. Thinking her death was his fault. I wondered if he remember if Mackenzie got pregnant... I wondered if Kendall was going to have his obsessive side back. We had only just got rid of it. I didn't want it back.

"Does he know that he is dating me, Mackenzie?" I snapped.

She nodded. "I have explained but he keeps begging me for forgiveness... I'm sorry Sheri, this is awkward for me too you know" she replied.

"Awkward!? How the hell is this awkward for you? You didn't want him... what now he is famous you are going to try and steal him back while he is unwell.. He will remember me!" I bit back at her.

"Sheri I didn't mean like that. I don't want Kendall back. He is really emotional okay.. go easy on him" she said rolling back on to her heels as she spoke with her hands in her pockets still.

I looked to James.

"Deep breaths" he told me.

I did, I took in a huge breath, then walked up to the door.

"Sheri..." James called.

I turned.

He walked up to me and leaned in to my ear. "We only have 15 minutes left then I'm going to have to take you back to the house to meet my aunt okay... dont go in this room all fired up forcing Kendall to remember you. Just chat with him" James said, his tone soft and calm.

I nodded. "Thank you James" I replied.

I then turned back to the door and entered.

I stood uncomfortably for a while as Kendall just stared at me and I stared back at him. The cut on his head was in his hair line on his skull, it must of been about 3 inches long. It looked sore, red and scabby with dried blood. The section of his hair where the stitches were, had been shaved, but blood remained in the rest of his hair.

No words were coming to me. I could see that Kendall was looking panicked. The door opened behind me. Mackenzie walked back in.

"Kendall this is Sheri" she said pulling the bedside chair out for me to sit in. I was gutted it didn't come back to him once he saw my face. I didn't want Mackenzies help.

Kendall didn't reply.

Mackenzie then helped me in to the seat.

"I'm going to be outside with your mom Kendall, is that okay?" She asked.

Kendall still remained silent, I felt scared inside. I wanted to cry my heart out.

Mackenzie turned to me. "I will be out side ok" she said in a whisper.

I nodded in response. I saw Kendalls eyes follow her as she left.

"Hi kendy" I said with a smile. Kendall moved his eyes from the door Mackenzie had just left through, to my face.

"You really did a number on your head huh! Gonna leave a manly scar" I said with a smile.

Kendall didn't speak, he just looked at me.

"I've just flown in from Texas... with James... I guess you don't remember James. But im staying in LA again now. So that will be good" I said, trying my best to get a response out of him.

Kendall finally looked away from my face and went back to staring at the door.

"I can leave if you want... I know how scared you must feel... I feel scared too" I said.

I let out a sigh as my attempts to communicate with him were all failing.

"I'm sorry about Mackenzie" I then said knowing that she was the only thing he was interested in and knew was real... at least to him.

"Im sorry about you" he finally replied.

A tear left me. "What are you sorry about silly!?" I asked wiping at my face.

"My mom told me about you. She didn't know much but she told me you loved me" he said not making eye contact.

More tears came down. "She is correct... let's not worry about that yet. I bet you feel pretty lonely huh" I asked.

Kendall nodded. "I have no friends, no girlfriend and I live in a different state to what I thought I did... Yeah im pretty lonely in here... I just want to go home." Kendall said.

"It will come back to you, I expect you are wondering why the hell you are meant to be dating me when Mackenzie looks like that" I replied, putting myself down.

Kendall looked at me, he didn't reply but I could see him mentally agreeing.

"What happened to your leg?" He asked.

"I was in a car accident... You came to rescue me. Look you even wrote this!" I said smiling to the words that read "Big Time Break" on my cast, that Kendall had written on it.

He smiled as he saw his name written underneath.

"Are we close?" He asked

"Extremely... I can tell you anything. You have confided in me too" I replied.

"I just wish there was something... you know... something that made sense. I can't even remember going to elementary school... my mind is... it's broken!" He said.

I collected my thoughts, trying to understand how confused his patchy memory was. At least it wasn't just me he had forgotten, it was other parts of his life too.

"I first met you in a gas station... You gave me a ride, and my then boyfriend punched you in the face. We shared our first kiss on the roof top of the house we lived in... the last time I saw you, you told me to wait inside the house because you never wanted me to see you leave. The difference a day makes huh!" I said.

"I guess I liked you lot if I said that crap" he said with a smile, but it broke my heart in two.

"I hope you did" I said in a whisper. His brash attitude was definitely the old Kendall. He looked so fed up.

The door opened up behind me. "Sheri we are going to have to go" James said softly.

"Just five more minutes... please!" I begged.

James reluctantly nodded, then closed the door again.

I looked at Kendall, he sighed.

"Can you stand up?" I asked.

Kendall nodded. "I'm a bit wobbly on my legs but I made it to the toilet okay earlier" he said.

"Come with me... I know something that will cheer you up" I said holding my hand out for him to take as he lay on the hospital bed.

Kendall looked at me then looked at my hand.

"Okay" he said taking my hand.

I walked over to the window with him slowly.

"Do you see... ok! Do you see that woman with the purple jacket on down there." I said to him.

"Yeah, who is she?" Kendall asked.

I shrugged. "No idea, but the game is; you have to guess which car is hers before she reaches it" I explained.

Kendall shook his head with a weary laugh at my vain attempts of making friends with him. "Okay... the red Ford... that one right there" he said pointing.

We watched in silence as the lady walked across the parking lot. It was a bit harder playing car match from the fifth floor but at least he was joining in.

Kendall laughing was the indication that he had guessed correctly. I was too busy watching his face. His dimples, his eyes. My heart ached for him.

"How did you know I would guess the right one?" He asked.

"I know you... " I replied.

"Are you going to have a go?" He asked, once again intrigued by the game that kept him amused while I was in hospital.

"No, I've got to go now... I will be back though... Would you like me to come back?" I asked, my voice trembling.

"Sure!" Kendall said.

I gulped down my emotion that tried to escape. It wasn't the heart felt words I had hoped for, but at least it wasn't a no.

"You take care okay." I said giving him a hug, I could feel the awkwardness in his body as it tensed up from being hugged by a complete stranger.

"Bye Sharon" he said as I headed towards the door. I didn't have the emotional strength to correct him. Once I was out of the door I burst in to tears.

"Sheri maybe we could talk later?" Mackenzie said as James walked towards me.

"Does she have your number?" James asked her. Seeing I wasn't in a fit state to reply.

"Yeah, she does" Mackenzie replied.

"I will make sure she calls you okay.. today has been a bit much so far" he replied. James then placed his arm around my waist and helped me out of the hospital.

* * *

I tried my best to be enthusiastic about my new home, it was the answer to all my problems; what I had wanted all along, but now I was here I just couldn't be bothered.

James stayed with me while his aunt Sara showed me around. She did seem nice, my new social worker wasn't though. She was called Mrs Helmsley, I wasn't given her first name, but she saw me as problem child.

There were four other kids being fostered by Sara that also lived in the house, plus she had two of her own children. The ages ranged from 8 to 18.

"What do you think then?" James asked once we were alone, he was making me a cup of tea while I sat at one of the bar stools at the breakfast table.

"It's hectic in here" I replied. "The house is huge too, I think I might get lost" I said looking around the kitchen, it was triple the size of sues kitchen.

"You will get used to it. All the kids here are great. Especially Safia!" James said enthusiastically.

"I don't remember who was who" I replied moodily. "How on earth am I going to find my way around this place..." I said still looking at the kitchen.

"Safia is the one that isn't white!" James laughed. "She is muslim... she is hilarious, you will love her. I think she is going home to her parents soon though" he said. "Sheri just find your way around, open up cupboards, get familiar with it" he said also now looking at the kitchen.

I stood up and did begin opening up cupboards, plates in one, glasses in another. Baking tins... cutlery... soap detergents. I just kept opening. "Sounds like you have a thing for this safia, James. How old is she?" I asked.

I noticed a huge smile crack on his face. "I don't have a thing for her... she just makes me laugh that's all, she is 17" he replied, chuckling as I still kept opening up kitchen cupboards.

"Fibber!" I said as I opened one high cupboard that I now realised to be the medicine cabinet. I noticed straight away a box of co-codomol... that would take the edge off, I thought to myself.

I looked over to James who was stirring my tea.

I grabbed the box and pocketed it.

"What's wrong with safia then? Why is she here?" I asked casually.

I turned to find James stood in front if me. "Hand it over Sheri!" He said holding his hand out. His face looked only serious now.

I smiled sweetly. "Hand what over?" I asked calmly.

"Whatever you have just put in your pocket!" He snapped doing it himself, and pulling the packet out.

"Im sorry! I just need something James" I said tearing up.

"Bull shit Sheri! What the fuck is wrong with you huh. I'm not letting you out of my sight until I know I can trust you!" He yelled.

I took in a deep breath. My emotions were running wild. "Sorry... so why is safia here?" I asked again, acting like nothing happened. I walked back over to the table and sat down while James presented a cup of tea and a chocolate donut in front of me. "Thanks" I whispered out.

James put the pills back in the cupboard, I expect they would all be removed later. He then came and sat next to me.

"Nothing is wrong with safia. She was living with her parents but her mom has a disease; stops her from being able to move a lot so safia comes to stay here every now and again when her mom goes in to hospital" he explained, also letting the subject of the co-codomol pills go.

"Why doesn't her dad look after her?" I questioned.

"He doesn't see it as his job, but also he is a consultant for some private medical practice. He wouldn't be home much for her" James said taking a bite from his own donut.

"I can tell you like her, why don't you ask her out?" I asked.

"I'm not ready to ask anybody out" he mumbled.

I looked down at my tea, guilt once again making my body ache.

* * *

I had James' old room in Sara's house, it was beautiful. Just like the rest of her home. It was bare though, I was currently on my way to my old LA home that I shared with the BTR boys to pick up the rest of my belongings, once again I was left in the capable hands of James. He was like my chaperone. He watched me like a hawk. Even when I went to the toilet he would frisk me down, making sure I had no, pills, powders or cigarettes on me that I could secretly take.

It was strange standing in the hallway. Memories of the burglary came back to me, the smell of the house was still the same. It made me smile.

"SHERI!" Carlos yelled out making me jump out of my skin. "What the hell are you doing here?" He added; scooping me up in to a tight hug, my ribs hurt.

"Hey, los' how are you?" I replied, not quite as enthusiastic as him, but I made the effort.

"I'm good, really good! It's not the same around here without you though Sheri... it's dull" he said with a smile. "How is Kendall doing? I was just on my way to see him" he asked.

I shook my head before words came out.

"Sheri I will go bag up some of your stuff" James said leaving me with Carlos. "Don't leave her on her own for a second!" He added, then went upstairs.

Carlos helped me in to the kitchen chair. "He can't remember me, los... He can't remember any of us."I said beginning to cry.

Carlos' mouth hung open. "What like amnesia?" He asked.

"They are worried he has brain damage" I sniffed.

"Holy fuck! So... so what's going on with you guys then, last you text, you said Logan and you were back on, then Logan comes back with some hot blonde chic and he says your fucking Kendall again?" He asked looking completely confused at my complicated love life.

"You've met Lola?" I asked.

"Yeah, she is upstairs with him now. Are you with Kendall?" He asked.

"Yeah... well I was... He thinks Mackenzie; his old girlfriend is with him now though, she is all he really remembers... it's so fucked up! I'm scared I'm going to lose him los" I whispered. "How come lola is here, she can't of just left texas on a whim to be with the fucking henderwhore" I snapped.

Carlos shrugged, he looked more confused than Kendall had at the hospital. "She got suspended from her job... some kind of misconduct." He explained.

"She was my nurse and was screwing Logan behind my back, surely she wasn't suspended for that?" I said shocked. I was the patient not- "holy fuck! she was treating Logan for his stab wound... She got suspended for sleeping with a patient!" I said, a slight smile on my lips.

"Well that would explain why she is here then... in between jobs. Should I go and visit Kendall then?" He asked.

"I honestly don't know, I think the more he sees all of us the better but ... maybe I should call Mackenzie, she is with him, she probably knows best" I sighed, I watched James walk down the stairs with my small tv that I had in my room, he went out to the car then went back up stairs to get more stuff.

"Call her then" Carlos said.

I did call Mackenzie, she said it was best that Carlos left it for a day or so. Kendall was going through the mill it seemed today, my heart broke on hearing the news that he had had two seizures in my absence from getting worked up and frustrated. Mackenzie did say however that she wanted to talk to me. She was now on her way round.

"Why does she want to talk to me? I get so nervous, I feel like I'm just some idiot kid with no clue of what's going on." I moaned.

"Give yourself a break Sheri!" Carlos said. "You want a coffee?" He asked.

**_"She can have tea!_**" James called out as he passed on the stairs once more on route to his car.

Carlos raised an eyebrow. "What's all that about? He asked.

"I have... developed a bit of a drug problem. James is detoxing me, so it seems. _**Banning coffee is a bit extreme though!" **_I said loudly as James walked back up the stairs. I saw him flash me a smile. He left the front door open ready for his next trip down with my belongings.

"Drugs... Jesus Sheri, what the fuck has been going on ay?" Carlos replied, he looked appalled at this news.

"I couldn't even explain the last week to you if I tried" I said to him.

James came back down the stairs with a suitcase, he ran that out to the car then came in to the kitchen, his face bright red from the mini workout he was doing. He grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the tap.

"I didn't realise I had so much stuff!" I said to him as he panted away.

James smiled, "neither did I... almost done though, is the bedding yours or..." James asked but then stopped as Logan walked in the kitchen.

"It's mine, but she can have it!" Logan said dryly, he looked at me with sad eyes.

"Thanks" I replied in a whisper.

"Sheri don't say thanks to that bell end!" James said looking disgusted.

"Oh fuck off maslow, I haven't got time for this shit!" Logan replied,

"What shit?" James replied, standing up straight, he reminded me of a peacock as they spread their feathers out to look bigger and broader.

"That!" Logan said looking at me, I then felt like my heart had been smashed with a sledge hammer. After all these years together, getting by; Logan now thought of me as shit because I had left him after a one night stand.

James chuckled as he walked around from the kitchen sink, he still held his glass in his hand.

"The only shit I see in this room is you." James replied.

I looked at Carlos, he looked nervous, Carlos was only little he wasn't going to be able to tear these two apart if they got going.

"James!" I said cautiously

"No, sher bear... I want to hear the reason why he gave you money knowing full well... it was for drugs!" James said not moving his eyes from Logan.

"That wasn't the reason why I gave her any money!" Logan replied.

"But you knew she was gonna spend it on heroin... your a piece of shit Henderson! Your like a horny puppy that needs to be hosed down" James said in a hiss, he lifted his glass up and emptied the contents over Logan's head.

"Oh fuck!" I heard Carlos say as Logan took a swing at James. It didn't even move him, James was built like a fucking marine. He leaned back and smashed his fist in to Logans face.

Logan didn't just stand there he didn't have the option, the force from James' punch sent him flying in to the wall behind him, he slumped down on to the floor.

James towered over him, his chest heaved in and out from the adrenalin running through his veins.

Logan scrambled back to his feet. "Fucker!" He said to James, rubbing the side of his face where he had been hit.

Both boys just stared at each other. I got the feeling that James was coming to his senses, realising a fight wasn't the best idea, but as he attempted to walk away the better man, Logan took a swipe. The fist just glanced James' chin, only touching him enough to bring it to his attention that Logan wasn't about to back down.

Logan's second punch hit James in the gut! Making him double over, the air expelling from his lungs.

James eventually stood up straight, his eyes bulged with rage. He stared at Logan like he was a dumb punk kid with a smart mouth.

Logan smirked, he then shot James another blow but missed, James ducked out of the way, the shock in Logan's eyes clearly visible as his late reaction acknowledged the dodge; leaving him exposed to receive another punch.

It wasn't a punch he got though it was a head butt. James nutted him, blood once again sprayed over the kitchen floor.

Once Logan was down in agony James didn't allow him to assess the situation this time, he just ploughed in to Logan with fists flying and knees embedding in various places.

"Carlos! Do something!" I screamed.

Carlos was a scaredy cat, he didn't fight, he didn't argue, he didn't have a clue how to stop the brawl that was happening right now.

**"CUNT!**" I heard James say at the same time I heard a disturbing click from Logan's teeth.

I saw Lola come down the stairs on hearing the commotion. She stayed on the stairs though. Scared to intervene or scared to be near me.

It was Mackenzie that stopped the fight. She walked in through the door that James had left open and grabbed him by the ear, rendering him useless as his head moved with the pain.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Mackenzie asked once James was off of my ex boyfriend.

She held her hand out to help him up.

"You must be Logan! Im Mackenzie" she said to him.

Even though Logan was splattered in blood and bruises once more, the sparkle in in his eyes as he surveyed the beauty that was Mackenzie Davies, was so obvious...

* * *

**Chapter 58: Chapter 58**

* * *

"Logan come on, let's get you cleaned up" Lola said, walking down in to the kitchen and taking him by the hand towards the stairs.

"I didn't know it was heroin!" Logan said staring at me but talking to James.

"Get out of my fucking sight" James replied.

Logan walked up the stairs with Lola, he gave Mackenzie one last smile then was gone.

I looked at James. "He didn't know it was heroin, I told him crack..." I said quietly.

James closed his eyes and shook his head. "Don't you dare go fucking defending him Sheriden!" He yelled at me.

"Don't call me that!" I protested.

"Look I'm not sorry I hit him. He shouldn't of given you the money... can we go?! I don't want to be here any more" he said.

"Well Mackenzie has only just got here!" I moaned.

"Well Mackenzie can squeeze in the back with all your shit Sheri. We're going!" James said sounding pissed off.

Mackenzie shrugged to say she didn't mind.

"Carlos it's been great seeing you. I've missed you so much, maybe we can hang out again soon? You could visit Kendall with me?" I suggested.

"Sure Sheri... he will be right as rain soon... I know he will be." Carlos said giving me a gentle hug.

"I hope so los'" I replied.

"We all need a break... a proper holiday away from it all... maybe we should think about it when Kendall is better, get everyone back on the same page" Carlos said looking over to James.

"Sounds like a great plan los... I could do with a holiday." I replied softly at his kind way of thinking. I picked my crutches up and walked out to James' car.

"Who was that?" Mackenzie asked as she sat in the back of the car squashed between a suit case and a tv.

"Carlos?" I questioned.

"Yeah... he is adorable" Mackenzie said with a smile.

I rolled my eyes, between them; Logan and Carlos had slept with more girls than they had eaten hot dinners. I wasn't in to recommending boys who I knew were heart breakers. Not even to my boyfriend's ex!

The rest of the journey back to my new home was silent.

"How are things Sheri? Settling in okay?" Sara asked me as we came in through the door.

"Yeah fine!" I lied. Not wanting to bore her with my problems.

James sighed, he was stood behind me. "She isn't fine, I caught her trying to steal some pills out of the medicine cabinet in the kitchen! Everything needs to be removed from the house Sara... I'm not letting her out of my sight until I know she is clean and not craving after anything" James replied to her question.

Sara looked at me with the expression to say she had possibly made a mistake in letting me stay.

"Thanks James" Sara replied. She then walked off in the general direction of the kitchen, I expect to clear the cupboards.

I could feel Mackenzies eyes burn in to the back of my head, goodness knows what she must think of me on hearing all this drugs related conversation. I hobbled in to the living room; following James.

Safia was in here doing some school work by the looks of things.

"Hey saffy!" James said giving her his most perfect smile.

"Oh, hi James! I didn't think you would be around here much anymore?" She questioned. She also had a perfect smile that dazzled the room. I could see why James had a thing for her, she was extremely beautiful.

She wore the traditional hijab scarf over her head. It was very pretty; black chiffon with a pink floral detail cascading down one side. She had huge brown eyes that were sparkling away at James as she looked at him, all set perfectly by her light olive skin.

I found myself feeling jealous. She was wearing dark blue skinny jeans, which showed off her slender figure and a pretty long sleeved pink top. Her cute little dolly pumps she wore made her look very fashionable and at ease with herself.

Once again I felt like the ugly duckling in the room as I was sandwiched between Mackenzie, Safia and of course the immaculate Maslow!

I sighed quietly to myself, although James who seemed to of tuned in to my frequency of any body movements, noises or awkward looks turned around; but he ignored me as he felt I was just being annoying.

"I'm sticking around until Sheri finds her feet... She is feeling a little out of sorts at the moment aren't you Sheri?" He replied turning once more to look at me.

"Yeah I guess" I mumbled.

Safia smiled at me. It was one of those annoying sympathetic smiles again.

"Well if you ever need someone to talk to I'm always here to listen" Safia replied.

I smiled at her, I did notice that her and James were exchanging a look as though they wanted to talk privately. I sighed once more.

"Thanks" I grumbled.

"Do you two want to sit out in the garden, we can leave Safia to her work then?" James said to Mackenzie and I, looking away from Safia.

Obviously James didn't want to talk privately with her after all... I wondered what he was up to, surely he wasn't going to pass up asking a girl out because he still held a flame for me. That was just plain silly!

Regardless of all the looks and chit chat going on, Mackenzie and I walked out with James to the immaculate garden and sat down at an oversized bistro table.

"Can't we have some privacy?" Mackenzie said looking at James.

He looked at her, her green eyes stared straight back at him. James shook his head.

"I'm not leaving you alone with her, I don't know you from Adam! I'm not leaving her side unless it's with someone I trust!... No offence." James replied with a smile to back up his last statement.

Mackenzie raised an immaculate eyebrow. "Non taken..." She replied then turned to me. "To cut to the chase Sheri, Kathy and I were talking about what was best for Kendall..." She began.

"Sorry, who is Kathy?" I questioned.

"Kendalls mom!" Mackenzie replied. "Kathy was going to stay here with him, just to see if things looked on the improvement but ive persuaded her in to taking him home... I think that in the long run it will be best for Kendall to be surrounded by familiar things. I was hoping you would tell Kathy that you support this idea." She finished, noticing my reaction wasn't going to be good on hearing this news.

"What! You can't take him home... los Angeles is familiar Mackenzie! If you take him away then nothing will come back to him. How am I meant to see him if he goes back to Kansas?" I moaned.

"Kendall wants to go back to Kansas. It's all he has been going on about. He doesn't want the surgery, he just wants to go home with his mom, and hopes to get better that way!" Mackenzie argued.

I looked at James, then back to Mackenzie. "Surgery?! What surgery?" I asked.

"I thought you knew?" Mackenzie replied.

"No I don't know anything! I'm relying on you to tell me Mackenzie because at the moment your the only thing my boyfriend remembers!" I yelled.

James took my hand under the table. "Calm down Sheri" he soothed.

I glared at him.

"Kendall has a lot of swelling in his head from the knock he took. The doctors think that the excess water surrounding his brain could be the reason he has all this amnesia! They offered him the choice of surgery to drain the swelling in hope that it will return his memory to normal or let him carry on as he is... but if he is left he might not regain all of his memory" she explained.

I narrowed my eyes, not quite being able to take all this in. "So why on earth would you want him to not have the surgery! You don't want him to remember me do you!?" I snapped.

"Oh don't be ridiculous Sheri. It's Kendall that is saying he doesn't want the surgery, but to be honest I'm not keen on it, there are risks, he could end up permanently brain damaged or die! He is really freaking out, that's why his seizures are coming so thick and fast, which isn't helping the swelling! Do you understand Sheri?" She said coming across like a patronising bitch!

My eyes welled. "He needs the surgery Mackenzie... I need him to remember me! I need him to." I replied my voice shaking. James' delicate thumb stroke on my hand was making me feel even more emotional as he tried his best to comfort me.

"He is scared stiff Sheri. You know what he is like! He can't deal with problems." She said.

I shook my head. "Your wrong... he can deal with anything. He was doing so well in changing to be a better person. I know he can handle this Mackenzie!"

"Think of how he feels right now though, how scared and confused he is, and his poor mother. She is going out of her mind, if Kendall loses a few memories it's not the end of the world but if he becomes a fucking vegetable because of you wanting him to have surgery then that is the end of everyone's world... including his!" Mackenzie replied sternly but softly.

"Losing a few memories? What? Mackenzie... it's not just a few memories. It's Kendalls life you are talking about. I'm sorry I don't agree. He is a hell of a lot stronger than what you think he is, mentally and physically." I explained, tears rolling down my eyes.

James cell phone began ringing, breaking the awkwardness of this terrible conversation. He looked at it but dismissed the call, placing it back in his pocket.

Mackenzie took a deep breath. "I think you should do what's right for Kendall and not for yourself... just this once! He is a dear friend of mine and I can't lose him as well as my sister" She said looking like she was about to burst in to tears. "I will see myself out" she added; stood up and walked away towards the house.

"Mackenzie don't you want a lift?" James called, also standing up.

"No im good" she called walking away, now clearly crying.

I buried my head in my hands and sobbed.

"Why... why is all this happening!" I howled.

James placed his hand in my back, and rubbed his palm in gentle circles trying to sooth me. With that and the heat from the evening LA sun it felt very relaxing.

"It will be okay sheri. Do what you think is right in your heart of hearts. At the end of the day its up to Kendall... it won't hurt if you give him another opinion huh" he said.

I looked up to him, my eyes streaming with tears. "I honestly don't know what I would do without you James... I honestly don't" I cried.

James gave me a smile. "I have some other news" he then said. His eyes looked apologetic at this bad timing of events.

"Wh... what? I asked. Nervous now at anything that wasn't expected.

"The phone call I just had... it was your mom trying to get through" he replied.

My mouth gaped open. With everything that had been going on I hadn't even spared a thought for my mom that James had tracked down.

"Do you think she wants to meet me?" I asked.

James shrugged. "I'm not sure sher bear. Do you think it's best we leave it for now?... with everything going on... I don't think you need the added stresses from a woman who obviously sells her soul to the devil" James said.

"Is that what you think of me now? That I've sold my soul to the devil because I fucked Logan for money" I replied.

"I would never think that of you Sheri... that wasn't you that did that... that was a desperation that you couldn't control" he replied.

"So maybe my mother has a desperation that she can't control! Maybe it's just an easy way to live the high life... I'm done with judging people James. Facts! Facts are the only thing that I rely on now. Phone her back!" I replied.

James sighed, I could tell he didn't agree with this at all.

"I think it's best to speak to Kendall first. Let's deal with that issue before you start chasing another" he said softly.

I nodded. "Can we go back today?" I asked eagerly.

"Maybe it's best to get an early night Sheri... rome wasn't built in a day" he replied.

It must of only been about 7pm but I guess James was right, I was exhausted.

"I might go off to bed then, we didn't have the best nights sleep last night huh?" I said, now realising how tired my eyes actually felt.

"Come on then... I will sit with you" James said helping me up.

We made our way to what James used to refer to as his bachelor pad. It was a tiny apartment that was built on to the back of his aunt's house. It was basically just a bedroom with an ensuite bathroom attached to it. But it was nice.

"Where are you going to live now I've forced you to move out so I can have this place?" I asked as I lay fully clothed on the double bed.

"Back on my uncle's sofa" James replied with a grin.

"Sorry.. I know how uncomfortable that was for you" I said.

James shrugged. "Sheri all I want is you to be happy, if that means that I have to get a sore neck by sleeping on a couch, then I would say that's a fair exchange."

"You always say that you want me happy... what about you James? Surely your happiness needs to be taken care of?" I asked feeling sleepy. The softness of the pillow I rested on was out of this world.

James sat up on the bed, resting his back on the head board. "I am happy though... I don't really have anything to be sad about" he replied.

I was pleased he hadn't mentioned the fact that I didn't want him, possibly making him sad but it kind of hurt that he didn't say anything about it.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on with you and Safia then?" I asked.

James looked at me in an alarmed way. "Nothin what so ever is going on with safia and I" James said too quickly for me to believe him.

"Oh come on James! I'm not stupid. Something has been said for you two to be looking at each other like you were" I said, poking him in the side with my finger. "She is beautiful... very your type!" I added.

James rolled his eyes at the fact he was only compatible with the beautiful people in my eyes. He then let out a big sigh. "I kissed her!" He finally revealed.

Suddenly I was very alert. "Well that would explain the looks you were sharing, you could of told me earlier" I replied.

James shook his head. "It's not as simple as that. I do really like her, she is funny and lovely... beautiful. But she..."

"She what?" I asked intrigued.

"She said she feels something for me, but any relationship we would have would be a very private one... as in a secret!" He then explained.

"Oh, I see... how come?" I asked.

"Im not Muslim being the main problem, but the fact I'm Jewish is the bigger one. Her dad will only let her date a Muslim guy, and that is when he can find someone that is worthy enough for her... I'm forbidden pretty much. If it was up to safia then she would love to go out with me, but as far as her family is concerned its not even up for reasoning" he explained.

"Oh James! You really know how to pick them don't you!" I said softly.

James exhaled a deep breath. "Your telling me. I'm just trying to get it back to friendly with her at the moment. But she seems hell bent on trying to corner me."

"I think a secret romance sounds beautiful. What's the harm in it? If her dad doesn't know then it can't hurt him can it" I said.

"If her family found out she could end up being disowned, she isn't allowed to date for fun, only to find a husband! I don't want to disrespect her beliefs like that... I shouldn't of even kissed her" he said shaking his head.

"Isn't there a loop hole in it any where... I thought Muslims could sometimes date out of there own religion?" I asked, not really knowing much about it.

"Sometimes I guess they can, but not Safia... Her dad wouldn't allow it... I do really like her Sheri.. I don't want to have to keep avoiding her... I miss her, we used to have a laugh together... then I ruined it by kissing her!" He moaned leaning his head back on the head board.

"Love is blind James!... Love is blind" I said then closed my once again tired eyes.

* * *

I woke up the next morning to find myself still fully clothed and James snoring next to me. Great! If I didn't look like a big enough slut already, James was helping my cause.

"James wake up! I want to see Kendall" I said walking over to one of my suit cases.

James stirred, realising where he was. "Oh shit!" He said.

"Shit indeed!" I replied. "You need to help me shower!" I replied grabbing my bikini.

James narrowed his eyes and flopped his head back on the pillow, like helping me shower was the hardest thing in the world to do... at least for him.

I stumbled out in to the bathroom and got changed, ordering his help while I plastered my cast in carrier bags.

Being washed by James was no where as erotic as it had been with Kendall, well atleast for me, but I did notice James had a raging boner trying to escape his pants. I bet safia would run a mile if she saw how big that thing was! It was a good job James wasn't from Scotland or he would get mistaken for having the Loch Ness monster attached to him.

James made sure I ate, and only drank tea. He still frisked me down making sure I had no illicit things on my personal being before I used the bathroom. He still would not let me out if his sight.

Once we were ready he took me to the hospital, I looked slightly more kept than I had yesterday. I hoped that Kendall would appreciate the effort. I still felt wired and wanted an easy way out for my body to relax but I felt more in control of my emotions.

We made our way up to the 5th floor. This time it was Mackenzie that was sat outside and Kendalls mom that was sat with him in the room.

"Hi" Mackenzie greeted James and I, her voice emotionless today.

"How is he?" I asked her.

"The same pretty much" she replied, "Sheri please do what is right!" She asked now looking me in the eye. "Don't take a selfish chance on someone else's life" she added.

I let out a sigh. What ever I said to Kendall and his mom was going to be the wrong thing. It was just the way my life went.

"Can I go in?" I asked.

Mackenzie nodded. She looked frustrated with me.

I knocked on Kendalls door then walked in.

"Hello" I said shyly in front of his mother.

"Sheri! How are you?" Kathy asked.

"Doing okay? How are you both? did you sleep okay Kendall?" I asked.

"Not too well really" Kendall said. His eyes looking sad. His mum was holding on to his hand.

"It's not easy getting comfy in a hospital bed huh" I replied knowing oh too well.

I noticed Kendalls mom smile at me. She seemed really kind.

A doctor waltzed in with a clip board. He didn't introduce himself or ask Kendall any questions, he just looked at charts and monitors then jumped in grabbing Kendalls wrist for a pulse time.

Kendall whipped his hand back, not wanting to be touched.

"Kendall come on, it's not going to hurt" his mom said to him looking concerned.

"Just leave me alone!" Kendall yelled at the doctor. He was getting so worked up over nothing. It really was scary to watch, but the way the doctor was treating Kendall like a piece of meat wasn't helping. He gripped Kendalls wrist tighter trying to win the battle of will power over a scared 17 year old boy.

I noticed Kendalls breathing get heavier. And knew he was minutes away from losing it. I didn't want to see him have a seizure.

"Do you mind!" I said to the doctor. Squeezing my way in front of him so he had to let go of Kendalls wrist.

"Kendy calm down... look at me" I said softly, giving him a smile. Kendall did look at me, he looked pale and clammy.

"Take a nice big breath okay... this is nothing. The doctor just has a really terrible bedside fucking manner!" I replied, letting Kendall know it wasn't his fault he had reacted this way.

The doctor glared at me.

Kendalls chest still heaved in and out as he verged a panic attack. His mom stayed silent. Letting me get on with my attempt to calm her son down.

"What is your name?" I asked the doctor.

"Flynn Roberts" the doctor replied sounding tired.

"Okay... kendy, flynn is gonna just check your pulse... like this" I said holding gently in to his wrist. "It's only for a second or two alright... he is a jumped up turd!" I added, making Kendall smile.

The doctor finally got his pulse time, and asked Kendall a few questions which he answered to the best of his ability then left.

Kendalls mom smiled at me. "Thanks for that" she said looking extremely tired and emotional.

"Its fine" I replied, Stroking Kendalls hand. He didn't seem to mind. I think he trusted me.

"Mackenzie told me that you have been offered surgery... to help the memories come back" I said softly to Kendall.

He nodded. "I can't do it. I'm scared" Kendall replied.

I nodded. "I know your scared. Anyone in their right mind would be scared. Mackenzie explained that you would be happier going back to Kansas, where you remember certain things. Is that right?" I asked.

Kendall looked at me, he could see he was hurting me, even if he didn't understand what we once had. "Im sorry" he replied.

"Kendall the thing is, I know you. I know you better than Mackenzie and probably more than your mom" I said not wanting to cause her offence. "Kendall I even know you better than you know yourself right now." I explained.

"So, what are you getting at... you want me to have the surgery?" He asked.

"I do! Of course I do, I want you to remember me, and remember the feelings we had... it was amazing Kendall. The way I love you... it's just amazing! But this isn't about what I want. But I need to tell you that the person you are at the moment is a completely different person to the one I knew. The old Kendall... the one with his complete memories and experiences, I know if he were here right now then he would agree to having the surgery. He wouldn't be scared. He would see it as the only option because that Kendall loved his life, his job... and he loved me. I know that he would do anything to get those things back" I said softly.

Kendall stared at me, not knowing what to say. I saw him look out the window of his room door, Mackenzie was out there watching, wanting me to tell Kendall and his mom that I agreed with her.

I didn't and sometimes the easiest options aren't always the best!.

"How do I know your right?" Kendall asked me.

"Because you trust me kendy" I replied.

Kendall nodded, he looked down at his name which was written on my cast on my leg.

He nodded. "Ok... ok I will do it... I trust you" he replied.

A glimmer of hope erupted in my heart but I no longer allowed myself to believe in silver linings.

* * *

**Chapter 59: Chapter 59**

* * *

Waking up to the shrill sound of my phone ringing wasn't the best way to start my day.

I was up late last night; once again James didn't want to leave me on my own. He was having trouble getting hold of my mom, even though it was her that originally called to want me. I wasn't sure of the reason but I knew I couldn't go through life not seeing her, I just wanted to ask why!? Why did she leave me behind?

James left just after midnight last night to go to his uncle's couch.

Kendall was having his operation today at midday. I was nervous, but not as nervous as he had been when I said goodbye to him yesterday.

It was nice that even though to him I was a complete stranger he knew in his heart to trust me. I was so pleased he was having it done. I couldn't wait to have everything back to normal.

I grabbed my ringing cell phone.

"Morning James!" I said sarcastically on seeing the caller ID. In fairness it was only James that contacted me now.

"Hello... you sound more normal!" He replied.

I wasnt sure if I should take offence to that?

"What does that mean?" I moaned as I looked out in to the garden through the crack in my bedroom blinds.

"Nothing... just it's nice to hear some emotion back in your voice... even if it is sarcasm!" He joked.

I smiled, I did feel a lot more like myself, I still held a lot of sorrow on my shoulders but I knew things were going to get back to normal soon.

"Did you get hold of her?" I asked, meaning my mother.

"Yeah, yeah I did Sheri... well she called me back just a minute ago. she does want to meet you. Asked if you could maybe visit tomorrow? She said just to chat... clear the air" he added.

I nodded to myself. "Yeah that's fine, I've got one or two questions to ask her... James it's just closure. I know your worried" I said reassuring him.

I could hear the smile in his voice. "Sometimes closure is best" he replied. "I will drive you up... is that okay. We do it together?" He asked.

"Of course it is, James you've done so much for me" I replied.

"I just want you happy sher bear" he said seriously, his soft caring tone sounded husky from him only just waking up. "Did you want a lift to the hospital later to see kendall?" He asked.

"No los is picking me up at half 11, he wants to visit him. You deserve a break from me" I said to him as I sat up on the side of my bed.

"What are you going to be up to until half 11 though Sheri? I'm not comfortable with leaving you on your own" James replied once again sounding a little stressed.

"I was going to go back to sleep... I will be fine James I promise. I will call you if I need you" I said.

"Okay, well say hi to Kendall for me, I will see you tomorrow okay... I might actually drop by later... I need to talk to safia, sort things out... she is kind of stalking me." He chuckled.

"I will say hi, don't worry, I know he is going to remember everything after the op! She likes you James, she isn't stalking you. Just hear her out... I've got to admit I'm a little jealous" I replied honestly.

"I doubt that!" James said sarcastically.

We said our goodbyes and hung up, . I let out a yawn as I went to the bathroom then got back in to bed.

I still has that that yearning for something to ease the crap surrounding my life. But James was right, it was nice to show some emotion, it was actually nice to feel some too.

I hoped this was the beginning of a new me. I didn't want the old one back and I didn't like the new one. So someone new would be great!

I rested my head on my pillow, the swirly pattern on the ceiling annoyed me as I tried to make faces out of the plaster indents. I closed my eyes to avoid it.

A few moments later a knock came to the door of my little apartment that lived on the outside of Sara's house. I got out of bed and answered it.

Carlos' face was concerned. As he stood on the other side of the door.

"What's wrong?" I asked him, not even saying hello to greet him in any way.

"Sheri have you not had a phone call?!" He asked urgently.

I shook my head. "About what? My mom phoned James.. but-"

"No from the hospital!" Carlos said butting in.

"No" I replied, my voice shaking. "Has Kendall changed his mind? Doesn't he want the op any more?" I asked.

"Sheri he has had it already. Apparently his surgery time got bumped forward, his mom called me, she couldn't get hold of a number for you... he has taken a bad turn Sheri" Carlos replied so softly in a vain attempt to deliver the news gently.

"What do you mean? Bad turn how?" I said, my throat now thick with fear.

"I'm not sure, she didn't say... c'mon I will drive you down there" Carlos said. His tone was of urgency. I was to scared to talk, I knew the tears wouldn't stay in. I nodded and threw yesterday's clothes on me, not bothering to wash or even brush my teeth.

My arm ached in the car, I welcomed the distraction, the throbs from what ever was causing my pain stopped me thinking about how bad Kendall might be... what if he had brain damage?... what if he had forgotten me forever... his brain un fixable.

My stomach felt sick. We arrived at the hospital, Carlos took my hand, still my arm ached as he did so. I blamed the come down my body was going through on my sudden discomforts, but really I only had myself to blame. It was my choice to take drugs!.

The silent trip up in the elevator to floor 5 was almost unbearable. I didn't know what to expect once we reached the top, but I wasn't expecting what I saw...

An empty room. Nothing!

I looked at Carlos, giving him the notion that I was currently un able to talk, why was Kendall not in his bed in his hospital room? there wasn't even a bed in here. Was he still in surgery?

"Are you sure he was in this room?" Carlos asked.

I nodded in response.

A nurse walked passed. Carlos caught her attention, her soft features and blonde hair in a neat French braid reminded me of Lola.

"Excuse me... erm... we are looking for my friend, has he been moved?" Carlos asked.

"Oh I'm not sure, I have just come on duty, I will find out for you." She replied and walked off to the nurses station to talk to her superior.

Carlos wrapped his arm around me. "I expect he is on a different ward Sheri, if he got in to trouble during surgery they will need to keep a closer eye on him than what they would in here." He said reassuring me looking around the hospital room Kendall had been in.

I watched the nurse who was talking to her colleague look over to us, she was nodding her head to whatever she was being told. She then stood up straight from leaning over the desk and walked back over to us.

"Are you family?" She asked softly.

"I... im his girlfriend!" I choked out, finally finding some kind of voice.

She smiled sympathetically and shut the door to the room we were in, gesturing for me to take a seat.

I did, my legs not wanting to hold my body up any longer, I rubbed my hand along my aching arm and tried to control my breathing.

"Are you aware that Kendall was in surgery this morning?" She asked.

I nodded. "Yeah... well I thought it was at 12 but it got moved forward, I wanted to be here for him." I whispered out. Carlos sat down in the seat next to me and took my hand. I felt pins and needles as he gave the hand a gentle squeeze, making my aching arm hurt even further.

"It got moved forward due to a cancellation, he went down to surgery at 8am, Kendall had a seizure under the anesthetic whilst being operated on. This had a major effect on his heart, which led to him going in to cardiac arrest" the nurse said.

Tears poured down my face, and Carlos pulled me in to his arms as if to brace me from the news that was yet to come.

"He is... going to be.. okay though, right?" I sobbed out.

The nurse paused, her mouth opened to talk, then closed again as she re-chose her words. "I'm ever so sorry but Kendall died shortly after he came out of theatre. His heart had just given up, and couldn't be resuscitated. I'm so sorry" she said.

Sick formed in my throat. This had to be a joke, a mistake. I must of misheard her.

"What?" I cried out.

The nurse walked forward and kneeled down in front of me. "He passed away at 9.38 this morning, I'm so sorry." She said.

" you've got the wrong person, you must have!" I pleaded. "Kendall.. Kendall Schmidt!?" I clarified.

The nurse nodded. "I'm ever so sorry, I can take you see him if you like?" She asked.

I looked at Carlos, he was in bits. His lip shaking as he cried silently. "Los!?.. " I cried.

Carlos took me completely in his arms, I sobbed so hard on his shoulder, I was in so much shock and disbelief. This can't be happening it can't be real.

"Can I get you a drink of water?" The nurse asked.

My hand shook as I raised it to my mouth, trying to compose myself. "No I want to see him" I said, my voice had no control, the pitch was up and down, high and low.

"Of course" she replied.

* * *

Waiting outside the room that I knew my boyfriend lay lifeless behind was the most hideous time of my life, the strong smell of disinfectant stung my nose.

"Sheri did you want me to come in with you?" Carlos asked, his eyes red, but he could no longer make eye contact with me.

"I can't do this on my own" I replied the silent tears that were never going to stop. I knew I was never going to sleep another night.

Carlos nodded just as the nurse that looked like Lola walked out of the room. "It's fine for you to go in when your ready" she said softly.

I nodded and held Carlos' hand tightly, the pins and needles in my arm and hand a pleasurable pain, that I deserved.

I had a death on my hands. It was all my fault.

Carlos led the way through, the smell changed instantly from clinical disinfectant to the unmistakable choking scent of death. It coated my throat as I walked in.

I looked at my feet, scared to look up, scared to make it a reality for my eyes. Carlos walked me up to the bed.

I took a deep breath in and lifted my head, my eyes scanned over everything they saw.

Kendall looked small and thin, his body covered in a white bed sheet that had been folded down just above his tummy button.

His eyes shut, which I was grateful for. I never wanted to see those amazing green eyes cold and glassy like I imagined them to look now.

His hair had been washed, it was brushed in the wrong direction to how he wore it, I guessed to cover up whatever new surgical scars he now had on his head.

He was so pale, so ghostly white, even his lightly tanned skin had died with him. His beautiful soft lips now cracked with a light blue tinge to them.

His chest motionless and creamy white in colour, he didn't look real.

His hand had been placed outside of the bed sheet. I held it in my own. The coolness of his skin a shock, it felt unnatural and final.

"Kendall, I'm so sorry!" I sobbed. I leaned my head in next to his, his beautiful scent had gone.

The lump in my throat hurt, I let out loud cries as I buried my face in his neck, I felt Carlos rub my back in consolation.

"Please wake up!" I begged. "Please!"

My shoulders shook as I cried until they hurt. I never wanted to walk away from him, I never wanted this to be the last time I would see him.

The coolness of his skin made me shiver.

"Kendall I love you, I'm so sorry... this should be me... it should be me." I howled.

Carlos placed his hand on my shoulder and guided me away from leaning on Kendall.

"Sheri, c'mon, it's not your fault. You need to say goodbye, not ask him for forgiveness." He said.

I looked at Carlos through my cried out eyes. My body shaking all over, making me ache so much.

"He is 17! Seventeen years old and this is where it ends for him? It's all my fault... all my fucking fault." I sobbed.

"It's not your fault Sheri, there is always a reason that God takes away the good ones. Kendall was just needed." He said.

"Don't preach your church shit at me Carlos! You have no clue what's happened." I snapped at him.

Carlos let out a sigh. "Sheri, nothing can change what has happened, nothing. You need to say your peace, you need to say goodbye" he replied.

"I don't want to say goodbye los" I howled.

"I know.. it's awful... I can't believe he is gone." Carlos said looking at Kendalls lifeless body.

I turned to Kendall, looking at his peaceful looking face. "Carlos can I have a minute alone?" I asked.

"Sure thing." He replied. I then heard the door shut behind him as he left me alone in the room with Kendall.

I took his hand again.

"I can't believe I'm never going to talk to you again, see your smile... it's so unfair, baby!" I sobbed as I rested my forehead on his hand.

The things I would do to hear you laugh. To see your killer dimples!... oh god Kendall! You can't do this to me... please, you can't leave me." I added. My face soaking wet from crying.

"Everything was meant to be perfect. You were my reason for living, my reason for trying so hard... what will I do now your not here. I'm nothing without you Kendall... absolutely nothing."

I stroked my thumb across the back of his pale hand. My thoughts completely jumbled, nothing in the world made sense right now.

I took in a deep breath but a sob broke out from my mouth. "James said to say hi... oh god kendy! This can't be real... this can't be it" I cried, my heart aching so much.

"You look so... different" I said aloud, looking at his face. It was still Kendall, but it wasn't. I couldn't understand how death could leave behind a shell that looked liked him but I knew he had actually gone.

"I love you Kendall. I hope that whatever happened in those final moments... well I hoped you had just one memory of me to take with you. I'm going to carry all of ours with me until the end... I love you so much. I'm going to miss you so much more." I whispered, wiping my eyes which was the most pointless thing to do as the tears kept falling.

I took one last look at my boyfriend, one last look at his kind face, his dirty blonde hair and his beautiful body.

"Bye kendy." I whispered in his ear. I kissed him one last time then headed towards the door, not being able to take the pain my chest now had. My heart was broken.

Carlos stood up from his seat, his face once again serious. It took me a moment to work out why but it became clear when I saw mackenzie stood behind me in the corridoor.

"He is dead because of you!" She hissed, her eyes red from crying. The next thing I knew I was on the floor with mackenzie flying her fists at me and pulling my hair.

I didn't resist or fight back. I wanted her to do it, I wanted to feel the pain I deserved. My body shook from side to side as I was manhandled, all the while I could hear carlos in the background screaming my name, wanting mackenzie to stop...

* * *

**Chapter 60: Chapter 60**

* * *

"Sheri!" I heard Carlos calling. "Sheri..."

"Sheri wake up!" He said. My eyes then flung open and I shot up in my bed. I had been laying on my arm, and it was now a dead weight, as I attempted to stretch it out.

"Are you okay? You were having a bad dream" Carlos asked.

It took me a minute to gather my senses. It had all been a terrible dream, Kendall was alive. "My dream... it was... My God..." I said then burst in to tears.

Carlos chuckled at me. "Sheri, c'mon... get ready or we will be late, it's twenty to twelve now" he replied.

I looked at the time on my phone. It only seemed like seconds ago I had spoken to James. I let out a deep breath. The pain from my nightmare still hurt my chest. What if something did happen to Kendall. Mackenzie was right, he was better off safe with no memories than taking the risk of surgery. I would rather live with him in Kansas than have him be taken from me through death.

I dressed and washed, hobbling out on my crutches to Carlos' car. I should of realised it was a dream when I had two working legs and the nurse looked like Lola. Jesus Christ, that dream was fucked up! I hoped the memory of it would fade. It was five to twelve by the time we made it to the hospital. The lift was agonisingly slow.

To the best of my ability I darted down the corridor.

Kendall was being wheeled away on his bed just as we arrived to his hospital room. The relief I felt on making it on time.

"Hey stop... just a sec... please!" I called out to the porter.

He did stop and I made my way to Kendall, who lay on the bed looking scared of what was about to come of him.

"You made it" he said with a husky voice.

I nodded. "Just... kends.. I don't think you should go through with it. I had this terrible dream and i-"

"I'm having the op Sheri. I'm doing it for me, not for any one else okay. I need answers to all the new questions that are going on in my head... I will be fine." He said.

"Kendall please, I'm begging you! Don't do this." I pleaded.

"I need answers Sheri." Was all he replied.

" to what though?" I asked.

"to why I didn't want to see you before the op, I want to know why I don't want to say good bye to you... Because my heart can't but my head doesn't know why." he replied sounding emotional.

" Kendall its because I told you that the other day, it's not because you feel anything for me. " I argued.

" isn't it? Because I think it is, I can't get you out of my head, I want it back Sheri. "

" well if you feel for me now, let's just start over kends... Please don't do this! I have a terrible feeling about it, please.. You trusted me before, trust me now! " I said beginning to cry.

" I will see you soon Sheri, I want my memories back! " he replied, nodding to the porter to carry on wheeling him down, which he did.

" Kendall I love you! " I called out before he was pushed in to the lift.

Kendall smiled at me, he didn't say it back. The elevator doors closed before he had the chance any way. I prayed to God so hard that I would see that smile again.

"Sheri, c'mon I will treat you to lunch." Carlos said breaking my gaze that I still held on the doors of the lift.

" he is going to die, the dream I had! Los it was so real." I stammered out.

"It was a dream Sheri... just a dream!" He insisted as he helped me in to the elevator we had just come out of, we made our way down to the food hall where I saw Mackenzie. Or rather Carlos saw Mackenzie and insisted that we sit with her.

"Hi. Fancy some company?" I asked her, as Carlos and I stood near her table.

I don't think she wanted me any where near her but her immaculate face lit up when she saw I had Carlos with me.

"Sure... you just missed Kathy, she has gone for a walk." Mackenzie replied, taking in every inch of Carlos' small yet beautifully crafted body.

"I tried to talk him out of it.. he refused" I said as I sat down.

Mackenzie then looked me up and down, taking in every inch of my brown hair, my injuries, fading bruises and my insecure looking body that dangled from my face.

"What's done is done." She replied.

I sat in silence at the table, pushing around the food on my plate that Carlos had bought me with the fork. I had no desire to eat. And had no desire to listen to the "get to know you" conversation that Mackenzie and Carlos were having.

Carlos was in full throttle of selling his acting career to Mackenzie who was lapping it up.

"You must work out so much!" Mackenzie said smiling broadly as she gave Carlos' bicep a squeeze.

"Yeah I try to, part of the job is to look good." Carlos replied.

I rolled my eyes, I had better things to think about than Carlos getting sweaty in a gym. Mackenzie seemed to have her priorities all wrong now though.

I watched in amazement as her and Carlos swapped numbers while Kendall was in surgery.

"Excuse me." I said attempting to leave the table, I wanted some fresh air.

"Sheri where are you going?" Carlos asked.

"Just out to clear my head." I replied.

"James said I'm not allowed to let you go any where on your own... if you go, I go." He informed me.

I sighed and cursed James and his forever caring side. "I just want a breath of fresh air los. I will be right back." I promised.

"Then I'm coming too." He simply replied.

I rolled my eyes as I grabbed my crutches. Carlos followed me out after Mackenzie said she would prefer to stay where she was incase Kathy came back.

I stood outside, it was not exactly fresh air as it appeared half the population of the hospital were out here smoking. I really wanted a cigarette. Bodies were stupid at how easily they fell victim to certain substances. Maybe it wasn't bodies, maybe it was just my body.

"I spoke to Logan yesterday, he said he was up for a holiday!" Carlos said breaking the awkward silence as we sat by some attempt at hospital art. Huge steel balls that had been made in to some obscure fountain stood in front of the park bench we now sat on.

"Did you tell him it was all of us wanting to go?" I asked, knowing Logan seemed to be suffering from a severe broken heart over a one night stand with me, even though he had broken my heart countless times and I had forgiven him for old times sakes.

"I think he gathered that it would be... him and Lola seem cosy Sheri. I'm not sure he is fussed that you would be there at all." He said hurtfully.

I knew how Logan felt about me and I knew how I still felt about him. Just because our long awaited sex session was amazing didn't mean I was ever going to go back to him. I never would. Never a third time. I knew he truly loved me but he was ruled by his penis and always would be. He wasn't the same person he used to be. California had shown him a new life filled with temptation that Texas never had... he was never going to be that Logan from Texas ever again.

"I doubt I will go any way, no way I would afford a holiday let alone be allowed to go with you lot." I said miserably.

"Oh Sheri, c'mon... don't be such a misery. You need a holiday more than most I think." Carlos replied, nudging me in the ribs.

I shrugged. "I think we all need one... you gonna fuck Mackenzie?" I asked bluntly.

"Hopefully... she is so fucking hot, right!" He answered with a smile as big as his face.

"Yeah she is pretty... we should get heading back, there might be news on Kendall." I replied.

Carlos helped me back in to the food hall but Mackenzie was gone. My legs felt like jelly, I knew in my heart that something bad had happened.

"I can't go in!" I said to Carlos as he guided me in the elevator.

"What? Sheri don't be daft!" He argued.

I shook my head. "No! No, I mean it. I can't go in... I can't know... I don't want to know. Im better off never knowing!" I replied.

Carlos then picked me up and carried me in to the lift. "Stop acting like a complete loser Sheri!" He huffed while I tried to hit him with my hands.

"Put me down Carlos! You fucking idiot!" I screamed at him.

Carlos made sure the lift was in motion before he let go of me. "Sheri... fuck! Your a drama queen! You know that right!" He snapped.

I glared at him as he looked up to the illuminated number 5 as we made our way up the floors.

"Fuck off!" I snapped back at him.

The lift made its way up to the fifth floor. Once the doors reopened Carlos ushered me in the direction of Kendalls room.

A loud cry left my lips when I saw Kendall back in his room, his mom and Mackenzie at his bedside. I opened the door up.

"It all went okay?" I sobbed.

Kathy nodded. "We are just waiting for him to wake up from the anesthetic... only time will tell." She said.

"Is it okay if I wait with you?" I asked.

"Course, it's fine!" She replied.

I made my way over to a seat situated by the window, it didn't look as if Mackenzie was going to be giving up her bedside seat for me any time soon. Carlos remained outside of the room, feeling this wasn't a time for him.

My mind couldn't settle as I looked at Kendall, I imagined him to come out of surgery with a huge bandage on his head but I guess however they did what they did was not very invasive as I couldn't see a mark on him.

The three of us sat in silence, not feeling it was a time for small talk. The only sound that was made was from the occasional sniff from me as I controlled my tears.

Kendall looked so peaceful, his face relaxed; I liked looking at him while he slept, I always had, not just Kendall but any one. It was a pleasant sight to see someone with no worries or pain on their face.

Minutes ticked by when finally Kendall stirred. He seemed more confused than before, but I put that down to him just waking up.

"Kendall honey! How are you feeling?" Kathy asked.

"Good!" He croaked out, his voice dry.

I didn't like the look that was in Mackenzies eye. I was never sure on what her motives were with Kendall. She looked as if she was holding her breath, not wanting to find out if he had his memories back. Maybe she didn't want him to have them back, maybe she wanted him to be in love with her... I just couldn't figure it out.

I stood up and made my way over to the edge of Kendalls bed, he looked up at me.

"Did it work Kendall?" I asked, his face not giving me any clues.

I watched as his eyes filled, tears left him and he nodded. Unable to speak, Kendall opened his arms for me; Mackenzie had to move from the bedside as I was beckoned in to Kendalls embrace.

He held me tightly, my face buried in to his neck, his scent surrounded me and I cried.

"I love you kends" I whispered to him.

Kendall pulled away, his amazing green eyes, currently filled with relief and emotion that only he and I could know. His thumbs ran along my face. It was if he hadn't seen me for years.

"I love you too... I'm so sorry for putting you through that.. so sorry!" He said again.

I turned to Kendalls mom. "Would it be okay if we had a minute alone, I need fill Kendall in on some things" I said, wiping my eyes.

Kathy nodded, "we will be out side." She replied with a smile. She made eye contact with Mackenzie as they both made their way to the door. I don't know why but she really liked me.

I sat down on the side of Kendalls bed.

"How are you even here Sheri? How did you get out of Texas?" Kendall said taking my hand firmly.

"Baby. I need to tell you some things..." I said beginning the sentence to a make or break conversation, knowing that the truth had to be told.

* * *

Author note. Shame on you if you ever thought I would/could kill Kendall off! Lol

Will update soon!

* * *

**Chapter 61: Chapter 61**

* * *

Kendall held my hand tightly. He knew bad news was coming I could see it in his eyes.

"Sheri just say it... do you not want to be with me?" He asked. His expression confused.

Pulling my chair in closer to him; l kissed his hand. "I love you Kendall. I want to be with you.. I never want to be without you, but I've done some really stupid things lately and I'm not so sure that once you find out about them that you will want to be with me." I whispered out softly. Biting back at the tears that threatened me.

"Is it James? You have been hanging around with him haven't you, he was here with you... I didn't know who he was at the time..." Kendall replied, searching my eyes for any kind of answer but the heartbreak in his face was so obvious already.

I shook my head. "James saved me. He is a really good friend." I began.

"Saved you? Saved you from what, Sheri?" Kendall asked, I could see him wracking his brains. "Did the foster people hurt you?" He added.

Once again I shook my head. "No... remember Helen?" I asked. Kendall nodded.

"Helen introduced me to some new people, a guy called Rob in particular." I revealed.

Kendall looked at me. Waiting for me to continue. I wasn't sure on what words to use in how I was to explain what I've actually been up to.

"Did you do something with this Rob?" Kendall asked, prompting the conversation.

"I.. Kendall I.. took drugs with him... I'm so sorry." I said losing my voice in my tears.

Kendall caressed my hand gently. "Sheri!.. drugs?" He asked looking worried for me.

Wiping away at tears I tried to continue. "It.. it felt nice.. you know? to get away from everything... I liked how it felt. This Rob guy... he um... he seemed nice at first, a bit creepy, but he was okay. He told me if I wanted more then I would have to start paying my way... well!" I laughed bitterly. "We both know what my cash flow is like huh?... I was desperate Kendall... really desperate!" I said looking up. Seeing the green eyes I was so in love with looking terrified for me as I told him my story.

"So... what... what did you do Sheri?" Kendall stammered out.

"I went to the only person that I knew had money... I slept with him... to get money for drugs!" I blurted out. Tears rolling out of my body.

I could see in his beautiful eyes he knew the answer but he asked the question any way. "Who? Who did you slee- get the money off?" He asked rephrasing the question.

"Logan... it meant nothing, I wasn't thinking, all I wanted was the money. I love you Kendall. I know it really doesn't sound like it, but honestly, your my everything! Absolute everything! " I insisted.

Kendall held my hand tighter. "You told me the truth... that means a lot." He replied.

I honestly think he had no strength left to argue. Maybe he would of reacted differently if he was at full health. But I could tell he believed me.

"You forgive me?" I asked through the tears.

"Sheri, your beautiful and amazing but you have this sadness tinged in your soul. Once you realise that the sadness is caused by Logan you will be so much more alive! I won't sit by and watch him destroy your life. If he was any kind of man he would of said no! I don't blame you for that so there is nothing to forgive. I'm glad you told me." He replied. The smallest of smiles sat on his face.

Pulling Kendalls hand up to my face, I kissed it. "I love you." I whispered.

"I love you too." Kendall replied. "How come you went to James, why didn't you tell me about these problems, I thought you trusted me?" Kendall asked.

" no, I didn't go to James. He phoned me to say what had happened to you... he phoned me the very second I was about to inject heroin in to me." I revealed. Kendalls face screwed up at the thought of me doing such things.

"James flew back to Texas, he just kind of swept in and took charge, I'm back in LA now, living with his auntie." I explained.

Kendall smiled. "See... I told you, everything will be fine and it is! Your back where you belong, you know how much of an ass Logan really is and we get to start over... properly!" Kendall replied.

I looked Kendall over, it would be so easy not to tell him, I knew no one else ever would, why would I have to tell the rest of the story? He has forgiven me for cheating. Would he forgive me for the rest?

"Why don't you look happy?" Kendall asked.

I felt sick to my stomach. "I took your meds... it was my fault you ended up in here, my fault you lost your memory and my fault you had to have surgery. I wanted the needles. I only wanted one but you came back too quickly, you left Texas with no medication and I was fully aware of that Kendall." I whispered, my eyes glued on his as I studied every reaction he showed.

Kendall just looked at me as the situation dawned on him and he repeated the memory back in his mind.

"Please say something!" I pleaded.

Kendall opened his mouth, no words came out though, he was thinking.

"Can you forgive me for that?" I asked.

Kendall lifted up my hand that he had been holding on to and gently placed it in my lap then let go.

"I need to think" was all he said.

"Think?" I questioned.

"I do love you Sheri but this... this is as far as I can take it for now." He said calmly.

Tears spilled down my face.

"Are you breaking up with me?" I sobbed.

Kendalls own emotion once again showed as he shed his own tears.

"No... but.. I just need to think. I can't deal with this right now.. us.. me!" He replied.

"It wasn't me Kendall, believe me... it was this other me that was so desperate." I cried out.

Raising his hand, Kendall shushed me.

"Sheri just be quiet... please." He said narrowing his eyes.

"Are... we breaking.. up?!" I wailed.

"No!.. I don't know... look.. fuck! Sheri I really don't know what I'm meant to feel about what you've done. You screwing Logan is taking up all of my compassion right now. This! This... I just. I need you to leave. I want to sort my head out." Kendall said, looking everywhere but at me.

I stood up, feeling scared and so completely alone.

"I don't want us to break up... I need you right now! You need me to." I said.

Kendall nodded in acknowledgment.

"I just need to think... please." He said calmly.

I wish he yelled, or screamed, Tried to throw something at me, but he was just so calm... wanting to think! I wasn't used to Kendall saying things like that.

"I love you kendy." I said as I reached the door.

Kendall looked me over thoughtfully but didn't reply.

Carlos took me back to my new home a sobbing wreck. I heard nothing from Kendall for the rest of the day...

* * *

"You did the right thing Sheri!" James said as I explained things to him the following day.

We were driving up to my mother's house. I wasn't really in the mood to do anything but James forced me to function properly.

I still hadn't heard from Kendall.

Looking out the window I sighed.

"Sheri c'mon... He will come round! It's Kendall we are talking about. He worships the ground you walk on." James said, In a brief attempt to cheer me up.

"Would you forgive me if I took away your lifeline James?" I asked.

James fell silent. "I would be pissed at you Sheri, but I wouldn't just chuck everything away... Kendall will come round, you know he will so stop bringing yourself down and let's have s little fun on this road trip... what are you going to ask your mom?"

I looked at James. "I hope your right. I don't want to be without him... I just want to know why she didn't take me with her, what kind of mother leaves her daughter behind." I explained.

James had a big broad smile on his face as he drove.

"Why are you grinning like a Cheshire cat?" I asked.

"Huh?" James said snapping out of his day dream.

"Why are you smiling to yourself when you should be listening to me moan." I said crossing my arms over my chest.

"Sorry Sher bear... I was miles away." James replied.

"Who were you miles away with?" I said returning his ridiculous smile.

"No one!" He chuckled.

"Did you speak to Safia yesterday? I didn't see you at the house.. I was too busy crying in my room though." I added knowing he was thinking about her. I still felt jealous.

"Yeah... I did speak with with her." James answered, concentrating a bit too much on his driving trying to distract my questioning.

"And?" I asked.

"And... it it went terribly... to be honest." James replied scratching his head.

"Oh! Why was it terrible? Did you guys fall out?" I asked wondering how anyone could ever get angry at James, he was so calm and lovely.

"No... we.. well we kissed... a lot!" James replied now narrowing his eyes.

My eyebrows raised and a giggle escaped my lips. "How is that terrible then, I know you really like her!" I stated.

James nodded. "I do really like her... that's the thing, I don't want to be her secret bit on the side... I just want a nice girl that actually wants to be with me." He said, slowing the car down for a red light.

"But she does like you, it's not her fault if she feels strongly for you. Sometimes people just click! It doesn't matter what religion you both are James... if she makes you happy then everything will fall in to place." I replied, proud of my grown up speech, although I'm yet to find a person that can admit to ever taking advice from me.

James gave me a side ways glance as he set the car back in motion. "I wish it was that easy. Everything is so complicated Sheri!"

"It's only as complicated as we make it... Did Carlos say about this holiday? He won't stop going on about it. If he does actually get round to organising it you should invite Safia... at least give the romance a little benefit of the doubt. Logan and Carlos won't care if you two are making out." I replied, imagining the six of them, James and Safia, Logan and Lola and Carlos I expect would try and tag his new love interest Mackenzie with him.

"I don't think she will be allowed to go on a vacation like that, why won't you and Kendall be going? He will be phoning you later, crying on the phone saying how much he loves you!" James said knowingly.

"You really think he will forgive me?" I asked looking at James' side profile.

"Yes, I give him another few hours then he will be showering you in kisses... or what ever it is you do!" James replied sounding a bit disgusted as he had the vision of Kendall and I being romantic in his head. "So if you go on the holiday... I will go." He then added.

I raised my eyebrow, "James I won't be able to afford to go, let alone be allowed on a holiday like that without some kind of chaperone." I reminded him.

"Well maybe Sara will let you go if I'm there?" He said optimistically.

We both knew it would never happen.

I sighed. "One thing at a time ah!" I said looking at my phone for the billionth time to check if Kendall had made any kind of contact.

"He will forgive you Sheri... He will!" James said noticing me look.

I stared out the window of the car again. I prayed that James was right. I really don't know what I would do if Kendall said enough was enough... it's over.

* * *

Author note: sorry I'm taking ages with this one. Got a lot going on. Thanks for the reviews, they are loved and appreciated. Thanks to everyone who is reading. Read my new one "big time rush: against the dark" it's something a bit different.

Will update either tomoz or day after! Thanks guys xxx Natalie xxx

* * *

**Chapter 62: Chapter 62**

* * *

James had kept my mind occupied for most of the journey to my mother's. He was so caring with how I actually felt. It was a very feminine side of him but one I absolutely adored. It made James who he was and I never wanted him to change.

"How's the nerves?" He asked as he stretched his back out in his drivers seat from the long drive.

"Terrible. I wonder why she actually wants to see me? If she asks me to be put on her books I might just cry James!" I said half expecting my mother to want to pimp me out. It was just my luck.

James tutted at my ridiculous scenario I had cooked up in my brain.

"Don't be silly!" He said. "Sheri... you know when we... you know?" James asked coyly.

"Fucked like animals in the woods?" I said bluntly with a smile.

James chuckled. "Yeah that... but the first time is probably better to go by. Well... was it good?.. was I good?" He asked nervously.

Raising my eyebrow to James that he was thinking about sex made me laugh on the inside but he did genuinely seem to want to know.

"Are you thinking about having sex with Safia already?!" I asked. Confused that he didn't want to be a secret boyfriend but seemed okay to want to fuck her.

"No! Course not! I was just asking a question" he said defensively.

"Why though, it must be crossing your mind if your asking if your good in bed?" I questioned.

James exhaled a long breath. "She is very forward, she was all over me like some dirty rash." James chuckled.

I laughed at him while checking my phone, still no Kendall!

"In what way forward?" I queried, just being nosy, his answer wouldn't benefit him at all in my response.

"Touching... like just over my pants but she cops a good feel." James said going bright red.

I giggled at him. "James! Your face! It's like a furnace." I teased. "Maybe she is so inexperienced that she delves straight in trying to impress you."

James raised his own eyebrow at me. "You might be right.. she knew I stayed in your room the first night you were there at Sara's. Safia was waiting for me to leave to talk to me... that was a bit awkward." He said going even redder.

"She thinks we slept together? Why didn't you set her straight James?" I questioned. Checking my phone once more, still no Kendall.

"Because I didn't want to kiss her, I thought if she thinks you and I have a thing going on then she would back off... that idea didn't work." He said raising another eye brow.

"What? Safia thinks we slept together and you let her carry on thinking that?" I moaned.

"I will set her straight... I'm seeing her tomorrow, she is going back to her parents the day after. It will be impossible to see her after that. Always is... so.. was I okay? In bed?" James asked again.

He did look genuinely worried.

"James, spending my first time with you was amazing. Your were perfect and I think any girl that gets to experience being that close with you is very lucky." I explained softly.

A smile appeared on James' lips.

"Am I the best you've had?" He asked.

"One of the best... that's me being completely honest!" I replied.

"Your staying loyal to Kendall then!?" He smirked.

I shook my head. "I love Kendall, you know I do, his mind, body and soul, but he isn't the best in bed... not yet anyway! Neither am I... but you... and Logan. You both know what your doing put it that way." I said. Checking my cell again.

"You know why?" James asked quietly.

I nodded. "Because you both loved me." I replied.

James gave me a small smile. "I can't vouch for Logan but yeah... it made it special because I felt so strongly for you. I'm surprised that Logan put any thought in to it."

I took offence to his comment. "Logan was... I can't even describe it. It was beautiful. He was the Logan I knew that night. It was hard walking away from him like that, but... well we both know why I did it."

"Were you safe... with Logan? James asked cautiously

I nodded. "Im on the pill! Lola made me talk with a sexual health rep in hospital because I asked her if I could be pregnant.. you know, coz Kendall and the dodgy period sex. I now know the real reason Lola wanted me on the pill though, so she could take my man without worrying I was going to get up the duff." I replied bluntly. "God! Why hasn't Kendall called or text?" I moaned, feeling frustrated.

James ignored my Logan comment. "Did you tell Kendall we were going to your mom's?"

I shook my head. "Didn't have a chance, he asked me to leave."

"Well this is it!" James said pulling up outside what looked like a really nice miniature mansion.

"Are you kidding me? I thought it was going to be a dive!" I said looking at the posh gates that sectioned off the drive way.

"Obviously your mom is good at what she does!" James said cautiously.

I sighed. "Will you come in with me. I think I might control my temper better if your there. I'm feeling really angry towards her now I'm here."

"Yeah course! I don't blame you for being angry Sheri, I don't think she should either!" James replied as he got out the car.

I opened my door up and we made our way through the gate. I found the gravelled drive hard to get my crutches over as they sunk in when I walked to the front door.

James knocked. We looked at each other as we waited for someone to answer the door.

Eventually a young girl wearing lots of makeup answered, she must of been around 23.

"Hi we are here to see my mom" I stammered out.

The girl eyed James up, without saying a word she invited us in.

I stood by the expensive looking furniture in the hall. The girl walked off in to another room leaving us just loitering around.

"Deep breaths Sheri, you look like you are gonna cry." James said softly. He had taken my hand and once again I felt the gentle stroke of his thumb on me.

"I'll be okay." I said taking his advice and letting a nice big breath fill my lungs.

The girl came back and handed me a big brown padded envelope.

"What's this?" I asked.

The girl shrugged. "Your mom said to give it to you." She replied.

"Well what is this?... should we wait in the car for her if she isn't here?" I asked completely confused.

"I don't know what is in it, she just asked me to give it to you. She is here... but... busy, She says to say she is sorry but she decided against seeing you today... hence the envelope." The girl said.

Squinting my eyes I looked at James. The girl intimidated the life from me and I sure as hell didn't want to cry in front of her.

"Is this some kind of joke?!" James snapped on my behalf at the girl.

She shook her head. "I'm just telling you what I was told." The girl replied.

"B.. but we traveled all this fucking... way!" I said beginning to cry. "She wanted to talk to me, not the other way round!" I argued.

The girl shrugged. "I'm sorry... it's really nothing to do with me. Your mother made it clear she didn't want to speak with you... just the envelope." The girl said pointing to my hand that held the padded envelope.

I could feel James shaking with anger.

"You can tell that bitch that she is missing out on so much by doing this! Sheri doesn't deserve this

**HOW CAN YOU FUCK AROUND WITH YOUR OWN DAUGHTERS FEELINGS... YOU FUCKING BITCH!**" James shouted in the direction of the stairs.

He then took my crutches in one hand, and wrapped his arm around my waist firmly helping me out of the house.

I couldn't talk for few moments. Once I was strapped back in the car, James sped off.

He was shaking his head in complete disbelief.

"I'm so sorry... Sheri, fuck knows how you must feel right now."

I wiped away at the tears. I felt completely lost, gutted.

"That hurt like a bitch... too busy screwing a guy to see me I expect..." I sobbed.

James pulled in to a diner.

"Fancy a triple chocolate milkshake?... my treat?" He asked with a smile.

I nodded, still crying but with a smile on my face for his kindness. "Can I have a hug?" I asked.

James wrapped his lovely strong arms around me and I cried like a baby. I cried for my mother, for Kendall, for Helen for Logan... and for my dad.

"How much more messed up can my life get James?" I sobbed.

"This is it now! It's going to get amazing... I promise, you don't need that woman in your life... you don't!" He soothed.

I pulled out from our hug. "Thank you James. Let's get those shakes and see what is in this huh?" I sniffed looking at the large brown envelope.

James helped me out of the car and in to the diner, we sat in a small booth away from everyone.

"What's in it then? James questioned about the envelope as he delivered me an amazing looking milkshake with chocolate sprinkles and a ton of cream on the top.

"I've not opened it... I was scared it might be drugs or something, maybe she wants me to deliver it somewhere." I replied.

"Do you want me to open it?" James asked.

I looked at my phone to see that Kendall hadn't tried to contact me still.

"Yeah I guess... I don't think I can do it." I replied honestly.

James took the A4 sized padded envelope and gave it a shake before opening it.

"It's heavy." He clarified.

I nodded and watched with anticipation as he opened it up, sliding his finger across the seal to gain access.

On watching his reaction as James peered in to the envelope I saw his eyebrows raise so high that they were in danger of falling off his head.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Lots of things... money! There is a ton of cash in here Sheri... thousands. I won't get it out." He said looking around the diner at the other customers who weren't looking at us, but I guess getting a load of money out on the table would be a dumb thing to do.

"Money?" I said sounding a bit scared. Having access to money was a bad thing. For what I wanted to spend it on at least.

"Yeah... your not having it!" James said straight away. "I will keep it safe for you... until I can trust you." He said.

"I don't want it James!" I argued, I didn't want anything from that woman.

"Sheri, you could pay for both you and Kendall to come on holiday with this... there is a necklace." He said pulling out a locket and handing it to me.

I opened it up and saw a picture of myself but as a two year old child.

"She must of kept hold of this... I guess she doesn't want it anymore." I replied looking at the pretty engraving on the locket.

"What else is in there?" I asked.

"A letter." James replied pulling out a small envelope and placing it on the table. "I'm guessing these are birthday cards for you over the years...?" James said pulling out a neat pile of unopened envelopes binded together with an elastic band.

"And a piece of paper... with 3 addresses on it." James said unfolding it.

I looked at the small pile of things in front of me. "James will you read the letter? I can't." I said feeling emotional again.

"You sure you don't want to wait till you get home, do it privately?" He asked.

I shook my head. "No I want us to do this together. Your my best friend James." I replied.

James flashed me a caring smile and picked up the smaller of the envelopes and opened it up.

"You ready?" He asked unfolding the paper.

I nodded.

James cleared his throat and leaned over so he didn't have to read it out too loudly.

"_Dear Sheriden,_

_A thousand questions must be running through your head right now, I'm sorry that I won't be able to answer them._

_You see its best this way. Not for myself, but for you. Funnily enough I was a few weeks away from contacting you before your friend came to visit me. Truth is Sheriden I would of loved to of met you, and tried to build a bond that would fix the years I missed but it wasn't meant to be._

_Sadly I have been diagnosed with lung cancer..._" James read out, then looked at me.

"Oh god I feel terrible now... shouting at her like I did." James said.

"Just carry on reading James." I replied, wiping away more tears that flowed.

James looked back down to the letter and continued. "... _and am left with no time to make the changes I had wanted to make. The things I have packed in with this letter are what I feel I owe to you. Some special keepsakes and a little money that I hope will come in handy._

_Finding out about what you've been through since I left has been a hard pill to swallow. There are so many things you don't know but need to! The day I left Texas, and left you was the hardest choice, but a choice one day I hope you understand. I fell in love with a man who I adored and promised me the world, but he didn't want the complication of children in his life. I'm ashamed that I left you, and even more ashamed of the._.." James stopped.

"What's wrong?" I asked my eyes wide.

"Um... Sheri I don't think I... I can read you this." James stammered out.

"James please... what is it?" I asked.

James scanned the letter over, gaining the information he needed.

"James?" I asked.

"You erm... you have two half sisters, they both live in Colorado, they are called Elizabeth and Shannon. Elizabeth is 12 and Shannon is 9." James said.

"Oh!" Was all I could reply. I wasn't expecting this. I didn't know how to feel about it.

"That's not all though Sheri" James said seriously. He looked like he might cry.

"What is it?" I asked. My voice trembling.

"Your dad isn't your real dad Sheri..." James said, now crying, not even able to stop it.

I felt sick, all this time I had been left to be beaten and abused by a man that wasn't even my real dad.

"Does it say who is?" I asked.

James nodded through his tears. "The addresses are for your sister's and your real dad... Jeffrey Henderson!.. Sheri... you and Logan have the same father... fuck! Logan's your brother!" James blurted out.

Triple chocolate milkshake then came spewing out of my mouth all over my lap as I heard the words James just spoke.

I stood up in a daze, the entire restaurant looking at me, I left my crutches at the table and limped my way out the door of the diner. Once I reached James' car I puked my guts up by the side of it. Crying my heart out at the same time...

* * *

Author note: so... Yeah, that just happened! thanks to everyone who is reading. And to the one lovely person who left a review.

I stopped doing the shout outs now coz unfortunately I have a guest reviewer that tries to submit reviews of a racist nature with what James is currently up to with his lady friend, so I feel the less communication from me the better. (I'm not being ignorant)

But any reviews that are submitted where I have the power to delete them that I find offensive to others will not be modified and posted, they just get deleted... so please stop sending them! And get a life!

Next chapter im looking forward to. Brother and sister! Ha ha, oh my days!

Will update soon x x Natalie x x

* * *

**Chapter 63: Chapter 63**

* * *

Two weeks had past since I threw up in that car park. Two weeks I had felt a grief that I couldn't even describe. Two weeks had gone by with me hardly eating, hardly sleeping and not wanting to communicate with anyone.

James had tried his best to talk to me, he was the only person that knew the truth about Logan. The thought of him and I was the only thing that consumed my waking day.

Kendall hadn't tried to contact me once. I hadnt tried to contact him either though. I was scared that he would tell me it was over. Not knowing is sometimes better.

My body looked like it did things, watching tv at home, sitting in class at my new school. But my mind was so far away it was unreal.

I was currently sat waiting for a bus after school. I stared in to space. My leg still in a cast.

All I could think about was Logan, the times we had spent together, the years we had been together. The kisses, the touching, the sexual encounters... the sex. I felt so wronged. I knew it wasn't my fault and it wasn't Logan's fault but it was still so... disturbing!

"_Sheri_?" I thought I heard his voice echo in my mind. I stared at the ground.

"_Earth to Sheri_!" Came the voice again. A shadow in front of me made me look up. It wasn't my mind, my brain wasn't playing tricks on me. Logan was stood right in front of me. My mouth gaped open. I had no words for him.

"Are you okay? I was just driving by... saw you sat here. You want a lift?" He asked.

I just shook my head, not able to speak.

"What's wrong Sheri?" He said. "You haven't replied to any of my phone calls or texts?" He added. Logan had sent a number of messages my way, saying sorry and blaming himself for everything with the money he had given me. He seemed to have forgiven me for the one night stand where I just left him high and dry, but I couldn't reply. I couldn't pretend that everything was okay.

I rubbed my hand over my face, close to tears. I felt sick once again. My heart knew I had strong feelings for him still but my head knew it was wrong.

Logan looked confused, he wasn't sure what to do with me. ".. Truth is Sheri... well the truth is I knew you would be here... I need to talk to you. I miss you!" He said.

It was these words that finished me off. The tears started rolling.

"Sheri? What is it? What's wrong?" Logan asked sitting down next to me, he placed his arm round my shoulder like he had thousands of times before trying to sooth me.

I couldn't string a sentence together. The bus pulled up but Logan ushered it onward. In a way I was pleased.

"I need to talk to you!" I blubbed out.

Logan nodded.

"The car is just up here... c'mon!" He said softly, helping me up. "I need to talk to you too." Logan said gently as he placed his hand on the small of my back and helped me in to his flashy convertible car.

"Did James talk to you?" I asked panicked.

Logan shook his head. "No... no I've not spoken to James at all. Not about you anyway... what's wrong Sheri?" He asked now sat in his drivers seat. Logan buckled his seat belt in and also did mine as I was incapable of doing much at this precise moment in time. "Is it because of you and Kendall?" Logan asked.

My eyes widened. "What about me and Kendall?" I sobbed. I knew nothing of me and Kendall.

"Well he has been moping around... I've not seen you about so I figured..." Logan said trailing off.

"Have you been to visit him?" I asked wiping my eyes.

"Visit him? Sheri, Kendall is back home with Carlos and I... you didn't know he was out of hospital?" Logan explained.

I sobbed hard and shook my head. James must of known, and this explained why Carlos was avoiding me.

Logan looked at me, he couldn't work out what was wrong. "You wanna come back to the house? Talk everything through?" He said softly.

I shook my head.

"Kendall isn't home.." he then added.

"Okay." I replied. Logan started the engine and drove off towards my old btr home. "Logan is Lola there?" I asked, unable to deal with seeing her.

"No, she had to go back home for a little while. She flies back in on Thursday... you okay yeah? Your scaring me a bit.

"I'm... I've not been feeling well." I lied.

Logan nodded, making his way to his house. He put a disc in the cd player to avoid or ignore the new sensation of an awkward silence between us.

Once we arrived at his house I went in to the kitchen. It was weird being here again, memories of hot tubs and bed sharing, bed hopping.

"What did you want to say to me?" I asked Logan as I sat at the kitchen table. Not quite ready to tell him my news.

He pulled the chair out opposite me and sat down.

"I've treated you like shit Sheri... I do know that! I honestly do." He began. "I want you to know that my intentions for us were good... they were honest! And well... I hope this makes up for some of the crap I've put you through." He said sliding a piece of paper towards me that he took from his wallet.

I opened up the paper, completely in the dark as to what it might say.

"Its a bank statement?" I said looking at it.

"Your bank statement!" Logan said correcting me.

"Logan?.." I began

"No just hear me out... Sheri this isn't what you think, I'm not just handing you money! This money it's.. well I started saving it when we first moved here in LA. I started saving it for when we would eventually get married, we always said we were going to get married didn't we!... but well obviously we didn't make it that far... Sheri I put the money in this account now so when you turn 21 you can put it to good use and get your own florist shop started, I know that's what you want in life, you don't want fame, or acting... you've always just wanted that flower shop dream." He said softly.

My heart died inside of me knowing he was thinking of me this way the entire time.

"You can't withdraw that money until you turn 21, I'm going to keep adding to it over the years so you can begin your dream Sheri... you helped me begin mine... I want you to know that even though I messed things up so royally... well I need you to know how much you mean to me. You always will mean so much to me Sheri." He finished.

"This is what you have been saving away for all this time?" I said now in sobs, his kindness was too much.

Logan nodded. He reached his hand across the kitchen table and took mine in his.

"I know things with Lola and Kendall has kind of torn us apart, but I love you Sheri.." he began.

"**Stop! Just stop**!" I begged crying harder.

"I know you don't believe me, but it's the truth!" Logan replied.

I shook my head. Taking my hand from Logan's. "It's not that." I said clutching my face.

"What is it then? Are you still struggling with the drugs?" Logan asked looking concerned.

"No... I wish that was all it was to be honest." I said wiping the constant flow of tears from my face.

"What then? Sheri tell me." He said. His brown eyes looking caring towards me.

I stared at him for a bit. Giving him a few more seconds before I turned his life upside down. A few more seconds of normal.

"D..did Carlos say I went to see my mom?" I asked.

Logan shook his head. "No Sheri, shit, you should of told me. Did she upset you?"

"I didn't get to speak to her in the end, she left me a letter. She is dying Logan, but in the letter she left me... well I found something out... about us!" I added, hot tears pouring down my face.

Logan narrowed his eyes. "Your mom doesn't know anything about us." He replied.

"No she doesn't. Logan I don't know how to tell you this... I honestly don't." I sniffed.

"Just say it." He said now looking at me like I had a disease.

I let out a deep breath. "My dad isn't my real dad Logan... Your dad is..." I said falling to pieces.

Logan and I stared at each other. I cried my eyes out while Logan had just frozen.

"What?... sorry! Sheri what exactly are you saying coz it sounds like you're telling me... we are related?" He said, his entire body still frozen, only his mouth moved.

I nodded, I covered my mouth with my hand, the kitchen seemed to spin. "That's exactly what I'm saying." I whispered out.

"It's as lie! Your mom is lying, she must be!" Logan argued.

"She isn't lying Logan. She is dying of lung cancer and wanted me to know the truth before it's too late. I have two sisters too." I sniffed.

"**Well whoopy fucking doo, Sheri!**" Logan shouted. "A ready made fucking family!... **Jesus fucking Christ!**" He said standing up and walking over to the kitchen sink.

I heard his tears in his voice, he tried to hide his face from me but his inquisitive side got the better of him. "Who else knows?" He asked. His eyes red with the sickest of emotions.

"Only James... Logan we had sex!" I said pointing out the obvious. I was hysterical now, it was the first time I had said these things aloud.

"**No, shit Sheri! Fuck! This can't be fucking happening!**" Logan screamed, his face was red with rage, I could see his temper getting the better of him. His hot head winning his emotions. That was when the microwave went flying off the kitchen side, it landed with a smash on the floor.

I stayed sat at the table crying.

"**This is fucked!.**." Logan screamed, his pain so visible.

The small stack of plates and cutlery were the next things to be thrown on the floor as Logan failed to control his emotions.

"..**Completely fucked!**" He bellowed. His knees slumped to the floor and he buried his head in his hands, sobbing so hard.

Carlos walked in the kitchen, he had just come home, Mackenzie was with him. They held hands.

"What's.. going.. on?" He said looking at the state of the place and the damage Logan had caused.

Logan's shoulders shook as he cried. It was then I noticed Kendall stood behind Carlos. I looked at him with my big watery eyes.

He hadn't expected to see me here at all judging by the look of sheer horror on his face. He sure as heck didn't expect to find Logan and I crying our eyes out in his kitchen.

My sobs became harder when Kendall just turned on his heels and went upstairs without saying a word.

Logan stood up, walking over to me he looked a bit scary. "We have to go! now!" He said to me, pulling me up from the table and marching me as best he could with my leg in a cast out of the room. I saw him pick up the bank statement and stuff it in his pocket.

"Sheri?" Carlos said as I was walked past him.

I gave Carlos a tiny smile just to say I was okay. Logan helped me out to his car. Once we were both inside I just sat there. Logan rested his head on the steering wheel.

"I'm sorry logues... I don't know what to do?" I said softly.

Logan raised his head and started his engine. He didn't speak as he set the car in motion, he was thinking. My own mind was in complete chaos right now. I had no clue what was running through his.

Logan drove, the cd still played, it drowned out the awkward silence that I felt with him.

The afternoon sun blazed in through the window as I watched shops and houses flit past.

The car eventually slowed down, pulling in to the side of the road by a row of trees. "I think I'm going to throw up" Logan said gruffly.

I watched in silence as he stumbled out of the car like he was drunk and made his way to the grassy verge where the trees were. He leaned one hand against the trunk and puked.

Spitting on the ground to clear his mouth, Logan then walked over to the next tree and slumped against it, crying.

I pulled on the door handle and limped my way over to him, sitting down next to him.

"What are we going to do Logan?" I whispered, seeing he had no energy left to get angry, he looked worn down.

He shook his head. "Your my sister... this can't be happening." He sobbed.

I took his hand in mine. "Logues... it isn't our fault. All we can do now is draw a line and move on. We can't change the past." I said.

Logan shook his head. "It isn't the past I'm upset about Sheri, it's the future, I know things are messed up now but I always thought it was you and me. I always thought we would eventually get back together... when I grew up a bit!" He said wiping his eyes.

"Logan if it makes any difference then it wouldn't matter if this hadn't of happened... I wouldn't of got back with you." I replied softly.

Logan shrugged as he turned to me. "It doesn't make any difference to me. For me, Sheri, it's always going to be you even if it will never be us! Do you understand what I'm saying?" He asked.

"Yes." I nodded. "It will take a long time for our feelings to change for each other Logan but it will get easier." I soothed, for once in my life I felt like the grown up of the situation. Somehow Logan not being able to handle this at all made me handle it slightly better than I had.

"I can't love you in any other way Sheri... honestly I can't! The things we have been through together. I can't just stop loving you the way I do. I know you feel the same so don't bull shit me." He whispered out shyly.

"We just need to get on with this... find a way to get on it." I said to him squeezing his hand.

Logan rested his head on my shoulder as we both sat up against the tree.

"Is James going to tell any one?" He asked.

"I shouldn't think so logues... it's the most fucked up thing to try and start a conversation with. You are going to have to explain something to Carlos as to why you trashed your kitchen." I replied leaning my own head on the top of his.

"I guess... well I guess I could say that I begged for you back but you said you only wanted Kendall! Maybe that will help win him over seeing as he is being a Jack ass towards you." Logan said.

"I almost killed him by stealing his medication, he has a right to be pissed at me... I didn't think he would just ignore me though." I replied.

"The guy is a tool." Logan replied.

"But I love him. You must love Lola?" I asked.

"She is a nice girl!" He said softly still resting his head on my shoulder.

"She is..." I agreed. She just got caught up in Logan's snare. No girl can resist it, I guess it's not her fault she stole him... I should be thanking her really. If she hadn't of been seeing Logan then I would still be with him romantically.

"She isn't you though Sheri." Logan said now moving his head and looking at me as we sat side by side on the grass.

"James said you are taking her on Carlos' holiday he has planned?" I asked.

Logan nodded. "How does James know that?" He asked.

"Los told him." I explained.

"Oh right... makes sense, Carlos said that James has a mystery girl he is bringing."Logan replied.

"Safia... I think that relationship is just as much forbidden as ours now is. Make the most of it with Lola, Logan! She has lost a lot because of you." I said softly.

"I know." Logan whispered. His brown eyes looked lost momentarily. "Are you going? On the holiday?" Logan asked.

I shook my head. "No im not allowed, James tried his best to say he would look after me to Sara my foster parent, but she said no. James was really annoyed, he said I could do with a holiday... I really could!" I agreed. "I was going to buy Kendall and I a ticket... it would of been a waste of money but least he would of known I was thinking of him." I finished.

Logan looked to his feet. "You really do love him don't you!?" He asked.

"I do... Logan sometimes I think that the world is better off without me, I ruin everything I touch." I confided.

"I know that feeling. When I found out that it was heroin you were buying with that money I gave you I actually considered killing myself... I'm too chicken shit to do it though." He added.

"It wasn't your fault! Don't listen to James. He wasn't there, he doesn't know what it was like." I said softly giving his hand another gentle squeeze.

"Or how we felt!" Logan said.

"It seems like a million years ago that we hung out in that stable with Cairo huh?" I said smiling.

"Another life!" Logan whispered to me.

"Logues I will never see you as my brother... I just can't! But friends... I'm always going to be your friend."

"Fucked up friends!" Logan said with a dry chuckle.

"We are always going to have each other Logan... No matter what!" I said feeling emotional again.

"No matter what!" He repeated. "I guess we need to get you back in Kendalls good books huh!" Logan said with a small smile.

"That would be great but I think you need to drop me home before Sara or James realises I've gone awol." I replied.

"Yeah I guess I should... Sheri, the saving account? It means even more to me now that you follow that dream okay." He said taking out the statement and handing it to me.

I took a look at it. Already $18.000 was in the account. "Sheri's florist?" I said to him.

"The only thing that can stop you living your dream Sheri is you... Live the life you have imagined!" Logan said with such inspiration.

It was nice to hear but I knew he would never get to live the life he had imagined... with me.

* * *

**Chapter 64: Chapter 64**

* * *

12 days after I told Logan the truth about my father...

I approached the smart red door with a sigh. This had been what my life had revolved around for the last week or so.

I knocked loudly, taking a look around at the very posh looking garden. An expensive Mercedes Benz parked in the driveway.

I pulled my little blue jacket that I was wearing tighter around my body as the wind picked up. The sun had just hid beneath the horizon.

The door opened up.

"Sheri! Come on in, come on in." Said Mr Rahimi, with a smile.

I smiled back and said my hellos to him.

"Safia! Sheri is here!" He called up to his daughter. The house was huge, immaculate... it was beautiful but too beautiful. It was like a model home. Everything was spotlessly clean, nothing looked lived in.

"So where are you girls off to this evening?" Asked Mr Rahimi.

"We aren't one hundred percent sure yet, either the cinema or bowling... I'm looking forward to a relaxing evening, school has been tough the last few weeks." I replied, making polite conversation. I looked at some of the contemporary art that had solid bold red colors on the walls of the living room that I stood awkwardly in, lying to Mr Rahimi.

"Are you looking forward to the school trip. Safia can't wait." He then said.

I had no clue what he was talking about.

Safia made her way down the stairs hearing the conversation. She was behind her father and was waving her arms in the air trying to play a game of charades so I could be let in on the latest lie her and James had cooked up.

"Erm... yeah I can't wait." I said vaguely.

"Safia said that all the equipment is provided... I'm not sure if I should buy her some essentials. Have you got any that your taking?" He asked.

"Er... sure." I said looking at safia as she looked panicked behind her dad's back as she tried desperately to communicate with me.

"I er... " I said dragging it out as I watched safia bend her knees and swoosh her arms past trying to mime out the school trip "...have a big coat! But the ski's they do provide." I said confidently, now realising that I was going on a make believe skiing school trip so that safia could go on holiday with James, Carlos, Mackenzie, Logan and Lola.

They sure as heck weren't going skiing. Carlos had been planning the trip for ages now. They were headed to an island just off the coast of New Zealand. Carlos didn't do vacations by half.

"Stop harassing Sheri dad." Safia joked as she came in to view of her father. "Switzerland is going to be amazing... isn't it Sheri!?" She said before I could put my foot in it.

"Yep... I've always wanted to go skiing and always wanted to go to Switzerland... so... the err... trip will be great." I lied full on to her father.

Mr Rahimi nodded enthusiastically. "Well at least you going away with the school will stop you having to go to Sara's when your mother is in hospital." He said.

Safia nodded, I knew she felt guilty about the timing. Her mom was really ill, she had pretty much everything going wrong with her. Safias dad worked as a consultant in his own medical practice. But he travelled a lot and wasn't often home. Ever since Safia could remember she was back and fourth from staying with sara my foster parent, so her mom could have treatments in hospital. If she was an animal she would of been put to sleep by now.

"Shall we get going?" I smiled at safia.

"Yes! Absolutely!" She agreed.

"Well I can drop you off." Mr Rahimi said. "Where are you going then bowling or cinema?" He asked.

I looked down at my leg in its cast and opted for the cinema lie.

"I think cinema!" I said raising my eyebrows apologetically at safia, who under no circumstances wanted to go to the cinema with me or receive a lift from her father.

"Honestly dad its fine! We can get the bus in to town." She said desperately.

"Nonsense Safia! Sheri is on crutches and I don't like the thought of two young girls out on the streets at night." He replied grabbing his keys for his car.

Safia let out a sigh looking at me for help. I couldn't do anything to help apart from text James and tell him that he would have to pick us up from the cinema. We were meant to meet him at the ice rink, obviously I was in no position to skate with my leg in a cast.

Once dropped off, safia had a bit of a heated discussion with her dad through his car window, he said he would pick her up at 10.30, but safia wasn't wanting any more lifts. She walked away from the car rolling her eyes to the sky.

"Has he gone yet?" She mumbled not turning back to look at her father as he drove away leaving us out side the 7 screen cinema that I once found out that Logan was cheating on me with Cassandra... wow that seemed like a million years ago now. Everything had changed!

"Yeah he has gone" I said watching him drive out the car park.

"What an idiot! I can't believe we are stuck here now! Is James picking us up?" She asked.

"He is on his way. Safia why don't you just tell your dad about James... he might just allow it?" I said feeling a bit sick and tired of being used as the excuse so her and James could secretly meet up.

"Are you joking! Sheri he is already trying to find a flaming husband for me... I don't think an American Jewish white boy is what he has in mind." She snapped.

I shrugged. "He will find out and then the shit will hit the fan. Oh thanks for telling me about '_switzerland_' too." I moaned. The lies and fabricated stories were beginning to get too much for me. I don't know how James put up with them... in truth I think he came up with most of them.

"I'm sorry I forgot to say... Sorry Sheri!" She repeated. "James and I really appreciate the trouble you go to to help us see each other."

I let out a sigh. "It's fine! You know it's fine... it's not like I have anything better to do is it?!" I replied with a huff

"Kendall still not replying to your texts?" She asked.

I shook my head. "No! He isn't replying to texts, phone calls, emails... I even wrote him a fan letter. I was hoping he would find that funny but Logan said he found it in the bin." I said sadly.

"I'm sorry... did you invite him ice skating?" She then asked.

"Logan asked him to come down to the rink to talk to me tonight, obviously I can't skate with this on." I said looking at my leg. "but he won't turn up... he doesn't love me anymore." I added.

"You don't know that!" Safia argued.

"James has just pulled up." I said on seeing his car take the place that safias dad's Mercedes was just in.

A smile lit her face up but she remained with her back to him as she scanned the crowds of people, making sure there was no one she knew that would see her get in the car.

"Do I look okay?" She asked.

I scanned Safia from head to toe, she was perfection, ridiculously pretty, today she had a light blue chiffon hijab on which went with the cutest dress I had ever seen, teamed up with black leggings and some very expensive looking boots. She was the epiphany of fashion with a Muslim twist.

"You look great!" I said playing it down. A girl that pretty didn't need to hear it quite so often.

She took my hand. "C'mon then." She squealed excitedly and pulled me gently in to the direction of James' car.

I got in the back, throwing my crutches to one side. I had two days left of this cast on my leg and I could not wait to get it off.

James didn't even get a chance to say hi to me before Safia was all over him. I tried to look at the floor and ignore the kissing noises that were invading my ears. Once the car was in motion I felt it was safe to look up.

"You alright Sheri?" James said from the drivers seat.

"Been better!" I replied dryly.

I saw James and Safia exchange looks.

"Did Kendall get back to you if he was coming out with us tonight?" He asked.

"No... I've not heard anything." I replied.

Once again the look got exchanged began the two of them. I had to look away again as I could see Safia blatantly rubbing James' leg as he drove... his leg of course being mostly his penis that was trying to now escape his pants.

I groaned and looked out the window.

The journey to the ice rink was only short, we all went inside and I took my seat in the stalls as James and Safia laced up their hired skates.

Once again the ice rink idea had been James', it was a place where you could openly hold hands with someone and not have to worry about people thinking you were in a relationship. Although as the lights went down and the disco ice skate session began, James and safia were all over each other.

I looked toward the door hoping to see if Kendall was walking through. It was hard to see with the flashing disco lights. I thought I saw him a couple of times but they turned out to be guys of just similar height with floppy hair.

I knew he wasn't going to turn up, he would of text and said "yeah we need to clear the air." Or something.

I went back to looking at James and Safia, they were on the ice now, but James had her pinned up against the barrier kissing her very... intimately. The kiss they shared looked like it should be in a more private place than a packed ice rink on a Friday night.

Im pretty sure that James wasn't silly enough to go the whole way with her but they acted very close. Looking at how he kissed her right now with his body pressed right in to hers it was hard to imagine them not having a sexual relationship... I shook that idea out of my head. James would respect her beliefs more than want to get his leg over.

"You must be freezing?" Came a voice from the side of me, I just about heard it over the loud beat of the music.

I looked up from my seat on the stalls and saw Logan holding out his very warm looking coat for me.

I took it with a smile and put it on, it was huge on me. Logan took a seat next to me.

"He isn't coming then?" I asked looking back out to the crowd of teen skaters.

"Nope... I'm sorry Sheri... I kind of had a go at him this time. Said he was being unfair, and that all you wanted to do was talk but he... well he won't even talk about you. He just walks away. I thought I would come down and keep you company while those two make out." He said looking at James and Safia who were actually skating now. They were chatting away to each other smiling.

"Doesn't Lola mind you being with me?" I asked, knowing Lola was back in LA.

"No, lola likes you, I think she knows that you wouldn't want me... even if you could have me." He said softly.

I looked at Logan. We hadn't talked much about us being related since we found out. Although we had spent a load of time together, time spent trying to think of ways that we could get Kendall and I back together though.

"I like Lola too... honestly I do... how are you doing with the... you know.. brother thing?" I asked.

"I dream about it a lot. Made the mistake of looking at old pictures of us... I just feel I'm robbed of my memories Sheri." He replied.

I nodded. "That's exactly how I feel." I said as my body shivered from the cold of the ice rink.

"How long have you been sat there with just your tiny jacket on silly?" Logan said wrapping his arm around me trying to warm me up.

"Not long." I smiled. "I should of had the brains to bring a bigger coat." I added.

"Just as well I turned up then, isn't it!" He smiled as he pulled me in tighter and closer to him, rubbing at my arm as he tried to warm me up.

It felt nice. It was funny how things had changed so much but still the one person I could turn to was Logan. "I've missed this!" I said as I rested my head in the crook of his neck, Logan wore a nice chunky jumper, he obviously had thought through the ice rink idea more than what I had.

"Yeah me too." Logan replied. It was probably more the rejection of Kendall but I moved my head to look at Logan, who was already in position to look at me. Kissing him was inevitable. I was so lonely and he was the only one giving me the time of day.

"This is wrong Sheri." He whispered just centimetres from my lips.

"I know." I whispered back.

"We shouldn't do this." He replied.

"Do you want to?" I asked.

"I'm not sure... " He whispered. "Do you?" He then asked.

I shook my head and moved away from him. "I love you Logan, I always will but kissing you and doing things before we knew was okay... doing them after... I don't want things harder between us... I can't lose you." I said taking his hand.

Logan smiled at me and kissed my cheek. "I've got the biggest fucking boner over my sister... how did we get this fucked up." He said laughing to himself.

"Our parents are to blame for that one... I've decided I don't want to contact... your dad... our dad, You hate him, and he basically fucked up my life from word go, so I have nothing to say to him." I explained.

"I'm glad Sheri, the guy is a waste of space!" Logan sighed. "Anyway... let's change the subject! You and kendypops!" He said sarcastically.

"Dont call him that!" I laughed.

Logan shrugged with a smile. "I think that you should buy a ticket for you and Kendall to come on vacation with the rest of us and he will go... no one is dumb enough to pass up a free vacation Sheri... not even kendypops!" He added.

"I've told you a million times logues, I'm not allowed to go! Sara said bluntly that under no circumstances with my background would she let me go on a vacation like that. I would need written consent to fly anyway which she won't give!" I moaned.

"You don't actually need written consent to fly Sheri." Logan replied.

"I do, James did like this big speech to Sara, saying he would look after me, and all the rules and everything that would be followed. He really did his homework on it, I need written consent to fly because I'm 16. She said no way anyway... there is no point in even discussing it Logan. I would love to go, but I can't!" I said flatly.

" you can Sheri! and you don't need written consent to fly.." He said again.

I rolled my eyes. "Logues stop going on, I'm not allowed to go." I snapped.

"Sheri... im 18... and I'm your brother! If I say I want you to come with me, no one can stop us! I could be your guardian Sheri!" He replied.

I looked at Logan with wide eyes. "Is that true? Would that actually work?" I smiled.

Logan nodded, "I can't see how it wouldn't. Sheri I could actually do this... I mean look after you." He said looking out in to space.

"But then people would know we were related. Wouldn't you find that weird? Plus I kind of like having Sara in charge of me... she is strict. No offence but you would try and fuck me." I laughed.

"No offence... Yeah your probably right, but I could get you on that plane Sheri! We are going on holiday!" He said gently nudging me in the ribs.

I smiled at the thought of it, my first holiday with all my friends... "Kendall will go won't he!" I said aloud.

"If he doesn't then I think you know for sure that he doesn't want to be with you again." Logan replied. "Besides I was thinking of throwing a little house party next weekend, you could corner him and talk things out." Logan said with a smile.

"He will run a mile from me though logues." I moaned.

"No he won't because he won't think you are coming and plus it will be a masquerade party... so he won't recognise you anyway!" Logan chirped at his brilliant idea.

"Oh my god! That's amazing! That will defo work won't it!" I replied wiggling my foot in excitement.

"Course it will!" Logan smiled giving me another friendly squeeze.

My smile beamed from ear to ear as I once again turned to look at the crowds of teens on the ice. James and Safia however were no where to be seen...

* * *

Author note: thanks for all who are reading and for the fantastic reviews. I only have one chapter left! There will of course be a "texan teardrops 2" at some point so when that is up and running I will post a little note with details on this story, so make sure you are on the alerts for following this story!

Thanks for reading... last chapter will be posted either tomoz or Saturday... it's been fun!

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**Chapter 65: Chapter 65**

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"I can't get over how different you look!" Mackenzie said to me as we both walked out of the hair salon.

I smiled, I was now blonde, and I wasn't going to lie to myself, I looked fucking awesome!

"But do you think Kendall will like it? He won't have a clue it's me once I have my mask on!" I said excitedly.

"You look hot Sheri! If Kendall turns you down tonight then he is just plain stupid... he does love you, I know he does!" Mackenzie said as she fluffed her own hair that had been cut to perfection.

"Did he tell you that?" I asked as I yanked the door open on her crappy car.

Mackenzie shook her head. "no but he hasn't said he doesn't love you... I think that's the main point." She said placing the key in the ignition. We were headed back to my house to get ready for Logan's masquerade party this evening.

"I know he said he wanted time, but this is ridiculous... it's been weeks! Surely no one needs that amount of time?!" I moaned.

Shrugging, Mackenzie sighed. "Sheri you have to remember this is Kendall we are talking about. He is dealing with a lot at the moment." She said, about to drive off but her phone sounded with a text notification. She read it and smiled.

"Carlos?" I questioned, obviously it was. Carlos and Mackenzie have been completely besotted with each other. Carlos had given up his sleeping around habits and Mackenzie was actually pleasant to be around for once.

"Yeah, he has got the tickets for our vacation, he says he got a brilliant last minute deal." She said still smiling at her phone.

"Did he get Kendall one too like I asked him, I gave him the money yesterday for us both!" I asked.

"Yep... he has got Kendalls... well he said he has all 8 tickets booked... so I'm guessing that includes Kendall... how come you are allowed to come on vacation now anyway?" Mackenzie asked the question that both Logan and I dreaded.

Logan turned up on my doorstep 3 days ago with my social worker, he had a blood test taken which proved we unfortunately were related. But he announced his new found brotherly duties to my social worker and sara and insisted that he take me on a well deserved vacation.

Sara of course knew nothing of my past relationship with Logan, apart from that we were friends. So both her and my social worker had no arguments about me taking a holiday with my own flesh and blood.

Logan and I didn't want the entire world knowing our messed up secret though...

"Sara just gave in." I lied. "She trusts James to look out for me." I added, not mentioning Logan at all.

"It's going to be amazing, I can't wait! Bikini! Sand! Hammock! And cocktails!" She giggled.

"It will be amazing... I just hope kendall will go!" I replied.

"He will go! And this time next week we will all be sat on a plane flying over the Pacific ocean ready to have the best holiday ever!" She said.

"I hope so! If he doesn't show up at the airport I'm not going on the holiday." I stated.

Mackenzie let out a sigh as she drove out of the parking lot.

"What are you wearing for this masquerade dressing up thing tonight?" She asked.

"I've no clue, Logan said he had an outfit in mind for me that not even Kendall would be able to resist... he wouldn't tell me though" I replied.

"Logan is on a mission to get you back with Kendall huh?" Mackenzie asked as she drove.

"Yeah, James was helping but he is a bit preoccupied with safia at the moment." I revealed.

"Yeah Carlos said about them being a bit taboo! Is she nice? I've never met her?" Mackenzie asked.

"She is really nice, although she hates Logan, but I think it's more James that poisons her mind against him. Personally I think James is worried that Logan will try and fuck her." I laughed, but was actually being serious. "What are you dressing up as?" I asked.

"Well I bought the mask first, it's beautiful, purple sequins with all this swirly detail at the sides... then Carlos told me it wasn't a masquerade ball, but a masquerade fancy dress... so that annoyed me a bit as I had the perfect dress to wear, but now I'm going as a butterfly... the outfit is cute!" She added.

I smiled as I imagined how perfect she would look dressed as a beautiful butterfly, I then felt nervous as I wondered what Logan had bought me to dress up in.

All was revealed when I got back to my house and found Carlos, James, safia and Logan waiting for Mackenzie and I in my small apartment that lived at the back of Sara's house.

"Wow! You look... good as a blonde, Sheri! Are you ready for this?" Logan asked holding out a very mysterious looking garment bag that held my costume in.

"Thanks." I smiled, "and I don't think so!" I laughed. "Where is Lola?"

"She is at my place still, she hasn't been feeling great all day so is trying to sleep it off, hopefully she will be okay for the party.

I nodded. Kind of glad that she wasn't here. "What are you all going as?" I asked the group.

"Fairy!" Safia grinned, as she sat on James' lap. He was already in his costume minus the mask at the moment but he was looking delicious as Captain America.

He saluted me, as I turned to Logan.

"You honestly can't guess who I would dress up as?" Logan mocked me.

"Oh Christ, your fucking Batman aren't you!" I said in amusement.

Logan nodded with a laugh. "Yeah I will get changed in a second."

"What about you los? What are you dressing up as?" I asked.

Carlos bent down and pulled his outfit and mask out of a paper bag.

"Haha! Oh my god. Kane? As in the Undertakers brother?!" I laughed.

"Yeah! I look amazing in it! I love wrestling." Carlos smiled.

James chuckled. "Dude you do realise that Kane is 7ft tall.. and your what? 3ft 10?" James teased him.

Carlos smiled. "Hey what I lack in height I more than make up for in length" he said cupping his dick in his pants.

"Ewww Carlos!" I laughed.

"I'm just saying what I see Sheri" he smirked.

Logan pulled me by the hand towards the bathroom. "C'mon let's get you changed!" He instructed.

He pulled me and my now two working legs in to the bathroom and shut the door.

"I'm not getting changed with you in here!" I said folding my arms across my chest.

"Well you can't put this on without my help and instructions on how this works." He said pulling out a beautiful white and gold bow and arrow which did look like it could do some harm.

"Holy fuck... cupid?" I asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"What better costume to win Kendall back in than cupid!" Logan smiled.

I wrapped my arms around Logan in sheer amazement at how his brain could work so brilliantly when he wanted it to.

"Is this real?" I said breaking away and pointing my finger at the pointy edge of the arrow.

"Let's see shall we! shoot me!" He instructed.

I looked at the bow and placed one of the small arrows that were no bigger than a fat pencil in the string ready to fire.

"Logan I'm not to sure on this, you've already been stabbed once."

"Point it like this." He said moving my position so it was aimed above his head. "Shoot it!" He instructed.

I smiled at him then pulled the bow back. I felt a bit nervous not really knowing what to expect. As I released the bow, the arrow shot above Logan's head then burst in to a rainbow of glitter and confetti as it rained down over him.

He smiled broadly that it had worked then picked up the small fabric half of a heart that had also fallen from the burst confetti arrow.

"You will have to make sure you shoot Lola to get the other half of this." He said showing me the half of the heart, then shoved it in his pocket.

"I shall try my best." I smiled at his cute little way of thinking of him and lola being in love after being hit by cupid.

"Let's get you in this outfit then huh." Logan said unzipping the garment bag and revealing the absolutely exquisite beauty that my costume was.

The dress was white and gold, the skirt was like a tutu, but made of gleaming white feathers, it was incredibly short looking. Kendall definitely would not be able to resist me! The dress also had huge wings that were also made from white feathers.

"I'm actually going to look like the real cupid!" I smiled.

"You will look beautiful Sheri! This is your mask..." he said handing me the most beautiful gold mask that would cover my eyes. It had sparkling diamonds trailing all along the sides in intricate patterns and swirls. "There is one rule of being cupid tonight though Sheri, and I guarantee that this rule will make Kendall talk to you!" He said.

I was baffled. "What rule?" I asked.

"Your not allowed to speak! You have cupid cards to communicate." He said handing me the cards. I flicked through at what a few of them said and smiled. "Thank you Logan!" I replied giving him another hug.

"Anytime... I also have this... for Dutch courage." He said pulling out a small bottle of vodka.

"James will freak if he sees I've been drinking." I whispered.

"James is too busy with safia to notice anything you do now!" Logan smiled.

"You shouldn't be letting me drink though logues." I said softly.

"Sheri you need to learn to trust yourself. Don't get shit faced, that's all I ask. You need to become a proper teenager again." He said opening the bottle and taking a swig.

"You're right! I've actually forgotten what it's like to be normal." I agreed.

"Do you still want drugs?" Logan asked cautiously.

"I think about them a lot yeah." I replied.

"The holiday will do you good... you can come back with a clean slate!" He said optimistically.

I nodded, not really wanting to talk about drugs.

"Shall we get me in this cupid dress then?" I asked.

Logan looked me over, admiring my new blonde hair. "Your beautiful Sheri." He said giving me a hug. "I will call Safia in to help you dress, I can't be trusted." He replied taking another sip from the vodka bottle. He handed it to me but I rested it down on the window sill.

Logan walked out and Safia came in shortly after, I had the dress half on but it was corset style at the back and I needed help.

I got a shock seeing Safia as she came in, not because she was now half fairy, but because she wasn't wearing her head scarf. Her long black shiny hair fell down in soft waves, the tips brushed along the bottom of her rib cage. She looked stunning.

"Wow! Look at you?" I said more shocked than pleased.

Although James was the nicest person on the planet and I knew he really did care for Safia, I couldn't help but notice the bad influence he was having on her faith.

"I wanted to look different. show him I can bend my rules for him... I know he hates all the secrets." She said placing her hand on the top of her head.

"Safia... I don't think you should be doing this. James loves you for everything you are, you shouldn't have to change."

Safia nodded. "I know, and I know he loves me for how I am but its me that doesn't want to stick with the Islamic rules... it's not James." She said clearly, turning me round so she could lace up the back of my dress pulling it tightly.

"Safia you will really hurt your father by doing this! Is that the reason? You're rebelling?" I asked.

Safia slipped the wings on me, clipping them in to place. She shook her head. "I'm not rebelling Sheri. I just want to express how I feel, not do what my father wants!" She replied.

"Where did you and James go at the ice rink last week? You just disappeared." I asked as I sat down on the closed lid toilet and buckled up the most beautiful gold shoes up.

"We sat in his car... _talking_" Safia replied.

"Talking?" I said sarcastically. Now I knew for sure they were fucking each other.

"I love him Sheri." She said.

I gave her a small smile. I didn't question her further.

When I walked out of the bathroom everyone was dressed, James had taken them in to the main house for them to change in to their costumes.

Carlos actually looked amazing as the small Latino version of Kane, and Logan looked pretty fine as batman, he had his mask on but his unmistakable smile gave him away.

He looked at me in awe. I think the cupid outfit was to benefit him just as much as Kendall. My legs out on full display in gorgeous gold heels, my hair now golden and looking a bit bad ass with my bow and arrow which looked real.

Even James shifted around uncomfortably in his seat as he looked at me, he was now dressed in his full captain America costume, mask and all.

Mackenzie smiled at me, she looked great, but for once in my life I knew I looked the prettiest girl in the room.

To avoid Kendall realising it was me too early on, the rest of the group left in a separate taxi. Logan told me to wait 30 minutes before I made my grand entrance.

The taxi ride was odd, I had never been dressed like cupid before whilst out and about. I made sure I had everything; mask, cupid cards, and the bow and to fit in the taxi with my feathered wings was the first hurdle. Getting out of it was my second one. I slipped my mask on before I did get out and made my way to the house I used to live in. I turned the handle and walked in.

Loud music instantly invaded my ears, the place was filled with people, I didn't have a clue who anyone was though as they were all masked. Some were a bit creepy, I felt very vulnerable as I had my backside slapped by an anonymous person dressed as jigsaws puppet from the saw films.

I held up one of the cupid cards that Logan had written out for me ."YOU ARE DESTINED TO BE LONELY" it read.

I heard the guy laugh under his mask. I then carried on walking through the house. I went in to the kitchen. I saw Logan. I held up another card for him. "HELLO!" It read.

Logan smiled at me and pointed to the living room, he had his arm around a really ill looking Lola who was just in her dressing gown. I gave him a thumbs up then walked my sexy lil cupid ass out in to the darkened living room that was now being used as a dance floor.

I saw Mackenzie, she was dancing away. I smiled at her, she then began doing a strange dance pointing her fingers around.

I clicked on that she was telling me who Kendall was. I smiled when I saw my super sexy spider man.

I hoped it was dark enough in here that Kendall wouldn't recognise me straight away. There was a small disco light that one of the boys had plugged in but I think the flow of alcohol at this party was what was making people dance.

I just merged in to the crowd of bodies, trying to accommodate my wings. I danced behind Kendall with my back to him, hoping he would get annoyed that my wings kept nudging in to him and tap me on the shoulder.

The tap never came, I moved on to plan B. Which was basically approach with caution. I moved around the dance floor until I was alongside the girl who was currently dancing with my Kendall. She was dressed up as hello kitty, a cute white cat mask on her face.

I strutted my stuff on the dance floor like never before, I created a lot of attention as sexy cupid, but finally I saw Kendall look at me. He looked more at my legs than anything else. I mentally praised Logan for finding the sexiest dress he could.

I bravely took Kendalls hand and steered him in my direction, leaving hello kitty alone.

I don't think he had noticed it was me, my blonde hair a confusion for his mind. I led him away from the dance floor and toward the corner of the room where I pushed him forcefully against the wall.

With my cupid cards tucked in to the suspender belt. I took the bow and arrow and menacingly aimed it at Kendalls heart.

He pulled his mask off and smiled, he seemed completely oblivious that it was in fact me. He looked nervous though. A strange feathered girl was one thing but one that aimed arrows at your chest was another.

Kendall gently placed his hand on the bow and guided it away from him.

I smiled then and decided now was as good a time as any to try and seduce him. My lips brushed against his, I could feel his warm breath on my face.

Kendall moved his head to the side, his lips almost touching my neck.

It was then he pulled away and looked at me.

Instantly I saw the recognition in his eyes and he was gone!

I watched as he left me feeling so alone in a crowded room. He made his way out of the living room, we exchanged eye contact one last time as he turned to go up the stairs.

I had failed.

Logan appeared at my side in seconds. He pressed his batman face against the side of mine and whispered in my ear.

"Don't you fucking cry Sheri! Take control of this, go after him... make him do the talking! It will be okay... I promise!" He said.

I took in a deep breath and was about to reply to Logan but he shushed me.

"No talking remember!" He said with a smile. Then pushed me encouragingly towards the stairs.

On making my way up to the top of the stairs I felt sick knowing this was it. Make or break time.

I didn't bother knocking on Kendalls door, I just walked right in. My mask in place and my dress looking sexy. I found Kendall laying on his bed. He looked at me with unamused eyes. I expect I looked a bit freaky.

I just stood there for a while, silently like Logan insisted. I just looked at him.

After a few minutes of silence Kendall finally spoke. "Sheri I know it's you! I could smell your perfume on your skin." He said.

I didn't respond in any way apart from tilt my head curiously as I remained mute.

"Just say what you have to say and leave please." Kendall then said.

This time I took one step towards him. I probably looked like some insane killer.

"What do you want Sheri?" Kendall asked.

I found it hard to not laugh as I saw he was looking a bit scared. I didn't want to show any emotion, I pulled out my cupid cards and raised one to him."KISS ME!" the card read.

Kendall looked amused but in a pissed off way.

"No" he replied bluntly.

I showed no emotion only moving one more step toward him as he lay on his bed.

Kendall got fed up with the silence. "Sheri I think it's best you leave." He finally said.

Once again I tilted my head. I stared at him for some time before I raised another cupid card at him.

"SAY YOU LOVE ME!" It read.

This time Kendall laughed. It took a lot of effort to not let a cry whimper out of my mouth. I took in a disguised big breath, determined to not show any emotion towards him.

"Im not answering that Sheri." Kendall said bluntly, not playing along with my game.

I tilted my head to the other side and tucked my cupid cards back in my suspender belt. I watched as Kendall eyed me.

I then took my bow and arrow and once again aimed it at Kendall.

"Sheri shooting me won't make me say I love you!" He said looking a bit concerned as he checked out the pointy looking edge on the faux arrow.

I took a step further toward him, I was now stood at the end of his bed with an arrow pointed at him, I bit my lip as I concentrated on scaring the crap out of him as I pulled the arrow back in the bow.

"Sheri, what the fuck?" Kendall said sounding worried. He knew nothing of the mental state I was in, he didn't know my arrows were filled with glitter and confetti.

Kendall looked terrified as he stared back at me.

I moved my body in position to fire.

"Shit, Sheri! Ok... I love you... I still fucking love you okay!" He said only looking at the arrow.

I then repositioned my arrow, pointing it up to the ceiling and released it.

Once again I witnessed the assortment of beautiful colors be released as the confetti and glitter floated down over Kendall.

He laughed in a relieved way. Shaking his head at the lengths I had gone to in making him reveal his feelings.

I placed my bow on the floor and crawled over to him as he lay on his bed. Still remaining silent, no emotion showing on my face, I sat in top of him as he dressed as spider man, minus the mask. My legs straddled either side of his little waist.

"Talk to me Sheri." He whispered out.

I shook my head, my mask still covering my eyes.

"Why won't you talk?" He asked.

I pulled out the cupid cards, searching through them til I found the one I wanted.

"COME ON VACATION WITH ME!" It read.

"You look good blonde." He said taking a few strands of my blonde hair in his hand but changing the subject.

I pushed the cupid card further in to his face.

He shook his head in response to coming on holiday.

It took all my might not to cry right then, I bit my lip again in an attempt to control what my face was doing.

I searched through the cards. "I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" It read.

Kendall smiled at me, the smile alone set my mind at ease.

"Sheri... I know you love me. I know your sorry for what happened but I just wanted some time alone without you swaying my mind in any direction... the direction I'm headed you will like... but I just want some more time." He said softly.

I placed my cards down on the bed and took both his hands in mine, entwining our fingers together. I then placed his hands on my backside that was more exposed than not in my sitting position I had on top of Kendall.

"This is exactly what I'm talking about." He said with a laugh as he gladly stroked my ass cheek with his hand.

I leaned down and kissed his neck.

"I can't tell you how beautiful you look." He whispered. I moved my head, once again our lips brushing against each other.

"Sheri Im not ready for this... " He said but remained rubbing my ass.

I sat up. I picked my cards up and showed him one he had already seen "SAY YOU LOVE ME"

"I do love you Sheri... just a little longer, that's all I ask." He said softly begging for more time to think about our future.

I let out a small sigh but kissed him gently once on the lips then got off of him and off of his bed. I picked my bow up, slinging it over my shoulder. I then picked my cards up from the bed and showed him one last one. "COME ON VACATION WITH ME" it said, finally lifting my mask up so he could see my face properly.

Kendall looked at me curiously for some time. "Baby steps, Sheri. One thing at a time." He whispered. He got off his bed and walked over to me, taking my cupid cards from me.

He had a look at what a few of them said then showed me the one he had been looking for. "SAY YOU LOVE ME" he showed me.

I took Kendall by the hand. "I love you." I whispered out.

He smiled then kissed my hand.

"Sheri im gonna go away for a few days." He said so softly.

"Why? Because of me?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"Not because of you, because of us... this was good but I want great!" He smiled.

I nodded. Feeling that at least I knew he was still interested in trying to make it work. If time was what he honestly needed then time he could have.

Kendall opened the door so I could leave. He winked at me as I turned. We looked at either for a little while until he handed my cards back with a smile then gently clicked his door shut, leaving me standing alone on the landing.

I smiled, he did love me. And I was pretty sure I wasn't going on that vacation alone. I pulled my mask back down over my face ready to re join the party but the door to the roof opened up and my wrist was then dragged to the stairs that led up to the hot tub.

I tripped in the narrow stairwell. And ended up sitting on one of the steps. The light got turned on and I saw batman stood in front of me.

"You scared the fucking shit out of me Logan." I half moaned, half laughed.

"Sorry... how did it go?" He asked standing a bit too close to me. I could smell he had drunk a lot. I was stone cold sober.

"Good! not great, but great is coming." I smiled.

"Told you he wouldn't be able to resist this dress." He said eyeing me over. Running his hand along the feathers of my skirt.

"No touching Logan... your drunk!" I said feeling my heart beat accelerate.

"I want to say goodbye to you Sheri... goodbye to us." He said leaning his face in nearer.

"Logues don't do this." I said once again pulling my mask up from my face.

"Do what? This?.." He said running one of his fingers along the inside of my thigh.

I gulped down the fear and adrenalin that sat in my throat. "Logan..." I began.

"Do you want me to stop?" He asked pulling his own mask off, he kissed my neck.

My over powering sense of love I had for Logan then came out to play as I kissed him. It was only short, no tongues... just a kiss. We stared at each other in the dimly lit stair well. Logan turned and locked the door which led back in to the house. He then pressed me hard up against the brick wall and kissed me again.

I didn't question it, I didn't fight it. Truth is it was bound to happen. Logan was right, we did need to say goodbye to what we used to be.

His hands ran up and down my leg, taking in every contour of me.

"Roof?" He breathed out heavily as he broke away from me.

"Ok" I replied.

Logan took my hand and led the way to the top of the stairs, opening the door to the roof.

He flopped down on a cushioned sun longer and pulled me on top of him. Our kisses were slow and heart felt, each of us taking the time to enjoy it.

Logan broke free taking my bow and arrow from my arm. I sat up on his lap, running my fingers along his chest.

Logan smiled as he pointed the crossbow at me.

My eyes glinted at him as he then positioned the bow above my head and sent the arrow flying up. I laughed as I placed my hands out catching the glitter that rained down on me. A small half of a heart fell down in front of me. I picked it up. Logan then produced the other half that I had hit him with earlier.

"Can we swap? I look after yours, you look after mine?" He said offering me his piece of fabric heart.

"I would be honoured if you looked after my heart." I smiled.

Logan passed me his and he took mine, giving it a kiss before placing it in his pocket of his black batman pants he had on.

"Sheri?" He said softly.

"Yeh?" I replied.

"Make love to me." He whispered.

I took a deep breath, reaching my hand behind my back to pull at the lace of my corset. I then leaned back down and kissed Logan...

* * *

I lay snuggled in to Logan, both of us looking up to the stars as we lay on the lounger on the roof.

"Did you want me to walk you home?" Logan asked softly.

"In a minute... my body hasn't returned to normal yet." I replied with a smile.

Logan chuckled.

"That was something I will never forget!... I'm not making the mistake of falling to sleep this time though." He replied.

"I'm sorry I just upped and left last time... in Texas. I wasn't thinking straight." I said.

"A lot was going on with both of us last time Sheri, I think right now we are just in it for each other... it's the last time though." He said stroking my hair back.

"Yeah I know it's the last time logues... we had fun though huh, through the years! It was good." I said still running my hand on him.

"It was the best Sheri! Me and you can't be beaten!" He replied kissing my hand.

I smiled up to the stars. We couldn't be beaten as a couple but we could never be one again. It was bitter sweet.

* * *

The week had dragged by. I now sat in the terminal of the airport feeling nervous...

As promised Kendall had gone away, he had disappeared. I had no clue where he had gone, the day after the party Carlos said he saw him leave with a back pack, but he hadn't gone back to Kansas. The doubt had set in my mind that he wasn't going to come on this holiday with us.

Logan and I had brushed everything that happened between us under the carpet. As promised our last personal encounter together was a goodbye and we had gone straight in to being friends. Being brother and sister I doubt would never come but friends was the nearest best outcome for us.

I checked the time on my cell for the hundredth time. Our flight was going to be called any minute and there was no sign of Kendall.

James looked as nervous as I did but for the wrong reasons, Safia wasn't at the airport yet either. He sat with his elbows rested on his knees and his head bowed down.

For a time when we all should of been stupidly excited, the entire group was subdued. I knew if Kendall didn't show then I wasn't going to go and if safia didn't show up... well James looked like he was about to cry. He obviously didn't have a clue why she wasn't here yet.

"_Could all passengers for flight 316 to Auckland international airport please make their way to gate 12 to begin boardin_g." Came a voice over the tannoy.

I looked at James as he looked at me. Neither of us wanting to move.

"Five more minutes won't hurt guys" Logan said as Carlos and Mackenzie stood up ready to go to the departure gate.

I smiled at Logan who was sat next to Lola.

I felt sick. Everything was riding on Kendall showing up, he was meant to show up and we were meant to go back to normal. Him showing up was showing me forgiveness. If he didn't then I knew it was the end.

"Guys I'm gonna stay behind with Sheri" James said standing up and picking my bag up, slinging it over his shoulder.

"James I'm sorry!" I said not understanding why Safia was a no show.

"It's fine... let's just get out of here" he said sounding upset.

"You should still come on vacation guys!" Carlos argued.

James just shook his head.

"JAMES! JAMES!" came a panicked call from the terminal entrance.

We all turned and saw a worn out looking safia bundled with a ton of luggage.

"Why the fuck has she got ski's?" Carlos sniggered to Mackenzie.

I had to smile as I watched James bound up to her, obviously safias family thought she was going to Switzerland on a school skiing holiday. Her dad had bought some really nice skis too by the looks of things. I saw James cup her face in to his hands and kiss her. He was talking urgently to her at close proximity. I wondered if they had an argument or a disagreement about something. He honestly looked relieved to see her, like he was half expecting her not to.

Safia was nodding and smiling at James who was still talking to her. She looked emotional.

"I'm going to call a cab." I said to the rest of the group. Obviously Kendall wasn't going to show up.

"Sheri just come along! You need a holiday." Logan said, standing up and walking over to me.

"I don't want to go without him Logan." I replied noticing the little keychain he had on his hand luggage bag. It was a little fabric half of a heart.

"Do you want us to stay in LA with you?" Logan asked looking over to Lola who smiled, knowing already that this was going to be offered if Kendall didn't show up.

I shook my head. "No don't be silly!" I replied to him. "I will be fine... maybe I can sort something out with him here... if he comes back from wherever he is." I added.

Logan took my hand and moved me further away from the group that now had a very happy looking James in it.

"Sheri, come with us, don't let Kendall get you down. He is a complete fool to not want you." He said seriously.

"Your sweet Logan." I whispered taking the little half of a heart in my fingers as it dangled from his bag and looked at it.

"Sheri please, come on vacation... I can't stand to see you like this. I love you." He whispered.

"Some things I need to do on my own logues." I replied softly. Ignoring his declaration of love.

The tannoy sounded with the last call for the flight we were due on.

Logan and I looked at each other.

"I will call you okay... every day until I get back." Logan said giving me a hug.

I nodded. "pick my luggage up for me when you land." I replied, trying to concentrate on the task at hand and not the fact that Kendall and I were over.

"Sure!" Logan replied.

I then picked my own hand luggage up from where James had left it and slung it over my shoulder.

"Bye Sheri." I heard come from James.

I didn't look at him, or at any one else I just sat down. Carlos kissed the top of my head and all around me fell silent as the group left to board. I looked up just in time to see Logan send me a little smile as he disappeared around the corner.

I stared at my feet. I deserved this. I deserved this feeling of shitness. Stealing someone's medication to aid a drug habit... Stealing my boyfriends medication... consider it lesson learnt. The pain my heart currently felt was worse than any craving my body had for anything. All I craved now was Kendall.

I picked my bag up and headed towards the exit.

"Sheri wait!" Came the voice I had been hoping to hear. With my eyes already filled with emotional tears I turned around to see Kendall stood behind me.

"Im sorry it took so long for me to make the easiest decision... I love you so much." He said completely out of breath. He took my hand in his.

"I love you too. I can't believe your here! Shit! Our flight is about to leave!" I said pulling him in the opposite direction to what I was just going.

We ran our way down to the departure gate with minutes to spare. Mackenzie gave me the smile to say she knew that he would turn up.

Kendall slung his arm around me, playing down his late entrance.

We sat down briefly before the gate opened up for us to board.

"I'm never letting you go again... I promise Sheri!" Kendall whispered in to my ear.

I smiled as I rested my head on his chest. His scent so remarkable. He was my everything. "You forgive me? For what I did? What I caused?" I whispered in to his neck.

"Course I do. Just promise me from now on you come to me for when you need to talk okay. I want to be the one... I want to be your one Sheri!" He said.

"I promise. I completely promise. The only thing I need right now is you." I said giving him a kiss. Our tongues met for the first time in so long and I knew I was home. Kendall was my place of comfort. He was home.

I snuggled my head in to Kendall, as I looked around our group I saw friendship all around me. We all clung on to our own dreams. each and every one of us.

I breathed in the beautiful scent of Kendall once more. I had missed him so much. I looked at logan and smiled as he wrapped his arm around Lola and gave her a kiss; He winked at me. I knew then that we had both reached our dreams.

Even though mine were still hidden in the future. Logan and I, although no longer what we used to be, we had reached our dreams together, still united, still friends, but no longer shedding any texan teardrops!

The end...

* * *

_hey guys! thanks for reading texan teardrops._

_find out what happens next in the follow up..._

**_Pandemonium in Paradise_**


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